In Another World with ｢Star Platinum｣
by Locksoli
Summary: I didn't know how, nor did I immediately care why, but after I died I was suddenly thrust into the world of Naruto. Sounds great right? Well, with the angriest punch-ghost at my side, I'd think otherwise. (AU Reincarnation fic, OC-centric)
1. Getting Isekai-ed (Sacred Heart)

**Decided to upload this to FF, edited slightly due to the format being different from spacebattles. Make no mistake, I'm still working on FnR, but that's currently a FF exclusive until I edit the first few chapters extensively before uploading it to spacebattles or sufficientvelocity. I'm only uploading In another world here because I didn't want it to be completely exclusive to spacebattles. This first chapter is actually both the prologue chapters from spacebattles made into one, for convenience, and everything will be slightly different because doesn't let you put links in the stories, so there are less memes and no music to accompany the "to be continued"s at the end.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or Jojo's Bizarre Adventure, Naruto is the property of Masashi Kishimoto, Jojo's is the property of Hirohiko Araki, and both are published by Shueisha.**

* * *

What is death? Is it simply the cessation of all biological functions that keep you moving? Or is there a deeper philosophical question behind the term? Who knows...for me it was having a burning sensation in my lungs as they gradually filled up with water, all while I fought with every last bit of my energy to get to the surface for air.

Yeah, probably shouldn't have come into the dango shop that day, huh?

Not that not going to work would have changed anything, it might have given me some actual time to get away from(or at least see) the massive wall of water crushing down on the coast. Maybe I would have had a story to tell. Though to be honest, any story about surviving a tsunami would be utterly trounced by what I'll be treating you to from this point on.

You see, when I died I figured I'd go to where I'd go. Maybe I'd get proven wrong about the shinto gods, Allah, hell I would have been geeking out if the arbiters of life and death turned out to be the Asgardians from Marvel. No really, that would have been sweet.

But no, I had to have the misfortune of being born half-japanese in Japan, something that isn't a bad thing in and of itself...except I'd just happen to add on the even greater misfortune of growing up to become a below average person with little to no unique traits. Alongside this, I had only a few hobbies and the one or the two interests I had would commonly codify one as an otaku.

Yeah, you can probably see where I'm going with all this, can't you?

See, when I woke up, nothing seemed out of the ordinary...at first.

I mean, the most recent memory I had was drowning in saltwater as I watched my part of the city I called home become 100% oceanfront property. So, I figure waking up in a warm bed and a normal looking room was more pleasant than what I had previously experienced. Obviously, I wasn't immediately in the mood to ask questions about my predicament, because I was genuinely convinced I had just cheated death. Better yet, that entire thing with the tsunami hitting my city and drowning in a waterlogged dango shop was all a dream.

Haha, wistful thinking huh?

It was after almost half an hour of being elated that I was alive, did I notice something was off. For starters, the room around me wasn't exactly mine...yeah, it didn't look out of the ordinary, my bed was in the center, I had end tables near it, a dresser her and there. I could see three whole doors, I could only guess one was my closet and the other was my bathroom, with the last being the entrance to the rest of the house.

The problem is that everything seemed just...a bit too big. It seemed as though everything was bigger than it should have been to me, and that was what was putting me off. I hadn't been terribly short or anything, maybe at best 5'8, so everything around me shouldn't have been oversized in comparison to my body. So obviously, I knew had to get a better look at myself. I lifted myself off the bed, and moved to what I thought was the bathroom, opening the door.

Nope...that's a closet.

Ok, after actually finding the bathroom, I was just about ready to check myself to see if everything was ok, when I stopped. I hadn't noticed it when I opened the closet, but my hand was a bit different...it was just a bit smaller than it normally was, and the skin was a bit darker, as though I had a light tan.

Definitely a red flag, no questions asked. The moment I got to the mirror, my mind went flat. The face looking back at me, that couldn't be me. But after a few cursory waves of my hand, I realized that yes, this was me.

For starters, I looked like I had aged backwards by...oh I don't know, at least twelve years or so. I had an extremely youthful face that was right at home on my new 8 or 9 year old body, though it was also a bit more masculine that I would have expected, and I clearly didn't lose any of my partially western features. The other thing was my eyes and hair, now completely different. My eyes, originally dark brown, were now a piercing aqua color, with slightly slit pupils. My formerly short and neat brown hair had been replaced, now dark blue, messy and neck-length, with a single lock almost next to my eye.

Dark blue hair...oh fuck now I get it.

I've just been Isekai'd!

Yeah, fucking brilliant, now I was in an anime-esque fantasy world. And to top it off, I'd just been plopped in here after dying. I didn't have a useless goddess sitting down in front of me and laughing in my face, nor did I have a bunch of wizards summoning me and three other assholes into their world to save it from some catastrophe. Nope, I just got dropped into a new world with no idea what the hell was going on, all old school and stuff.

Looking down at myself, I had to at least give a sigh of relief at the fact I was wearing PJs. At least I hadn't been brought into this new world naked. Speaking of new worlds, and specifically new locations, I should probably check out my house and the area around it.

Leaving my room, I found that my house was rather substantial in size. I was living in a veritable mansion, with a good amount of rooms. Moving downstairs, I found a neat living room with a few couches, and nearby a kitchen of decent size. I moved to the fridge, finding it well stocked, and my hand instinctively darted towards the jug of milk at the front. After looking around for a bit, I found the bowls in one of the cupboards, and a few more minutes of searching yielded a cabinet filled with snacks and food. A part of me was glad that I had least had good cereal to eat, I soon downed the entire bowl. While I was content that I had food and a good house, I still had to worry about the world I had just been reincarnated into.

So obviously I had to go check it out, and get a better hold on my surroundings.

I walked over to a nearby window, fully expecting to see a nice farm town outside with mythical beasts of burden and cute elf girls walking around and-hey, is that Mount Rushmore?

After looking at it for a good minute, I could say with full confidence that no, it was not Mount Rushmore...also I was totally fucked. At least three of the heads on that mountain had spiky anime hair, with the third face having a pointy beard, and the first two heads wore headbands.

Below the mountain I could see what looked like a borderline city of japanese styled buildings, both houses and simple shops or other types of businesses, with the occasional apartment complex scattered throughout. I could also spot mansions not dissimilar to my own, with some easily outclassing mine. There were of course the odd buildings that I couldn't initially explain the reason for, but I mentally waved them off, because they easily matched with what the metropolis in front of me really was.

Konohagakure no Sato, the hidden leaf village of Naruto fame….

Which meant that I had been reincarnated into the world of Naruto, an anime…

Welp, I wanted to get a better hold on my surroundings after all...guess I'm going sightseeing.

* * *

After a shower and a quick jaunt of digging through my closet, I had found a suitable wardrobe for myself. Black trench coat and pants, burgundy colored shirt, and a visor cap that looked like it was merged with my hair. Just like one of my favorite manga characters, I looked like a bonafide delinquent. I smirked at myself in the mirror, ready to hit the town.

So, sightseeing in a famous anime setting...well, wasn't too bad to be honest. Since I was doing everything to try and not look like a weirdo, I had to contain myself when it came to being in awe at my surroundings. After a couple of hours, it kind of lost its luster, so I wasn't going to googly eyed over actually being in an anime world.

Another thing I noticed, particularly about myself, was that my senses were way better than they should have been. I thought maybe that would be normal for a human in the naruto, but after some slight observations, that definitely didn't seem to be the case. I just happened to be reincarnated with heightened senses, woohoo!

That had the added side effect of noticing the little things going on, every minute detail about how people were acting became clear to me, things I wouldn't pick up on easily before. I could tell when a person was nervous by the slight twitching of their facial muscles, I could see if they were putting on facades to hide any real thoughts or intentions while they spoke to one another.

And I could see _them_. The ninja, both on-duty and off, retired or undercover, they were easy to tell based on their mannerisms. They acted calm and composed on the outside, but they always seemed to be analyzing every person around them, even their own coworkers. And at every other shadow I saw had the _ninja_ ninja...ANFU I think? No, ANBU, that's what I meant.

Yeah, good time to remind myself it's been years since I've read Naruto, let alone watched the anime. After the timeskip, I sort of got turned off by the whole thing, mostly skimming over the unimportant arcs and filler to get to the good stuff, and even then I skipped over some of the important things too. By the time the series really got into high gear, I had already moved on to a series that would become my favorite in the world, ever, period. The only reason I really did try to keep up to date on naruto was to see if my first OTP had become canon yet(it did...took her nearly dying once, and then later on a whole movie for it, but honestly it shouldn't have had to taken _that_ long?).

The ANBU were a bit hard to place, since they were actually covert in their movements and worked as a hidden police service instead of having metaphorical(and sometimes seemingly literal) bright neon signs on them screaming out "ninja". But for some reason, I could at least sense the presence of one or two here and there...probably the rookies of the corps. It should be weird to know that there were people constantly watching me, but I did my best to pay them no mind. Beside, they didn't really seem to give me too much of a passing glance as long as I didn't visibly pick them out from their hiding spots.

After another 20 minutes of walking, I found myself in a residential stretch, with restaurants and tenements visible throughout the area. I felt my eyes going wide at the sight of a familiar ramen stand, noting a few customers coming and going. A part of me didn't want to go in, because if I met _him _then I knew I'd spill every bit of knowledge I had of the future, and I'd end up making myself look like a crazy person. The rational part of my mind asked "what likelihood is it that he's here now?", and of course the savvy part responded with "oh, you mean at his favorite food joint, run by the only people who pay attention to him and treat him like a human being? Yeah, he's definitely not gonna be there". Yeah, my mind was still pretty split.

Nevertheless, I crossed the threshold and found myself in Ichiraku's. It looked about how I expected it, at least going off the original manga and my own experience with food stands. The old man with permanently closed eyes, Teuchi, prepared some dishes while his daughter moved dirty bowls and other cookware into the kitchen out back. Teuchi looked up to me and flashed me a bright smile.

"Welcome to Ichiraku's, I'll take your order in just a bit!" he called over.

"Oh, uh...thanks," I said awkwardly, taking a seat at the bar somewhat nervously. The old man just gave me a kind smile before going back to work.

Another thing I had to get used to was my voice, being that I was now around nine years old again. It wasn't squeaky and high pitched or anything, but it definitely sounded like the voice of a little kid. I'd have to practice if I wanted to make myself sound like I had any edge to it.

"Alright, that's done...so kiddo, what can I get you?"

"Ah…" I looked over at the menu, focusing on a few choices before making my decision. "Shōyu ramen with beef stock, and some chāshū and wakegi please."

"Sure thing kiddo," the man said, looking to the back room. "Ayame, get the beef stock ready and pull out some pork, onions, and soy sauce."

"Hai tou-san!"

"Alright, I'll be getting your order started in just a bit…" Teuchi suddenly stopped short, looking at me (as best as he could with his closed eyes) skeptically. For some reason, it was like I could suddenly feel some strange energy coming from him, something that I couldn't sense in a physical manner.

"Is something wrong?" I asked anxiously.

"No, no, it's nothing...you just have a unique energy about you," he said, his smile returning as his daughter brought the materials for my order out. "I didn't mean to freak you out or anything...I'll just get your order started, alright kiddo."

I nodded slowly, still wary after that odd event. Any misgivings I had were blown away once he started cooking, the smell was just too good and I couldn't help but smile at the aroma reaching me. I guess having heightened senses wasn't always too bad.

Soon the old man had finished my order, placing it in front of me and moving on to deal with a couple of other customers. I immediately started to dig in and god(s) was it delicious. I had to give Teuchi and his daughter credit, they did a great job. Unlike the main protagonist of the series however, I didn't simply wolf it down impatiently. I took a good 15 minutes to savour the dish, before pushing the finished bowl back.

"Wow, you really took your time huh?"

I looked up to see Teuchi's daughter smiling cheerily at me. She obviously looked younger than in canon, probably by three years at least. I gave the young girl a soft smile in response.

"Yeah, it was pretty good so I wanted to make it last, y'know?"

Ayame let out a short giggle at this. Her father walked over and, seeing that I had finished, sent me a kind smirk.

"Are you interested in ordering more?" he asked me.

"No, not today at least...I'm just gonna pay up and get going," I drawled out, fishing through my pockets. Luckily I had raided my drawers for cash before I went out, since I didn't plan on stiffing anybody with the bill.

"Ah, we usually don't ask first time customers to pay, so-"

"No, no, it's no trouble really," I said, pulling out the amount for shōyu ramen that I saw on the menu, plus a few extra yen(?) as tip. "You guys seem really nice, so I'd hate to skip out on the bill."

Both of them gave me sheepish smiles at this. My soft smile returned as I let the money down on the table.

* * *

Walking back home, for the most part, had some minor occurrences that I really didn't pay mind to. For starters, I saw a familiar bushy eyed teen doing his daily exercises. It was really weird seeing Lee without his traditional bowl cut, so the only thing I really recognized was his eyebrows. The only interaction I had with him was him running towards me, saying "excuse me" as he brushed past, and my own recognition of him before going on my way.

Second was seeing an equally familiar bun-haired girl in a qipao blouse training with a variety of weapons. Tenten was swinging all sorts of crazy things around, from the weighted chains and bo staff she had in the anime, to things like bladed fans or katanas. Since I was an unassuming kid who was maybe a couple years younger than she was, she barely glanced at me as I walked by. I figured wearing a badass trench coat would get me more attention, never did I think the opposite would be true.

As I walked back home, I noticed several civilians hard at work. Apparently there was some construction going on nearby, and from what I heard it had something to do with the "attack from almost 8 years before". I couldn't help but cringe at this, since I heard some very choice words about a certain individual. Maybe I could somehow get a job around here if possible, if nothing else but to stay safe in the village-hey is that a piano?

Yes, there was an honest to god piano being lifted near the path I was taking. I found it weird for only a couple of seconds, before I remembered the first Naruto movie and the crazy tech that the villains used. Plus, the daimyō of the countries having a video conference, and Naruto himself somehow having a mac. Yeah, a piano was believable.

Also believable was the fact that the ropes holding the piano as the workers lifted it just happening to start snapping at the wrong moment. Yup, sucks to be those guys...well, best to get moving so I don't get dust in my eyes. That was my initial thought, before I was roughly pushed forward onto the ground.

Right into the path of the _now falling piano_. I just barely caught a glimpse of the shitstain that did it, a fat kid with fancy looking clothes that just screamed "spoiled rich kid", and he was smirking evilly at me.

I didn't even look at him for too long, because I was already looking at the giant musical instrument descending towards me to spell my next demise.

Isn't that just fucking brilliant? I get reincarnated into the world of an infamous anime, only to die from a fucking looney toons gag. The universe was cruel, and whatever deity that had pulled all this on me was probably laughing their asses of at the sick joke they made.

As the piano nearly hit me, the world around me changed, as everything began to gradually turn a shade darker, almost grey. It was as though time slowed to a crawl.

...no, that wasn't accurate...

...It was as though…

_**Time had stopped.**_

A ghostly pair of muscular blue and purple arms with wavy golden lines across them and long gold-studded gloves emerged from my chest. The arms immediately set to work on getting rid of the newest threat to my existence.

**"****ORAORAORAORAORAORAORA! ORA!" **

**_And then, it seemed as though time started to move again._**

The world became colorful once more, and the piano nearly hitting me suddenly exploded into a mass of wood, metal, and whatever the keys were made out of. The pieces flew to the sides, causing me no harm whatsoever. Everybody around me watched the spectacle in awe, a few that had apparently been glaring at the rich little shit from before now staring at me in bewilderment.

As for myself, well I was gaping in shock at what had happened, my eyes looking off into space. The way the world seemed to get the pause button pressed, the arms that had come out of me and taken care of the piano. And the voice, the loud and angry yelling that had been let out as the instrument had been pulverized, all of that was so very familiar to me. I immediately decided I'd get to that later.

Because I had to deal with that little brat from before. Said fat fuck was now looking at the scene with astoundment, and an even fatter man who I could only assume was his father stood behind him equally flabbergasted. They then looked at me, their expressions somewhere between surprise and anger.

Oh-hoh boy, did I really feel like letting them have it right now.

"BASTARD! WHAT'S THE BIG FUCKING IDEA PUSHING ME INTO A FALLING OBJECT?! YOU COULD HAVE GOTTEN ME KILLED! YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY FOR YOURSELF ASSHOLE?!"

Both of them looked taken aback, apparently they had never had themselves yelled at in such a way. I was glaring hatefully as the fatass stuttered, still trying to find his voice.

"Y-you have a nice coat," was what he said.

"...What the hell does that have anything to do with this shithead?!" I growled at him, causing him to flinch back.

"I-I figured I could get it at the funeral auction when you died, or at least steal it while you were in the hospital…" the kid's father paled instantly when the boy choked this out.

People around us had obviously heard the entitled brat saying this, and were looking at the two with obvious disdain. Though their voices seemed far away to me, I could hear people calling out and jeering about "rich assholes" and how they "always thought they could get away with doing shit". I barely paid attention, I felt nothing but unbridled fury, it almost felt like I was glowing bright as the sun.

_**ゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴ**_

The two fat fucks in front of me went paler as my glare intensified, my teeth bared and an intensifying growl emanating from my throat. I felt like I was about to reach the breaking point when I felt a hand gently placed on my shoulder. I would have been really pissed that somebody was trying to agitate me if I didn't see who it was that had done it. Kakashi Hatake, the laziest ninja in the history of the universe, was looking down at me in concern.

"Hey kid, I know you're pretty pissed but you need to calm down. Most normal civilians can't handle that much Killing Intent."

I blinked owlishly at him for a couple of seconds, before looking around. Every normal person around me stared at me in terror, the ones who could stand it still visibly on edge. The ninja or former ninja I could pick from the crowd were actually looking at me in surprise, clearly not expecting a young kid to let out that much KI. I made a sort of growl/sigh as I looked back up to Kakashi apologetically.

"S-sorry ninja-san, I didn't mean to lose my cool like that…"

"Relax, nobody's gonna hold it against you...those two however" he looked over to the fat fucks, and I felt my rage spike up just a bit at their faces. "Those two will be dealt with, hopefully to the full extent of the law."

The silver-haired man patted me on the back, giving me an eye smile from within his mask.

"Go on and get home, k."

"Yeah, sure ninja-san…"

* * *

Of course I got home immediately, because I still needed to deal with the shit I had seen beforehand. Once I was safe in my own room, I hunched over and took a few deep breaths to get my bearings. Once I stood up, I closed my eyes and furrowed my brows in thought.

"Ok, that couldn't have happened...but it definitely happened because I'm not a goddamn pancake right now, so…"

I moved to the center of my room, stiffening my posture in preparation of what I was about to do.

"Alright, here goes...**Sutā Purachina!**"

I looked on in shocked awe as a figure emerged from me, floating just in front of me. While he was a bit slimmer and less muscular than normal, there was no mistaking what I was looking at. Star Platinum, the stand of one Kujo Jotaro, hovered in front of me. The stand in front of me tilted his head in curiosity as my mouth moved but refused to make words. When I finally did find my voice, I could only say two in english that easily came to mind.

**"****HOOOLLLY SHIIIITTTT!"**

* * *

So, if you're just tuning in, I'll give you a basic summary. I've just been reincarnated into the world of Naruto, a manga about super powerful ninjas by Masashi Kishimoto, with 72 volumes and almost 220 anime episodes (a good few of those are actually just filler), and just a few years before the series really begins. Sounds pretty cool right?

WRONG!

Because I've also been reincarnated with strangely enhanced senses (ok, those are the least of my worries but I think it's worth mentioning at least). And of course Star Platinum, the visual manifestation of the psychic power belonging to my second favorite manga character, Kujo Jotaro. That probably also sounds cool, right?

Also wrong, because I couldn't imagine a situation where either scenarios are decidedly okay. In fact, having both happen at once is decidedly _not okay_.

So, after running home to my new house and confirming that yes, I did have Star Platinum as a stand (and a stand in general), I realized I had to confirm something else. I charged into my bathroom, pulling off my jacket and red shirt. Looking at myself in the mirror, I saw that I had a decent amount of muscle for a nine year old...pretty sweet.

Wait, that's not what I'm trying to focus on dammit.

I turned around, baring my left shoulder towards the reflective surface. My eyes were screwed shut in anxiety at what I was hoping to not see. Looking back, I felt my breath hitch in my throat at what I saw. There was no way I was actually seeing it, but it was there.

A reddish colored star birthmark, on my back left shoulder near my neck.

Fuck I'm a Joestar! Just brilliant! I could only contemplate the sick joke my life had suddenly become as I walked back to my bed, propelling myself backwards onto my mattress.

That had been two whole days ago, and soon after my mind cleared up to the point I could handle my new situation better. I had instantly gone and pulled out some sort of white or blackboard and anything I could write on them with. I luckily found a whiteboard and a black marker, so I went forward with planning in my living room.

For starters, I wrote down all the options on a flowchart for what I should do in this new world from this point. I wrote down all my choices in english, as well as the pros and cons they would have. The choices were as followed;

1\. Be a normal civilian, work as a laborer

2\. Become a Marine Biologist

3\. Become a Ninja

Now, the first one had its benefits. For starters, I'd be safe inside the village (but after that incident with the fatass, I couldn't really feel that safe). Also, if any outside threats approached the village, I could take care of it when they came, I.E the raid that was gonna happen in at least four years from the sound village, and the one a few years after by Pein.

The downside, as I soon wrote down, was Danzo and his root. Yeah, I could probably defend the village from within said village, but if I drew too much attention to myself the that old man would capture me for my unique ability. I'd be constantly interrogated and/or tortured for information regarding stands and how to get them, and I couldn't be certain if it was due to jesus or magical arrows. Regardless of what causes stands in this version of the Naruto world, giving a power hungry lunatic the chance to make an army of stand users at the potential cost of the innocent people who couldn't unlock stands...yeah, no way in any of the 9 or 16 circles of hell would I be a part of that. That option got crossed out immediately.

Option number two had some charm to it obviously. Jotaro had to work three whole jobs instead of one, so he probably didn't have enough time for his work as a marine biologist. Hell, he definitely didn't have time for his daughter. Me, well I'd have more time for that line of work since I wouldn't be working to handle stand users constantly. I might even meet a nice girl, and start a family that I'd spend some real quality time with.

The problem with that one? Orochimaru and Akatsuki. Especially Orochimaru, that would be the one guy I'd worry about in that situation. See, I knew that that pasty ass fuck was experimenting to make fish people with the help of a medic-nin name Amachi, and if I became a marine biologist, then my expertise would be invaluable. So my family would be kidnapped and they'd try to coerce me into partaking in their research. That would inevitably reveal my status as a stand user, which would result in them learning of my ability to stop time, and that would come full circle with Orochimaru trying to get inside me. No...just, no! Crossed out, regardless of whether or not the scenario seemed nice at first.

So that led me to my final option, which had all the cons of the other ones, but with more pros. For starters, being a ninja that was legally recognized as part of Konoha's forces, that would serve as a buffer for Danzo and root. If I were to tell the hokage about my power, then I'd gain better protection from the crazy cripple, and maybe more help when it came to the snake creep.

Oh, and obviously I'd get badass ninja training and get to the level where I could take on some of the elemental nations heavy hitters. Alongside that, having Star Platinum meant once I got to a certain level, I could body just about any of the really high tier ninja in the world. I could save people who ended up dying, people that the fandom actually really liked. A certain ice user, maybe the sick guy with bone powers. There were endless possibilities...but, if I really wanted to be one of the strongest ninja, then I had to confirm that I did in fact have the power that made Jotaro so feared.

On the board, under all the pros and cons of being a ninja, as well as what I'd do as a ninja, was that exact question. "Can I stop time?" I asked myself in written form. Well, I'm about to find out aren't I?

"**Sutā Purachina!**" I called out, containing my minor fangasms as the entity obeyed my call and emerged from my very being. It was still a bit weird to have my soul literally extend myself in such a way.

Like I had said earlier, my Star Platinum was actually a bit less buff than the canon SP. I chalked that up to the fact I was now physically nine years old, though I figured my mentality being that of a guy in his early 20s would mean bigger muscles on my stand. My Star Platinum looked more in line with the physical build of stands from part 5 and onwards, though he was still visibly more muscular and larger than Gold Experience and Sticky Fingers. His face also matched my new one a bit more, being more youthful than canon SP, though that may have been both my age and the difference in character design between Naruto and Jojos.

I took a deep breath, furrowing my brows in focus as I mentally prepared myself to churn out to calling phrase.

"...alright, here goes… **Sutā Purachina: Za Wāru**-HAGHHH!"

My mind suddenly froze and my mouth stopped forming words. Everything became a blur as the pained, dying screams of a woman filled my ears. The disconnected words "_take...last...son!_" resounded through my skull. And over it all, was the terrifying inhuman screech I was no stranger to.

_WRYYYYYYYYYYYY~_

When my head was clear once again, I saw my hands were clammy and paler than normal. My entire body shook fearfully, and my breathing had become too heavy for comfort. I swallowed the spittle that had wormed its way through my mouth and throat, and looked up apprehensively.

Was...was _he_ here? My reaction seemed to scream "Yes!" and that I should be worried. So, not only was I a Joestar, but the ever present nemesis of my "family" was _here_ of all places, waiting to re-enter and fuck everything in my new life up…

Fucking perfect.

Ok, can't get around my possible reaction to Di-augh, to that guy, even being referenced. So I guess I have to figure out another way to activate my time stop. After several seconds of thinking it over, a lightbulb went off in my head as I realized what I needed to do.

"Alright then, here goes... **Sutā Purachina: Toki yo tomare!**"

_***VRRRRRRRRRMMMMM***_

I looked around as the world around me gained a greyish tint. Mist seemed to permeate around me, flowing across the ground.

_Ichi-byō keika_

I looked outside, seeing what had happened. People on the street had stopped moving entirely, everything was like a paused TV screen. Birds that had been flying in midair had stopped their flight, frozen in midair without falling.

_Ni-byō keika_

"Y-yatta! I have power over time itself! I'll be unstoppable!"

_San-byō keika_

"I'll take this fucking place by storm, I'll-Auuuhhhaaagggggh!" My hand went to the left side of my chest, the intense pain in the area almost impossible to describe. "**Toki wa ugokidasu!**"

_***VRRRRRRRRRmmmmmmm***_

The world around me regained its color as time started to move again. I was currently kneeling down on the floor, grasping my still aching chest.

Yeah, when I read the manga I didn't exactly understand why stopping time caused heart problems. Now, I think I get it...for me and Jotaro, just stopping time within the limit still causes minute damage to one's heart, which can easily heal if given maybe a week or so. But if you constantly do it, then you're adding on new damage to the amount you already caused. Of course, that blonde undead bastard never had to worry about it because he was a fucking vampire, and he probably didn't have a heart in the first place.

The reason I just had what might be comparable to a heart attack was because I was going past my set limit. I could only stop time for 3 seconds, which gives me the small damage of a normal time stop. But trying to go past that without proper training is going to immediately pile on major damage that probably gets worse over time.

I went back to my flow chart, making a line from my original question and adding the answer "I _can_ stop time". Then, after a few seconds of deliberation, I drew another line away from that and wrote "I _shouldn't_ stop time". I was at least gonna train with my time stop, and I would try not to overuse it too much at least.

No matter how violent of an urge I had to use it for fucking with people.

* * *

In preparation for training my power over time, I realized I needed to figure out ways to improve my cardiovascular health. Research indicated certain foods like salmon, oatmeal, blueberries, and for some reason dark chocolate. I wasn't actually sure if I could find all of those, so almonds, legumes, citrus fruit, and maybe kale were now part of my shopping list. I could only hope that going past my limit didn't screw it up, and I wasn't keen on testing it just yet.

As I prepared to go out for groceries, I noticed some things on one of the cabinets in my living room. When I walked over, my eyes widened at what I saw; pictures.

I could see myself, or at least my new self, albeit younger than I currently was. And I could see two adults in the pictures, one a tall brown haired man with clear japanese features flashing a playful smile, and a western woman with blue-tipped blonde hair smiling sweetly with her eyes closed. Some of the pictures had me, at different ages, smiling and laughing as I was held aloft by the man I could only assume was my father. Others were pictures of the woman who must have been my mother, often nuzzling me to her cheek playfully. One picture had both our star shaped birthmarks on full display.

...So I had new parents? Where the hell were they then?

_WRYYYYYYY~_

I winced at the horrible shriek piercing through my thoughts. The screams I had heard earlier, the voice that I didn't quite know but seemed so familiar...just what was going on here?

I ran upstairs, looking at the room not far from my own. Nervously gulping down a lump in my throat, I gently turned the knob and slowly pushed the door open. The room I saw, definitely a room that would belong to an adult couple. A large bed for two, end tables on the end with lamps and more family pictures, and messy dressers that had what looked to be women's undergarments and stripperiffic male clothing peeking out.

This was definitely my parent's room, and my dad was probably an alternate version of Joseph...based on his choice of outfit. My mother might have been a version of Suzie Q, or Lisa Lisa, maybe Tomoko, or perhaps some weird mashup of the three. Of course, there was also the fact that I had had parents…

And from everything I could assume, they were probably dead.

Another picture on the dresser caught my attention. Walking over, I gaped in shock at the people who appeared. Alongside younger versions of my parents were a very young looking Robert Edward O. Speedwagon, Dire of all people looking alive and well, Caesar A. Zeppeli not looking at all flattened like a pancake, Smokey Brown in what looked like a combat outfit, and finally cyborg Rudol von Stroheim standing directly behind them all with a bright smirk on his slightly cybernetic face. I squinted when I looked towards the back of the picture, recognizing five more figures lurking underneath the shadow of a massive umbrella. Three of the figure were very female and very busty, but they were too hidden to make out any discerning features. The fourth and fifth figures however, I'd recognize anywhere without missing a beat. Jonathan Joestar, looking no older than the day he died in canon, smiled brightly from the shadows. To his side was a kindly smiling Erina Joestar, visibly close to her twilight years.

So there was an alternate version of Battle Tendency? I really didn't know how to handle this. Jonathan to, I wouldn't have thought he'd get that deep into his hamon training to the point he'd keep a youthful appearance while his wife withered away. It just didn't make sense, I couldn't comprehend that being something he'd do.

On the other hand, I had a good idea of who my grandparents were now...but the fact that Jonathan had been alive during this world's version of Battle Tendency, then how could Di-agh, how could "a three letter word for total dick" still be around. This picture in particular just left me with more questions than answers.

And I wasn't quite ready to start asking them just yet…

Oh, there was one other picture I caught just in time to have a good laugh at though. Since my father was technically an alternate version of Joseph, and there was an alternate version of Battle Tendency, that meant the man had tried to infiltrate a Nazi(?) base. Somebody just happened to be there to take the picture of the idiot in that outfit before he tried to pull it off.

Just seeing that, I couldn't help but guffaw at the absurd image. It definitely brought a smile to my face.

* * *

So here I was, walking towards the stand for applying to the local ninja academy. It was a bit after I had gone grocery shopping and bringing my food home. That had been done in more casual clothes, now I approached my target fully decked out in my "Jotaro outfit", dark coat and pants, blue shirt and my mind screwy hat that merged with my hair. Alongside this was my best attempt at an nearly emotionless resting bitch-face, which I seriously hoped wasn't making me looking like I was trying to squeeze out a fat one.

That would be another thing I was practicing, trying to get Jotaro's resting bitch-face right, the very same expression that fucked with the older D'arby brother when they were playing poker. Yeah, the ability to completely mask my emotions would really come in handy during a ninja career. If I wasn't testing my stand or working out how my reincarnation had specifically worked, I was trying to make myself look completely at home in my new world of circumstance.

When I finally got to the applicant stand, I saw a somewhat familiar face. Ebisu, the idiot jonin who would be tasked by the Hokage with guarding his grandson, was currently overseeing the stand for academy applicants. He was obviously younger, and wearing the green chūnin vest. So I could assume the guy wasn't a Jōnin yet, he'd probably make that rank within the next four years. It seemed his personality was no different from the original series though, once I was directly in front of the academy application stand (and directly in front of him no less), I was completely ignored. He was sat down reading an orange book, which I could definitely tell was the infamous Icha Icha Paradise, and payed me no mind.

"..Ahem! Excuse me ninja-san!" I called out to the idiot, causing him to look up in annoyance.

"...*sigh* What do you want gaki?"

I narrowed my eyes and sent him a sharp scowl, baring my teeth in the annoyed snarl that Jotaro was famous for.

"This is the place to apply for the shinobi academy, Right? I'm here to sign up."

Ebisu just gave me a cocked eyebrow from his douchey sunglasses, before looking back down to his book. But, he did free up his left hand to grab a piece of paper from one of the stacks in front of himself.

"Put your info there, then bring it back to me. Afterwards I'll ask you a set of questions to see if you're really academy material."

I gently grabbed the application form from his hands, then walked to find a place I could fill it out. Luckily, there were some tables nearby for tired workers when they were on break, so I simply took my seat and got to it. The form had basic questions that I would need to answer, age, place of residence, familial consent, ect. For those first three I wrote my new address, my age was nine years old, and I put down the status "orphan", since I had no family that I knew of. After all the other questions and checkboxes I had to fill, I finally had got back to the question I had asked myself not long after I found out I had Star Platinum.

The top of the page obviously had a blank space where I had to put my name. I internally winced, almost reflexively going into autopilot and putting my old name, like I had done for the dango shop in my old life. Luckily, I was able to restrain myself from doing so...also I was using a pen so I couldn't have any fuck ups.

I carefully wrote "Jōshuya Jōshirō", the new name I had in this world, in that blank space. Funny thing about that, the last portion of my new name shared the same kanji with Emiya Shirō, but only the "man" part. My full name actually seemed like a dick joke, which was both amusing and irksome. I wouldn't have put it past my dad to have made up my name for that reason, seeing as how he was willing to crossdress and was the alternate universe counterpart to a man who peeped on his own mother.

After finishing the form, I immediately went back to Ebisu at the application stand. It seemed as though I had never left, the asshole was still reading his orange porn book. I took a short, nervous breath before I began moving to the stand, placing myself in front of the idiot chūnin yet again.

"I finished the application form," I grumbled down to him. He looked up from his smut with a sigh of irritation, fixing me a look as he lifted his sunglasses up.

"Alright, I have to ask you some questions to fully gauge your potential, got it?"

I nodded curtly in response, making sure to keep eye contact. Ebisu stood up straighter, looking over to me with intense focus.

"Do you love the village? Do you hope to help preserve its peace, it's prosperity?"

"Hai, I do!" I'd at least do my best

"Do you have an unyielding mind, are you able to endure hard work and training?"

"Hai!" seriously, asking a Joestar if they had a strong mind was like asking if the sky was fucking blue.

"Are you healthy in body and mind?"

"Hai!" as far as you know doucheglasses.

"Alright, I'll send a member of the academy staff to your home, they'll give you some physical and mental tests to see if you're up to snuff," Ebisu gave me one last sardonic look before lowering his glasses and going back to reading his porn. "Have a nice day kid…"

I gave him a low "hmph" as I left, walking back towards my house. During the walk, I contemplated going to Ichiraku, but decided against it. I had gone one other time to settle my nerves, being fortunate enough to not run into Protagonist-kun. But I wasn't ready to tempt fate like that just yet, hell every other time I saw the color orange out of the corner of my eye I internally cringed at the thought that I was about to meet him. So yeah, I was gonna go to my new favorite food joint as sparingly as possible.

When I finally got back to my house, I noticed two people outside it. When I got close enough, I saw two chūnin talking to one another, loitering right in my front yard. One was a kimono clad woman with long, curly black hair and oval glasses, wearing heavy makeup and lipstick. The other was a heavyset looking man in a chūnin vest, his hitai-ate worn over his brown hair like a bandana and a diamond shaped goatee on his chin.

I guess these were the academy staff that were supposed to give me my tests...huh, that was actually pretty fast. The two chūnin looked to me, probably having heard my approach long before I had gotten close. The woman looked over to me skeptically, while the man gave me a jovial smile.

So, I've done _this_ a couple of times in my old life, and it was hilarious. But I was actually wondering if it would work here...eh, worth a shot. I gave the man a cocky grin as I pointed a finger at him.

"Let me guess, your next line is "You're Jōshuya-san right? We're here to administer your entry test", am I right?"

"You're Jōshuya-san right? We're here to administer your entry test…" the bearded ninja smiled at me for a few more seconds, before opening his eyes wide and looking at me in astonishment. "H-HUUUUH!?"

I had to really fight down a laugh, holding my cocky facial expression as best as I could. While her coworker was still sputtering wordlessly, the curly haired woman looked over to me in bewilderment. I honestly hoped I made a good impression on them, because the line prediction thing was one of my best tricks I picked up from the actual Jojo manga.

"Well, I guess we don't need to give you the mental test…" she trailed off, still giving me a look of amazement as she walked closer to me. "I'm Suzume, I normally teach the female academy students in kunoichi class. The guy you just broke over there is Daikoku, he teaches some of the other academy classes," she looked back over to the other chūnin, sweatdropping at his confused staring at me.

"Hey Daikoku, you're the one who's supposed to give the gaki his physical test right? Get to it!" she growled over to him, snapping him out of his daze.

"Oh, yeah ok...come on then Jōshuya-san, there's a training ground nearby we use for academy applicants."

"Yare Yare Daze...alright, let's get this over with…"

* * *

**←To Be Continued**

* * *

**Well, there it is. As always, ****lease leave any thoughts, questions, and constructive c****riticism in your reviews.**


	2. We Don't Need no Education

**Wow, this blew up faster than my other fic! *Hangs head dejectedly in the corner at the lack of attention to his original baby* oh well, FnR is still the one I'll put a bit more time in for a while.**

**Thank you to Followers and Favoriters: 22darthvadrulesall, BANKAIZEN, Beowulf Gudbrytare, Brave69105, CanoTheBored, Castlewood, Dark flame god, Demory, DragonNOOB, Karma Aladdin Jehohaz Abraham, Nogitsune96, Rikes, Tiago Carimo, ZeroXheroic, alessandrohlsjr, darkraizerGx1, endofyourtime, xmevizoxpr4l, Rheanseel, Shadowjab17, Throwing the Shade, asterion1 and uwotm007. I truly appreciate all of it, I'm glad you enjoy the fic, and thanks for DragonNOOB and Dark flame god for your reviews which I'll address at the end of the chapter. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or Jojo's Bizarre Adventure, Naruto is the property of Masashi Kishimoto, Jojo's is the property of Hirohiko Araki, and both are published by Shueisha.**

* * *

"Are you sure you don't want me to leave a tip, Teuchi-san?"

"No no, it's fine Joushirou. I know you mean well, but if you keep leaving tips people may get the wrong idea…"

Two months

Two months since I drowned in a tsunami and my life changed completely. Two months since I was reincarnated into the world of Naruto as a citizen of Konohagakure no Sato. Two months since I found out I had the (almost) exact same stand as Jotaro. Two months I've had to come to term with the fact that I'll never be able to see the people from my old life that I knew and loved. My family, my coworkers, my chill as hell boss, that cute girl who was a regular at the dango shop and seemed to have a crush on me which I was definitely going to reciprocate. I cried silently about all of it for a few nights after first dealing with my new situation.

On the other hand my old computer was probably bricked, so nobody was gonna see my internet history any time soon. Hey, "always look on the bright side of life", as the saying goes…

After applying for ninja school and doing the mental and physical tests (which were just a bunch of questions and physical exercises), I was given a slip for Konoha Hospital for a physical exam. The ninja doctors there, and that is something I never thought I'd even think, they found nothing physically wrong with me aside from a what they called "minor heart damage", which they assumed was from complications I had as either an infant or fetus. Other than that, I got the greenlight for the academy.

Woohoo!

Unfortunately, I applied not a week after the school year had ended, and even if I had applied during the school year I wouldn't have been able to attend until the next. That meant that I had only two months to prepare, and when I did get to school I would be a first year, a 9-year-old with a bunch of 8 year olds. That meant that I'd probably be one of the class outcasts, if not snubbed by the rest of the class.

...woohoo…

Well, I didn't focus too much on that. What I did focus on was the taijutsu katas, how to use my new kunai properly, how to be stealthy, catching up on the school textbooks given to me, and of course the most surreal of them all...how to harness my chakra. It was still so trippy to have this weird glowing stuff inside me, and figuring out how to use it had its ups and downs.

As part of the tests, I was given the seals for one jutsu, the kawarimi, and instructed to switch with a log to prove I was capable of correctly remembering seals and ninjutsu. I could have feigned it by breaking my "no time stop" rule, but I decided to give it a go just to see if I could manage it. I aced that in one try, which was great, but I don't think spamming one jutsu is gonna do me any favors in the future.

Aside from training to become a decent ninja ahead of actually becoming a ninja, I was training myself on a personal level. For two months, I looked in the mirror and did everything I could to get Jotaro's emotionless resting bitch-face down to a T, to the point where it became my default facial expression. Alongside that was training with Star Platinum, and ohoho boy, the crazy shit this thing can do. I didn't actually think I'd make him do the star finger, I yelled it out as a joke...and I don't know why the whole air sucking thing was an ability, but I have my doubts about being caught in a situation like the one with justice.

Another thing about chakra was its interaction with stands. Obviously, having chakra and a stand wasn't some sort of volatile combination, in fact far from it. Having my stand actually seemed to empower to my chakra, at least on a metaphysical level. Suzume, the chūnin instructor for kunoichi classes, told me that the spiritual aspect of my chakra was far more potent than she would expect from anybody of my age. What that means for me...well I have no fucking idea. No, what really made me panic for a while was the fact that just having chakra let you see stands.

How did I find this out? Well, one afternoon I had just left Ichiraku's, and while I was walking home I ran into a drunk guy throwing bottles around. One just happen to be on a collision path with my head, and Star Platinum took exception to that. So right after an "ORA", and the shattering of an empty saké bottle, I then had a drunk guy freaking out at the, in his own words, "huge purple person" that had emerged from my body. A light head-chop from my stand had knocked the guy unconscious, and I got out of dodge faster than Star Platinum's punches move, bolting my doors down the moment I got inside my house.

Part of me tried to convince myself that the guy could only see my stand because he was drunk. I wasn't gonna take any chances on that. I had originally thought that only Dōjutsu users would be able to see stands, but since I was "reborn" at the point where Itachi had already killed everybody in his family but Sasuke, and the Hyūga were so damn uptight, I wasn't going to try to test it out. Now I was faced with the possibility that normal everyday people with chakra could just naturally see stands...

Yeah, best to be discreet about that.

"You okay Jojo? You've been spacing out while you were finishing your bowl."

I looked up to Ayame, blinking at her a few times owlishly. Yeah, I had just spaced out while finishing up my bowl of soy and beef ramen.

"Oh yeah, sorry about that...just thinking about something..."

Another thing that had occurred was my continued and regular patronage of Ichiraku's, to the point that they treated me like a regular. Ayame had even taken to calling me "Jojo", which I hadn't really been bothered by since it was inevitable. The noodles were just so damn good too, I wasn't gonna argue with my stomach. Besides, my primary diet was healthy enough, so I wasn't going to get fat off of a few bowls of ramen here and there. I was just fortunate enough to avoid Naruto, by some miracle occuring during the past two months I hadn't walked into the ramen stand to see him sitting there slurping away at his trademark favorite.

"You okay Jōshirō? You seem like you're having trouble with something" the old man called out to me.

"Oh, nothing is wrong Teuchi-san...today is just the day I start at the shinobi academy, that's why I came here in the morning instead of the afternoon."

"Ah, that would explain your unease…" he told me, turning back to me with a smile when I pushed my finished bowl forward.

"Are you sure about the tip? I know a lot of people talk bad about you and because of that people have practically blacklisted your stand, so…"

"Nonsense, I get plenty of customers. The hokage even comes by on occasion, you don't need to worry about us."

I gave him a sort of surprised look, then sent him a small smirk.

"Alright then, thanks for the meal Teuchi-san. Hope to see you in the afternoon after I get out of school."

* * *

Ninja school didn't seem too bad, all things considered. A huge room, blackboard on the main wall, with desks seemingly put on the stairs. Exactly like I saw it in the original, though the only time I had actually seen that sort of layout in my old world was the juku my dad ran. Several civilian children who had applied were interspersed throughout the classroom, some of them clearly new and nervous.

I was leaning back in my chair with my feet up on the desk, with my eyes seemingly closed as though I were asleep. Combined with my "Jotaro outfit", this made me look like a classic 80s-90s delinquent. All I was gonna do was act the part when the opportunity arose. Hopefully that would start soon, considering the teacher(?) was down near the blackboard talking to what must have been his assistant, and he was bound to notice me and my disrespectful attitude. I had to do a double-take at the assistant though, because I knew I was looking a young Umino Iruka.

Well, younger than normal Iruka at least, at this point in time he looked to be around his late teens. The other academy teacher was this dark-haired man with a spiky beard and a serious face. The way he growled to his teenage chūnin subordinate didn't really sit well with me. I barely paid attention to the two of them as some more students filed into the classroom. One of them I picked out of the crowd.

Aburame Shino didn't look too different from Naruto Part I, aside from being a bit shorter since he was four years younger. I could also see some of the Kikaichū flying in and out of his sleeves, possibly gathering information about the area for him. While I had nothing against Shino, as a person or character, just seeing one of his bugs gave me short flashbacks to Mrs. Robinson from Steel Ball Run...yeah, that guy really gave me the willies.

My eyes shot open completely when I felt Star Platinum's hand emerge, still hidden beneath my coat. I looked down at the ethereal limb to see my stand gently holding a Kikaichū beetle between its index finger and thumb, the bugs legs still moving to show it was alive. I discreetly held my hand out, and Star Platinum gingerly deposited the poor bug onto my palm. Looking at the chakra eating insect, I saw what looked to be some form of surprise in the way it acted. I guess suddenly being grabbed by invisible fingers must have been a new experience for the little guy.

Well, I wasn't just gonna crush a small bug for no reason. I may have stopped reading the Naruto manga for the most part, but I knew that Shino named all his Kikaichū. Every last beetle, even when they're all _completely identical to one another_. I didn't know what this one's name was obviously, so I simply did what I did with any harmless bug that I caught. I lowered my flattened palm, then thrust it up in a quick motion. The beetle got the hint, jumping off my palm and flying back to its master.

The Kikaichū flew back to Shino, and from the corner of my eye I saw his mask of stoicism slip. I could see his eyebrows raise behind his sunglasses and his nostrils flare sideways slightly. I closed my left eye and gave him a sideways glance from the corner of my right, accentuating it by raising my eyebrow in a questioning manner. The bug user stared at me for a few more seconds, before turning forward with an intrigued hum.

Was that a bad idea? Probably, yeah...Was it fun though? Ohoho yes, it was kind of funny, in a mundane way. I'd end up catching more bugs that were flying just an inch away from my skin that entire school week before it stopped. Shino would get the idea eventually.

The next person from the Konoha rookies to show up would be Kiba. A younger Kiba of course, sans Akamaru. The dog-nin's signature ninken probably hadn't been born yet...and I suddenly remembered I was a joestar, and worried for the poor pupper in advance. Kiba came in flashing a cocky smile that showed off his elongated canines. His attitude was punctuated by the fact he was holding his hands behind his head. The inuzuka took a seat at the desk in front of my own, not paying me any mind.

The next familiar face was Uchiha Sasuke, who walked in as aloofly as possible and sat down at the desk in the aisle next to mine. Now, you may have expected that suddenly the physical incarnation douchebaggery, or something similar, walked in and layed down how much of a badass he was and how we should all worship the ground he walked on...but I just couldn't see that happening in this lifetime. It was maybe two or three years after the kid's entire family was murdered by his own brother (and one his long thought dead relatives). What I saw was an eight year old who actually seemed a bit jumpy, wasn't interacting with anybody, and sporting a pained look in his eyes that told me he was still in the process of healing from losing everything he held dear in one whole night. So despite everything I had seen in those dumb fanfics that painted him as an egotistical maniac, despite countless chapters of manga and anime episodes illustrating how much of a bastard he was for betraying the people who cared about him...I couldn't blame a kid with absurd PTSD for wanting to get his own justice.

Two more familiar figures walking leisurely along some civilian children. Shikamaru looked like he would rather be anywhere else but here, and Chōji was nonchalantly pulling chips from a bag and munching on them. I had to fight down a slight grimace when I heard the crunching coming from his mouth. He could have at least kept his mouth closed when he ate...regardless, the two of them sat at the desks in front of Sasuke.

By this point I had started looking around discreetly to see if there had been anybody else I had missed coming. Team Guy were all third years now, so they couldn't have been in this class. Who I was really trying to find was the female half of my first OTP...oh, there she is! Hinata walked in like you'd think, walking among a group of civilian students for cover. The socially anxious girl bolted through the aisles quietly, sitting in the back and twiddling her fingers nervously.

Yeah, I was going to get _that_ started early. No waiting 15 whole years to get to it, I'm fixing that ASAP.

Speaking of girls Naruto had kissed by the end of the series, one of them was barging straight into the classroom now.

"HAH! I won! I get to choose the seats first Ino!"

Huh, Sakura actually didn't sound too much like a banshee.

"Ahh, alright...sheesh, shouldn't have given you a head start…"

Ino barely jogged in from behind the pinkette, clearly out of breath. I caught her looking around in confusion, giving her friend a questioning look.

"Alright forehead, where are we gonna sit?"

"Well that's pretty easy, we just have to...w-whooah!" Sakura suddenly went wide-eyed at the sight of Sasuke, a light blush dusting her cheeks. To her, his need for space due to his PTSD probably make him look dark, serious, and broody. I could already tell how that was gonna go.

Ino however, caught me in her sights. Instead of her friend's dumb look of infatuation, the Yamanaka's face began growing beet-red as she stared at me. When I looked over to her with my flat expression of annoyance that I called the "Jotaro stare", she wobbled as though she was about to lose her footing. I suddenly realised that she wasn't the only person staring at me like that. Almost Half of the female members of the student body, and a few of the boys too, were giving me similar looks, the other half giving the Uchiha a similar look to Sakura's, and there was only one exception to all this. I knew exactly what each of these two looks meant, and I inwardly cursed myself.

This fucking Joestar sex drive...it attracts women like flies, and it hasn't even begun to develop yet.

"I-Ino, do you see Sasuke? He looks so..." the pinkette weakly called to her friend as she motioned to Sasuke.

"Hmmm? Oh yeah, he's really cute but...look over there Sakura," the blonde girl pointed me out. "Look at him...isn't he just so...ohhh…"

"...Yare Yare Daze" I muttered under my breath. Unfortunately, a good few of the girls heard it and swooned. I couldn't believe this, all I'm doing is acting like my favorite manga character and saying his catchphrase. How the hell does that suddenly make me the "Pussy Demolisher 9001"? Wonderful, doing shit like this in my old world this would get you laughed at or something.

I was so focused on the situation of the important characters walking in, and my newfound girl problems, that I hadn't noticed the asshole yelling at Iruka earlier had disappeared. Come to think of it, Iruka was actually looking over to me nervously. I didn't even have time to realize the significance of this before I felt a shadow loom over me.

"Ahem!"

I turned to my left to see the other academy teacher that had been chewing Iruka out for some reason, now standing over me _ゴ__menacingly__ゴ_, holding a ruler in his hand and smacking it into his palm. Now that I saw him up close though...wow, those were some serious fish lips. Like, good Kami they were fucking huge. I raised my cap to give him a better view of my eyes while I looked at him.

"Can I help you with something, _sensei_?" I drawled out, hoping he caught how annoyed I was when I said "sensei".

"Yeah, maybe you want to sit up straight and take your feet off the table, huh gaki?!" he growled out, leaning down to the point that his freaky fish lips were only inches away from my face. "I don't give a shit if you wanna act tough, you're gonna be playing by my rules kid."

Oh shit, this was my chance. This was it, here and now I was going to prove how much of a delinquent I was. Back in my old life, I was always on the receiving end of the sort of behavior I was going to emulate, and my family wouldn't have allowed me to even think about acting that way. But now, no parents to reign me in, so it's free game.

"...Get lost asshole! Go find somewhere else to stroke your big ego, I can tell you now though, it probably isn't as big as your ugly ass lips."

Despite the fact that I looked calm on the outside, the inside was a raging storm. My heart was pounding in my chest, and I had to do my best to control my breathing. This was the point of no return, there was no going back.

Especially since the fish-lipped asshole took exception to that.

"YOU ROTTEN LITTLE PIECE OF SHIT! WANNA RUN THAT BY ME AGAIN?!" the creep yelled out, raising his ruler to hit me. "YOU BETTER LEARN SOME FUCKING MANNERS GAKI!"

_***VRRRRRRRRRRRRmmmmmmm***_

Half a second of stopped time and one of Star Platinum's arms. That was all I needed to put this piece of trash in his place. When I willed time to resume, the man stopped mid swing, looking down at the ruler he was holding to find it was broken in two. The other half soon fell on his face, leaving a small welt on his forehead. He staggered back a bit, looking down at me in surprise. I stood up, glaring at him and sending a bit of killing intent to him and only him.

"Since we're in school, let that be the first lesson I teach you. Next time you try to piss me off, it'll be your nose instead of that ruler, understand?"

"...Y-yeah, I got it, I-I'll just, uh…" the guy back away nervously, clearly terrified of me. He immediately ran back to the front of the class, breathing heavily and giving me nervous stares. I saw Iruka looking back at me unsuredly, but nonetheless he seemed to be relieved that he wasn't being chewed out by the bastard.

As for my little performance, well...it didn't go unnoticed by the female students of the class who were paying attention to me. The moment I went back to my seat and took my former position, I could just feel their longing stares on me. I was bracing myself for the days to come, because I just knew I'd find out why Jotaro was always angry at everything within the next few months.

As for Ino, she had taken a seat next to Sakura. Said pinkette was sitting next to Sasuke, making small talk with the nervous boy as he did his best to keep to himself. While Ino didn't move to sit right next to me, she did sneak the occasional glance my way. Well, at least both hadn't seen me, otherwise I'd have two of the main cast following me around like lovestruck puppies instead of one.

I let out another "Yare Yare Daze" at my situation. This was just perfect...

A figure barged through the door and I mentally braced myself. Almost all the other seats were filled, so this really could only be one person.

Naruto Uzumaki did not come in subtly. Hell, I don't think anybody wearing that bright a shade of orange would know the meaning of the word "subtle", let alone pull it off. Naruto stood at the center of class, flashing everybody a bright smirk and showing of his pointed teeth. There was a glint in his bright blue eyes as he yelled out to the entire classroom his proclamation.

"My name is Uzumaki Naruto, and I'm gonna be your next Hokage, Dattebayo!"

...Yeah, that was how I expected it really. If _Naruto_ of all people had walked into the class and sat down quietly, I'd know then and there that this was all a figment of my imagination happening as I was drowning. But no, there he was calling out his dream with full confidence, like he should.

A lot of the class laughed at him. I could hear several jeers from the crowd of students, and some of the things I heard from them actually ground my gears. Naruto sent some of them a sharp scowl, not backing down in the slightest. Iruka looked back to the guy who was probably supposed to be our teacher, sighing in exasperation at the idiot's antics as I sent him another glare. Iruka turned to the blonde boy, and made his head expand to a monstrous size.

"SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP GAKI!"

"GAAAH! Yes sensei, right away sensei!" Naruto called out, scrambling to find a seat. Of course, too many kids were unwilling to let him near them, muttering about how their parents told them about "that kid". Then he came to my aisle, which had been avoided like the plague due to my appearance. The blonde looked at me questioningly, giving me that puppy-dog eye look that I couldn't handle.

"Hmph...go ahead and sit if ya want, I don't bite or anything" I growled flatly. Naruto blinked a couple of time, before flashing me a grin and taking his seat.

"Alright then, I'm Iruka-sensei. Since Mikihito-sensei is...well," Iruka looked back to the dark-haired man with a grimace."I'll be doing roll call, when I say your name call out that you're here. Ok, Hyuuga Hinata…"

After hearing the girl's squeak of "here", I tuned out most of the class. I did recognize almost the entirety of the the rookie 9 being called out while I nearly dozed off. I only started paying attention when I heard Naruto's name being called out, followed by several stifled giggles. The blonde sent a scowl to the back seats before calling out loudly that he was there.

"Alright then...Joushuya Joushirou!"

"Present!" I called out flatly, ignoring every look I got from the girls now enamoured with me or the boys wanting to have a crack at me.

"Alright, everybody get your history textbooks out! We're going to start reading about the founding of Konoha!" the scar-faced man called out, giving the class a flat look when several students let out stereotypical groans. "Quiet, all of you! Turn to page eight of your textbooks and get to reading!"

While some of the other kids were grumbling as they pulled their textbooks out, I could see a look of relief on Iruka's face. My guess would be that this was going to be his first year as an actual academy teacher, instead of the TA. While I went to my pack and pulled my history book out, I noticed my new desk neighbor looking around in confusion. Naruto looked utterly lost as he watched our classmates pull out their books. Looking at his bag, I could tell just by looking at it that it wasn't as filled as it should have been.

"H-hey, Iruka-sensei! Where were we supposed to grab our textbooks from?" the blonde called out, standing up with a raised hand. "I don't actually have one, and I'm not sure where to buy them…"

Iruka looked at Naruto like he had been told how King Crimson was supposed to work. The scar-faced man blinked owlishly at the blonde for a few seconds before shaking his head. Behind him I could see the other teacher, Mizihito, smiling cruelly with his fucked up lips.

"N-Naruto, you're supposed to be given all the required textbooks and scrolls you'll need for the academy after you've applied…" Iruka trailed off, realizing something when he saw the blonde's confused expression. "Did...did you really not get all that stuff?"

"No, I didn't! I was only told to bring writing utensils and all that crap, nobody gave me any textbooks…"

Fish-lips-sensei's smile got bigger, and I sent him a pointed glare. I had figured out from looking in the mirror that my already cat-like eyes would narrow into slits when I gave people the stink eye, so I probably looked more intimidating. Miki-whatever saw this and shrunk a bit, causing me to smile internally. I couldn't help but feel pity for Naruto when I looked back to him. The poor kid looked so lost, and I could see the other kids giving him stares. By now I was already hearing more whispers about him, and I really couldn't believe some of the things kids were muttering under their breath.

This was going to be a really bad idea...but if I didn't do it, I'd be just like every other person in Naruto's childhood. Plus, if I didn't help him out here and now then I wouldn't deserve to call myself a Joestar from then on, would I?

"Here, you can borrow mine," I drawled out, holding my textbook out to him. "I've read it enough that I can commit it to memory…"

Naruto blinked at me a few times, clearly shocked.

"A-are you sure about that?"

"Yeah, it's no skin off my back. Don't worry about me, I can deal," I said, giving him a dismissive hand wave.

"Gee, thanks!" the blonde cried out, giving me a smirk as opened to page eight.

I just vaguely noticed a few of my new classmates giving me spiteful glares. At the front of the class, I could see Iruka flashing both me and my desk neighbor an unsteady smile. Behind him, fish-lips-sensei was giving me and Naruto a scowl which included bared teeth. I didn't give him any breathing room, giving him another sharp glare to remind him of earlier. I could see his eyes widen just a bit as he took half a step back, still scowling from his spot behind Iruka.

So far, everything was going as I could have hoped...for the most part. Aside from catching a magical bug, swearing at a teacher and breaking his ruler, and having girls go gaga over me, it was mostly the same situation as my old life. I got through school once…

Shouldn't be hard to go through it again, right?

* * *

So...in hindsight, learning the shunshin and showing it off wasn't the best of ideas. How did I learn it and why would I want to learn it? I accidentally came across a Jōnin drilling his team on it. All it really used was the tiger seal, so it wasn't difficult to outright mimic it. The problem was that I had only practiced with it once beforehand, and I moved a good several meters and got exhausted afterwards. So if I wanted to use it for greater distances, improving my chakra reserves was probably a good idea. Until then, I thought I'd try to show restraint and not show it off.

Then, near the end of the school day we were told to show off a jutsu we knew so the academy teachers could get a good grip on our skill levels. It turned out that over two-thirds of the class knew the kawarimi, so when we were told to show off a jutsu we knew I realized that I would look bland as hell by following the herd. That wasn't helped by Sasuke who, due to all the peer pressure, used his grand fireball technique which wowed the "audience". Plus side, he did turn a bunch of the girls to his side from mine, so I couldn't be too mad that he was showing off.

But I at least had to stand out just a bit. So when Iruka called me up, I put my hands into the tiger seal and shunshined right behind him. While he did look pretty surprised, I was more ecstatic about some of the other academy teachers whispering about how impressed they were for, "somebody so young learning a general skill like that ahead of time". Some of those were definitely sarcastic, but since academy students weren't supposed to be taught the shunshin I could hear a few genuine reactions.

Since I only used the jutsu once, I didn't get too exhausted. But once school was out, I was just about ready to head home and literally fall onto my bed to take a nap. The only thing stopping me from doing that immediately was the prospect of Ichiraku ramen. Oh, and a couple of people were following me.

Well, that would be inaccurate now that I looked at it the right way. Only one of them was following me in particular. The other was following the person following me...is it a weird to not see that as abnormal? Because it doesn't sound abnormal when I think on it. I'll deal with my own mental conditioning later, I should probably handle my stalker.

I rounded into an alleyway and, after walking through it for a bit, stopped and turned around.

"Alright, you can come out now!" I called.

In the blink of an eye, Naruto dashed from his hiding place and stood a few feet in front of me.

"Yo, I just came to give you your textbook back," the blonde said cheekily, flashing me a grin as he held the book out to me.

"...Oh! You know, you could have just called out to me instead of following me," I told him, raising my eyebrow in suspicion.

"Well yeah I know that, but...uh…" Naruto looked around nervously, giving me an unsteady smile.

...ah, so he was afraid all the other villagers would give him stares or chew him (or me) out for talking and stuff. Hell, I'd be willing to bet he was afraid of being accused of stealing the book from me. Although, considering the track record Joestars usually have when people attack or mug us, Naruto probably would have been fine.

"Oh, thanks," I said, gently pulling the book from his hand and placing it back in my pack. "I still think it's pretty weird that you don't have textbooks though...you sure you didn't just misplace them or something?"

"No, and that's the thing! I would have remembered something that important, I just know it," the blonde yelled, making frenzied gestures with his hands. "I know I'm not exactly the smartest, but if I wanna be hokage someday then I gotta learn all that I can!"

"...Well, that's not untrue I guess."

"Yeah, nice to know somebody agrees with me...just one thing though Joushirou," he growled out, getting right into my face. "How did you know I was following you? I've been able to hide from even those guys in the masks and stuff, so give me a proper answer."

I blinked a few times, making sure my expressionless mask didn't slip, before turning my head with my eyes closed, giving him a "Jotaro scowl".

"Are you kidding? Besides that I have pretty strong senses, you're talking a load of shit if you think you could hide from anybody in that" I drawled out, motioning to his bright orange jumpsuit, the shirt portion tied around his waist.

"Eh?! Are you kidding, this thing is useful! Tigers are orange and they hide just fine!"

"Tigers also eat things that are colorblind, or that can't properly perceive things in bright light," I responded, looking at the kid like that was obvious.

"...Eh, ok yeah you got me there…Hey, where are you off to anyway?"

"A ramen stand I like to eat at," I replied flatly.

"Oh man, I could go for a bowl of ramen. I know this great place, Ichiraku's, Teuchi-jiji makes the best miso…" it took a few seconds of me raising an eyebrow at him and him smiling dumbly at me before he sweatdropped in realization. "You...you were already heading there weren't you?"

"Yeah, it's the only ramen joint that actually has good noodles…" I said, turning around to walk off. "Well, you coming or what?"

Naruto blinked at me in surprise, before smiling cheerily at me and trailing behind me as we left the alleyway. I looked out of the corner of my eyes, noticing a flash of dark blue hair zip behind a nearby building. I had to stop myself from smirking at that, which was easy since I could already tell I was getting stares from the rest of the villagers.

"So, what did you mean by Ichiraku's being the only good ramen joint?" Naruto asked.

"I mean that I tried a bunch of other ramen restaurants in the village, and their food tasted like utter shit," I growled, waving my hand around expressively. "If I ever go to a restaurant and the food is shit, then I make it a point to stiff 'em with the bill."

"Well, that's pretty...bold I guess," the blonde said unsuredly. I simply responded with a "hmph", as we began walking down a familiar street. Soon enough we found ourselves at the ramen stand, and Naruto made a loud cry as he charged in.

"Yo Teuchi-jiji!"

"Naruto! Good to see you, how was the academy?" the old man smiled over at the blonde, then his eyes almost opened when he spotted me. "Eh? Joushirou, did you walk in with him?"

"Yeah, while we were on our way here he wanted to give me back the textbook I let him borrow," I motioned to my pack. "Then we found out we're both regulars at this place, so…"

Teuchi gave me a soft smile as he "looked" over to me. I gave him a brief smile back as my classmate and I took our seats.

"Well, it's nice to see you two got through your first day at the academy...so the regular, for both?" he asked us.

"Hah, you know it Teuchi-jiji...wait, Joushirou, what's your regular?" the blonde asked me, tilting his head in confusion.

"Teriyaki and beef ramen with onions and some roasted pork," I said frankly.

"Wow...that's gonna be a lot of meat y'know?"

"Yeah, I'm aware. My family has a big thing for meat," I said, cupping a hand to my chin. "My hiijiji actually started something called "experimental vengeance cooking"...it's not something I'd like to go into detail about though."

Naruto looked at me in bewilderment, while Teuchi just shook his head.

"Hey, Ayame!" he called out towards the back of the shop. "You done back there? We got customers to serve out here!"

"I'm coming tou-san!" the girl called, walking out while holding two boxes of food and cooking supplies.

"Hey Ayame-nee, how's it going?" Naruto yelled from my side. The girl turned her head and smiled at him, obviously too used to his yelling to have been surprised.

"Hey Naruto-chan, it's nice to see-oh, hi Jojo!" she chirped out, causing Naruto to do a double take.

"Eh, J-Jojo?"

"...it's her nickname for me," I answered, rubbing the back of my head in annoyance.

"Yeah, it's because the first parts of his name and family name are the same, so I call him Jojo."

"I'm really ok with only my friends calling me Jojo though…" I said, internally wincing when I realized my mistake.

"Huh?! Does that make us friends Jojo?" Ayame asked, giving me puppy-dog eyes.

"Uh...yeah, sure Ayame, since you did come up with it…"

"Yay!"

"Wait, what about me?!" Naruto called out, turning to me. "Do I get to call you Jojo?"

Fuck! I was barely prepared for this, and I didn't quite know how to react.

For starters, if I were a selfish person in situation I'd be thinking "oh, make friends with the main character! They're literally a living form of life insurance"...at least, that's how it worked in a bunch of fanfictions I had read. The self-insert would become friends with the protagonist of whatever series they were reincarnated in, and they'd be set for life. But if I were being honest then yeah, that would have been something that crossed my mind.

...If I weren't a _Joestar_...as in, the living antithesis to life insurance. If I made friends with anybody, my very existence would be a danger to their lives. I can list over a dozen people who have died because they started down that exact path of being friends with a Joestar. Hell, the entire Zeppeli family has some weird prophecy where their members are fated to die for a member of mine. If we did become friends, there was a good chance Naruto would be killed by whatever bizarre shit I got caught up in.

On the other hand, Naruto had a giant fox monster inside of him. I had seen the stares sent his way, and I'd heard the whispers too. He was utterly despised by the populace, and there were only three people aside from myself who thought any different. Yeah, in canon everything turned out great but any sane person would feel bad for the kid.

"...Yeah, sure Naruto. You can call me Jojo if you want," I said nonchalantly, unable to fight back a small smile when his face morphed into an elated expression.

Welp, no going back now... I've definitely messed things up in the long haul. I've probably changed the course of the entire series just by existing, but I don't think anybody would doubt how much he needs a friend. Besides, regardless of what I changed from canon…

Eh, I guess I'll just wing it…

* * *

**←To Be Continued**

* * *

**Stand: Star Platinum**

**User: Jōshuya Jōshirō**

**Destructive Power: B(subject to change due to user's age)**

**Speed: A**

**Range:C**

**Durability/Persistence: B(subject to change due to user's age)**

**Precision: A**

**Developmental Potential: A**

**Abilities(so far): Great physical strength and near light-speed movements. Is far more precise than even well-trained surgeons. Possesses enough awareness to work towards the self-preservation of its user, both by stopping time to prevent Jōshirō from being crushed, stopping a bottle from hitting his head, and preventing a chakra-eating insect from possibly biting him.**

**Can extend fingers to great lengths, allowing it to perform sneak attacks or jab at opponents out of its range. If needed, has a number of other abilities that might not be useful for every situation, and may not be needed again. For example, using its superhuman lung capacity(or analogue to such) to suck in air and anything else taking up that space into itself, compressing it.**

**Can stop time for 2-3 seconds, causes minimal physical strain on the user's heart. Attempting to go past the set limit will cause increasing damage to user's heart. Time limit can be possibly increased through outside factors.**

* * *

**There we go, along with some stand stats for ****Jōshirō's version of Star Platinum. I kind of went off of conjecture about Josuke and Kakyoin, both had their stands since they were young and ****Jōshirō had his since age six, so the development would mean it would actually grow with the user as they aged. Now then, onto the reviews!**

**Dark flame god: Thank you, I'm glad you like it. Yeah, their history will be expanded just a bit, but that's several chapters out. I'd suggest reading on spacebattles, as any new chapters will go there first.**

**DragonNOOB: I'm glad you liked the story, and as for it being a fun and "strange"-(you could almost say bizarre) ride, yeah it is. But if I'm being honest the power to stop time won't be enough against Pein, Madara,or Kaguya/the other alien dudes. Also, DIO is going to be powered up based on Naruto levels and given some new vampiric abilities to compensate for the rest of the ninja, and not long after ****Jōshirō graduates I'll be sure to introduce a couple of OC stand users that might not ever appear again (I:E, ****RETIRED).**

**Again, thank you for the followings and reviews. For everybody else, please leave any thoughts, questions, and constructive c****riticism in your reviews.**


	3. HEY! TEACHERS! LEAVE THEM KIDS ALONE!

**Wow, I'm not even sure what to say. This fic really blows up no matter where I post it, there's so many followers/favoriters that I'd have trouble listing all of you (plus notifications for everybody don't always go off), but I'll try to get you all in, sorry if I miss somebody. I'll address you reviewers down at the ending AN too. **

**Thank you to followers/favoriters: Dyliokhan, Raggedpause, Wishhy, Wrath5151, ImBoredKay, Icriegel, luzkouw, The Whip, ThatOneWanderer101, DivineWhiskey, DarkAnon, spuerk811, hermit1397, Izanagi God, Xjfz, TheSonicTurtle, WildCardMakoto, Ian110885, DarkXeroYO, M1nhTre37, Aran004, knockoff, TrimusicaDrag00n90, Sliksick, jeremy-cox15, blueanchor92, Music Minded, piotrasek18, Ashborn2271, coldblue2015, Akutzu du lac, Beta Male's Power Fantasy, Blood Fluffles, HateReborn27, ItsStag, OfficerPickles, Tokawoka, aspire5515, chivalrous-nero, Inadne cyreu, zerpjustice, Roboticautumn and The Three Kings. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or Jojo's Bizarre Adventure, Naruto is the property of Masashi Kishimoto, Jojo's is the property of Hirohiko Araki, and both are published by Shueisha.**

* * *

***DO~RURURURURU! DO~RURURURURU!***

***click*  
**

Ok, that settles it, something is up with my alarm clock. During the first few months of my new life, I mostly ignored it because I had shifted into a new routine that began the moment it came to life. Get up, get a shower, look at my new face and birthmark in the mirror to remind myself I'm not dreaming all of this, get dressed, get breakfast, get my school supplies and get the hell out the door. Up until this point, I never questioned my alarm because it had been helpful in keeping me functioning for the past five and a half months of school, but...the sound was familiar in a way that was just too eerie. I couldn't quite place it, but I knew it was dangerously significant.

Welp, better shelve those thoughts and repress for the day. I may have placed myself in the role of a delinquent, but even the delinquents in my old world wouldn't be caught late for school. After making sure my kunai were correctly packed and making sure my door was locked behind me after I left, I proceeded through the streets of Konoha with a brisk walk. It was when I was only several minutes away from the academy that I heard their voices.

"Hey, its Jojo!"

"Oh yeah, it is him!"

"Hey, Jojo!"

Let the record stand that since getting my new name, I have only allowed two people to call me "Jojo". None of girls that had suddenly shown up and began to mob around me were included with those two people.

"Hey Jojo, the other day when we were in the kenjutsu class...what you did with that tanto was really cool," the mousy looking brown-haired girl who spoke wrapped her arms around my left arm, and I sent her a flat scowl hoping she would stop bothering me.

Be careful what you wish for…

"Oi! What's the big idea grabbing onto Jojo like that?!" Another girl, a redhead, asked after knocking the other girl to the side. "You're getting too friendly with him, back off!"

"What's your problem ugly!"

"I'd be careful there airhead!"

Oh sweet stand-using Jesus no...please no…

"Ugly!"

"Airhead!"

"Ugly!"

"Airhead!"

"UGLY!"

"AIRHEAD!"

A quiet second passed in which I could feel their, albeit meager, killing intent towards one another erupting behind me. Then they both started right up again.

"UGLYUGLYUGLYUGLYUGLYUGLYUGLYUGLYUGLY!"

"AIRHEADAIRHEADAIRHEADAIRHEADAIRHEADAIRHEADAIRHEAD!"

Top ten anime battles of...shit, this is the early 2000s isn't it? Whatever, time to put a stop to...this.

"SHUT UP! YOU'RE FUCKING ANNOYING!" I yelled out, hoping the two got the point and (hopefully) left me alone for all of eternity. The last one was wistful thinking on my part…

"HAAAAH!~" the girls all swooned immediately at my yelling, as if somehow there was some special power of the Joestar lineage that let you get away with insulting girls if you acted like a tsundere in public.

"He said that to me~" the brunette gasped longingly.

"No way, that was totally for me~" the redhead said elatedly.

...Damn it!

"Yo, Jojo!" I heard another voice call out, and I instantly felt relief blossom through my mind. Naruto, the true protagonist, was walking over to me, hopefully to save me from this hell.

"Ewww, its that kid…"

"Yeah, he's always so loud and none of the adults like him!"

"But he's also Jojo's friend, so we gotta play nice with him…"

Naruto ignored the thots behind me and walked to my side, smiling cheerfully.

"So what were you up to after leaving Ichiraku's yesterday?"

"Remember that wood training tanto I got from school? I was training to use it," I said nonchalantly.

"Eh, so you're trying to get into kenjutsu?"

"Uh-huh, I'm gonna try to take it as an extracurricular class when the option comes up next year," I told him.

It was gonna be that, and medical ninjutsu. As much as Star Platinum was my luck on the superpower lottery, I couldn't rely on it every fight. So training with a sword and being able to fix myself seemed like a good choice...also, swords are cool as hell, they're the go-to slashing weapon when it comes to combat.

"Hey Jojo! What are ya spacing out for, we're here!"

Oh look at that, we're at the school gates. Standing outside was some no-name sensei looking at his watch, then surveying the area for any students. When he caught sight of us(specifically Naruto), he sneered. The few times Naruto had arrived just before me, he was told he had been late and would be punished. It was only my timely arrival the first time, which included me flashing the teacher my watch and giving him shit over it. From then on, Naruto and I met up mid-walk before we got to the gates.

This guy seemed smart enough to not pull any bullshit. The blonde ignored the guy's sneering as we both walked past no-name-sensei into the schoolyard, him cheerfully and me...tsundereingly(?). I could hear some murmuring from the girls behind me, and I looked around to see why. Nearby was another group of girls arguing, headed by a familiar blonde and pinkette. Not far away was Sasuke, the poor kid barely hiding his minor anxiety that the girls had mistaken for brooding.

"Man, I don't get what's up with you or that guy...ever since the junior academy, Sasuke's gotten a lotta attention from girls," the whiskered blonde said with a grunt while running a hand through his hair. "What is your problem with them anyway?"

"They're annoying…" I trailed off, cringing when I saw my fangirls move over to Sasuke's.

"Yeah, I can see what you mean," Naruto said, while shrinking back at the sight of my fangirls getting into an argument with the Uchiha's.

My ears picked up some more yelling within the yard, and I felt compelled to turn to the source. There were a group of boys crowded around one single boy, and I could see how they were jeering and taunting him...and that pissed me off. Being a bullheaded Joestar with no sense of, well common sense, I immediately walked over to these assholes while preparing to give them a beating.

When I got close enough, I frowned at seeing who it was that they were picking on. Shino sat on the ground, obviously trying to contain his emotions and keep his bugs from going all crazy. The assholes around him continued to taunt and pick at every weakness, and I could see a few of them holding some of the boy's kikaichū in their fingers and threateningly squeezing them.

"Look at the weirdo with his bugs!"

"Please do not hurt them!" I heard Shino call out, and I was pretty surprised when his voice raised a few octaves as he spoke.

"Ooooh, are you worried about your bugs weirdo?!" one of the bullies said, while holding up one of the beetles in front of the Aburame's face. "Here's what they're worth for creep!"

There was a tiny crunching sound as the little shit crushed the bug in between his thumb and index finger, small trickles of bug goop escaping from between. Shino mumbled the poor creature's name in anguish, but I never quite caught what he called that particular kikaichū. All I could focus on was the fact that these dicks had come up to the guy and held him up over nothing.

"You gonna cry now freak?! Go ahead and start cryin-"

"Hey!" I called out, making sure to focus my death glare on them as much as possible. "The hell did he do to you to deserve that, huh? Knock it off!"

"Che, it's the fuckin' delinquent and his pet demon," the brat called out, sneering at Naruto's presence behind me. "What are ya gonna do huh, you think you can actually take me?"

"Look at the fucking shiner I gave Fishlips-sensei and tell me what you think teme!" I growled over, causing the brat's accomplices to shuffle back nervously.

"You think I buy that bullshit? You're nothin' but talk, you can't back it up!" he jeered, and this is when I walked towards the little dick, giving him a menacing glare and releasing a small amount of killing intent. "Eh, you're walking towards me? You really are looking for a beating, huh Joshuya?"

"I can't mess your face up if I don't come closer teme!"

"Then keep walking over, I'll show you what a fuckin' shiner looks like!" he roared. It was only when I was right in front of him and holding my fist up did he realize how much he fucked up. Since we were all kids, we definitely weren't gonna be the tallest in the village. That said, this brat was only 142 cm and a little on the chunky side, while I was 162 cm and solidly built, so the difference was clearly visible. Helped that he was also a year younger than me, and that really showed too.

"Well gaki," I started as I glared down at him. "You gonna start throwing punches or should I?"

The kid beat me to it, letting loose a barrage of punches towards my face. They didn't land of course, thanks to my recent training and enhanced senses...in face, they were just so painfully slow that it hurt on an emotional level. I was actually expecting this brat to give me a challenge, guess I should have lowered my expectations.

"Tch, you're pretty disappointing gaki, weren't you supposed to give me a shiner?" I growled sardonically.

This caused my opponent to get wilder with his strikes, directing them everywhere he could, yet not hitting me once. After a few more of the kid's swings, the novelty wore off and I got tired of it. I let my left fist fly straight into his solar plexus, and he let out a wheezing gasp as he doubled over in pain. I didn't give him any breathing room, I immediately slammed my knee into his stomach, causing him to collapse to the ground.

The other chucklefucks that followed him gaped in shock and backed away when I sent them a pointed death glare. The idiot who I had knocked down shuffled away while signalling his cronies to leave. The kid directed one last glare at me as he got up slowly, before limping away in silent rage.

I huffed in annoyance and walked towards Shino, holding my hand out to the bug-user. The afroed boy took it nervously, still sulking at the loss of one of his bugs. Naruto darted over to me immediately, bombarding me with dozens of questions a mile a minute. I had to hold a hand up to try and get the boy to slow down so that I could hopefully answer at least one of his questions.

"Alright, ask away, but slowly or you might almost pass out like last time…"

"Oh yeah, right...so, how are you getting so strong?!" the blonde asked, staring up at me expectantly.

"100 push-ups, 100 sit-ups, 100 squats, and a 10 kilometer run through the village, every day since I applied for the academy," I told him, trying to pretend I didn't hear a shout of "youth!" in the far distance. "Also, I went without air-conditioning in the summer, and I plan on going without heat in the winter, so I can strengthen my mind. And I had my balanced meals, but on days when I couldn't manage to get a full breakfast, I'd just have a banana and plenty of juice instead."

"...GAAAAH?! Are you insane?! Nobody should survive that kind of training, If I did it I'd pass out first, dattebayo!"

"Yeah, well I managed it so far…" I hadn't spit up blood, broken my limbs or nearly died since I started at least.

"I'm all for strength training and that, but maybe you need a little moderation or somethin', huh?"

"Moderation isn't ingrained in my vocabulary," hell, Joestars never did things in moderation, you couldn't name one who did. "Also, it's probably better if we both focus on chakra control...you barely have the Henge no Jutsu down, and neither of us can do the Bunshin…"

That had been our common problem we had bonded over. Naruto's clones, like in canon, came out dead looking and useless. Mine on the other hand, looked just barely alive and ready to fall over at the slightest breeze. From my knowledge of canon, I guessed(but didn't say) that Naruto had too much chakra, specifically the physical aspect due to the Kyuubi, which made using techniques that required smaller amounts of chakra difficult. I had the opposite problem, my stand juiced up the spiritual aspect of my chakra. So chakra control was something we'd have to both work on to compensate.

"I don't know how we'll manage that...the leaf sticking exercise doesn't really help as much as it should," the blonde asked.

"Don't worry, I have a plan for how we can fix it," I told him, remembering the scouting I had done in the past couple of weeks. I had all the Jōnin sensei's schedules mapped out, so I just needed to find them giving their teams the right lesson, then we-

"ALRIGHT GAKIS, CLASS IS STARTING!" Iruka called out, somehow enlarging his head and increasing his volume.

"Damn, alright guess we gotta get going," Naruto drawled out. "Wished I could have gotten a prank in, but between you dodging your fangirls and kicking that kid's ass…"

"Yeah, I got it," I called out, then I looked back to see how Shino was doing. The bug-user was gone, somehow while the blonde and I were talking he slunk away…

"Tch...alright, let's go then."

* * *

"Alright, first we're going to be doing the Henge, so everybody line up!"

Iruka had gotten more used to his new teaching position as time went on, it really showed. Up until a couple of months ago, he could still become a nervous wreck towards the class. I guess a show of confidence in his abilities from either another teacher or the Hokage helped him out a bit. Or the speech Naruto made about how Iruka was his favorite teacher, and that he wasn't gonna let Iruka give up just yet, because he still had a lot to learn.

Iruka was my favorite teacher too, but in the sense that he was the only person who cared about us, the students, and didn't hate Naruto. My favorite teachers to fuck with...well there was a long list. On that list was FishLips-sensei, who stood right behind the scarred man with a very visible black eye that no amount of makeup was going to help him hide. The guy shouldn't have gone against me in an "anything goes" sparring match, maybe then he wouldn't need to know how to use eyeliner.

"Alright, Hyūga! You can start us off!"

"H-Hai, Iruka-sensei!" the shy girl walked forward and attempted to form the hand seals, before stiffening and turning bright red.

"Any day now Hyūga-san," Iruka said, though he and the rest of the class were confused.

Well, I wasn't confused at all, I saw her look out of the corner of her eyes before she froze. Naruto was watching her with rapt attention, and I could see concern growing across his features. The blonde wondered out loud if she was sick, and I couldn't not facepalm. Thankfully, the girl took a deep breath and did the correct hand seals.

With a puff of smoke, a near perfect copy of Iruka stood in front of the man. The teacher regarded it for a few seconds, before turning to his clipboard and jotting several things down. He looked back up to the girl and smiled kindly.

"Hyūga-san, sorry to tell you but...you forgot the scars."

Another puff of smoke and Hinata stood there, hanging her head defeatedly. Iruka motioned for her to get back and for Sasuke to come up next, and the two autonomously switched places with the girl taking a spot on the sidelines. Sasuke gulped nervously before transforming into a perfect copy of Iruka, eliciting a smile from the scarred sensei.

"Perfect...Alright, Joushuya! You're up!"

Sasuke moved to the sidelines next to Hinata while I took his place, huffing curtly before forming the hand seals. Dog, Boar, Ram, and then I held my breath so I didn't cough from the smoke. Iruka looked at me for a few seconds, before a satisfied smirk spread across his face and he began jotting more notes on his clipboard.

"You and Sasuke, perfect as always...gotta work on expressions though," the scarred man muttered. "Alright, Uzumaki! You go next!"

I took my place at the sidelines next to others before turning back to Naruto as he stepped up. The devilish smirk on his face told me everything I needed to know, and I was sure I'd really have to pull out all the stops to keep myself from laughing at this one. Naruto did the hand seals for the Henge no Jutsu, then a puff of smoke later stood a near perfect copy of Fishlips-sensei...save for his characteristic lips. They were now comically oversized, and Naruto punctuated them by making "blub-blub" noises. Almost the whole class were doubling over in laughter.

"AAAAARRRGGGHH! What the hell are you doing gaki?!" the insulted teacher in question roared in anger, causing even more laughter. "That doesn't even look anything like me you little shit!"

"I don't know, it looks pretty accurate to me," Iruka called out in between his own chuckles.

"Actually, you missed a spot! Just around here," I called out and pointed to my right eye, all while smirking lightly at Fishlips-sensei's rage filled visage.

"Alright, alright! That's enough!" Iruka called out, doing his best to restore order to the class. "We can all make fun of Mikihito-sensei later...Shino, it's your turn."

Naruto transformed back and joined me on the sidelines. The bug user finished his transformation and walked back, right as Iruka told the five of us to take our seats. As Naruto and I walked to our row and got seated, Fishlips-sensei called out that we weren't sitting there today. Or rather, he called out to Shino, Sasuke and Hinata.

"You three aren't going to your normal spots, got it! Sit in side row 4," he growled.

"Y-Yeah, he's right, today seating arrangements are going to be a bit rigid…" Iruka trailed off, motioning the three towards the row.

Probably a good time to mention that side row 4 is _our_ row. As in, the one where me and Naruto sit and everybody else avoids like the plague because their parents fed them lies about the blonde being a demon in human form. So when Fishlips-sensei yells that they're sitting there, I can't help but think something is up.

The three of them walked to our row, clearly unsure what to do. Hinata, being in front, had gone stiff like before and turned bright red as Naruto's eyes trailed to her in concern. Shino tilted his head towards the two of us in confusion.

"...Yare Yare Daze," I muttered, and I was just about to get the girl to sit when Sasuke beat me to it.

"Just sit down already!" the Uchiha growled, causing the bluenette to jolt and run to the seat right next to the blonde's.

"Thank you for that, Uchiha-san."

"Hn…" Sasuke ignored the bug-user as the two took their seats.

And I instantly questioned the the methods the academy instructors were using and what they were planning. For starters, the moment the Hyūga sat next to my friend, she became a nervous wreck just seconds away from passing out. Naruto was suddenly whispering to her frantically in the belief that she was sick, and that was just going to make it worse. Then there was Shino, who was sneaking curious glances towards me every so often, and Sasuke, who was simply brooding outwardly like always.

Naruto leaned over to me and let out a whisper/yell. "Hey, Jojo! I think this girl is sick…"

"No, that's actually normal for her."

"Are you sure? She's all red and stuff," the blonde looked back to her for a second before giving me a concerned look. "Come on, she could have a fever or some-"

"Alright, now that we're done reviewing transformations," Iruka called out, then swallowed hard and looked back to Fishlips-sensei for a few seconds. The man nodded curtly and motioned for Iruka to continue. "N-Now that we're done reviewing transformations, we're going to focus on the first jutsu we'll teach you in _this_ academy…the Nawanuke no Jutsu, a required skill for all shinobi."

I looked around and noticed that every other row was in a similar seating situation as ours, some of the kids were with others that they would never sit with otherwise. For instance, Sakura, Chouji and Kiba were sat with two civilian children. Fishlips-sensei was overseeing the last of these new seating arrangements as Iruka went on about how to use the rope escape technique, which we (should have) already reviewed in some of our textbooks. Sakura, being the ever studious girl she was, raised her hand to ask a question.

"Iruka-sensei, how are we going to learn about the Nawanuke in the first place?"

"Well, you see-"

"I'm glad you asked Haruno-san!" Fishlips-sensei cut the scarred man off, flashing the class a bright and clearly sadistic smile. "With the Hokage's permission, a seemingly unorthodox method is in order. Here at the academy, we believe in partaking in a hands-on approach to these things."

That was kind of confusing...seemed everybody else agreed. Every other student tilted their their heads in bewilderment. On the other hand, Fishlips-sensei had a wicked grin on his face, and that set me on edge. Which was a good thing, because my hearing instantly picked up loud "whooshing" sounds heading towards all of us. Naruto must have somehow sensed it too, because he jumped towards the other three and pushed them out of their seats.

"GET DOWN!"

"EEP?!"

"Eh?!"

"What the hell?!"

***VRRRRRRRRRRRRMMMMMMMM***

**"ORA!ORA!ORA!ORA!ORA!ORA!"**

Oh hey, two months without needing to stop time, that's a new record. When I looked at where Star Platinum had punched, I saw a couple of (now half-destroyed) small cylindrical projectiles tipped with hypodermic needles and trailed by red feathered tails. Tranquilizer darts that had no doubt been set to pierce me before time had stopped.

"Yare Yare Daze...hmm, two seconds? Alright then! **Toki wa ugokidasu!"**

***VRRRRRRRRRRRmmmmmmmm***

The destroyed darts fell to the ground beside me, and the sound of metal hitting wood closeby caused my head to turn. Naruto and the other three sat on the ground just beneath the desks, and I could see the blonde gaping in shock at the tranq embedded in the wood that had barely missing him by a literal hairwidth. Two of the other three were in a similar situation, Sasuke glaring at the tranqs embedded in his chair like it had kicked his puppy, and Shino staring at the few in the table in mute shock. Hinata however, probably had no idea that there were even tranq darts, since she was currently on the floor with Naruto above her in an extremely compromising position.

"E-EEP!" the girl's cry immediately made the blonde jump back.

"GAAH! Sorry, I didn't mean to, I mean I meant to but that's because of...I mean no! AAGH!" if I hadn't had any training to control my emotions, I would have laughed at the blushes both of them sported.

"Dammit! They were all supposed to take that!" I heard Fishlips-sensei call out.

"Well Mikihito, ah...some of them clearly had better reaction time than the others-" Iruka was cut off by a glare from the older teacher.

I took this time to check our surroundings. Almost the entire class was hit by the tranquilizers, save for myself, a handful of civilian children, and the entire rookie nine. A few rows down, Sakura, Kiba and Chouji looked to the unconscious civilians in terror. Several rows away, Shikamaru and Ino were freaking out at the other students next to them suddenly keeling over.

"They...they're insane! They're trying to kill us!" Naruto cried out.

"No, they're not...they're trying to tranquilize us," I told him, internally flinching when he gave me a confused look. "They're using the darts to try and knock us unconscious."

"THAT'S EVEN WORSE!"

"Hn...we're little kids, what the hell do they need us unconscious for?" Sasuke asked, glaring at the two teachers as they argued.

"Well we can rectify it any time Umino, now take your place!" Fishlips-sensei growled down to the younger teacher, before cupping his hands around his mouth. "ALRIGHT SECOND VOLLEY!"

Second volley? What the...OH FUCK!

I quickly kicked the desk on it's side. There were several little "fwip" sounds as several darts impacted onto the wood from the front. I moved it back a bit so we would have more protection, then put the desk behind us in a similar position so we would be safer. Several loud sounds of shuffling furniture from nearby told me that everybody else was following my lead.

"Alright, so now that we're safe…" I looked to the others as they huddled around me. "Does anybody have a plan to escape?"

"You mean you don't have a plan to escape?" the Uchiha hissed at me, giving me a deadpan stare.

"In normal situations, I have a family secret technique, but there'd be no way to use it here since we're surrounded on all sides-"

"THIRD VOLLEY!"

***FWIP*FWIP*FWIP*FWIP***

"AAAAgGGhhhh...ugh!"

"Hey, that was Kiba wasn't it?" Naruto asked, trying to peek his head over the downturned piece of furniture.

"Keep your head down baka!" Sasuke growled, pulling the blonde back to the floor. "They could have just released a small part of it and were waiting for one of us to act stupid enough to check."

"So, if I'm assuming this correctly, our teachers are trying to tranquilize us and we have no chance of escape," Shino leaned forward. "Aside from that, if we could escape we have no proper plan for it."

"W-what about the windows?" Hinata asked, pointing to them. "They're right next to our row, so we can get out through there-"

"I can break the windows," I started, giving them all a pointed look. "But who's to say there aren't any instructors outside lying in wait for when that happens?"

"Good point...this is somehow apart of the curriculum huh?" Sasuke put a hand to his chin in thought. "If we do get out and get away from the ninja trying to recapture us, we could get detention…"

"Shit, I'm good! Let's just stay here for a bit," Naruto said.

"FOURTH VOLLEY!"

***FWIP*FWIP*FWIP*FWIP* **

There were several more cries from civilian children, and then I heard Shikamaru's strangled "Mendokusē" before any sounds from him faded. Naruto jolted and banged himself hard against the upturned desk.

"AH! What are we gonna do?"

"Would you calm down...they obviously time the volleys, though they're taking longer than expected," I snorted as my eyes trailed into space. "They must not have expected us to last this long, they might not have enough for more volleys."

***fwoosh***

Time seemed to slow as a dart suddenly came from the right of our row. If it weren't for Naruto's timely intervention, it would have hit Hinata. The Hyūga let out a cry of "Naruto-kun" before jumping to his side, doing her best to keep him conscious. When the blonde finally went lights-out, the girl promptly activated her byakugan to get a better read on the situation.

"NO MORE GAMES GAKIS! TAKE IT LIKE TRUE NINJA!" were Fishlips-sensei's cries.

"Hn, guess we're going to have to deal with it from all sides now," Sasuke hissed, looking around hotly. "Maybe we should just run for it?"

"I may be able to help," Shino said, lifting a finger and showing the beetle that was sitting on it. "If you allow me, I can place a few of my kikaichū on you. If we get hit by the darts, they'll be able to remove the injected poison or venom."

"And how much experience does your hive have with helping people who aren't in your clan?" I asked him, eliciting a deadpan look from the boy. "Yeah, there's a big margin for error there so I don't think it's a good idea-"

***FWOOSH*FWAAP*SHINK***

"URRK!"

I thought I had dodged that dart, but then it suddenly bounced straight into my arm. The way it was fired, it must have been shot at an angle where it would redirect itself if I somehow dodged it. The other three crowded around me as my vision began to darken. There was only one thing I could choke out as I was knocked out cold.

"Y-Yare...Yare...Daze…"

* * *

When I woke up, I was tied to a chair. Can't really mince words on that, since I don't wake up slow and gradual. Even in my old life I would instantly get up with complete alertness. It helped with being on time for my first job as a salaryman, and it helped when I started working at the dango shop. Since I was training to be a ninja, nothing was going to change.

On the other hand, I felt like I had been swallowed whole by a whale and spit up through its blowhole. Probably the tranquilizer still fading from my system, otherwise I would feel slightly less bitchy about the coming morning...wait, morning? No, it hadn't been morning at all. Taking in my surroundings, I found myself in a large windowless room without any lights, and one door nearby.

"I see you're awake!" I heard a familiar voice call out. I turned to see Shino nearby, also tied to a chair. The Aburame gave a head tilt in regards to me.

"How long was I out?" I called over to him.

"Longer than me and Uchiha-san, but you woke up before Uzumaki and Hyūga," he said flatly. I looked around and spotted Sasuke, also tied to a chair, with his eyes closed. He opened one to look at me, and let out a "hn" before closing it again.

"Yare Yare...did you wake up first?" I asked the bug user.

"Yes actually, my hive was able to purge the substance from my body quickly…and before you ask, no I was not awake when we were brought here."

"Tch, wonderful…"

"Actually Joushuya-san, I never got to thank you for this morning…" Shino squirmed a bit in his seat and stared at the floor. "With those other children who were threatening me, I-"

"Don't worry about it, I'm sort of compelled to help in that situation anyway, and I'll be honest with you, I'm not a big fan of bugs...at best I tolerate them. What I can't tolerate however, are smug assholes who pick on people who couldn't possibly fight back" I snorted hotly and bared my teeth. "I heard about how people look at your clan...if you and your hive fought back then they'd have more ammo against you. So you were trying to keep yourself under control while those kids kicked you around. I wasn't going to let them get away with that, not in a million years."

"...T-thank you again, Joushuya-san" the bug user said, and while I couldn't see it beneath his collar and sunglasses I could tell by the change in tone of his voice that he was actually smiling.

"You can call me Jojo if you want," I said blithely, giving the other boy a soft smile. "All my friends call me that...well, all two of them."

"Hn...do I get to call you Jojo?"

"Are you okay with taking all of my fangirls Uchiha?" I called over, snorting when Sasuke went ghost pale. "Yeah, thought so. Just call me Joushuya-san, or Joushirou if you need to be informal."

"Hn…at least you lost the Yamanaka."

"Yeah, thank Kami for that…" at the sound of a groan from nearby, I turned my head to see Naruto in his chair just waking up. The blonde groggily moved his arms around, then jolted completely awake when he realized they were completely bound.

"H-HEY, WHAT GIVES?!"

"Calm down, we're all tied up," I told him, hoping he'd maybe settle a bit.

"CALM DOWN? WHAT IF WE'VE BEEN CAPTURED BY THE ENEMY, DATTEBAYO?!"

In hindsight, telling someone they've been tied up was an awful idea.

"Mmmm, Naruto-kun," and just hearing that from Hinata shut the blonde up and turned all our heads. The girl opened her eyes slowly, then blinked at the sight of us.

"Oh, I must still be dreaming...the four of you were there, we were being attacked in our classroom, and Naruto-kun…"

"No, that actually happened," I said, giving her a deadpan look as she blushed darkly. "I was hit with a tranq before you, so I don't know the full details, but I can assume you didn't escape…"

"Obviously not," Sasuke hissed as he watched the door. "We still have no idea what the hell is going on here."

I stiffened slightly when my enhanced hearing picked up footsteps coming from outside the room. Somebody was heading towards us, and they were taking their sweet time.

"I don't know either, but I have a feeling we're gonna find out pretty soon," I growled, just as I did the unknown individual stopped at the door and began turning the knob.

Of all the people who could have walked through that door, it was Fishlips-sensei. The teacher walked in with a sneer directed towards all of us.

"Well, looks like you're all awake now. How you feeling huh gakis?"

"Oi Fishlips-sensei, how's that shiner doing?" I asked, him, snorting when he became enraged.

"Oh, you think that fucking funny?!"

"I think it's fucking hilarious _sensei_...after all, you're the idiot who acted all smug and stroked his ego the entire taijutsu match," I said, giving him a bared-teeth smile. "There's this saying my family has, "When your opponent starts boasting then they've already lost"...and that was definitely true, wasn't it?"

"I can agree, you should have picked a better place to stroke your ego Mizuhiko-sensei," Sasuke called out from nearby.

"IT'S MIKIHITO YOU LITTLE SHIT!" the teacher suddenly stiffened, then took a deep breath. "Alright, none of that today...tch, so you're all probably wondering why you were brought here, right?"

"OF COURSE WE'RE WONDERING YOU SICKOS!"

"Y-Yes, it's really confusing actually…"

"I'm also rather befuddled…"

"Hn...just tell us already!"

"Yare Yare, what's your damn problem…"

"Well, if you all remember, before we knocked you unconscious we discussed the Nawanuke," he announced, causing all of our eyes to widen in realization. "While it was mentioned in the junior academy, and we've been working on the theory of it for the first few months here, all us instructors were busy shaping up your use of the common jutsu. But make no mistake gakis! This technique is important, and if you don't learn it you can expect to be a poor ninja. Real ninja wouldn't need to wait for their comrades to get them out of simple bindings."

Fishlips-sensei motioned to the ceiling corner of the room to the left of the door. Placed there was a camera, clearly active due to the red light. Another piece of technology that didn't exactly make sense in this world.

"That camera is one of many sending a live feed to a control room. We can see all of you, so make no mistake, there won't be any cheating on this assignment...also!" the teacher grew a devilish smirk. "The only way you can get out of this room is if _every_ one of you gets out of those ropes, and you get detention if you untie somebody else. Like I said, no cheating gakis! From this point on, there isn't going to be any more sunshine and games" then the bastard left, laughing and jeering at us and letting out a mocking "good luck" before he locked the door behind himself.

"Tch, just great…"

"Damn, the Nawanuke huh?" Naruto drawled out, making a move to scratch his head before realizing his arms were still bound. "There are a bunch of ways to do that right? I remember the one, you gotta untie the knot yourself. There's supposed to be a trick to every knot, so study it to get it right...wait, what's the other way again?"

"You have to dislocate the joints in your hands," Sasuke said with a deadpan expression. "That one shouldn't be too hard I think."

"But, it would also be very painful…" Shino said lowly.

Naruto suddenly grunted loudly and began making strangled noises. I looked over and saw him straining against the robes, a rageful expression on his face. I sighed in exasperation, turning to try to prevent him from doing something stupid.

"Naruto, you shouldn't struggle, it'll make the ropes tighter-"

"I can...break...these...ropes!" the blonde hissed, straining against the bindings harder.

"You can't break those ropes Naruto."

"NGAAAAAAHHH!"

"Well, if he's done being stupid," Sasuke started as he began working on his own bindings. "I think I can get the hang of this."

Part of me wanted to use my stand to deal with it. I didn't know whether it would show up on film or not, but even if it did that would still count as getting myself out under my own means. But using Star Platinum for everything...it felt too much like cheating. Untying myself would also be difficult, since I had big hands. So, that left the only other option…

***CRAACK***

"Huh?"

"Eh?"

"...?"

"What the?!"

OH FUCK IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS!

"GAAAAH! _HOOORRRYYYY SHEEEEETT!_"

"...Jojo, please don't tell me," Naruto winced when I sent him a heated glare.

"I just said that dislocating your joints would be painful Jojo."

"Well, guess I'm not doing it then…" Sasuke said.

"Jojo, you sure you want to do it that way…" the blonde called out while giving me a concerned look. "You could accidentally break your hands or-"

"I can handle it!" I said, going back to working on my hands.

***POP***

AAAAAAGGGHHH!

"GAAAAH! _**SONUDA BEEETCH!**_"

***CRACK***

"_OOOHHH GAAAAWWWDDD!_"

Dammit it fuckin' hurts!

"Woah, Jojo! What the hell is up with your eyes?"

My eyes? What the hell did Naruto mean about that.

"They're all...y'know, slit and stuff, like a cats," the blonde pointed out.

"Right now I don't care, just let me...focus…"

***POP***

"AAAGGGHH! _OOOOHHHH NOOOOOOO!_"

"Kami, you guys are hearing those right?"

"Naruto, I feel them," Sasuke hissed as he worked on his own bindings.

*CRACK*

"GRRRRR! _OOOHHH SHEEEET!_"

Argh, this pain...wait, I feel it. I wiggled my dislocated hands just a bit, and felt the ropes around them fall away harmlessly. I Stood up and held my hands out in front of myself. They weren't broken, as far as I could tell. I walked over and turned my back to the wall, slowly sliding down until I was seated on the floor.

"You got out!" Shino called over, regarding me with the tilt of a head. "How do you feel?"

"Like my hands got stabbed..."

"That's your own fault, you're the one who decided to dislocate his hands," Sasuke called out, then he let out a satisfied grunt as the undone ropes fell to the floor behind him. "I may not have gotten out first, but I think I still like my method better. Also, your own your own when it comes to fixing your hands…"

"Gee, thanks alot…" I stared at my hands again, wishing I had a fix all for them...dammit! Ok Jojo, calm down, you can fix it...just take a deep breath.

**"****KOOOOOOOOOHHHH!"**

***DIIIIIINNNNNGGG***

I blinked in shock as my entire body lit up like the sun itself, and energy danced across my hands. The once dislocated appendages suddenly rearranged themselves completely, and before long they were back in their proper positions. I was still marvelling at what had just occurred.

"...Jojo," I looked up to Shino looking towards me, his eyebrows raised past his sunglasses. "What just happened?"

"What was that?! How did you do it!" Sasuke sped towards me and bombarded me with all sorts of questions about it.

"Would you cool it!" I growled, causing the Uchiha to step back a bit. "As for...that, well...I think I just used Hamon."

"Hamon?"

"Wait, so your hands are fine?" Naruto called over while giving me a bewildered look.

"Yeah, the pain is gone too...I can even lift this rock!" I cried, holding a head-sized boulder in my hand.

"EH! Where did you get that?!"

"Get what?" I asked them, the boulder now nowhere to be seen.

"But you...you had a…" the blonde blinked owlishly for a few seconds before leveling a deadpan glare at me. "You're just fucking with us aren't you?"

"Took you awhile to guess, didn't it?"

"Ok, so what's Hamon Joushirou?" Sasuke asked, giving me a fierce look.

"Hamon, The Ripple, Sendo, or Wave Energy...it doesn't actually matter what you call it anyway, it was supposed to be made irrelevant 20 years ago," I muttered, snorting at the Uchiha's confused look. "It's a family thing, like the Aburame's bugs and the Inuzuka's dog jutsus. Hamon is a breathing technique, it gives me the ability to charge myself with sun energy and punch things with sun power, or transfer that sun power into other objects. It can also preserve one's youth, but I only know the sun punching part. Since it comes from my breathing, I never stop producing it."

"...Sun power?" Sasuke asked, to which I nodded. "You breath and you get sun power and you can punch things with it?"

"That's what it is in layman's terms at least…"

"...I don't have any words," he said after a few seconds. "You get sun powers and I still haven't unlocked my Sharingan!"

"Sharingan?" Naruto called out. "What kind of jutsu is that?"

"I-It's a dōjutsu, usually it's attached to a c-clan bloodline," Hinata informed him, then looked away bashfully. "My clan has one too, the Byakugan. That's why my eyes are like this…"

"Wait, so you're not blind?" the blonde asked, giving her a perplexed look.

"Why would I be?"

"Well, I saw a blind guy a while back, and your eyes looked a lot like that so…" Naruto's eyes went wide and he turned to me. "Hey Jojo, maybe you have a dōjutsu! Your eyes were pretty weird a couple of minutes ago!"

"I don't have a dōjutsu Naruto, just Hamon. As for you," I turned back to the Uchiha. "Did you ever try sending chakra to your eyes?"

"Pfft, sending chakra to me eyes, yeah…" Sasuke froze and his eyes went wide. "It...it can't be that simple, can it?"

He didn't even give us any chance to respond before he closed his eyes and concentrated deeply. While I hoped he wasn't actually going to try my dumbass suggestion or that said dumbass suggestion would work, my expectations were dashed as he let out a strangled gasp. When he opened his eyes again, they were blood-red and glowing with a single tomoe rotating around his pupil.

...Sharing is caring after all, right? Aside from the fact that it probably was that simple, I remember reading the chapter where it turned out Sasuke had the sharingan but repressed using it. Considering what happened before unlocking it...repression was pretty understandable, and I'm not one to criticize for it.

_WRYYYYYY~ _

"...I can't believe this...all this time I was working to unlock it, and it was this simple!"

"I didn't even know I could use Hamon until just now after nearly breaking my hands," I chimed in. "Hell, I don't even think I need to use it in the future-"

***CRACK***

"AAAAAGGCKK!"

"Naruto-kun, what are you-"

"Need to focus! Can't...undo knot...gotta take a cue from Jojo," the blonde moved his arms and hands around for a bit, before another *POP* sounded out. "AAAGGGH SHIT! This hurts!"

Until those three got out of their chairs, we were all locked in this room...this is going to be a long day.

* * *

Umino Iruka walked towards the room with a smile on his face, hoping that the students in there wouldn't take their anger out on him. These specific five had gotten out more cleanly than most of the others, but overall they were still the next to last group to escape their bindings. The scarred man had decided to handle it due to they way they viewed Mikihito, with one boy in particular having a rather...severe perspective of the man.

"Ok Iruka, you can do this...m-maybe they won't be too mad about it," the 19-year old unlocked the door and walked in.

"Gaaah!"

"N-Naruto-kun, please hold still…"

"Sorry Hinata, and thanks again for the ointment...ugh, why are my hands still sore but yours are just numb?!"

"Yare Yare, it's probably because your healing thing works differently from Hamon."

"It may or may not be a Kekkei Genkai, I think I read about something like it in a book…"

"Hn…"

Iruka looked at the five students nervously, then cleared his throat to get their attention. Sasuke and Joushirou turned their heads and immediately sent him fierce glares. Naruto looked up and gave the teacher a disappointed look. Shino simply gave him an unreadable look and Hinata ignored his presence and continued to rub some sort of salve on the blonde's hands.

"Oi, Iruka-sensei! I'm seriously questioning the academy's teaching methods…"

"Ehehe...sorry Joushirou, this is always been the way we've done the Nawanuke," Iruka said, fighting back a flinch when all five of them gave him a flat look.

"Well, at least it's over and we don't have to do it again…" Naruto paled when he saw his teacher's nervous look. "Iruka-sensei...please don't tell me we have to do it again, please!"

"Well, you five have it down in the sense that you got out without completely breaking your hands...but your timing was terrible, you're the next to last group to escape properly."

"Dammit! I didn't think we were that slow, dattebayo!"

"Relax Naruto, we're just taking this month to do it, then it's off to other techniques…" Iruka looked over to the anxious students and sighed tiredly. "Tell you what, since you all seem so on the fence about it, I'll give you all free shots for the day."

"Free shots?"

"Yeah, one or two punches if you can manage, y'know just to lift your spirits," Iruka had to force a smile when he realized what he was offering, since most teachers wouldn't dare put out such an offer.

The scarred man fought back a grimace when the tall bluenette stood up and walked towards him. While joushirou was only a few inches shorter than he was, the boy was one of the tallest in class, and when you mixed it with his serious face it made him quite intimidating. When he was finally in front of Iruka, the tall child lifted a hand up...and patted his teacher on the shoulder.

"It's a nice offer Iruka-sensei, but I'm not interested...you're too nice to us, so I don't think you're deserving of the Steely Dan treatment."

"Oh, thanks Joushirou...wait, what's the Steely Dan treatment?" Iruka asked, flinching when he saw the boy's mouth upturn into a dark grin.

"Oh that? It's nothing you need to worry about sensei...Oi Naruto, let's get going! Ichirakus should still be open."

"Alright!" the blonde cried out, jumping to his feet and after the older boy out of the door.

The other three shuffled past the scarred man nonchalantly, with Sasuke letting out muffled complaints as he left. After he was sure they were all gone, Iruka finally let a bead of sweat drip down the side of his face.

'Just who the hell is Steely Dan...and what sort of treatment did he get anyway?'

* * *

**←To Be Continued**

* * *

**There we are, now onto the reviews. **

**Tsunashi777: You're welcome. As for those other stands, two of them will make an appearance, but I think King Crimson and D4C are already confusing enough. I can't imagine any Naruto character that could wrap their heads around them. **

**Throwing The Shade: The only other stories in this section haven't been updated in a while, so yeah I was disappointed too. That's why I'm here to deliver. **

**uwotm007: *CHEW***

**coldblue2015: Thanks for the review, I do have to correct you about Joshiro being a self-insert. He isn't one (unlike Rohan), and you won't see a self-insert from me in any other fic (aside from the Pokemon fic I have planned but not writing yet cause procrastination). No, Jojo's origins wont have anything to do with Hoshigakure, yes his chakra control and reserves will be self-trained through the tree/water walking methods. Jotaro is going to be his henge (it'll be so obvious that nobody would think it, so they'd still fall for it), and Joshiro will have plenty of homemade taijutsu training through a hamon/stand based fighting style. Ino isn't going to be his love interest, and his actual love interest(s) will be something I work on later on in the story. **

**Raidentensho: Ask and recieve! Jk, this was on spacebattles beforehand. Hamon is going to be mostly useless until DIO shows up, though Joshiro will still know a good few techniques.**

**Sliksick: Only some Naruto characters are getting stands, and only a few will get canon stands like that. **

**Tobi is a Gooder Boy: Plot Armor? What Plot Armor? Akamaru's gonna die in chapter 73 XD. The pillar men will be referenced, and I'll probably do a spinoff omake where Kaguya fights Kars. **

**As always, ****thank you for the followings and reviews. For everybody interested, please leave any thoughts, questions, and constructive c****riticism in your reviews.**


	4. Another Brick in the Wall

**Here I am again...and yes! *Poses dramatically* This is a Jojo's reference!**

**Thank you to followers and favoriters: Aranyip, Oakenheart, greatorian, Cissnei69, Agent153, RenegadeWaya, punisher7771, HitMan-J, CrimsonSylvan, Ali858, plantrune, Hardi, uwotm007, colboltdragon, jmatrix00, sageking1870, BadazzEXE, king carlos, Fate Rider 88, ivangironestalaya, anicrazy88, Krios530, Darklord331, Onstau, Nobody Foot Soldier, jdawg5101, Shadow D. Trickster, TheWillofSon, akasuna123, gumilang123, Tobi is a Gooder Boy, jamesdarius777, jumjalala, PhantomTehCasual, JamesAsmodeus, ceasa20, 420BlazerLeaf, Bearticguy7, and helpusobi1kenobi. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or Jojo's Bizarre Adventure, Naruto is the property of Masashi Kishimoto, Jojo's is the property of Hirohiko Araki, and both are published by Shueisha.**

* * *

Higurashi Maruko wanted to punch something. Specifically the shrew of a man standing in front of him across the counter, prattling on aimlessly about "strengthening the community" and "improving commerce and sales", all while going on about some unseen threat in Konoha. The moment this little toady from the worker's and merchant's council came into his shop, Maruko felt the incoming rise in blood pressure that he loathed to start his day with.

"And that, Higurashi-san, is why we're having this meeting. We've been worried about the state of sales lately, and construction on some of the damage from the..._attack_, has been moving at a snail's pace. We're hoping that just speaking to the people will be enough to invigorate them."

"I see where you're coming from Sentarou, but I think my presence at the meeting would be...unwanted," Maruko gave the shrew a strained smile. "I'm an ex-shinobi running a weapon shop, I usually only serve one demographic in the village. I'm more than well off, all things considered...also, I'm not quite sure what you mean about this "Inside threat" that we've been dealing with for years as you say."

"Oh, I think it'd be pretty hard not to miss it," the human shrew grumbled. "You see the damn beast walking around so much it's impossible to not be disgusted…"

'And there it is,' Maruko thought angrily, knowing exactly who the man was referring to. "Well, I'm sure Ichiraku-san might disagree on certain matters like that...have you extended an invitation his way yet?"

"...Hmm? Who?"

"Ichiraku Teuchi, he runs a ramen stand two blocks over, which is named after him," Maruko said in faux cheerfulness. "Since he's running a food stand, I'm sure he'd like to have some input into things, right?"

"I'm sure he _would _like to have input, if he's allowed-"

"Then he'd certainly appreciate an invite," Maruko cut the shrew off, giving him a sickly sweet smile. "Of course, I'll attend the meeting if I know that my good friend and I can catch up beforehand, since we're always so busy. And, I'm certain that if anything in the meeting the comes up that could be..._unfavorable_ to myself and others, I'll be sure to make my voice heard."

Maruko hoped the message was made clear. He wasn't interested in going into a chamber full of yes-men spewing self-satisfied bullshit about how to run things, and if he heard something he didn't like he was out. The shrewish man twitched his nose a bit before frowning at the weapon-master.

"Well, I'll be sure to run that along, though I'm personally convinced that if the shinobi council hear about-"

"I don't think there's anything to worry about Sentarou! The worker's and merchant's council is, after all, a group of civilian workers and merchants that may or may not have the ear of the Hokage and the shinobi council," the weaponsmith smirked when the shrew-man grit his teeth angrily. "While I don't doubt the power of petitioning for certain issues to be fixed, sometimes I think we should leave things to the actual leaders of our village…"

"Yes, that's not completely wrong…" Sentarou growled mutely. Maruko's smile turned smug at the dig he took at the man and his "council", marvelling as the man huffed angrily before taking his leave. "Well, I'll be sure to tell the administrators of the council of your attendance-"

"And you'll be getting to teuchi-san, right?" the weaponsmith called out, causing the shrew to stiffen.

"Yes, sure, I'll get right on that…" the man said blithely as he left the store.

"Damn assholes," Maruko growled out the moment the human shrew left. "With their fucking "civilian council", thinking they can tell me what to do and how to act. They should take their damn council and shove everything up their-"

***CRASH***

"EEP!"

"Ah shit! Tenten!" the weaponsmith ran towards the back where he had left his employee. When he found her, she was barely holding up two crates of ore he'd bought for the forge. The bun-haired girl noticed him from the corner of her vision and sent him a nervous smile.

"S-Sorry Maruko, I was just carrying a crate to the forge and-"

"Seems like a little more than one crate, Tenten," the weaponsmith said flatly.

Tenten sighed in response. "I wanted to get it done quickly, so I doubled up...it's not my fault the second one almost fell," the girl pouted.

He had met the girl years before, when she had come into his shop and asked for work. The weaponsmith had simply given her menial labor, assuming she was simply trying to earn pocket cash for herself so she didn't bother her parents for money. It was only when he asked her about them outright that she revealed that she didn't have any parents. She was an orphan, and the stellar establishment that was the village orphanage had decided to kick her out at the ripe old age of _6 years_. Maruko had seriously considered adopting her, but then she signed up for the ninja academy, which meant there was some legal bullshit that prevented it. Despite this the weaponsmith had still offered her an actual job, as well as some bukijutsu training if she wished, and had started to treat her like an actual daughter.

"Tenten, I thought I told you to take it easy with those?" Maruko gave the girl a concerned look. "Listen, just take the crates of ore to the forge, _one at a time_ might I add, and then...ah…" the weaponsmith looked around confusedly before his eyes landed on a few boxes of weapons. "Grab the crates with some of those weapons I finished last week, the ones labelled with "store items", not the special orders. Take them out to the floor and stack them on the display racks and whatnot, I gotta get back to the counter."

"Right! I'll get to then!" the girl moved to grab the _two _ore crates, much to Maruko's exasperation. The weaponsmith shook his head and went back to the storefront. The moment he was behind the counter, he heard the little bell at his door ding as a customer entered.

Maruko looked over from his spot to see a rather tall boy enter the store. While the weaponsmith had seen some pretty memorable individuals come into his shop...this kid was something else. The boy had messy dark-blue hair, and from what Maruko could see of them, aqua blue eyes. He was obviously 8 or 9 years old, based on his facial structure, but he was so unusually tall and well muscled for his age that it almost seemed like he had testosterone poisoning. The boy had messy dark-blue hair, and from what Maruko could see of them, aqua blue eyes.

Aside from his physique, his outfit was rather strange when one looked at it. Billowy black coats weren't weird in the village, but a visored cap that looked like it merged with one's hair definitely would turn heads, just by the sheer confusion it caused as to where the thing started. The weaponsmith actually turned his head for a minute or so to get a better look just to figure that out, then gave up quickly at his ever-growing confusion.

Currently, the kid was looking at racks of weapons. Maruko clicked his teeth when he realized the boy was looking at the swords in particular.

'I get it, he's a shinobi-in-training from the academy, the first years there get to take the advanced bukijutsu tests for next years extracurricular. Of course he thinks he can just pick up a sword and-wait, is he posing?' true enough, the kid seemed to be unconsciously contorting his body in a way that most humans _shouldn't _try without the right amount of flexibility. His legs were crossed while standing up, his chest was puffed forward while he leaned backwards, and he was holding his left hand to the right side of his face, with his right hand resting on his waist.

'Why pose though?!' Maruko thought in bewilderment. Just as he was about to call out to the boy, he caught his sole employee walking from the back and carrying _three _large boxes of weapons.

The weaponsmith wanted to chide the girl for it, but any concern he was about to voice was dashed when she accidentally slipped, her yelp of shock causing the posing boy to turn around. The massive boxes of weapons were thrown into the air and their contents along with it. Maruko went pale when some of the weapons flew downwards, dozens of the sharp objects now falling towards the girl.

"SHIT! TENTEN!" the weaponsmith cried in terror as he jumped over the counter to get to her. 'NO! IT'S ALL MY FAULT, I WON'T REACH HER IN TIME-'

***VRRRMMM***

"Huh?!"

"EEP!"

"Yare Yare...Oi! You alright?"

Maruko blinked in shock when he saw what had just happened. Within the same second, blades were nearly killing his surrogate daughter and then suddenly the kid was holding one box in his hands while another sat on the floor, both refilled with their contents. In fact, it was as though Tenten had never slipped at all, she was standing perfectly upright instead of falling like she was not a millisecond ago.

"Y-Yeah, I'm fine…" the bun-haired girl trailed off as she looked the boy over. "Hey, I know you! You're that kid who went to some of the first year bukijutsu classes, Jobin...no, Josuke, right?"

"Joushirou actually," the kid said as he laid the weapon box down.

"Oh that's what it is? Yeah, I remember now, you're the kid everybody calls a delinquent!"

"Delinquent huh?" Maruko walked over to the two. "I'm grateful that you saved Tenten, but I'm a bit curious about why you're here."

"This is a weapons shop right?" Joushirou asked flatly. "I'm here because I'm buying some weapons."

"And what kind of weapons are you interested in?"

"A sword or two, maybe," the bluenette said.

'Yeah, figures…' the weaponsmith thought, giving the teen a sideways glance. "What kind of swords are you looking for?"

"I was actually going to get a tanto or wakizashi," the boy said blithely. "I've been training with wooden and blunted versions for the bukijutsu exam, so I'd be more used to them."

"...Oh," Maruko blinked owlishly at the boy. Most students who were doing the bukijutsu classes for kenjutsu training would go for a katana just for the "coolness factor", and he got multiple returns because said students weren't up to snuff to handle a course made for ninja weapons. This kid at least knew how to use two types of shortsword which would get him through the course.

"Alright then, I think we have a few in stock...will that be all?" the weaponsmith frowned a bit when the boy didn't immediately reply. Instead, his head turned to the left and he seemed to be focused on something.

"What about one of those?" the kid asked, and Maruko had to follow the boy's gaze to the rack of large, straight, double-edged blades nearby.

"You want a tsurugi?" the weaponsmith asked incredulously.

"Yeah, I have the money for it."

"You sure? If you don't know how to use it, they can be a bit impractical," the weaponsmith said slowly.

"I think I can handle it," the boy said offhandedly. "If I don't do well with it immediately, I'll keep working on it, I'm stupidly determined like that" the kid said as he pulled a few ryō notes to pay.

"If you're really interested in getting a good feel for them, I've got some goza targets in a side dojo," Maruko said, motioning to the room near the counter. "You can rent the room for a bit actually-"

"How much for an hour?"

"That'd be 5000 ryō, but-" the weaponsmith blinked when the boy pushed a few notes and coins forward. "Alright then kid, just try not to cut into anything other than the targets."

"Yeah I got ya, don't worry! I'm not an idiot…"

* * *

I am an idiot! That is the most prevalent thought in my mind as I walk towards ninja school. Why am I an idiot? When I first read about the extracurricular classes you can take after the first year, I chose to train for both kenjutsu/bukijutsu and medical ninjutsu...it just so happens that I procrastinated for the past several months on that last one, because I was focused on making myself a more than passable novice swordsman and organizing my accounts so I could buy swords.

The only things I know about medical ninjutsu are the beginners, and I can just barely use the basic version of the shōshen jutsu that's required to pass. I could use hamon to get past my shortcomings but that would be cheating...oh who am I kidding, hamon became a freebie the moment Araki stopped using it after part 3. If I could figure out how to get it past any of the exam proctors, I'd could ace it, as long as the medical ninjutsu exam isn't first.

"Hey, Jojo!"

Oh look, there's Naruto. Not too far behind was Shino, though he at least was being quieter than the blonde and drawing less attention to himself. Said blonde was giving me a concerned and enraged stare.

"Where the hell were you? We looked everywhere!"

"And where did you look?"

"We checked your fangirls first," the bug-user said lowly. "They were running around the village following you, but they seemed to be following empty space."

"Genjutsu," I said flatly. "It wasn't too hard to do, and it's not my fault they weren't smart enough to figure it out."

"Hey, what's with those sticks you're carrying?" Naruto asked, motioning to the new swords I just bought. I was prepared to tell him as much.

"They're not sticks, they're swords," I partially unsheathed my new wakizashi to demonstrate, taking care not to let the light reflect off the metal and into his eyes.

"So you really are serious about passing advanced bukijutsu...wait," Shino raised his eyebrows behind his sunglasses. "Didn't you say you wanted to get into the medical ninjutsu extracurricular? How is that going along?"

I froze slightly and internally winced at his comment. They must have both noticed, because Naruto stepped forward with a concerned expression and laid a hand on my shoulder.

"Jojo, you studied for your medical ninjutsu exam, right?"

"...No, I've been procrastinating until the last second. I was too focused on my swords."

Naruto facevaulted onto the ground, and Shino huffed lowly in response.

"And your next line is, "that was rather irresponsible of you Jojo", go on," I said, pointing to the bug-user.

"That was rather irresponsible of you Jo-" Shino cut himself off and just stared at me while tilting his head. "How do you do _that_?"

"Family technique, we have...had, a lot of them," I said with a handwave as we walked. "As for the medic exam...eh, it'll be sink or swim for me and I can always try again next year."

"I wish I had your attitude on that…" the blonde trailed off. "It might be good to have one in case I need something to fall back on for grades at graduation, but I have no idea which one to choose for myself. What about you Shino?"

"I don't feel the need for any extracurricular classes, anything I could learn from most of them will most likely be covered by my clan," the bug-user said flatly as he held a finger up. "For instance, Jojo is planning to take medical ninjutsu, which may involve both healing _and_ creating certain types of poisons. My clan already has several secret recipes for our own special poisons, which can be enhanced by our kikaichū."

"That's fair I guess…"

"Why not try fūinjutsu," I said nonchalantly, hoping I didn't sound too suspicious. "Doesn't sound too hard, just writing a bunch of squiggly lines on a paper should be easy."

"I guess I'll think about it," the blonde said nervously. "I mean, we'd still have time to decide if we wanted to get an extracurricular, and we can just try again at the beginning of next year...so it's not the end of the world."

"I guess you're-" I was cut off by a loud shout not too far away.

The moment we took a good look around, we realized that we were only several meters away from the academy. Standing at the gates was the same no-name sensei as always, though it was clear he looked 100% done today for some odd reason. It took another shout sounding out from the courtyard, which I could tell was one of pure joy, did I realize why the poor idiot was so glum.

"Oi, sensei! What the hell is going on?" I called out when we were only a few feet away from him.

No-name sighed in exasperation as he turned to look at us. "It's Mikihito, he's getting moved to the main corps with the _possibility _of taking the Jōnin exams...and he won't shut up about it!" the man growled angrily. "Just get going gakis, and try to avoid the idiot…"

"Yare Yare, that's just perfect," I growled as we walked past the no-name chūnin.

True to the guy's words, we spotted Fishlips-sensei in the courtyard laughing boisterously as several other students watched. The former instructor spotted us and a wide smile spread across his face as he began approaching us. I immediately put up a stony expression to mask the urge to be anywhere but here.

"Well, well! If it ain't my two least favorite gakis, and the quiet gaki," the man sneered down at us. "It just so happens that I'm gettin' outta this dump, and I'm movin' on to better things! I won't miss you in the slightest, and I'll be cursing yer names every minute when I finally become a Jōnin! How does that feel gaki?" he growled as he invaded my personal space.

"Hmm? You say something Fishlips-sensei?"

"You little! Why I oughtta-" our former teacher cut himself off and took several deep breaths. "Nope, not happening...my life is finally taking a turn for the better gakis! You're all Iruka's problem now!" Fishlips sensei let out another laugh as he walked off, doing a little dance as he did so. Every student within the courtyard was soon treated to his absurd celebration.

Well, congratulations asshole, you weren't even good enough for three whole chapters. At least I didn't have to worry about that annoyance while I sorted out how I'd be handling my extracurricular classes-

"Oi, Joushuya!"

And another decides to take his damn place. I turned to my left to see Inuzuka Kiba standing in front of several other spectating students while flashing me a toothy grin. The boy flexed his hands and made sure I got a good view of his claws as he did so.

"I'm still fixing to pay you back for that taijutsu match you cheated in!" the dog-boy growled.

"I didn't cheat asshole, you lost because you're an idiot," I said flatly. "You're relying on your clan techniques but forgoing actual taijutsu, of course I was able to spot a weakness."

"Shut it!" the boy growled angrily as chakra started to waft off him. The boy continued growling as he dropped on all fours, while his nails and canines lengthened further. "**Gijū Ninpō: Shikyaku no Jutsu!"**

Shit, really? Kiba bounded forward like a huge wolf and made a swipe at me that I barely dodged. The dog-boy didn't let up, he twisted around and made to sweep my legs out from beneath me with a low kick. I had to jump up to avoid it, and caught another swipe aimed at my head with both hands. The Inuzuka flashed me a fanged grimace as he growled directly in my face, covering me in small bits of spittle. I grunted in annoyance as I pushed him back, and snorted when the boy landed on his feet.

"Huh, that was almost like a cat…"

"Screw you!" the dog-boy jumped high into the air and began spinning towards me, becoming a whirling shape. "**Tsūga!"**

I jumped to the side just as he slammed into the ground with his passing fang technique. The other boy jumped up from the rubble in a vicious pounce, claws aimed at my face. Welp, there's the opening I was waiting for.

"**Zoom Punch!" **I cried out with a smile as my left arm became charged with hamon, lengthening and rocketing forward, slamming into Kiba's face. The poor kid didn't know what hit him.

"You ass! That's what I was talking about you damn cheater!"

"How is that cheating? You used your Tsūga during our taijutsu match, and that's a clan technique," I gave him a toothy sneer. "I think it's only fair I get some of my own in, right?"

"Take me seriously asshole! I'm not gonna take anymore of your cheating!" he roared, charging another passing fang as he whirled towards me.

That spinning technique, it gave me an idea. I dodged the attack again as I pulled a bottle of water from my coat. I snorted as the dog-boy charged me again, and took several swigs of water while keeping up my breathing as much as possible, all while dodging or redirecting his strikes. Kiba let out an angry growl as he swung a clawed hand at my face, much too close for comfort.

"You're done!" the boy growled, once again becoming a human spinning top. "**Tsūga!"**

...Gotcha!

"**Hamon Cutter!" **I barely churned the words out as I spat several globs of water charged with hamon from my mouth. The liquid morphed as it flew towards the spinning boy, the hamon causing it to sharpen and densify. I could see the exact moment the water hit his passing fang, because there was a "sqwooorp" sound followed by small drops of blood spraying from the whirling shape.

Kiba's passing fang dissipated halfway towards me and the boy fell to the ground weakly, small amounts of blood still dripping from the tiny cuts on his face, arms, and legs."You...you won't beat me! You damn cheater!"

"I'm not even trying to fight you dumbass, all I've done is dodge and use two techniques," it was fair to point out that I literally knew only _four _hamon techniques, and only three of them were actually straight on offensive attacks. The other was just a healing technique that I barely mastered after some practice.

Kiba growled angrily and used his passing fang once again and flew towards me. "You're annoying!" I said flatly as I sidestepped his attack.

Just as his passing fang jutsu ended, I jumped forward with a flattened hand aimed at his shoulder. "**Hamon no Bīto!" **I cried out as I made a quick hamon-charged chop to his shoulder, causing the Inuzuka to slump forward as the ripple zapped him.

"Ughghh…"

"Don't whine Inuzuka, you're the one who attacked me and called me a cheater you damn hypocrite…" I grunted out as I walked back to Shino and Naruto.

I only had the expression of terror spreading across Naruto's face and him yelling for me to "look out" as warning before I dodged a small blade aimed for my neck. I turned back to the dog-boy with a hateful scowl that only deepened when I saw the kunai he held in his right hand. Kiba growled at me in between huffs.

"I...ain't done yet!"

I seriously considered either bringing out one of my new weapons or giving him a good ol' fashioned stand rush. I was already fingering my new tanto and letting Star Platinum's golden aura surround me. It was a good thing I didn't get any further than that.

"HEY! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!" I looked to my left to see Iruka storming over to us. I saw Fishlips-sensei not too far away standing near the rest of the students in the courtyard, all of them giving us owlish looks.

Kiba gave our sensei a fanged sneer, thinking he had won. "All I was doing was putting this cheater in his place. Nothin' to worry about Iruka-sensei-"

"Putting him in his place?!" it was a testament to his time as a chūnin that Iruka didn't explode on the boy immediately. "With an actual SHARPENED kunai?!"

The dog-boy swallowed hard and looked to the blade in his hand, before proceeding to double down. "He's a damn cheater! He used water to make these cuts!" the boy motioned to his slightly blood stained clothes. "Plus, he has swords! Why aren't you going off on him?!"

"These are for the bukijutsu extracurricular," I growled flatly as I motioned to my. "And I wasn't cheating-"

"Shut it! That stupid glowy stuff you did, that's cheating!"

"You mean my Hamon?" I scoffed angrily. "That's a clan technique, like your animal attacks, and I can't stop using it since I produce it when I breathe."

"I'm a clan heir you jerk! If I say you're cheating, you're-" Kiba was cut off when Iruka pulled him up by the back of his shirt. I internally flinched when our teacher sent me a flat glare.

"Inuzuka, you attacked a fellow student with a weapon, all outside of sparring match boundaries," he growled angrily at the boy. "I proctored your matches Kiba! Joushirou was allowed his clan techniques just as you were allowed yours. But no, your stubbornness and belligerence prevented you from making a smart decision, because you couldn't handle that you lost," the scarred man dropped the dog-boy and leveled a glare at both of us. "You will _both_ meet me and the headmaster in his office at the end of school."

"What!" the Inuzuka roared angrily.

"Yare Yare...it's not like I ain't used to it by now," I said blithely.

"Hmph…Alright!" Iruka looked around at the crowd that had assembled. "That's enough gawking, all of you! It's time for class."

Thank fuck! Now I could go ahead and ask about how extracurriculars were going to be handled-

"If you're signing up for extracurriculars, the first few start in five minutes! The first few are Fūinjutsu, Taijutsu, and Medical Ninjutsu!"

SONUDA BEEETCH!

"Shit, really!? That early?" Naruto cried out in shock. "Damn, I'm seriously considering that sealing course actually...Iruka-sensei, are you sure it's that early?"

"I'm not going to repeat myself Naruto," the scarred man sighed tiredly. "If you're interested in fūinjutsu, the group for that class is over there."

Iruka pointed to his right, and I had to blink a few times before I understood. There were only three other students prepared to take the sealing class, a couple of mousy boys and a girl wearing glasses, and all three of them looked like shivering deer caught in a flashlight. The teacher was a man dressed in dark clothes save his chūnin vest. Naruto swallowed hard and stood frozen in place for almost half a minute, before walking over.

"Hey, Iruka-sensei! Where's the Medic nin class then?" I asked him. The teacher snorted and pointed to his left, and I immediately dreaded joining that group.

It was almost entirely made up with girls, and even the boys looked somewhat effeminate. Plus, it was a pretty even split between my fanclub and Sasuke's, save for a short glimpse of Hinata's byakugan as she shrunk nervously at the surrounding group. The chūnin leading the medic nin class were Suzume-sensei and one woman I hadn't seen before, a young but stern looking blonde woman dressed like a nurse with only a headband signifying her status as a ninja.

"Yare Yare...alright, let's get this over with," I growled out as I walked towards the group.

* * *

After a short walk, we were all brought to an empty classroom with several mats on the floor. We were told to sit before these mats, and immediately handed first aid kits (as well as told not to play around with them). Not long after everybody was seated, Suzume and the nurse, Kasuka, temporarily left the class to prepare something. All of us were given a stern look by the nurse and told to behave.

Not even 15 seconds after did people disobey the rule.

For context, I somehow ended up with Sakura and Hinata sitting on either side of me. So the girl who walked over to me while everybody else was chatting each other up, yeah I had no idea who this girl was. If she even was in the main series, she was probably just a ninja grunt or cannon fodder. Currently she was standing over me and sending me a vicious sneer.

"What are you doing here Joushuya? You're a boy, boys can't be nurses! You should just quit now!"

Can I just take a moment to touch upon how wonderful this society that I have been reincarnated into is? Because it is just _lovely_! Seriously, here I thought the most sexist people in the village would be the guys, but they're all too busy being perverts to say anything really degrading like that.

Also harems are legal...not sure if that's a good thing or not. Part of me is worried, but the other part remembers the Joestar sex drive.

"Ah! Uh, Mika-san," one of the feminine boys nearby called over. "I'm in this class too, and I'm also a boy-"

"SHUT UP! Nobody asked you!"

"Yare Yare Daze…go away," I said flatly, giving the annoying girl a cold glare. "I can try any class I want, you don't have the right to stop me."

"Eh? You want me to leave? What are you gonna do about it?" the girl leaned down towards me with a smirk. "You gonna hit me? Go ahead, I'll give you a free shot!"

...Fuck!

"H-Hey! Leave him be, he's not bothering anybody!"

Thank you Hinata, you're getting with your crush early. Believe it!

"Just because he'd probably be a shitty nurse doesn't mean he shouldn't try."

Well fuck you too Haruno...but thanks, I'll take what I can get.

"Che, whatever!" the bitch said angrily as she walked off. "Don't be surprised when he fails, boys are that stupid after all."

Ah, the classic "boys are stupid" mentality every girl probably has at this age...she's not wrong, but she's off by like 5-6 years, that's when our idiocy really shines. Speaking of idiocy, our teachers finally came back into the classroom. I could see Suzume-sensei glaring at several students as they returned to their place behind their mats.

"Hmph...couldn't have stayed quiet for a minute huh?" Kasuka huffed lowly. "Alright, I know you've gone through your textbooks for this, but I have to ask...you all know what it means to be medic-nin, right?"

I heard several shouts of "Hai!" around me, and I would have felt a bit self-conscious about my simple nod if the two girls next to me had said anything.

"So then, you're all aware that if you choose to be medic-nin, or receive medical training, you will be called to help others?"

"Hai!"

"Even if the work is...messy?" the woman leaned forward with a smug gleam in her eyes. "If any of you are squeamish, you might not enjoy the coming exam~"

...Are we operating on people? Oh shit! I'm 9, I can't operate on a person, I'll kill them. I _knew _I should have studied, and it seems some of the other kids were thinking the same thing. Either that, or they were squeamish and they didn't want to operate on actual people. Apparently Kasuka-sensei took our silence as complacence, and spoke to Suzume in a hushed tone. I barely picked up something about rabbits before the bespectacled woman left the room.

"For our exam, we'll be taking a hands-on approach," the blonde woman called out, and I was instantly filled with dread. "You're all going to be given patients, and it'll be your task to heal them" that was when Suzume-sensei came back into the room, followed by two other chūnin pushing a cart filled with dozens of cages through the doorway.

I heard several of the other students gasp at the sight of that cages and-Oh god, that's why they were talking about rabbits?! There were dozens of the poor little things in those cages, cleary the domesticated kind due to their coats, though I wasn't able to tell immediately due to the slash marks all over them. Kasuka huffed when the rabbits stiffened at the whimpers of scared children, and she decided to pull a large rabbit from it's cage.

"These rabbits were originally bound for pet-shops throughout the land of fire…" the blonde woman looked down at the rabbit pitifully, noticing that it wasn't even making an effort to fight her grip. "Unfortunately, a certain...feline pest, well known by our genin, got into their hutches and wrought havoc," Kasuka leveled a flat glare at all of us. "They will be your patients for the exam. You are tasked with healing them, and if you fail to do so, you will not only be barred from the medic-nin course, but you will have caused the death of these rabbits…"

Isn't that just the most child-friendly thing you've ever heard?

...That was sarcasm by the way. This is very un-child-friendly, they're giving kids injured rabbits and telling us to fix them. The chūnin walked around and placed rabbits in front of each student, ignoring their reactions or protests. When they got to my row, I heard a quiet squeak from beside me. I wasn't sure if it was the Hyūga or her rabbit, but I wasn't going to ask.

Because I was busy trying to avoid the gaze of my "patient". The rabbit they gave me was a baby with lop ears and completely covered in pure white fur marred by its own blood. The poor thing had several nasty claw marks across its body, and an ugly mark on its nose. Currently, it was looking up at me with wide eyes while shaking in terror.

Dammit, why the hell did they have to make this difficult?! I made for a slow grab for the bunny, and I got several muted squeaks in response. When I finally had a firm but harmless grip on it, I slowly lifted it up before going to my first aid kit. I almost dropped the kit when my eyes met my rabbit's, seriously the thing looked like he was about to cry.

Stop looking at me like that bunny! I'm trying to heal you, you're only making this more difficult! Just gotta find the-AHA, antiseptic and cotton swabs. I dabbed the cotton in the disinfectant and began gently speckling it on the bunny's wounds, all while cringing every time the poor thing winced and squeaked at the stinging sensation of the antibiotic.

Alright, that was done then, onto the shōshen. I saw that almost everybody in class had actually started with the mystic palm first, which was disheartening. I quickly went through the handseals to surround my hands in an aqua-green glow, then took a deep breath as I willed the ripple to flow through my palms. The moment the jutsu surrounded the baby rabbit, the little thing immediately calmed down, to the point that it became almost lethargic.

After I saw that the wounds were mostly closed enough that they'd heal fine on their own, I released the jutsu and gave the bunny a small amount of hamon to keep it energized. I looked over to the two girls at either side of me and saw them finishing up on their own rabbits as well. I looked over the rest of the class to see several others just finishing up, while a majority seemed to have already finished. I saw the bitch from earlier, Mika, flashing everybody a smug grin.

I immediately flinched when Kasuka pointed to me and the girls next to me, as well as several other students. "All of you, pick up your rabbits and go to the back of the room," she said firmly. We all immediately obliged, watching the other students nervously as the nurse looked back to them. "Now then, to the ones sitting in front of me...would you tell me what you did wrong?"

"Eh, wrong?!"

"What is she talking about?!"

"I thought we did everything right…"

The bitch from before leaned forward angrily and gave the woman a spiteful glare. "What the hell do you mean? We fixed the damn rabbits!"

"Yes, you _fixed _them," the nurse said flatly, then looked to me. "What's your name boy?"

"...Joushirou," I said while cocking an eyebrow at her.

"Joushirou, would you mind telling me what the first thing you did to your rabbit was?"

First thing I did to my rabbit? What is she-oh!

"I dabbed a piece of cotton in antibiotic and cleaned the bunny's wounds. I don't get why that's so significant, I just kinda did it on autopilot…"

"You did that without even thinking?" Kasuka said, clearly surprised. "Rather impressive. Rest assured, you did what any normal, _intelligent_, doctor would do when treating a patient. In fact, cleaning the wound should be the first thing you do, it's just common sense" the nurse then motioned for Mika to bring her rabbit over.

I couldn't help the foul taste that invaded my mouth at the sight of her rabbit. It was older than the one I was given, was white with black spots, and had a fluffy white tuft of fur decorating its head. The poor thing's fur was matted with dried blood, and I could see the areas where the wounds had been as they were still red, swollen, and in the shape of slash marks. The rabbit was breathing heavily, hell it seemed that just keeping itself upright was laborious for it.

"What is your name?" the woman asked.

"Mika" the girl grit out angrily.

"Can you tell me what the differences between your rabbit and his are?"

"He got a baby," Mika said flatly, barely sparing the bunny in my lap a glance as it cleaned its face.

"Correct, and if Joushirou hadn't taken the correct steps, his rabbit would have died by the end of the day," Kasuka said matter-of-factly. "His would have become sick immediately, since its body hasn't developed the proper defenses against diseases. Your rabbit may just survive if we give it the correct medication, but it is clearly distressed by your treatment" the woman leveled a stern glare at the girl. "I'm sorry to tell you this, but you fail the exam."

"But, but I-you, he-I didn't-" the girl didn't even notice her patient being gently pulled from her grasp and worked on by a nearby Inuzuka vet. In fact, she was too busy sputtering to notice Kasuka walk past her to fail the rest of the students who failed to properly heal their bunnies.

Honestly, I just didn't see the full scope of the problem. Yeah, the kids flunking the exam failed to "heal" their rabbits, but come on, they're rabbits. Leave all the ones that were perfectly healed alone in a dark room for a bit, come back and they'll be like a centillion of em. At least I don't have to worry about failing this exam, now I just have to worry about making sure I don't flunk the class.

I turned my attention to Suzume-sensei when she cleared her throat to address the class. "You may all return to your classes. If you have other extracurricular exams, they will be continuing till the end of the day. To those that passed, I look forward to seeing you next year" the woman looked as several students dejectedly began to leave for normal classes. "For those wishing to take the other classes, meet one of the instructors in the courtyard. For advanced bukijutsu, you're to meet Daikoku-sensei in the courtyard. He'll be the one to take you to the exam room. For advanced ninjutsu-"

I tuned her out after hearing about where to go for my next class. Good thing too, Pointybeard-sensei was one of the few people I actually liked. I made sure the assistant chūnin I met with were careful with the bunny as I handed it over, then I made a beeline for the door and into the hallway. Just as I was about to exit to the courtyard, I heard Sakura of all people call out my name. I looked back to see the pink-haired girl standing in front of the class, sending me a frown.

"You're an asshole Joushuya, you know that?" the pinkette snarled and turned her head to the side. "Still, thanks...if you hadn't gone to your medical kit, I wouldn't have known what to do, so you really saved me back there."

...What? I was just winging it, why the hell was she thanking me?! Oh for-ok, guess I'll just run with it.

"Yeah, fuck you too Haruno!" I called over as I walked away, letting a small smirk decorate my face at the sound of her indignant squawking.

* * *

So, advanced bukijutsu...I can't say I wasn't expecting everybody trying to stab each other with their weapons. Apparently that was what the exam consisted of, every prospective weaponmaster or swordmaster pairing up with an upper year from the class proper and fighting till you either made a ring out, or laid a small cut or sizable bruise on your opponent without making it lethal.

At least that's what Pointybeard-sensei told me _as _we all walked into the class, instead of before getting there. A few of the exam-takers had already arrived early and had paired off with people to fight. I saw only a couple that actually looked good at what they were doing. The others...well, one was suddenly thrown right past me and out of the class by a mace-user.

"Alright, so your sparring partners are already predetermined," Pointybeard-sensei called out, pulling my attention away from the steel-haired boy. "Just let me get it sorted out with the other instructors, and I'll bring you over to them. Take a seat at the benches, all of you" the pointy-bearded chūnin motioned to the nearby seats.

It took several minutes before I was called and directed to a ring at the back of the class. I unsheathed my new tanto when I was three-quarters of the way there, and whistled in delight as the blade sung at the air. It was heavier than the wooden ones I had trained with, but I could improvise enough to make my training looking passable at least. Well, that was what I thought before I finally met my opponent.

"Well this is a surprise," Tenten called out from the other side of the ring once I arrived. "I didn't think I'd be seeing those so soon after you left the shop."

"Well, you're looking less pale," I responded, almost turning white myself when she pulled out an Okninawa style kusarigama. I narrowed my eyes slightly as she pointed the two blades at me. "Good to know that nearly becoming a human pincushion was only a one-time thing..."

"Gotta thank you for that," the bun-haired girl smirked playfully. "Still, that doesn't mean I'm gonna go easy on you, got that Josuke!"

"It's Joushirou…" I said flatly.

"Oops...well, try to impress me here by passing and maybe I'll remember your name kid!"

...Bitch!

"Tch," I turned my head to the side while puffing my chest out, then I turned back to her with a fierce look. In a blur of motion I crossed my arms, my left hand pointing my blade towards her and my right hand ending in an ILY sign. "You're dreaming if you think I'm gonna fail this!"

"...Why are you posing?"

"I asked myself the same thing when it started...then I stopped questioning it," mostly because I had started posing in my sleep not long after I was halfway through part 2 of Jojo. Obviously I had started posing before that, but the sleep-posing was what made me go with it.

Tenten was still giving me an owlish look when the proctor for our match arrived. After making sure we were both ready, he let out a call of "Hajime!", and everything from then on was a blur of motion and adrenaline.

The first move the girl made was to fling one of her kamas at me, and attack I deflected with a swing. I jumped back a couple of feet when I saw the chain making its way towards my feet, and I heard my opponent grunting in annoyance. From what she muttered, she was either trying to knock me over by binding my legs, or binding one of my arms to pull me close.

Well, I can make that last one happen.

I sped forward with my shortsword outstretched to meet her second blade, pushing her back and causing her to yelp in shock. Just as she began pulling on the chain leading to her second sickle, I stamped my foot down on the strip of metal and swung my blade at her legs. Tenten let out another yelp as she jumped back, deciding to go for a clumsy swing with her remaining kama. I had to back up a couple of inches to avoid the blade sailing towards my chest, allowing the girl to pull her second blade back to her.

Not long after regaining her second sickle, Tenten jumped a few feet back from me. "You caught me off guard there...but you'll be lucky if it happens again."

"I don't know...I feel like today is my lucky day," I snarked back, smiling when she swung her kama at me again.

I jumped away from the strike before speeding forward, aiming to get too far within the blades reach for her to react appropriately. The bun-haired girl's smirk was my only warning that something was wrong, before the kama she had swung at me beforehand was suddenly flying towards my face. I just barely blocked the sickle with my tanto before she jumped forward with her free kama.

I was so busy wondering whether she had used a genjutsu of some sort on me that I didn't bring out my wakizashi to block her strike. I simply held my right arm up and caught it bare-handed. My opponent was clearly confused by this action, even more so when she realized the blade wasn't cutting into me and drawing my blood.

"**KOOOOOOOOOHHHH!" **my breath became a low growl as I used the ripple to prevent the blade from harming me.

"H-How are you...What is this?!" the girl cried out.

I didn't give her an answer, instead opting to push her back and throw her second kama back towards her. The girl made to throw a blade at me again, aiming for my legs. It was only when I jumped away from the strike did I realize that she had expected that. A few seconds later, and I was completely bound by the long chain that connected her two sickles.

Well...shit!

A grunt escaped my mouth as my opponent pulled hard on the chains, wrapping them harder around me and almost completely cutting off any chance of escape. I clicked my teeth as she walked forward with a smug grin. Just before she began speaking, I took a slow breath and let the ripple flow through me.

"Well, you definitely lasted longer than I expected," Tenten called out, holding her kama towards my direction. "Don't worry, I'll make sure the cuts are small...there's always next year, right Jobin-chan?"

I gave her a smirk of my own. "Did I ever tell you about this old saying people in my family have?" I asked, showing my teeth when she gave me a bewildered look. "When your opponent begins to boast...they've already lost! **KOOOOOOOOHHHH!"**

METAL SILVER OVERDRIVE!

At least that's what I think the technique is called, I am using it for the first time. The chain wrapped around me lit up like a christmas tree, unraveling from my form immediately and heading towards the girl. I smiled as she jumped back, then pulled my wakizashi out and ran back into the fray. My own dual blades connected with hers, and I flung her backwards with the force, all while continuing to aim for her legs.

I continued slashing at her legs for several minutes before she caught one strike with one of her sickles, and instantly flung my wakizashi out of my hand along her kama. I wasn't going to let it stand, so I struck at her remaining sickle with my tanto and disarmed her. The force of her jumping up as she released her weapon caused a lapse in my grip, and my tanto fell from my hand.

Both of us faced each other, now almost completely disarmed.

"Hmph...alright, that was good…" then Tenten pulled something from a sheath on her hip. "But you're through. Unless you can grab your two swords in the next minute, I have this!" she called out, uncollapsing a bo staff and forming into a stance.

"You have this?" I said, giving her a wild smirk. "Seems you forgot something," I said cheerfully as I unsheathed the tsurugi strapped to my back. "I bought three swords after all!"

We stared at each other for several seconds before she struck. Once again I pushed her back, making sure every strike put pressure on her. After a minute of this, she let out a wordless growl of rage and pushed me back with a hard strike of her own. I held my sword in both hands and leveled it towards her, then I ran forward for a fast stab. Just as Tenten redirected it, I swung my sword onto her staff hard and began pushing.

"I get what you're doing...you think you can psych me out huh?" the girl pushed back at me some more. "Well you're not doing too well kid! Just surrender or take your bruise!"

"Psych you out?" I asked, letting out a small chuckle. "No, I was trying to get you right where I wanted you. Look down."

Tenten glanced down and gasped at what she saw. She was only a few inches away from the edge of the ring, and if she were pushed back hard enough she'd lose by ringout. I had made sure she was so immersed in the fight that she wouldn't have noticed when I had her at the edge.

Just according to keikaku!

"**KOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!" **I let out another growling breath to call upon the ripple once more, willing energy into my sword. The blade became bright enough that the girl had to look away, and I used that as my opening.

Several seconds after the proctor called the match in my favor, I was picking up the two swords that I had been bereaved of, while my opponent was rubbing her sore butt and lifting herself off the ground. By the time I had sheathed my swords, Tenten had already retrieved her chain-scythes.

"Alright fine, you got me there Joushirou!" she told me as we left the ring.

"Apparently it was enough to make you remember my name," I teased. "So what now, do I get a certificate or something saying I passed?"

"It'll be on your schedule next year!" our proctor called over, the bun-haired girl's nod confirming this.

"Aside from that, you'll be handed a sash or wristband…" the girl trailed off as she collapsed her staff. "I remember getting one or the other after I passed. Did you get anything from the other class you signed up for?"

"Medical ninjutsu? No, just that we'd have it on our schedule," I responded.

"Huh...well, guess I'll be seeing you next year then. I have a few more matches after this, but you should really get to your next class."

Next class, what-OH! Right, back to normal lectures with Iruka-sensei and dealing with Fishlips-sensei's last day...yay!

"I do have to ask about that glowy thing you did. What was that?" the girl leaned forward with an inquisitive look.

"Hamon, The Ripple, Sendo, or Wave Energy...it doesn't actually matter what you call it anyway, it was supposed to be made irrelevant 20 years ago," I told her, watching her growing confusion. "When I breathe, I make sun energy in me and I can punch stuff with it...also I can infuse it into things like my swords. It's unique to me and my clan."

"Clan thing huh...so it's like a bloodline?"

"Yeah, let's go with that," I said blithely.

"Ahem!" I turned my head to see Pointybeard-sensei walking over to me with some forums. "Joushuya, I'm afraid I need to borrow you for a bit so you can sign these waivers for the class."

They're telling us to sign waivers after we fucking pass?! Why not when we start trying to stab each other?! And why am I not used to this? These are the sorts of questions I'll stop asking when I've been here long enough, right? Ugh...why couldn't I have been reincarnated into another completely different world?

"Alright, just take me to a spot where I can write," I told the teacher before looking back at the girl. "I guess I better head off."

"I'll be happy to see you next year Joushirou," Tenten leaned forward deviously. "Then our rivalry can really take off…"

...Dammit, really? Just hearing that from anybody sent chills down my back...oh well, I'll deal with that when it comes up.

* * *

The rest of the day went on mostly uneventfully...right until I remembered I was going to have to go to the headmaster's office.

"_Sonuda beetch_!" I growled angrily as Iruka pulled me and the Inuzuka to the headmaster.

"Jojo, relax! It's not like you're gonna get in trouble for defending yourself!" the blonde had called out to me as I left.

Oh boy Naruto, how wrong you were…

When Kiba and I were brought into the headmaster's office, the shrew of a man immediately chewed us out. I tuned it out almost completely, mentally adding to the tally of the lines I had heard him use. The amount of times I had heard him use some of these were already in triple digits, and I was only a first year with no experience in the junior academy.

I started listening in again just as he had finished. "I mean, of all the irresponsible things YOU have done Joushuya, attacking a clan heir is THE MOST incorrigible thing you could manage!"

"...Wait, could you run that by me again?" I stood up and stared the human shrew down, letting my stand's glow surround me. "You think I attacked him?! He's the one who's been constantly accusing me of cheating for weeks, decides to attack me the moment I get to school, and you're saying I'm at fault?!"

"Yes!" the asshole cried out in terror. "Would you stop using your hamon like that?! And cut your damn killing intent gaki!"

"Fuck you! You're pinning shit like that on me, you should expect me to feel like killing somebody!"

"You obviously provoked him!" the shrew-man said as he pointed to me angrily. "You have a history of provoking others, I wouldn't be surprised!" the headmaster leaned forward dangerously, doing his best to seem intimidating.

Problem was, it was working. This asshole could kick me out of school, literally if he really wanted. Even Iruka looked worried when he saw the vicious smile spreading across his direct superior's face. Based on the fact that the man was now matching my killing intent, I had no illusions that this might be it...I guess I'm choosing marine biology after all.

"Obviously the most suitable punishment for you-"

"Would be a strong slap on the wrist," a new voice called out. "And a bit of scolding, for one party in particular…"

I went deathly still and looked to the door in surprise, seeing the god of shinobi Sarutobi Hiruzen standing at the entrance to the room. At his side was a woman who looked almost like an older and female version of kiba, accompanied by a big wolf with an eyepatch. The two were sending the boy cold glares, though the woman flicked a questioning gaze over to me for a few seconds.

That was when I realized that I was still letting the golden glow of my stand's energy surround me. I dispelled it as quickly as I could while playing it off as a natural side effect of the ripple, before bowing lowly to the leader of my village, all while silently thanking him for saving my ass.

I lifted my head just as the Inuzuka woman walked forward, still glaring at Kiba. "Oi mutt, did you really start a fight?" the woman glared fiercely at the boy, pinning him in his seat.

"...Yes, I started the fight...Kaa-san…" Kiba said after several seconds of shrinking in on himself.

Ohoho shit! I actually forgot he had a mom.

"Tch...and I guess you lost too, huh?" the woman bared her teeth at her son and pulled him up by the scruff of his neck, sparing me and the other three a glance as she did so. "He do anything else?"

"Aside from accusing me of cheating in sparring matches because I used clan techniques...eh, not much," I said blithely, ignoring Iruka-sensei's protests about the boy pulling out a kunai.

"Hmph...alright then," the woman turned to the hokage and bowed slightly. "Let me handle my mutt Hokage-sama, I can deal with him a lot better than these jokers could" she directed a low growl towards our headmaster, immediately cowing the man into submission.

"Of course Tsume, that'd be appreciated," the old man turned to me as the woman pulled Kiba with her and scolding him before they even left the room.

"Hokage-sama, I..I don't know if it's the best idea to let Joushuya off with such a weak punishment," the headmaster blurted out a few seconds after Kiba and his mom left. "This boy is a known troublemaker, he's always getting into fights!"

"I never get into things I don't start," I cut in. "Every time I've been in a fight, it's the other person who started it! It's like these idiots can't hold themselves back or something."

"They're children Joushirou," Iruka said flatly, giving me a tired look. "You're a child, if people try to fight you out of nowhere then you should just walk away."

"Hold just a second Iruka," the Hokage started towards me and gave me an inquisitive look. "I read every incident report for the academy you know, so I'm well aware of young Joushuya's reputation...and I'm also sure that he is telling the truth. You wrote that Inuzuka had attacked the boy with a kunai outside of a match, right Iruka?" the old man frowned when the chūnin nodded slowly. "Aside from that, I did have a few witnesses that informed me of Inuzuka's attack was only based on nonsense and was completely out of nowhere…"

Naruto and Shino? Oh sweet stand-using Jesus thank you!

"Of course Inuzuka will have to have a suitable punishment for an unsanctioned weapon spar, as well as possibly endangering the lives of other students," then the old man spared me another glance. "However, I have to remain impartial as well, so I'm afraid you will be receiving a punishment Joushirou."

OH SHEEET!

"Detention, for the entire first month of next school year."

"Yare Yare, whatever…" I trailed off. Longest detention I had gotten so far at least.

"I'll work out the details of Inuzuka's punishment later today," the Hokage told the headmaster. "As for you Joushuya, I need to have a word with you for a bit, then you're free to go," Hiruzen nodded to Iruka before motioning me to come with him.

If I hadn't come with him, then it probably would've looked suspicious. Plus, I shouldn't have had anything to worry about...this is the Hokage, not Orochimaru, so I definitely wasn't going to be touched or anything like that. I left a gaping Iruka and the headmaster as I followed the old man through the building.

After a few minutes of walking towards the exit, I really couldn't handle the silence. "Alright, I'll bite! What'd you want to talk about Hokage-sama?"

"...Naruto talks about you quite a bit Joushirou, you know that?"

"He talks about a lot of things," I responded, remembering how for impatient people it was always the 'getting him to shut up' part that they focused on.

"Well, he seems to have latched onto your...watchfulness of him. For some reason, he sees you as his guardian angel of sorts," the old man turned his gaze to me questioningly. "Why did you befriend him Joushirou?"

What am I supposed to say? The truth, obviously...but I don't have to say the whole truth.

"Because I saw how everybody looks at him. The ninja, the civilians, most of the shopkeepers," I said firmly, giving Hiruzen a piercing look. "I figure he's probably related to some big traitor to the village and nobody wants to talk about it...but for whatever reason, they give him the damn stinkeye for something that probably isn't his fault. And I've caught teachers sabotaging him too, they've put genjutsu on his tests, gave him blunt or broken kunai for throwing lessons, and don't get me started on taijutsu class."

"You pitied him?"

"I didn't need to pity him, because he's not pitiful. Even when everybody takes the piss on him, he keeps going. He acts like it doesn't affect him, he tells everybody that he'll prove he doesn't deserve to be treated like shit," I blew air from my nose hotly as I looked forward. "He's already proven it to me, y'know that? I can say I'm strong because I can handle tough opponents and have good control of my emotions-"

"Didn't seem like that in the office actually."

"But!" I growled out, ignoring the old man's chuckles. "I can't ever be as strong as him. Naruto can look a person who's shit on him in the eye, and give them a big goofy smile to show he doesn't care. If I were in the same situation, I'd never be able to take it. I'd clock them right in the damn nose."

Hiruzen chuckled lightly. "You're not too different from your parents Joushirou…"

...My parents?! Hold the fuck up!

"W-What do you know about them?" I asked nervously, flinching under his confused gaze when he turned to look at me. "I...I forgot about them okay, whenever I try to remember them I hit a mental block. If it weren't for the pictures, I'd never even know their faces."

"You still don't remember what happened to them?"

_WRYYYYYYYYY~_

"I've been trying to...but I…" I felt any words die in my throat and my hands clammed up. "What exactly did happen?"

"Your parents took you on a camping trip over three years ago, because they wanted to teach you Hamon, or at least the basics," then Hiruzen bristled. "We don't know what happened either...all we know is that you were all gone for a week longer than you should have been. When we sent to find you, the first thing we found were your parent's bodies…" the old man swallowed hard as I looked to him. "Most people distrusted your mother, for obvious reasons...but there were enough people who cared about her, and they were devastated when they found out she had been torn to shreds."

"...Torn to shreds?" I croaked, mostly to myself.

"We only found tiny pieces, and barely any blood. Your father, his body was at least intact, minus the hole in his torso...and of course the complete lack of blood," the Hokage gave me a sad look. "I had my own suspicions of who did it...but there weren't any leads. We only found you after three days of searching, you were a complete wreck and you remembered nothing of what had occurred."

"...And what about them specifically?" I asked anxiously. "Hokage-sama, I forgot almost everything like I said. I can't even remember their voices that well!"

"That's disheartening Joushirou," the old man said lowly. "Your old man was the dead-last of his year I think, and he was a lot like Naruto...but a bit worse," a deep chuckle escaped his lips. "I remember when Jouichi first left the village. He said he wanted to explore, and went through a bunch of legal hoops to leave. I asked him where he wanted to go and when he told me, I seriously considered telling him he was insane and having him locked up for his own safety," Hiruzen let out another chuckle and smiled at my confusion. "He said he wanted to go "out west", past this huge wall that separated the elemental nations from the mythical western nations."

"Why though?"

"He wanted to find the secret behind the mysterious power he and his clan had. Whenever they breathed, they produced some form of energy different from chakra that they could use to heal their wounds, enhance their combat prowess, even preserve their youth…" the Hokage looked to me knowingly.

"Hamon!" I said after a few seconds.

"Exactly, he had heard a rumor that there was a way to learn more about it, since nobody here knew a thing, and he was the last member of his clan," then he let out a guffaw. "He came back three years later missing his left hand, with a pretty blonde woman hanging onto him. He introduced her as his wife, Joanna..." then the old man looked over to me while leaning his head back. "She had that same birthmark you know? A star on the back of her shoulder, not too far from her neck. Said it was a family birthmark."

"Yeah, I know about that at least...what else?"

"Well, obviously nobody trusted her, and they weren't too happy that Jouichi brought an outsider into the village. When I asked your father what the hell he was doing, he went into this long story about what happened when he reached that wall. It was so damn...uh, I can't find the word…"

"Bizarre?" I offered.

"That, yes!" the old man smiled at me. "It was bizarre, I just couldn't fathom either of them living through that…but she was a kind woman, and after a few months I knew I could trust her. She definitely made it as a shinobi too," Hiruzen turned his head forward as Naruto cried out for us. That was when I realized that we had arrived at the courtyard, and that my two friends had waited for me for the past hour or so.

"Your parents would be happy Joushirou...maybe not with how you act obviously, I'm sure your mother would be chewing you out for it," Hiruzen smirked at my flat look. "But I'm sure they'd be proud of how you think...I've tried so hard to do right by him," the Hokage glanced over to the blonde solemnly. "But I've met so much resistance, so many stubborn fools...I'm glad that he met you, I'm glad that he has somebody who cares for him."

"Part of me felt like I had to, otherwise nobody else would have…" I trailed off as Naruto ran towards us.

"Hey Jojo! Jiji too? Wow, didn't think your fight was big enough for the old man to get involved," the blonde said cheerfully with his outdoor voice, ignoring Shino's small chiding as the bug-user walked up.

"Nothing like that Naruto, Joushirou just has detention the entire first month of next school year," the Hokage informed him, causing the boy to cry in shock.

"The entire first month! Damn, that's a new record for you Jojo!"

"Wanna go to Ichiraku's to celebrate?" I asked him, giving him a cheeky sneer.

"Don't know if that's something to celebrate...but I'm always up for a bowl of Ichiraku ramen," the blonde smiled at the Hokage. "Hey Jiji, you wanna come too?"

"Unfortunately Naruto, I'm going to be quite busy with my mortal enemy," the old man grew a serious look of disdain. Naruto tilted his head in confusion, before his eyes widened in realization.

"Oh! You're talking about paperwor-"

"I'm talking about paperwork, yes," the look of disdain dropped and Hiruzen gave us all one more kind smile. "Go ahead and enjoy your noodles boys. I'll be glad to see you next year when school starts."

Just as we took our leave with the Hokage and started towards our famous ramen shop, I realized Naruto wasn't with us. When I looked to the academy gates, he was still hanging back, staring sadly at the courtyard. I followed his gaze to the upturned ground and ruined patches of grass from my morning fight with kiba, and then looked back to the blonde.

"Hey Naruto, you comin' or what?"

"...Yeah, just give me a minute or so, I'll catch up," the blonde said, barely paying attention to us.

Ok, that's a bit weird, Naruto never acted like this even in canon. Well, except for that one time...and that other time too, and plenty of other times. But those were really important moments in his life, or parts of the filler...this is just odd.

Shino and I walked away from the academy and gave the blonde his "minute or so", and sure enough he was running to catch up to us.

"Sorry, I had to deal with one last thing before the school year ends. Now, let's get some Ichiraku's!"

...He's hiding something. That's the only explanation I can think of. Something that's important, like a secret relationship with Hinata, or a cool bloodline he didn't have in canon maybe? Whatever it is, it's made things infinitely more interesting…

And infinitely more worse T_T!

* * *

**←To Be Continued**

* * *

**A little hint on something that'll show up when I get to graduation and Mizuki. Now for the reviews.**

**Sliksick: Shikamaru isn't getting a stand...maybe he'll get Cheap Trick in an Omake and I'll make a few jokes about it, but most of it is gonna be OC stands. **

**Ashborn2271: Jojo is going to change that too obviously, he's working towards fighting fate. I'll touch on fate next chapter.**

**KarimHD: Hamon is going to be exclusive to Joshiro until DIO finally shows up. Then the sun-powered fisting will come into play **( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**coldblue2015: It'll start in Kanto, The spin will show up later and it'll be a good thing to have if you need a quick Rasengan to use and throw. Ceasar's bubbles are his thing, Joshiro is going to do normal Hamon stuff but with the Metal Silver Overdrive in his swords more often than not. He might train with Hayate and Yugao, but they won't be his sensei(s)...Anko is :D. As for stands and Hamon being know, part of the Hamon thing is touched on here in this chapter. **

**ARabidReadr: Jotaro is the perfect henge, beacause every ninja expects another ninja to take a henge that wouldn't stand out. So Joshiro will take a henge that will stand out, which will throw people off. As for DIO allying with Orochimaru, DIO wouldn't even give the snake the time of day, Orochimaru would be nothing more than an insect compared to him. **

**uwotm007: Yes, but not until the Ninja SAT-I mean Chuunin exams. **

**DarkAnon: Steely Dan's beatdown was great, but yeah, I'll be making references to the "Cioccolata special". Thanks for the review. **

**Tobi is a Gooder Boy: Yes he did, and there are far more Jojo references where that came from. Star Platinum isn't going to be enhanced by Hamon, I think that's more of a thing that Hermit Purple could do because it was connected to Joseph even when it was released. **

**colljoe22: yes yes yes yes...YES!**

**As always, ****thank you for the followings and reviews. For everybody interested, please leave any thoughts, questions, and constructive c****riticism in your reviews.**


	5. Cherry Bomb

**Another one ****｢BITES THE DUST｣. Last chapter in the academy before graduation, and said graduation will in fact feature the Steely Dan treatment (I actually counted all the ORAs in chapter 165 for this, no joke) so rest assured, we're moving along. For those wondering, in story it's two years before the scroll of seals debacle, so everybody in the main cast is 10 years old, sans Jojo who is 11 due to missing a chance to sign up with his age group. **

**Thank you to followers and favoriters: Resripo, Big Mac MacBook, Heitor, YuNaru19, star445, dorfdel, Dragoncubx1, Shiro no jojishi, XmaxX1212, Meaningless Fate, ShadesofGrey777, ThatguynamedTim, Summa Rerum, RotcehM, djc666, Polaris Australis, Awesomeness9000, Arokhsteel, Eher, kuturin, arifwaffer, Deathkorpsman23, Balmumon1, HouseMD93, Alligator9, Mrdeadeye890, zein2012, mrgreen055, DejanWeed, MarionStrings, zanpaktospirit0, vastolordmask, AverageJoker3, Jeanne D'arc My Waifu, Oda Shiki, TrashMaster9000, SwordMaster1331, No Face May King, Flickered Raven, and Zyndium. **

**Sorry to whoever I miss, my email may not notify me of everybody who follows or favorites, or the document editor won't allow me to input certain names to save for whatever reasons.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or Jojo's Bizarre Adventure, Naruto is the property of Masashi Kishimoto, Jojo's is the property of Hirohiko Araki, and both are published by Shueisha.**

* * *

***Giggles***

Ah, puberty...I almost forgot I had to go through it again. At least this time it was working in my favor, instead of becoming a barely handsome shrimp like before I was getting the best of my Joestar genes. Of course, can't have something good without one or two drawbacks, right?

***Giggles***

Like dreaming about girls for instance...again.

No specific girls from my new world obviously, just good-looking girls in general. I would have been perfectly fine with dealing with that and all the other perks of puberty by myself. Then we had "the talk" at the academy, not even a week ago.

I had never seen Iruka act more awkward in either of my lives.

Speaking of awkward-

"Hello~? Wake up cutie~"

...it doesn't feel like I'm dreaming.

When I opened my eyes, I was treated to the sight of a blindingly golden room. Definitely not my room, especially considering that the bed I was on was much bigger than my own. Which made sense when I took the extra occupants into account. I don't exactly remember several gorgeous and scantily clad older women joining me before I went to sleep.

"Hehe! Good morning cutie~"

Not that I was gonna complain about it! Good kami, nubile beauties, petite cuties, and big boobies! It's like perverted christmas and I'm an only child. Sweet stand-using Jesus, thank you!

"Am I in heaven?" I said goofily.

"Aww, do you think we're angels?" one of the women said, pressing herself against my arm. "That's so sweet, you little charmer you! What's your name cutie~?"

"J-Joushirou," I said happily, having long forgotten my old name and very soon mostly likely to forget my new one.

"Joushirou huh? It certainly fits," another woman said, pressing herself to the crook of my neck and giggling. "Your "little" friend doesn't feel too little, after all…" I felt hands move around my lower portions and I suddenly had to suppress a strange feeling in my nose.

"Hey, quit hogging him!" another woman cried out petulantly, and I suddenly felt my head being enveloped by a pair of magnificently large breasts. "There's enough of him to go around, it's not fair if you two keep him all to yourself."

Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

...YES!

"Alright, that's enough!" a melodious voice called out. I turned to the speaker, a gorgeous dark-haired woman wearing only lacy underwear and giving the others a teasing grin. "Although I'm sure spending time with Joushirou-chan would be nice, he's here for a reason. Yaki-kun wants to talk to him."

...I have to go talk to someone? Noooooo, I wanna stay with the milfs! They want me to stay too, I can see their pouty faces and their sad whines. Don't make me leave dammit!

"Do I have to?" I said breathily while giving the woman a pleading look.

"None of that sweetie," she said, gently pulling me off the bed and away from the other women. The woman giggled playfully as she led me out of the room and into a hallway. "Just keep moving until the high priest finds you sweetie, he'll help you find the way," the dark-haired beauty smiled sensually as she traced a hand down my chest. "Take care sweetie, I have to get back with the others for some...business."

The woman walked back into the room, leaving me in the hallway. I could hear several muted giggles and breathy gasps behind that door, and I bemoaned my predicament internally. A room full of hot shotacon milfs and I'm supposed to go talk to some guy? I was so close to losing my virginity dammit, I would have really made those girls see stars...Joestars that is, hehe.

...Oh kami, I'm becoming Joseph aren't I? Screw it, I'll just find this "Yaki-kun" and see what he wants.

I must have walked through a seemingly endless amount of hallways for several minutes while looking for an exit. It was when I saw dozens of shimmering golden tentacles darting towards me from around the corner that I stopped...and by stopped, I meant paling immediately and backing up a few feet as the tendrils reared up like giant golden snakes.

"Yeah, nope! **Sutā Purachina!" **I called out. Except, instead of coming forth and destroying the tentacles like he should have done, nothing happened...at all.

"...SHIT! I'M STILL ASLEEP!"

If you don't have your stand out when you go to sleep, then you can't use it in the dreamworld. Because even though a dream is literally your soul laid bare, you can't use the extension of said soul within it without extending it first. An inconvenient plot point in Jojo that was now going to kill me...except I had one option left.

"NIGERUNDAYOOOOO!"

I charged all the energy in my legs, and ran in the direction opposite of the golden tentacles. The Joestar Family Secret Technique, or if you want to go for the japanese translation that would make a proper jutsu, **Kazoku no Hiden: Nigeru!** The ultimate form of tactical retreat, no enemy to the joestar family has ever been able to overcome it.

So it was rather jarring when another group of tentacles appeared from around another corner to cut me off. I turned and started running again, only to see I was blocked by shimmering golden tentacles on all sides. The secret technique had failed, and I didn't have Star Platinum to defend myself.

...Well look at that, it's option #3 huh? One moment, you wake up in a literal king sized bed surrounded by half-naked milfs, and the next, you're about to be killed by a golden tentacle monster. I closed my eyes and calmly awaited my fate, hoping maybe I'd have my same powers in the next world.

Hey, maybe I'll be reincarnated as a shinigami, with a stand. That would be tits...Oh, maybe if I get to choose, I'll choose Tokyo Ghoul so I can save Kaneki from never having to not do anything wrong. Or maybe Shield Hero, so I can prevent Malt-Ahem, Bitch, from framing Naofumi for rape...or I could just be plopped in another random world. Who the hell knows, right?

I waited for maybe a minute or so, before opening my eyes again. To my surprise, the tentacles that had me trapped weren't doing anything except poising themselves towards me menacingly. After a few moments, some of them shifted their deadly looking tips into humanoid hands covered in greyish-white armor. Several of them flattened their palms, and started waving at me.

"...Are you...the High Priest that milf was talking about?" I asked, hoping I was right.

The hands all gave a thumbs up in response. Well, that explained why the secret technique failed, since it only worked on enemies...and Tomoko. This weird golden tentacle monster was the High Priest, and it was supposed to lead me to this Yaki guy.

"Alright, I'm supposed to find this Yaki person, do you know where he is?"

The hands pointed to a direction, and the tendrils blocking it parted like the red sea. I blinked at the path for a few seconds, before taking tentative steps forward. I noticed the tentacles keeping pace with me as I walked, and eventually I felt calm enough to walk a bit faster. Just as I was stopped at a cross way, the tentacles wormed their way in front of me and held a hand up in a stopping motion, then held a finger up signaling me to wait. After a few seconds, they pointed to the hallway to my left, and more hands motioned me to get a move on.

It was kind of weird, but the High Priest kind of remind me of that western movie labyrinth, specifically the helping hands. Of course they weren't talking, but they were helpful in a way, and I could tell I wasn't being directed to a dungeon. I wouldn't have believed they were leading me anywhere if it weren't for the fact I could feel a draft of fresh air and hear the sounds of some unknown birds nearby.

Finally I saw a corridor bathed by bright light, courtesy of the open doorway at the end. I looked to the High Priest and saw his many hands either giving me thumbs up or furiously pointing towards the doorway. I wasn't going to argue with a golden tentacle monster that couldn't speak, so instead I trekked towards the doorway. When I walked through, my eyes bugged out at what I saw.

Gold, everything was gold! The grass, the trees, the water, the reeds and cattails, even the sky was bright gold with brilliant red-gold sun. The only things that weren't gold were the flamingos, all pink or dark reddish-pink as they skimmed the water with their beaks for food. Also, of course, the trees may have been gold but their leaves were normal green. Judging by the color of their flowers, and their red fruit, they were cherry trees.

Golden cherry trees...interesting.

I flinched slightly at the loud honks from the flamingos as they all took to the air. When I looked over to the soaring flock, I almost fell into a trance. I hadn't noticed before, but what little white feathers each had also reflected the light around them, making it seem like the birds were accented with gold.

"They really are quite beautiful in flight, aren't they?"

Wait a fucking minute! I know that voice!

I turned around, catching the High Priest not too far away. The mass of tentacles was reshaping into a familiar shape, an athletic humanoid with robotic armor. The skin and eye color I remembered were swapped, now sporting golden skin and bright green eyes. The figure held its hands parallel to one another in a pose that almost looked like a prayer, before flitting past me.

"It's good to finally get a chance to talk to you Joushirou," the stand user said from behind me.

I didn't even need to turn around to see who it was, because I knew damn well who it was. But I turned and looked anyway, just to get a good idea. I saw a young man wearing a green school uniform, his red hair ending in a twisting bang over his face and cherry shaped earrings hanging to his neck. Currently, he was sipping on an ice cream smoothie, while his stand posed behind him menacingly.

"I really am sorry for dragging you out of your dreams you know...but since you've been dealing with everything for nearly two years, I figured I needed to give you an explanation of sorts," the redhead looked down to his drink and smiled as he pulled one of the four cherries dotting the whipped cream at the top. The man put the fruit on his tongue and pulled the stem out after cutting it off with his teeth. "ReroReroReroReroReroReroReroReroReroReroRero-"

Kakyoin "Milf Lover" Noriaki...it all made sense now. The room full of milfs I woke up in, "Yaki-kun", the massive tentacle monster called "the High Priest" (don't know how I missed that…) the flamingos...THE CHERRIES! I should have seen it coming.

Wait, why the hell is Kakyoin invading my dreams to talk to me?!

"-ReroReroReroReroReroReroReroReroReroReroRero-"

"Ahem! Not that seeing you demonstrate what you want to do to all the older women you know isn't nice and everything…" I trailed off at Kakyoin's blank look, cherry still dancing on his tongue. "But that milf in the lace from before said you wanted to talk, right?"

The redhead closed his mouth and finished _actually _eating the cherry, before sending me a nervous smile. "Sorry, I get really caught up in doing that."

"I bet you do...So, what do you want to talk about?"

"How bout we take a seat, you're 9 so I know you'll get tired from standing for more than 30 minutes."

"Where am I supposed to si-" I stared flatly as Kakyoin motioned to a nearby cherry tree, which did _not_ have a table and two chairs beneath it when I last looked. "...Alright then" I followed the redhead to beneath the tree and soon I was sat across from him.

"Now, I'm sure you have a lot of questions, but-"

"Here's one for starters...what are you?" I motioned to our surroundings. "What is this place? Why this place in particular?"

"Oh...well, this is my realm," Kakyoin said with a bright smile. "And as for what I am...well," the redhead snapped his fingers, and a halo appeared right above his head. Two massive white wings spread out behind him. "I think it's pretty obvious, right?"

"...You're a tengu?"

"I'm an angel Joushirou…" Kakyoin said flatly. "Or a Tenshin, the terminology can be funky sometimes, but the gist is the same for the most part. This realm is an expanse where I can speak to those under my protection and guardianship...you just happen to be one of those people."

"Wait, what criteria do I meet?"

"You're a stand user, you have Hamon, and you like gorgeous women of any age."

"Of fucking course," I said lowly.

"I mean, aside from that, there's people who are reincarnated into new lives, or live in messed up worlds," the redhead smiled warmly. "It's my cosmically designated job, I was perfectly happy to take it-"

"You just wanted a harem of milfs didn't you?"

"I neither confirm nor deny it…" Kakyoin said happily. "Now, I think there's obviously a few things to touch on...for starters, how are you? I mean, it's been maybe 2 years since you regained your memories from your old life so-"

"Wait...that's what happened?" I asked, giving him a cocked eyebrow. "Shouldn't I have my memories from before I remembered my past life?"

"Well, sometimes it can be pretty traumatic to regain memories from your past life, especially if you died in a certain way," the redhead gave me a soft smile. "Drowning can be pretty traumatic, I've dealt with a good few cases to know about that."

"Ok, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't just lose memories from my new life! I've been trying to remember stuff for the past two years and-"

"Well, there's more to it than just how you died, it's also the reason you remembered your past life in the first place," Kakyoin said, giving me an unreadable gaze. "I think you know how your parents died already, don't you?"

"...Che, yeah I know exactly what happened," I growled, letting the _feeling _come over me. That was what I called the sensation I got whenever I thought about _him_. "Sarutobi thinks it was Orochimaru, but I'm not a fucking idiot. The one thing I was able to remember was that neon vampire's voice, at least a few words," I let out a growl under my breath as I rounded on the redhead. "Why this? Why did it have to be this? I could have handled the world of Naruto just by itself, but adding stands and hamon to the mix? Giving me Star Platinum and throwing me to the biggest, baddest wolf there is? Who decides this shit?"

"To be honest it's actually random most of the time, even if you're not being reincarnated. Hell, I know this boy who was born into one world, you probably know a good deal about it," Kakyoin gave me a sheepish look as he rubbed the back of his head. "He was born into a world where there is a species that can only eat people and coffee, as a hybrid between humans and that species, and boy have things not gone his way…"

"...Hehe...hehehehe...HAHAHAHA!" I didn't know why I was laughing, but at least Kakyoin wasn't freaking out. "Hah, oh shit wow! Ok, y'know what, thanks for at least putting it into perspective. I'd take DIO over being a ghoul any day," I got out the last of my chuckles and turned back to the redhead. "So, will I be able to get my memories about everything back?"

"Since you've almost lost the memories of your new life, I can maybe ask for somebody to give you some leighway there. If you get that, then you'll start to regain them gradually, but the memories you have of your old life will still probably be pretty dominant. It usually ends up like that in these cases."

"Oh good...at least I can remember my new Joestar parents," I drawled out, leaning back in my chair. "Was that everything you wanted to talk about Kakyoin?"

"Not quite…"

...Shit!

"Ok, what else is there?" I asked him, sitting straight and leaning forward expectantly.

"I know what you're planning Joushirou."

"I don't think you do…" I said lowly, hoping to use mental gymnastics to confuse the guy.

"Don't try to use mind games on me Jojo," the redhead said sternly, taking his classic pose with his arms folded, right hand pointing a finger in the air and left making an ILY sign. "I know exactly what you're going to try and do, and let me tell you right now, don't try. I've dealt with people who go to the world you're in and try the same thing, and even though some _do_ succeed, they're far and few inbetween," Kakyoin gave me a sad look. "Yes, maybe you can try and bend things a bit, but fate doesn't work like that, it might just bend the other way instead of the way you want."

The redhead unfolded his arms and waved one over his chest. "Believe me, I know that all too well," the man's chest morphed before my eyes, and I was soon treated to a mystical vision of the cause of his death; the massive hole in his body courtesy of our common enemy. The evidence of his donutification then disappeared in the blink of an eye.,

"Just because you were turned into a donut doesn't mean I shouldn't try!" I cried out as I stood up and slammed my hands on the table. "I shouldn't ignore somebody nearly dying just because "fate" says they're supposed to bite it!"

"Joushirou, I Just want to save you the disappointment…"

"Kakyoin, I have to-"

"You can't try to save Fū-"

"She shouldn't be killed just because a robed idiot got friendzoned!"

"You can't try to save Kimimaro-"

"He was manipulated by a pedophile, and deserves better! Any win against the creepy snake dude is worth it!"

"And you can't try to save Haku."

"YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH!"

"Jojo, sit down and think about it for a second!" the redhead said loudly. "If you somehow do manage to save those people, think of all the ripples it'll cause. Haku and Kimimaro are among the last of their respective clans, if they rebuild them in the future then who knows what will happen. Add onto that a Jinchūriki who, most likely due to your intervention, won't have any allegiances to a hidden village. You're asking for something bad to happen."

"...So you're saying I should just make sure things go better than normal, instead of trying to make huge and drastic changes?" I asked the man, holding a hand to my chin in thought. "Ok, I suppose I could try to do that…"

"Good, it's nice that you're actually taking a second to think it out and-wait a minute!" Kakyoin gave me an anxious look. "The way you're segwaying into this, I don't like it. That face...you're going to try and say what I think you're going to say right? Don't you say it-"

"DAGA KOTOWARU!" I cried out at the top of my lungs, giving the redhead a fierce look.

"And you said it…"

"If there's one thing that I, Joushuya Joushirou, love more than anything else, then it's saying "NO" to people who think they're hot shit!"

"...Are you done?" Kakyoin asked me flatly.

"Not even close!" I growled, giving the redhead Jotaro's menacing finger point pose. "I get it, you're trying to save me from tears when I can't save the people I feel like saving...but I'm not gonna cry over that. If they die, it's just one point where I failed and fate won, so what? The moment I woke up with this star mark on my back, I stopped being spineless about something like that. I'm determined, determined to not let things like that hold me back! That's what'll keep me going through if that happens, my DETERMINATION!"

"I'd be careful if I were you, I know one person like that and she got possessed by a psychotic demon and was killed by a comical skeleton across multiple timelines," Kakyoin chuckled as he slurped on his smoothie. "That guy, he's actually pretty cool. Knows a few things about "befriending" women of a certain type-"

"None of that!" I cried out, shielding my ears. "I don't need to hear that...anyway, I'm just saying I'm not giving up on trying to save people, examples included. I'd do it no matter what universe I was reincarnated in. If I could, I'd save Kaneki Ken from being turned into a science experiment! I'd save Pyrrha Nikos from the Cinder Fall archery camp! I'd stop Bertolt from breaking down wall Maria! I'D KEEP SHINJI FROM GETTING IN THE FUCKING ROBOT!"

"That'd be quite the job resume," the redhead said nonchalantly as he sipped on his smoothie. "I never said I'd stop you, you can try what you want Joushirou. I just wanted you to temper your expectations, and maybe get you to moderate how much you change."

"Oh come on, I haven't changed that much have I?" I asked sheepishly. "I just made friends with Naruto, helped with his chakra control, and helped Sasuke get his Sharingan early. Naruto deserves a friend, and getting the Sharingan was so stupidly easy it's not even funny. Aside from my plans to set Hinata and Naruto up early, I can't make anything worse."

"You're right actually!" Kakyoin said cheerfully. "You already caused Naruto to unlock the Mokuton, you couldn't possibly do any worse!"

"What?"

"What?" Kakyoin asked owlishly. "All I said was Kurama is gonna wake up a bit earlier than you'd expect."

"Wait, I thought you said…" I shook my head clear. "No, sorry, it must have just been my imagination. Either that or you're just fucking with me by name-dropping random bloodlines."

"Sure, why not?"

"...What's that a reference to?"

"A universe where Jaune Arc is a professor of Beacon," Kakyoin said it like it was obvious. "As for you changing things, I'll clue you in on one of the things you should prepare for...you know how Naruto was supposed to be attacked by spies from Taki while he was looting dead ninja?"

"Yeah, I vaguely recall that…"

"Well, that's happening tonight," the redhead gave me a serious look. "Naruto is supposed to be looting bodies for weapons and tools he can use, and the spies will attack him. In the normal timeline, the one without stands, vampires, and hamon, Kakashi and Iruka would save him. The changes made, one or two of them made by you-"

"Woah, woah! Let's not go and accuse-"

"_One or two of them made by you,_" Kakyoin interjected, sending me a flat look. "Because of those changes, they're going to be a little late. The spies will probably capture Naruto as a hostage, then find out he's a Jinchūriki and take him with them for their own benefit. My suggestion...you be the one to stop it this time."

"Me?" I pointed to myself confusedly. "I...I don't know if I'd be able to take them down, even if I've gotten stronger in the past two years."

"You don't have to take them down. Like I said, Kakashi and Iruka will just be late, not that they're not coming," Kakyoin gave me a wry smirk. "All you have to do is hold them off."

The redhead leaned over and patted me on the shoulder. "You don't have to make the decision now Jojo, you still have the entire day to think about it after all."

"Wait, entire day?" I asked him, gaping as he pulled another cherry off his smoothie and began licking it.

"*ReroReroRero* Well duh *ReroReroRero* it's almost morning after all *ReroReroRero*."

"Morning?!"

Kakyoin pulled the cherry from his mouth and gave me a bright smile. "Yeah, unfortunate huh...it was nice talking to you Joushirou. Try to think over what I've tried to tell you."

"Wait, hang on-"

"**Haierofanto** **In Hebun!"**

***CRAAAASSSHHHHHHCCCCCKKKKKKKKKVVVVVVVRRRrrrrrrrrr***

* * *

"AGAHAGOOBGAAAHH!"

…

Holy fuck that was an acid trip of a dream. There were milfs, tentacle monsters, and Kakyoin Noriaki was there for some reason, telling me not to fuck everything up to much. Pretty fucking crazy huh?

That was only a dream right? Kakyoin didn't actually use his Heaven Ascension stand to pull my mind into his angel world to talk to me, right? Wait, what is this slimy orb in my-

...I looked at the saliva slickened cherry in my hand for several seconds. Then the gooped fruit immediately met the wastebin at the far side of my room.

So I didn't dream that up huh? Good to know I have a guardian angel watching me, with his harem of milfs at hand and his overpowered stand that can drag my mind into his angel world if he wants to.

Fucking brilliant!

***DO~RURURURURU! DO~RURURURURU!***

And my alarm clock still sounds like Doppio! AHA, now I remember where I heard that noise before...wait, why does my alarm sound like Doppio? Wait, alarm...SHIT I'M GONNA BE LATE FOR SCHOOL!

"Yare Yare...just my fuckin luck…"

* * *

**Stand: Hierophant in Heaven**

**User: Kakyoin Noriaki (Angel)**

**Destructive Power: B**

**Speed: A**

**Range: **∞

**Durability/Persistence: A**

**Precision: B**

**Developmental Potential: A**

**Abilities(so far): Can temporarily remove the consciousness of a person and place it somewhere else, even if this place is outside the flow of time and space. Due to Kakyoin's status as an angel, he cannot use this ability to interfere with events without permission, he can only use it to bring others to his realm and speak to them.**

**Aside from this, Hierophant retains all of it's core abilities from before Kakyoin's death, including it's coiled body made up of it's true form, a web of tentacles, as well as the ever famous and easily deflectable "Emerald Splash" that Kakyoin is famous for.**

* * *

"..ojo…"

Damn redhead with his overpowered stand, screwing with my head before I go to school.

"..ey...Jo…"

Making me think about fate and the consequences of my actions and shit. What kind of bull is that? Moderating how much I change things? I'll show you moderation you cherry donut mother-

"HEY JOJO!"

"...Hmm?" I turned to see a familiar blonde glaring at me comically.

"Dammit Jojo, you can't fall asleep during lunch like this!" Naruto whisper-yelled. "I had to strong-arm you into going a whole two months without detentions, we're getting that free period dammit!"

"Hn," Sasuke growled from his seat next to Shino. "You didn't strong-arm him, you got down on your knees and begged him not to get detentions for the month so we could have a free period to work on chakra control with him."

"If I remember correctly Uchiha, you also got down on your knees with Naruto," the bug-user chided.

"You can't prove that I did!"

I admit, I was sorta on the fence about Sasuke joining our small group of friends. But, I figured it'd be a win against Orochimaru if I could convince the kid to _not _go with the creepy snake after he got the curse hickey...Also, he started off by stalking Naruto and by extension me. I wasn't about to let Sasuke, the guy who currently is looking for any means to kill his older brother, see me training with how to use my stand.

Of course, Sasuke stalking us was Naruto's fault in the first place. The blonde found out about the Uzumaki clan, and was cheering about finally learning he wasn't some clanless nobody from the orphanage. The bitch that flunked medic nin class had to try to ruin it though, and obviously Iruka had to go on about how the Uzumakis had a regeneration bloodline and Naruto probably didn't have it.

Naruto, being the ever so tactful person he was, brought a kunai out and cut his hand. After the blonde proved that yes, he was an Uzumaki, Sarutobi had the kid taken to his office for a "talk". After he rejoined us, Sasuke stalked us the entire way to Ichiraku's, which I called him out for. Then he went on a spiel about how he and Naruto were similar because their clans were wiped out, and it was up to them to rebuild them. The blonde barely understood what the Uchiha was talking about, but the three of us were at least able to bond over our dead parents.

I feel kinda bad that Shino was left out…

On the other hand, I was glad that Naruto's healing was mostly his own. When I looked at the gash he cut into his hand, I was sure I would have seen some creepy red demon chakra. But no, his healing worked perfectly fine without the Kyuubi. It was actually jarring that Kurama was going to be waking up any day now, or probably was already awake and messing with my friend's head.

Wait, didn't Kakyoin say Naruto had a bloodline? No wait, I was imagining that...yes, imagining, because Kakyoin is a milf-loving angel who loves to fuck with me.

"Yare Yare, you can both relax ok," I said. "We were as well behaved as possible for the last month, we should have a shared free period."

"At least you've been able to go a month without beating up anybody who looks at you the wrong way," the Uchiha hissed lowly. "Hopefully it paid off, we can celebrate later with ramen."

"Getting a free period isn't something to celebrate with ramen," I said blithely.

"Well getting 3 months straight of detentions isn't something to celebrate either!" the Uchiha cried out.

"ALRIGHT EVERYBODY! Lunch is up!" Iruka called out.

"I guess we head to class then," I said, standing up to head out.

"Hold up Joushirou, I've gotta talk to you!"

Oh boy, here we go…

"What did I do this time Iruka-sensei?"

"Nothing in the past two months actually…" the scarred man said. "Believe it or not, you have a free period" he looked over to the three boys trailing behind me. "You're all among a small group of people with a free period today...although-"

"And your next line is-"

"**I'd strongly advise you four don't take it all at once."**

"...Eh?" Iruka shook his head and glared at me. "You do know that's really annoying, right?"

"Yeah, whatever," I said blithely. "We're taking it all at once because we actually have stuff to work on y'know."

"I doubt Naruto using his fūinjutsu for pranks counts as classwork in his extracurricular…"

"We're working on chakra control," I said flatly, surprising the scarred chūnin. "Naruto and I have shit control, so we need to try and get it under wraps. Sasuke just wants to use more fireballs than normal, and Shino wants to be able to conserve chakra for his bugs."

"Well, it's good that you four really want to get the leaf-sticking exercise down."

"...Yeah, the leaf-sticking exercise," I said nervously. "That's...totally what we're going over the next period."

"Well, try not to go overboard...and Naruto," Iruka gave the blond a stern glare. "No!"

"No to what?!"

"No to whatever prank you're thinking up for the week," the scarred chūnin said as he left.

"Can you believe that guy?! I swear he doesn't have faith in me…" the blonde trailed off with a low growl.

"No," I said as we walked to the courtyard, hoping the blonde caught onto it.

"Wha?! What are you going on about?!"

"No to whatever petty revenge scheme you're cooking up to deal with Iruka-sensei."

"Am I that predictable?" Naruto thought aloud.

"I'm gonna go with yes," Sasuke said flatly. "I've been around you for almost a year, and I've figured out the face you make when you're in that mood."

"Dammit!" the blonde growled. "Hey, so what are we supposed to be doing anyway Jojo? What's this trick you figured out that can help with chakra control?"

"Well-"

"Hey, you four!" a voice called out. I turned to the exit to the lunchroom to be greeted by the sight of a man I had grown to hate within the last year.

Tsu Mizuki, chūnin academy instructor and future traitor to our village, currently our secondary teacher for the next few years. Considering how he would glare at the blonde when he thought nobody was looking, and I secretly caught him trying to sabotage him, I knew he was going to try and frame Naruto for stealing the scroll of seals even if the kid graduated. Fortunately I had already pulled out a contingency plan, but I was still unsure of how to deal with him at the end of it...

Steely Dan treatment, or Cioccolata special? I tried flipping coins, playing "eeny,meeny,miny,moe", even tried a dart board. I kinda wanted to save the Cioccolata special for Orochimaru or Obito, but it was just hard to resist the urge to "ORA!" somebody for a whole 32 seconds.

Maybe I'm overthinking it?

"How can we help you Mizuki-sensei?" the blonde chittered, oblivious to Mizuki's fake smile and the look of disgust glinting in his eyes.

"I heard you guys were gonna take your free period in a bit" the silver-haired man leaned forward with a wide grin. "I was wondering if you could help me out with something-"

"Actually, we were gonna take our free period to work on chakra control," I cut in. "Really sorry Mizuki-sensei, but it's pretty important for us to deal with this."

"Gee, I dunno, you guys sure you don't want the extra credit?"

"Extra credit?" Naruto whipped his head towards the future traitor with a fierce gaze.

...Please don't take the bait Naruto.

"Pfft! The hell are you talking about, extra credit?" the blonde laughed. "We just spent two months trying to get a free period, do you honestly think we'd need the extra credit?"

"I...wait what?"

Oh thank kami, bullet dodged.

"Thanks for the offer Mizuki-sensei, but it's not really appealing," the blonde said cheerfully. "We need to work on chakra control as much as possible in the long run, otherwise we'll be shit outta luck when graduation comes."

I let out a snort as Naruto pulled us along to the courtyard excitedly, leaving a gaping Mizuki behind. I looked back to him one last time and met his cold gaze with my own, making sure my pupils narrowed into slits for added intimidation. After a few seconds, the silver-haired man looked away with a huff and walked off while muttering to himself.

I could only imagine what kind of shit that guy did to Naruto in canon before graduation. How many pranks done under the misguided belief of "extra credit" were there? Who knows, but I'm stopping it before it can even start.

Once the blonde had brought us to the courtyard, he clapped his hands together and began a spiel about the state of our chakra control and why we needed to improve it. I was busy noting the other students taking their free periods at the same time. Obviously Sakura and Ino were givens, considering who was with me. Aside from that, there were a few of my fangirls who were too shy to try and approach me, and the shy Hyūga hiding in the bushes who was desperately hoping she wasn't noticed by us.

Yup, fixing that up today right after we finish this up. If I didn't get him to notice while they were both 10, he'd be dense and oblivious for the rest of his natural born life. I think I can try and fit Hinata somewhere in between the chakra control and the spies trying to murder the boy she loves.

"Hey Jojo!" said blonde called my name excitedly. "Quit spacin' out man! So what are we supposed to do for chakra control?"

"...Right!" I said quickly, hoping to save face. "Well, for starters we need to remember why we need better control. We're all going to show off the bunshin."

"Dammit!" Naruto hissed, preparing to form the right seals. "Alright, what are the signs again? Tora, I, Ushi, Inu-"

"No that's wrong, I think," Sasuke said, forming his hands into a set of seals. "It's Hitsuji, Mi, Tora! Then we get the bunshin-"

"Actually, both work either way" Shino corrected.

"Look, it doesn't matter which set of handseals you use," I said exasperatedly. "Just use the jutsu and make a bunch of copies of yourself."

Naruto nodded quickly and formed his seals into the set he was familiar with. The result was basically what I expected from canon, with three dead Narutos lain on the ground. The blonde hung his head and whined.

Sasuke's success wasn't a surprise. Standing next to him was a perfect copy of himself, and two slightly paler versions of him. I tilted my head slightly trying to figure out which normal Sasuke was the real one, but then the one of the left let out a "hn", and I figured it out pretty quickly. Bunshin, or the intangible kind, weren't able to talk or make noises of any sort.

Shino's simply looked a bit paler than normal, but it wasn't immediately noticeable. They were near perfect copies, so his high collar partially hid their faces and the sunglasses probably blocked out what passes for eyes.

Finally, I had to show off mine. I let out an annoyed sigh and formed the standard set of seals, and watched the fallout.

"Oooohh, spooky!"

"Hn, at least don't make fun of him for it. He gave us that courtesy, we should do the same."

"It is rather fascinating how yours always turn out Jojo."

The downside to being a stand-user with poor chakra control? My clones were transparent, like fucking ghosts...which makes sense, since I have a punch ghost and whatnot. It wasn't that they looked dead, they weren't pale or lying on the ground unresponsive. They were just see-throughey and stuff, even Star Platinum looked more tangible than that.

"Hey, it's not like these things wouldn't be useful," Naruto said cheerfully. "If we ever needed to make a haunted house attraction, you'd be the guy to call!"

"That'd make money at least," I snarked as I dispelled my clones. "Now, I'm betting you all want to know how to fix these problems, right?"

"Yes, I need to deal with this dattebayo!"

"Hn, I'd be able to throw more fireballs out at least."

"...Tell us."

"Well, after spying on some jōnin while they were training their genin teams, I figured out the answer," I crossed my arms in a pose, one hand splaying my fingers in front of my face and the other one pointing directly behind me. "We need to climb these trees!"

The three of them stared at me owlishly for a good minute. It was Naruto that decided to speak up first.

"Climb trees right?"

"Yes...but not like normal," I said cheekily. "We're going to climb the trees...using only our feet!"

"...Jojo, are you sure you're alright?" the blonde asked nervously, walking forward and putting a hand to my forehead worriedly. "Are you on drugs? I know I live in a bad neighborhood, but I figured you'd be smart enough not to give an ear to creepy guy on the street with the big trenchcoat."

"I'm not on drugs," I said flatly. "I actually found out about a chakra control technique that involves walking up a tree with only...Y'know what, screw it! I'll just show you instead!"

With that, I walked over to the nearest tree and planted my right foot on the trunk. If I was remembering the exercise correctly, you essentially had to push the right amount of chakra to your feet in order to make yourself a giant magnet...towards trees. All I had to do was push enough chakra that I wouldn't slip, but it was little enough that I wouldn't cause an explosion under my feet and launch myself away from the tree.

Once I felt confident that my foot was actually sticking to the tree instead of just laying there, I moved my other foot onto the trunk. Using the tree climbing technique, I figured this must be like what the Z-Warriors went through in gravity training. I was willing my feet to become chakra magnets for wood, so it seemed as though my legs were being pulled down by a force of gravity. Nonetheless, I kept walking up the tree until I stood beneath a huge branch. When I was finally able to see my group of friends and the girl hiding in the bushes, they were all gaping at me in shock.

"So yeah...this," I said in a strained voice. "This is a chakra control technique, so it'll be helpful for getting the bunshin perfected, or at least passable for graduation."

"...How?!" Naruto wheezed out.

"To do this, you need to put a fixed amount of chakra at your feet," I said from my spot beneath the branch. "If you put too little, you'll slip, too much and you'll make an explosion beneath your feet and be launched away. You need to put the right amount to walk up the trunk" I said, all while pacing back and forth on the underside of the branch so I could walk better while using the technique.

"That makes sense" Shino mused.

"Hn, guess you do know something…"

"Hold on!" the blonde cried out, holding his hands up anxiously. "Could you maybe dumb it down a bit? I barely caught it."

I stared at Naruto for a few seconds before sighing. "You put chakra in your feet, and make your feet magnets for wood. Then you walk up tree without exploding or falling."

"That's a bit too dumbed down," the blonde said. "Also, magnets for wood? I said dumbed down, not utterly stupid."

"I couldn't make it sound good without the magnets for wood part," I said flatly.

"So what, just put my foot up against a tree?" Naruto said, walking up to a tree and laying his foot on the trunk. "Then what? I'll put the smallest amount of chakra I can manag-"

***BOOM***

***CRASH***

"...Holy shit!" Sasuke hissed lowly.

Of all the things I was expecting, I didn't account for the blonde's chakra reserves being that expansive. The moment Naruto willed chakra to his foot to try tree climbing, an explosion came into existence beneath his sandal. Not only was he launched into the building, probably crashing into whatever classroom was there, but the tree was laying on its side, the stump looking so horribly mangled that you wouldn't have been able to tell it had been a healthy tree there a minute before.

"What the hell just happened?!"

Oh shit thats Iruka-sensei...this is bad.

The scarred chūnin stormed out of the building, a familiar orange-clad form draped over his shoulder. The moment he caught sight of me standing on the underside of a tree branch, his expression morphed into some strange mix of rage, surprise, and horror. I have to figure out a way to save face somehow.

...Shit I got nothing.

"Joushirou, could you please explain to me…" Iruka looked to me and Naruto. "Explain everything, how 'bout that?"

"I spied on some genin teams being trained in order to figure out how to do this, and when Naruto tried his foot exploded."

The scarred man chewed on his lip for a few seconds as he looked back to the blonde. "And how did you explode?"

"I dunno," Naruto lifted his head slightly to face Iruka. "I used the smallest amount of chakra I could manage."

The scarred chūnin looked to the exploded tree. "That's from the smallest amount you could make?"

"Yeah, smallest I could manage," the blonde said nervously. "Is something wrong with my chakra? Because I don't think normal chakra is supposed to be explosive…"

"Naruto, nothing is wrong with your chakra specifically," the chūnin glanced to his side in thought. "You just...well, it seems you have a lot more than most people should have."

"I have a lot of chakra?" Naruto asked dumbly, getting a nod from the scarred man. "...Hehe...I have a lot of chakra…" the blonde started giggling madly. "I have a lot of chakra...I HAVE A LOT OF CHAKRA!"

"...Anybody else worried?" I asked from my spot under the tree branch.

"Perhaps just a tiny bit."

"Hn...this may be a bad thing…"

"Oh Kami what have I done?!" Iruka whispered.

"I have so much chakra! There's no way I won't be Hokage, dattebayo!"

"Having a lot of chakra doesn't do you any good if you don't have enough control over it," I called out, getting a flat look from the blonde. "Naruto, if you want to be able to graduate, pace on trees with me."

"After exploding the last one? How bout-"

"Yes!" Iruka cut in. "Look, if Joushirou gets new techniques from spying on jōnin senseis, then that's their fault for not finding him out. If the leaf sticking exercise isn't working for you Naruto, then try this" he motioned to my status beneath the tree branch. "Jōnin use this in order to segway into a lot of advanced jutsu for their students. You could really benefit from this."

"...From walking up trees by turning my feet into magnets for wood?"

"Is that how you explained it?" the scarred man asked me with an owlish look. "That just makes it sound stupid."

"Thank you for that Iruka-sensei…"

"Naruto, how 'bout this," the scarred chūnin put his hands on the blonde's shoulders. "I'll let you out of class the entire day...if you do this until the end of school."

"...No class for the whole day?"

"None!"

"All I have to do is try to climb the tree with just my feet?"

"Yep!"

The blonde grabbed the scarred man's hand with a cheerful cry. "You've got a deal Iruka-sensei!"

* * *

"Ugh...my legs hurt…"

"Yeah, I probably should have mentioned the pacing," I told the blonde. "I've been training with it for a while and it was still pretty hard to move my legs when I was up there."

"I guess it's just something you get used to..." Sasuke said tiredly. "I think I felt my legs getting less heavy as time went on...unless that was the adrenaline," the Uchiha turned his head to me dangerously. "You know we're being followed, right Jojo?"

Oh yes, this was my chance. "Yeah, she's been following us for an entire year now…" I trailed off while sheepishly rubbing the back of my head. "Actually, she's following Naruto if you want to be specific."

"Wait, a girl is following me?" the blonde said, uncharacteristically quiet for once. "This isn't a trick is it? Why the hell would a girl be tailing me?"

"Yare Yare Daze, just go talk to her if you're so damn curious," I said curtly. "If you manage to catch her, she'll probably spill the beans pretty quickly."

"Yes, of course!" the blonde looked to the ground in thought, then looked forward with a fierce look. "I have the perfect plan to deal with it...I'll catch up with you guys tomorrow, just gotta handle this."

Naruto jumped forward cheerfully and rounded the corner of a nearby building. When Sasuke and I ran to catch up with him, we found nothing. The orange clad blonde had disappeared, not even a fleeting glimpse of the boy's ugly jumpsuit could be seen. I could only hope that the blonde didn't screw things up with Hinata before they could begin.

What am I kidding, that girl was gonna faint the second he popped up behind her.

"Well, if he's alright, I'll be heading off," the Uchiha said blithely as he walked off. "You take care, I have to meet with a member of the elder council for something."

"You take care too," I said over my shoulder. "I've got some personal stuff to deal with…"

Namely getting back home to plan out how to deal with my friend being attacked by spies. An event which I had little to no knowledge of since I skipped multiple episodes of shippuden, so the only reason I know is because of a cherry donut angel who loves milfs. I'd never say that all out loud of course, because Konoha does in fact have a mental institution.

About an hour after I had gotten home, I was already filling my satchels and belts with blunted kunai. They wouldn't be deadly enough to make a kill unless I my targeting was good, but I had Star Platinum for that. Now I just needed to get to Naruto.

Which is why a good few minutes later I was staking out his apartment, waiting to see if he came out. If he didn't, then I'd have to track him by scent and hope I wasn't too late. Thankfully fate wasn't completely screwing me over, because just as sunset hit the orange clad blonde left his apartment with a visible skip in his step and a genuinely happy smile on his face.

That has to mean things went well with Hinata, right? Because then my meticulous planning was for the past two years was all for nothing.

I followed the blonde just close enough to not lose him, but hopefully I was far enough that he wasn't going to notice me. In the village proper it was easier, since all I had to do was duck around a corner or hide behind a trash can or barrel. When we got to the forest, things got a lot harder, since I had to use trees and I almost lost the kid a few times.

Huh, this is the hill near the academy...the one where, if I remember correctly, Iruka said to stay away from for the next few weeks or so. In fact, he included the classic "under no circumstances" and "I'll skin you alive" threats with it. Why the hell did he think that would work?

When the blonde finally stopped at a clearing, I hid in the shadows and used both my hamon and slightly improved chakra control to attract a piles worth of leaves to me. Using the ripple, I covered myself in the foliage as quietly as possible while still leaving my face open so I could see.

"Alright, corpse...corpse...where can I find a corpse," the blonde said quietly.

When I think of the word "graverobber", Naruto of all people never actually came to mind.

"I've always played around here when I was younger," the blonde said, looking around for his prize. "So I thought I knew this place pretty well...still, would have been nice for more specific directions."

"..._**Sutā Purachina!**_" I hissed as lowly as possible, willing my stand forth while keeping him as transparent as I could without him losing the ability to grab stuff. With a single mental command, SP darted his hands into the ripple infused leaves and pulled out as many kunai as possible.

While I hated that undead bastard for whatever he did, I wasn't going to deny that he made good use of his timestop. So, if I took a cue from him, what harm would there be?

"Aha!" the blonde cried out happily. "This stuff…this is from the battle they were talking about!"

I almost forgot everybody was talking about the spies being fought the other day, even though we shouldn't have been talking about it. I watched as Naruto bounced around trees looking for the dead body, as well as grabbing whatever weapons he thought might be useful. Finally, he came upon a kunai that didn't look like the Konoha standard, with some paper attached to it.

"Huh, look at this...oh yeah!" the blonde held it above his head. "This is definitely a kunai used by the enemy nin the other day. Finally, something good!"

Naruto's cheerful demeanor was put to a stop when a similar kunai flew right past his face and embedded itself within the tree behind him.

"Oi kid! Would you be so kind as to hand over that Kunai?" a robed figure said, followed by two more. Despite how covered they were, I was able to figure out a certain piece of information about them.

...OH SHEET!

They're women...as in, the female sex. Why are the spies women?! I thought they were gonna be dudes, how am I supposed to kill them now?!

"Wha?! Why are you-" the blonde backed away nervously. "I-I don't know if I should be d-doing that ninja-san, I s-sure this is all a b-big misunderstanding."

"Hmm? Oh well," the apparent lead spy said amusedly. "I suppose we'll just have to go ahead and take it by force, won't we?" at that, the three spies unsheathed the ninjatō strapped to their backs, and pointed them directly at the blonde's face.

"Woah! Hey, wait a sec!" Naruto stiffened and went quiet when the flat of the leader's blade pressed against his cheek.

"Hey, this kid," one of the spies said skeptically. "Spiky blonde hair, blue eyes, lightly tanned skin…"

Oh shit! If they figured out who his dad was, he was either dead or captured.

"What of it?" the leader asked.

"He just seems familiar, but I can't put my finger on-"

"Wait, hang on!" the other spy said. "Look at him...the whiskers, pointy teeth...looks like the yondaime didn't kill it after all, huh?"

"Well I'll be damned…" the lead spy said lowly, leaning towards the blonde's face. "This will be good, think about it! Our village will have two of them, especially if they're so powerful, and this one clearly has more control. We can use that as a basis for her training."

"Getting him out of the village won't be easy though," one of them said.

"Wait, what the hell are you guys going on about?!" the blonde cried out.

Yeah, wasn't gonna let this go on from here now that they knew about Kurama.

***VRRRRRRRRRMMMMM* **

***SHINK**SHINK**SHINK* **

_Ichi-byō keika_

"Just a few dozen more…"

***SHINK**SHINK**SHINK***

_Ni-byō keika_

"One more volley…"

***SHINK**SHINK**SHINK* **

_San-byō keika_

"Alright" I called out, standing from my leaf pile and walking forward. "That should be good for now."

_Yon-byō keika_

"Four seconds huh? Sweet…" I looked back to my stand. "Alright then, **Toki wa ugokidasu!**"

***VRRRRRRRRRmmmmmmm***

***KA-SHINK***

"GAH!"

"The hell!?"

"What in the world?!"

I jumped forward and placed myself in front of the bewildered blonde just as the kunai flew straight into the spies. The women jumped away from most of the blades, being nicked by only a few. The lead spy took her helmet off to reveal an aged face and grey hair, all while attempting to pin me down with a hateful gaze.

"Well look at that, another gaki was hiding in the bushes...and a fast one at that."

"...Naruto, get going!" I said lowly.

"Jojo? Wait, hold on! You can't-"

"Naruto, just go!" I growled. "Iruka should be somewhere nearby, probably helping with the investigation into these creeps. Go find him, I'll handle it from here."

The blonde looked between me and the spies for a few seconds, then nodded to me before running off. I stared down the lead spy just as the other two got to their feet.

"Don't let the blonde one get away!"

"Sorry, but that's not one of your options here," I growled. "You can either leave, or find out how it feels to eat through a straw...it's your choice ladies."

"This one is a cocky brat too!" the silver-haired spy said as the other two pulled off their helmets. "We aren't in the mood for games kid, step aside and we might let you live."

I pulled out a sharpened kunai in response and held it menacingly towards them. The lead spy 'tched' and sheathed her sword.

Now I just had to figure out a plan to beat them down without killing them. I still had a good few dozen kunai left, maybe I could stop time and aim for their feet. If I could reach a nearby cliff, I could use the life magnetism overdrive to make a glider out of leaves and fly off. I just needed to hold them off for-hey how did I get on the ground?

"Hmph...you didn't even see me coming for you gaki," the lead spy pressed her foot down on my chest hard before walking back to the other two. "Alright, let's grab the blonde, he shouldn't have gotten too far out-"

***KA-SHINK***

The spies glared in my direction as a kunai sailed past their heads and stuck itself into the tree behind them. The lead spy stared at me for a few seconds, then flashed me a wide smirk.

"Do that again gaki…" the silver-haired woman sneered. "But don't be afraid to try to kill me this time, really."

***KA-SHINK***

Again, the kunai missed her head by several inches. Instead of getting mad, the woman started to giggle madly before walking towards me. In only a few seconds, she was directly in front of me.

"That sharp one, try to stab me with it...or better yet," the spy tilted her head amusedly. "Go ahead and try to cut my head off. Go on, we're waiting."

I swung as hard as possible, aiming for the woman's throat to decapitate her. Instead of that however, the blade was far away from her neck. In fact, my hand had darted for the space beside it almost by instinct. The silver-haired woman began laughing like a madwoman.

"Oh, this is rich!" she cried out. "You can't attack a woman?! What kind of shinobi in training are you gaki?!"

"You wouldn't understand…" I said, gritting my teeth. "I've had it pushed on me most of my life to never hurt girls...and if I had actually decapitated you there, my Jiji would have rolled in his grave."

"PFFT! That's hilarious!" the lead spy cried out. "You're an interesting kid, and I'd love to hear more about this Jiji you idolize so much...but we can't stay for long..." she turned around and began walking back to the other two spies. "I can't let that blonde brat get away with the intel paper on that kunai, so I don't have time for chit-chat with a **useless **brat like you."

.

.

.

.

.

.

"Excuse me? What did you just call me?"

"Oh?" the silver-haired woman turned back to me with a vicious sneer. "Maybe you need to get your ears cleaned gaki! I called you **useless. USELESS USELESS USELESS!**"

**MUDA!MUDA!MUDA!MUDA!MUDA!MUDA!MUDA!**

_**PTSD Status = TRIGGERED!**_

_**System Response: The Yoshikage Supreme**_

"**ORA!"**

***SMASH***

"GAAAHH!" the silver-haired woman's face caved in partly as Star Platinum's fist collided with her cheek. The other two spies gaped in shock at my stand's emergence, as well as the light-speed attack inflicted on their leader.

What was I thinking about? Well, considering the circumstances.

"DIOOOOOOOOOOO!"

There was really only one person on my mind.

"**ORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORA!"**

"AGGHHHHH!"

"DIOOOOOO!"

""**ORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORA!" **Star Platinum reared his fist back one more time before slamming it into the woman with a vicious punch to her gut. "**ORA!"**

With that, the lead spy went flying backwards into the tree, causing wood to splinter and fly from the point of impact. The other two spies looked back to their leader, than to me, eyes wide in terror. The dirty blonde spy backed away shivering, while the long-haired brunette gulped nervously.

"Y-You wouldn't be opposed to being seduced, would you sweetie?"

"DIOOOOOOOOO!"

"I didn't think so…"

"**ORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORA-"**

* * *

"And that's how it happened Hokage-sama" I said flatly.

Currently, Naruto and I sat in the Hokage's office, directly in front of the man himself. Behind us stood Iruka and Kakashi, the latter reading a familiar orange porn book while the former looked between me and the blonde nervously. Sarutobi Hiruzen smoked his pipe with a closed-eyes expression, then opened them to look at us.

"So, you lured the three of them off of a cliff with a genjutsu, then beat them when they were downed with broken legs?" the old man blew a ring of smoke in contemplation. "Rather pragmatic of you, and quite impressive, considering the three were apparently Tokubetsu Jōnin," the Hokage gave me a blank stare.

"...Well, that was pretty obvious huh?" I said nonchalantly. "A full jōnin wouldn't have ever fallen for a plan that stupid."

"Joushirou..." the old man said lowly. "I highly doubt you could have pulled that sort of thing off, even with your impressive grades and unique skill set."

"I was able to hide from multiple jōnin while spying on their teams," I responded.

"Ah yes, I heard about that...apparently Naruto's issues with the graduation jutsu stem from his large chakra reserves," Hiruzen regarded the blonde for a few seconds. "That is rather standard for members of the Uzumaki clan after all."

Naruto beamed as I let out a sigh. "Alright, lay it on me Hokage-sama...how long will the detention be?"

"You don't have detention Joushirou," the old man said, blowing some more smoke with his pipe. "While we don't have the best relationship with Takigakure, we're definitely nowhere near being enemies. They gave us an official apology for the unwarranted attack on the two academy students...one issue they did find was that the three kunoichi seemed to have common post traumatic stress responses…" the hokage leveled a flat glare at me. "They seemed to react quite adversely to the word "Ora"...you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you Joushirou?"

"...It's called the Steely Dan treatment and-"

"Nevermind then," the old man quickly moved away from the subject. "How did you know Naruto would be there, or that he would be in trouble?"

...I guess I gotta tell the truth huh?

"A milf-loving angel who likes to lick cherries visited me in my dreams," I started. "He told me about how Naruto loots corpses to get new equipment and that he'd be in trouble while trying to do it, he even mentioned last night specifically."

Everybody stared at me owlishly for several seconds. Kakashi had actually lifted his head from his book and pulled up his Hitai-ate to reveal his widened sharingan. Even the ANBU hiding in the shadows, ROOT or otherwise, were gaping at me in shock.

Then they all started laughing. Even the ROOT ANBU were going off, which shouldn't have been possible, but it was happening.

"HAHA...Oh goodness," the old man wiped a tear from his eye. "Milf-loving angel, that's a new one Joushirou. I've heard some ridiculous things...please tell me you'll use that as an excuse for your misbehaviors, I really need to have a good laugh once in a while."

"I think I could tell Jiraiya about this," Kakashi said in between giggles. "He could use some new ideas for the next book."

I just stared forward blankly, not even surprised that they didn't believe me. Hell, I was counting on it...on the one hand, it was still pretty infuriating.

"Yare Yare Daze…"

* * *

**←To Be Continued**

* * *

**OMAKE - In Another World with ****｢Crazy Diamond｣**

Naruto stared mutely at the boy he was told to sit next to. He obviously wasn't in the junior academy, and judging by his facial features and height, he was a year older than any of the other students. The boy wore a buttoned up dark blue jacket with an anchor and hearts on the collar, the top unbuttoned and pinned aside by a heart and a peace sign to reveal a red undershirt.

The most striking feature of course, had to be the older boy's dark purple hair, or rather the style it was done up in. Naruto had seen pompadours before, but never to such a well kept state as his new classmate's. It would have looked tacky on anybody else, but somehow this boy made it work.

"Alright then, Joushuya Josuke?"

"Ah?! Umm, present" the pompadoured boy said.

It took several seconds for Naruto to realize that his outburst from earlier wasn't even being talked about. Everybody was looking at Josuke, courtesy of his rather flamboyant hairstyle.

"Alright, everybody get your history textbooks out! We're going to start reading about the founding of Konoha…" the scar-faced man called out, giving the class a flat look when several students let out stereotypical groans. "Quiet, all of you! Turn to page eight of your textbooks and get to reading!"

After Naruto dug through his pack furiously for several seconds, the realization caused him to go pale.

"H-hey, Iruka-sensei! Where were we supposed to grab our textbooks from?" the blonde called out, standing up with a raised hand. "I don't actually have one, and I'm not sure where to buy them…"

The scarred chūnin looked at the boy owlishly. "N-Naruto, you're supposed to be given all the required textbooks and scrolls you'll need for the academy after you've applied…" Iruka trailed off, realizing something when he saw the blonde's confused expression. "Did...did you really not get all that stuff?"

"No, I didn't! I was only told to bring writing utensils and all that crap, nobody gave me any textbooks…" the blonde shrunk nervously as the whispers started, already feeling the intense pressure he was used to. He could hear several choice words directed at him, and he gulped quietly as he tried to contain himself.

"Woah, hey!" a soft voice cried out. Naruto looked to his side to see the pompadoured boy offering his own textbook. "Here, you can borrow mine if you want."

"...Are you sure?" the blonde asked, still blinking at the other boy owlishly.

"Yeah, really it's no skin off my back," the taller boy said nervously as he rubbed the back of his head. "I was reading it all summer, and I think I've got it committed to memory, so I'll be fine."

""Gee, thanks!" the blonde cried out cheerfully as he grabbed the book. "Ah, when should I return this?"

"I think around lunch would be fine" the taller boy said.

* * *

Sasuke tilted his head forth every which way as he scrutinized the pompadoured boy. After a few minutes, he let out a "hn" and stared at his taller classmate flatly.

"Alright Joushuya, what's your deal?" the Uchiha asked.

"...Deal?" the tall boy asked nervously. "I'm not sure what you mean Uchiha-san, I was just talking to Naruto and-"

"Why do you act so nice?" Sasuke leaned forward. "What, did your parents brainwash you or something?"

"I don't think they would have, even if they were still alive…"

"...Shit," the Uchiha reared back in mortification. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said dumb shit like that. My family is dead too so I understand...this isn't making it better is it?"

"No, it's fine Uchiha-san" the taller boy waved his hands nervously in front of himself.

Shino, having stood nearby alongside Kiba watching the scene, decided to walk forward and address the older boy.

"What do you think of bugs?" the bug-user asked in a monotone voice, catching the taller boy off guard.

"Bugs...huh, well I don't mind them too much, aside from mosquitoes," Josuke rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "To be honest, I'm more on the fence about reptiles than anything...turtles and snakes just really creep me out."

Shino beamed beneath his sunglasses and high collar. "I think I can share that sentiment."

"Hey, don't you have a spine or somethin'?" Kiba growled out, leaning forward directly into the taller boy's face and invading his personal bubble. "I think I'm gonna start calling you "Jojo" from now on, how 'bout that?"

"Ah...well, thank you, I guess" the taller boy said nervously.

"What a wuss…" the dog-boy huffed.

"Oi, gakis!" a voice called out, causing the five boys to stiffen and stand from their lunch table. Heading towards them was the second teacher of their class, Mikihito. The big-lipped man sneered at the blonde and the pompadoured boy viciously.

"Ah, hell fishlips-sensei" Naruto churned out, only realising what he had said after the fact.

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST CALL ME GAKI?!" the fish-lipped chūnin snarled at the boy. "You little demon brat, why I oughta-"

"W-Wait!" Josuke placed himself in front of the blonde and put his hands up defensively. "I'm sure he didn't mean it, he obviously slipped up, no need to punish him!"

"Get out of my face gaki!" the big-lipped man roared. "Or maybe that stupid hair of yours is making you do shit that's just as stupid, huh?"

"...Excuse me?" the pompadoured boy's face became shadowed and his mouth formed into a thin line. "Could you please repeat that for me sensei? I didn't quite catch it."

"Oh?!" Mikihito sneered viciously and pointed at the boy's pompadour. "I was talking about this shitty piece of garbage you call a hairstyle gaki! That piece of shit hasn't been popular in 30 years, it's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen," the chūnin flicked the tip of the pompadour with a laugh. "Maybe if you're lucky, a bird might actually think it would work as a passable nest...but only if you're lucky gaki! HAHAHA!"

"...Bastard!" the tall boy began to glow bright pink as his face morphed into an expression of fiery rage. "WHAT DID YOU JUST FUCKING SAY ABOUT MY HAIR?!"

"Eh? What the hell are you-"

**"DORA!"**

***CRACK***

Naruto and the others gaped in amazement as a muscular bright pink humanoid clad in crystalline armor emerged from the tall boy and landed a punch straight to their sensei's jaw, partly caving in the man's face. Josuke let out a roar, a motion followed by the being as it landed several more punches to the man's gut.

"AGHH! Please, stop!"

"Bastard…" the boy said hatefully. "I won't let anybody get away with saying shit about my hair, no matter what!" Josuke growled as he stamped a foot down onto Mikihito's hand. "You said my hair looked like Saezae-san, didn't you?!"

"Who?! What the fuck are you talking about gaki, why are you putting words in my mouth?! And what the fuck is that thing-AGH" the fish-lipped man was cut off as the boy slammed a foot onto his head.

"Shut your mouth! I heard you say it, damn it!" the boy glared down as the being behind him poised itself for another strike. "When somebody says shit about my hair, I can't think straight! All I wanna fuckin' do is beat their ass!"

**"DORARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARA-"**

* * *

Iruka looked at the scene before him, taking in the full scope of the lunchroom's destruction. Along with this was the knowledge of how much the repairs were going to cost, and of course, the source of the entire mess.

"WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU SLITHER OFF TO YOU FISHLIPPED ASSHOLE?!" Josuke roared, kicking another table into the wall. "GET OUT HERE YOU PUNK BITCH!"

'He seemed so nice at first glance' the scarred man thought, grimacing as the ghostly being that followed the boy threw a chair into the wall. 'What the hell is that thing anyway? How does he control it, where did he even get it?'

"SHOW YOURSELF SENSEI! I'LL TEACH YOU A FUCKING LESSON FOR ONCE!"

Iruka cringed when he heard Mikihito's whimpers somewhere beneath the rubble. He was just about to put a stop to the boy's behavior and fish the man out when a hand blocked his path.

"I'd advise against that Iruka-sensei," Shino said flatly. "It'd be safer if you just let Joushuya-san simmer down."

"But I-"

"So, we're all agreed then?" Kiba said loudly. "If you want to insult Josuke, everything is free game...except for the hair. If you hear anybody do what Mikihito-sensei did, then run for the hills."

"I think we'd need a survival shelter if this happens again," Sasuke said lowly. "Seriously, half of the stuff the pink thing with him did to the place was done with a fork. A FORK of all things!"

"Jiji said it's called a "Stand" and it's an extension of Josuke's soul…" Naruto grimaced as the tall boy let out another roar. "His soul must be supercharged or something, did you see what happened with the bento boxes?"

"Good Kami!" Sasuke shivered. "Tomatoes should not be put in that place, it's just plain wrong ok."

Iruka shook his head as the stand user threw another chair into the wall. "Have I ever mentioned to the Hokage about how glad I am that I took this job? Because I should bring that up when he comes down..." the scarred man dodged several projectile fruits aimed near their direction and sighed exasperatedly.

"This is gonna be a long four years…"

* * *

**Alright, on to the reviews. **

**coldblue2015: Jojo will probably interact more with the rest of the rookies during the Ninja SATs/Chuunin exams. His sensei, like I said before, is going to be Anko. As for his elemental affinity, it'll be a bit of an ironic twist/Joke about Jotaro. Big-lip sensei? I already forgot about him XD. I'm still on the fence about giving Star Platinum the ability to use jutsu, but I'll see where things go. As for his love interests, they're all going to be foreign kunoichi and some shinobi, because JJBA is the most homoerotic series out there...That's why it's so good. **

**Bearticguy7: Beartic is my second favorite bear pokemon :P. As for who gets the Steely Dan treatment and who gets the Cioccolata special, well Orochimaru is a dead ringer for the latter, as is Obito. **

**uwotm007: Unless you're Okuyasu, nobody can JUST fill in for Kakyoin, just like nobody can JUST deflect the emerald splash. So he's not gonna be replaced obviously. **

**Mic Lubijar: (In old Josephs voice) Huh?! Become a Redditor? Won't be followed? Abusing? What's this about a chilly pigeon? **

**Guest: It's an interesting idea, but I should be frank, I had years of ideas for fanfictions bubbling up in my head, but I spent years of working up the confidence (and waiting for the series to end) to post my first fic, the one for Tokyo Ghoul. If you have an idea, don't hoist onto others, do it yourself. You came up with the idea, you'd be the only one who could really do it the way you'd want in the first place. Just like Kubo Tite said in a tweet, "****_If you have the talent to draw something more interesting than Bleach, you should become a manga artist right away. If it's interesting, it will definitely be more successful than __Bleach"_.**

**Flickered Raven: Oh yes, if I ever did a fic like _that_, then I would ask to be shot in the face for it. I'm doing everything I can to _not _make Mary Sues/Gary Stus, while still telling the story the way I want. That will lead to my final goal...getting a TV Tropes page! (jk). **

**As always, ****thank you for the followings and reviews. For everybody interested, please leave any thoughts, questions, and constructive c****riticism in your reviews.**


	6. Sweet Emotion

**This chapter may be extremely polarizing! If you or a friend ends up at either the North or South Pole after reading this chapter, please call a doctor right away!**

**Thank you to followers and favoriters: Baumfan, CookieHunter, Logan Knipe, blackskylord, Flavy02, Eurytrion, True Overlord Laharl, Dragonfang1917, M1R4KI3, darkyshana, Grim Riper, fatlanharijaya, RoyalTwinFangs, girtheassassin, ClassyCobra, RevanGM, Jenko J. Jenkins 99, SkySake, Jeremy Scout, 21X, coopercharlie18, Neon Starch, superpierce, Longinus-209, Monstertrainer, TristaSilverk9, cjf05, Scythlay, alexmercerrock, Kenneth Obando, redking0380, RedRad8, Apokalyps117, SS-WTF, Leon5122, Kilga, Warga, ultimatexth, Domea, and IsaacGameYusril. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or Jojo's Bizarre Adventure, Naruto is the property of Masashi Kishimoto, Jojo's is the property of Hirohiko Araki, and both are published by Shueisha.**

* * *

Uzumaki Naruto smirked as he looked through the peephole in the hot springs fence. It took a few months for him to secretly carve a view into the women's bath, but the blonde considered every close call to be worth it when it came to his research.

'Just a bit more before the academy...I gotta surprise Iruka with this new jutsu before graduation,' the boy thought as a perverted grin spread across his face. 'All this time spent watching, I just know I'll have perfected the image in my head...hopefully Hime won't be too mad if she finds out.'

Despite continuously convincing himself that everything he did was for the sake of research, the blonde couldn't stop his mind from conjuring all sorts of images for him. The blonde would freely admit he had gained an immense "appreciation" of the female form, enough so that he had trained himself to block the intense nosebleeds he had gotten in the first month.

"Hehe...nice," Naruto whispered lustily at the sight of several busty women disrobing and entering the bath. "Verrryyyy Niiiccceeee!"

"Ahem!"

The blonde froze up at the voice behind him, and turned around slowly. He was greeted to the sight of over a dozen kunoichi standing behind him, arms folded and faces twisted into cold fury. Naruto jumped back and held up his hands defensively.

"Hang on a second, I know how this looks...but I was just getting research for a jutsu!" the blonde shrunk at the cold gazes of the women. "Can't I get some slack?!"

One woman tilted her head towards the others with a sneer. "We should really take care of this, otherwise we'll get another Jiraiya in the village."

The blonde paled as the other women gave their apparent leader affirmative grunts and made to pull out their weapons. Naruto decided to do the only thing he thought would work.

He pointed to a space behind them as his expression morphed into one of shock and horror. "Oh Kami, what the hell is that?!"

Naruto didn't even wait to see if they took the bait, he made to escape immediately after he dropped his ploy. When he turned his head, he cried in terror at the sight of dozens of women chasing him down with multiple weapons aiming towards his lower parts.

When the blonde disappeared around a nearby corner, the lead kunoichi surveyed the nearby area.

"Search behind everything! Trash cans, fences, balconies! He couldn't have gotten far."

"Hey, over there!" one of the women cried out. Fleeing nearby was the blonde, more than visible due to his orange jumpsuit.

"After him!"

After the women ran off in pursuit of the blonde, the real Naruto dropped the fence colored tarp he hid behind not too far away. Rather than letting out a giggle like he would at pulling a fast one over normal ninja, the blonde let out a terrified wheeze instead.

"Damn, that was close...if those girls had gotten to me I really would be the _last _Uzumaki," the boy panted for a few more seconds before straightening himself. "Alright, I should have enough time to get to the academy, just need to deflect Iruka if he asks where I was and what I was doing or else-"

"Naruto!" a stern voice sounded out from behind him. The blonde turned himself slowly towards the speaker, flinching when he saw who it was. His (arguably) best friend, Joushuya Joushirou, stared down at the blonde with his eyes shadowed by his weird hat that seemed to be a part of his hair. The calculating blue orbs held cat-like pupils which were narrowed at the blonde in particular.

"What were you doing?" the taller boy asked flatly.

"...I was peeping again?" the blonde said, phrasing it more as a question than a statement. "I know I said I'd stop, but it's for an important jutsu!"

"Becoming a shameless pervert is worth it for your new jutsu?"

"Don't act like a saint Jojo!" the blonde growled. "You're just as much of a perv as I am, how do you get to take the high ground on this?"

"Because I'm a classy pervert," the bluenette formed himself into a pose, holding his hands parallel to one another while turning his head to the side, still sending the blonde a flat look. "A chivalrous pervert, if you will. I don't peep on women in the bath without their permission, I don't read trashy porn-"

"Icha Icha isn't trash dammit!" the blonde hissed, only to freeze when he noticed something. "Ah, Jojo maybe-"

"_I don't read trashy porn,_" the posing boy cut in, still glaring at the blonde.

"Jojo-"

"And I don't try to sneak a peek at every pair of breasts I see" the boy said finally.

"That's nice and all Jojo," Naruto said nervously, still staring at the space behind his friend. "But maybe we should get going, seeing as we might be late for school-"

The taller boy crossed his legs and folded his right arm beneath his left, while jabbing a thumb to the space behind him. "And now, your next line is "That's a nice speech gaki, but it won't earn you any points with us", go on!"

"That's a nice speech gaki," the leader of the group of angry women growled from behind the boy. "But it won't earn you any points with us!"

Joushirou's mouth formed into a small but sly grin as the woman stood there unmoving for several seconds.

"...HUH?!"

"That took longer than normal," the blonde said, watching the lady reel back in shock. "Now they're after both of us huh?"

The women responded by holding up their weapons, one crossbow user clearly aiming for just above the seat of the blonde's pants. Naruto whimpered at the crowd of kunoichi ready to ruin his bloodline.

"Naruto, relax," the taller boy said. "I have the perfect plan for this, one that never fails against the enemies of my bloodline, and I'll clue you in on it too."

"A plan?"

"Yes, a secret clan technique if you will," the bluenette gave his friend a cocky grin. "One that's been in my family for generations, and has almost never failed to defeat our enemies."

"Well what is it?!" the blonde asked, eyeing the angry women slowly approaching them.

"It involved the use of our legs," Joushirou said, patting a hand to his left leg to demonstrate.

"And what are you gonna do with your legs then?"

The tall boy didn't give naruto an immediate answer, instead opting to smile directly at the angry kunoichi that walked towards them menacingly. Then, the boy squatted and flexed every muscle in his lower body…

And made a 180 degree turn.

"NIGERUNDAYOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~"

Naruto grimaced as the boy began running off, while also noting the bewildered looks of the kunoichi gunning for them. Within the span of a second, the blonde took off running after his friend, looking back to make sure they weren't being followed.

"How did you even manage that? They didn't even follow us right away!"

"That's the secret of the secret technique Naruto!" the joestar cried out. "They were planning to take away my ability to reproduce, thus making them enemies of the bloodline. As long as a person is descended from my grandfather, the family secret technique will never fail to work it's magic against our enemies!"

"Ok, so now what's the plan?!"

"Well…" the tall boy trailed off. "Hopefully we can reach the academy just in time to have Iruka chew us out in first period instead of second."

* * *

"I can believe the two of you," Iruka growled down at us. "Being late isn't new for either of you, but spying on women in the hot springs?! I expected better of both of you, especially you Jojo!"

"Actually Iruka-sensei, I was the only one who was peeping on women," Naruto said, holding a hand up. "Jojo just snuck up on me while I was running and was gonna scold me for it. Only reason he didn't was because those kunoichi were threatening to end our bloodlines."

The scarred man gave the blonde a frown. "Please do tell me how you could justify peeping on girls in the hot springs?"

"It was for research," the blonde said nervously. I actually thought I saw Iruka shiver at that, the glare he sent the boy after was very piercing.

"What kind of research requires unclothed women?" the chūnin asked coldly.

"It was for a jutsu!"

"...You know what, I don't want to know," the scarred man's scowl deepened "Since you two are late, everybody has to review the Henge, even if they already passed!"

"What?!"

I let out a sigh as most of the other students cried in protest or sent us glares. "Yare Yare... alright fine, let's get it over with!"

"Perfect, why don't you go first Jojo?" Iruka said as everybody finished lining up.

Oh great, and now he's putting me on the spot like that…

"Yare Yare, fine," I stood in front of Iruka and formed my hands into the right seals. A thought popped into my head, and as much of a bad idea as it was, I couldn't resist the temptation.

"Henge!"

***POOF***

When I looked down from my transformation, I saw Iruka gaping at me in shock. Considering who I had henged into, it was understandable. I had taken the appearance of a man much taller than I currently was, with a far less bitchy face. Alongside this, my long coat had been swapped with a close-fitted tank top with thick shoulder pads like the pauldrons of an old knight.

"That is very impressive Joushirou…" Iruka trailed off, still looking up at me nervously. "You'll have to forgive me though, I've never seen this person in my entire life."

"I wouldn't think you have," I said in a soft and warm voice, surprising everybody. I released the transformation with a loud *poof* and a cloud of smoke, and dig into my pocket as the cloud dissipated.

"Here," I said, showing him the picture in my wallet. "The person I henged into was my Jiji, on my moms side. You can see him down there in an old photo, everything else I know was from my parents telling me stories using genjutsu."

Iruka scrutinized the photo for several seconds before sighing and handing the wallet back. "Alright, I didn't say you _had _to transform into me, so I can't give you flak. Go ahead and sit down, Sakura you're up next!"

I got to my seat just as Iruka finished his critique of Sakura's jutsu while the pinkette begged for the Uchiha's attention, same as ever. After Sasuke finished his, I sat up straight and braced myself for what was going to happen. Naruto walked forward with a stubborn look before a mischievous grin spread across his face.

"Henge!"

***POOF***

It was only through years of person training and wrestling control over my emotions that I was able to prevent a nosebleed at the sight of Naruto's female transformation. Iruka, and every other guy in class, were nowhere near as conditioned to such a thing as I was. The scarred man was the first one whose nose exploded into fountains of blood, launching him backwards. Every other male student in the class soon followed, with one or two girls also nasally gushing at the sight of the nude female form that had come into existence at the front of the room.

Naruto dispelled the transformation and cackled as the smoke dissipated. "Told you I was doing it for research! So what do you think of my Oiroke no Jutsu?"

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" the scarred man yelled, head expanded and eyes bugged out. "WHY WOULD YOU MAKE A JUTSU LIKE THAT?!"

"Yare Yare Daze…" I muttered.

"Would you chill out, it was a joke!" the blonde cried out. "You never said I had to transform into you, just that I had to do the henge."

"Can't you just go back to defacing the monument like last year?!" Iruka yelled/pleaded. "At least when you were doing stuff like that I knew how to handle it!" the scarred chūnin whimpered before waving the blonde off. "Just go to your seat!"

Naruto giggled as he took his seat between Sasuke and myself. I could hear the Uchiha huffing angrily as he glanced at the blonde out of the corner of his eye.

"You really spent months spying on the bathhouse for that?"

"Hey, sometime in the future my sexy jutsu will probably be strong enough to take down a god or something."

...You know, I really hate the fact that it's true. It doesn't make it better that it is, it just makes it easier to not say something stupid that would then cause me to have to eat my words later. At least his technique doesn't involve dressing up as a woman and saying he has tequila.

"Hn...so tomorrow is graduation," Sasuke started. "What's the plan then? Are we gonna shoot for being on the same team."

"I doubt that'll happen," I said flatly. "Remember how I always get most of my techniques from spying on genin teams? I know for a fact that a team will consist of two shinobi, one kunoichi, and their jōnin sensei. There's no way the three of us can be on the same team."

"...Then that means," the Uchiha's face morphed into a pained grimace. "There's a chance that the kunoichi on my team will be one of my…" Sasuke trailed off with a look of mute horror on his face.

"Try to think about which fangirl you hate the least, and pray to whatever Kami will listen that they're going to be on your team."

"I just hope I'm on the same team as Hi-" Naruto cut himself off and went pale. "...Somebody who's really great, that's what I was going to say" the blonde looked away nervously, then flinched when his gaze caught something, causing him to look forward nervously again.

While Sasuke gave the blonde a baffled look, I followed where Naruto's gaze had gone as discreetly as I could. Sitting at the far back and staring at the blonde was Hinata, her bangs shadowing her face and a small pout on her lip. Evidently the girl hadn't forgotten the boy's display, and she planned to pay her secret boyfriend a...talk? Beating, that's the word I'm looking for, pay him a beating…

If I had known he would have become so whipped, maybe I wouldn't have nudged things along quicker...Oh well, hindsight is 20/20.

"I'm just hoping my sensei isn't a lazy bastard or something" I said blithely, knowing full well that the suckers sitting next to me would be the ones _fated_ to get Kakashi.

"Do you think they'll cut us some slack today in class?" the blonde chittered nervously. "Y'know, graduation being tomorrow and all?"

I snorted at this. "Relax, just hold out until lunch like always. It's not like Iruka-sensei will go over something boring as hell, right?"

"Now then!" the man in question called out as the last no-name civilian student clambered into their seat. "I figured since today was the last day before graduation, we could go over the history and bloodlines of Konoha one last time."

"...This should be interesting," Shino said from his spot next to Sasuke after being silent for so long. "I can't wait to learn about all our clans again. How many times will it be now?"

"2,567 times if we count this time," Sasuke grumbled.

"Mine doesn't count, we barely have half a paragraph and it's marked in with the Senju clan's section," Naruto moaned.

This is somehow Kakyoin's fault, I just know it.

"Yare Yare Daze…"

**Later**

Just when it was time for lunch, and I was on my way to spend time with my friends, I had a little roadblock.

"Hey, Jojo!"

Said roadblock came in the form of a familiar silver-haired asshole. Tsu Mizuka waved me over just as I was about to enter the lunchroom with Naruto. I tried to ignore him, I really did, but the blonde gave me an incredulous look as the soon-to-be-traitorous chūnin called my name again. I must have looked really weird, because Naruto thought Mizuki was nice, and I never disrespected any of the nice teachers here.

"Tch, dammit," I turned to the silver-haired man with a restrained glare. "What do you want Mizuki-sensei?"

"I was hoping to talk to you about your grades," the chūnin said, glancing at the blonde nervously. "Alone, if you don't mind."

I definitely saw the flash of disgust in his eyes as he glanced at Naruto, I wasn't gonna pretend I couldn't see that. I guess I should just get this over with, huh?

"Yare Yare…" I turned to Naruto. "Go ahead and save my seat, I'll meet up with you in a bit."

The blonde nodded confusedly before walking off. Mizuki motioned for me to follow him into a nearby classroom, one that was thankfully empty. Once he was sure we were both alone, the silver-haired man turned to me with a bright smile.

Huh, there were all sorts of Orochimaru jokes I could make about this.

"So you've probably figured out that this isn't about your grades" Mizuki said sheepishly. "I actually wanted to ask you for a favor, one that'll really help Naruto-"

"Cut the crap Mizuki-teme!" I growled, sending a bit of killing intent towards him and letting the golden glow of my stand surround me. "I haven't bought the shit you were spewing since the first day you were here."

Mizuki's face turned into a vicious sneer. "You know, you could have at least pretended to like me Joushirou."

"Oh, like how you _pretend _that you don't hate my best friend?" I growled back. "You're doing a terrible job then, because anybody who isn't an idiot or blinded by some past connection would be able to see how much you hate him, hell I've stopped you from sabotaging him more times than I can count on both hands."

"So it was you?!" the silver-haired man snarled. "What is he to you anyway? You've had to have noticed how every sane person looks at him, why do you still stick with him?"

It was seriously taking everything in me not to Cioccolata this guy right then and there. "It's none of your damn business Teme, I don't need to justify my life to assholes like you!" with that I began to walk off.

"You really don't get it huh?" Mizuki jeered from behind me. "If he ends up graduating tomorrow, then you'll see! You'll see just what that thing is really like, you can count on it _Jojo_! You'll know he's a monster then!"

"He's a monster like I'm possessed by an evil spirit!" I growled over my shoulder. "Your bullshit isn't gonna fool anybody."

* * *

**The next day**

"To graduate, you'll have perform the three essential academy jutsu as a final exam," Iruka announced to the class while going over his clipboard. "The last of these will be the Bunshin. When your name is called, make your way to the testing room."

"This is gonna suck!" Naruto whined beside me. "Even after everything, that's still my worst technique."

"Would you calm down," Sasuke hissed. "Just do what I suggested and make a bunch of clones instead of trying to make a few, it'll work out."

"First up...Joushuya Joushirou!"

...Well shit!

"Yare Yare...alright, let's get this over with," I grumbled, following Iruka out of the class and straight to the exam room.

Low and behold, Mizuki-teme was already there waiting for us, sitting at a table covered in over a hundred shiny new hitai-ate. The silver-haired man sneered at me as Iruka walked past him, then settled into a neutral expression as the scarred man arranged his clipboard.

"Alright, start off with the Henge," Iruka said. "Transform into somebody we'd both be familiar with, if you don't mind."

I formed my hand into the correct seals and molded cakra around my form. With a loud ***poof* **and a puff of smoke, I transformed, causing both of the chūnin to blanch and gag.

"Did you _have _to transform into Might Guy?" Mizuki asked with a scrunched up face.

"You should have been more specific," I said flatly as I dispelled the transformation.

"If I knew you'd do that, I'd have let you henge into your grandpa," Iruka marked something on his clipboard before looking over to the side of the room. "Do you see that mannequin over there Jojo?"

I looked to my right to see that yes, there was in fact a mannequin at the far right of the room. "Huh, why the hell is that thing ther-"

***POOF***

It was only through sheer reflex that I used the Kawarimi in time. Just a second after the mannequin materialized where I formerly stood, the ball Iruka threw impacted on it _hard_. The scarred chūnin chuckled as he marked that down.

"Kawarimi is a pass...alright then, you know what to do Jojo," Iruka gave me a pointed glance. "Perform the Bunshin, and if you manage to make at least three perfect clones, you pass."

I huffed lowly before forming my hands into the least complicated set of seals for the Bunshin, all while willing the chakra I needed to (hopefully) perfect them. "**Bunshin no Jutsu!"**

***POOF* **

Oh sweet stand-using Jesus, I was really worried there for a second. Instead of three ghost mes, a trio of perfectly solid looking clones of myself surrounded me.

"Perfect!" Iruka cried out, grabbing one of the headbands as he sat up. "Congratulations on becoming a shinobi of Konoha Joushirou! Here's your-"

"Would I be able to get the plate attached to something else?" I asked quickly.

The scarred chūnin tilted his head confusedly for a few seconds. "You could if you went to the front desk...but you'd need something to nail it to."

"How bout this?" I said, pulling off my cap and pointing to the blank space at the front, a space that was just perfect for the metal plate of the hitai-ate.

"WAIT WHAT?!" Iruka cried out, looking at my cap like the secrets of the universe had just presented themselves. "You mean that's not a part of your hair?!"

I stared at him mutely for several seconds before sighing. "Yare Yare Daze…"

* * *

"One step closer…" **ゴ ゴ ゴ ゴ**

"Uchiha-san?"

"One...step..._closer_!" **ゴ ゴ ゴ ゴ**

"Uchiha-san, what are you-"

"One step closer!" **ゴ** **ゴ ゴ ゴ**

"Sasuke!" Shino cried out rather uncharacteristically, startling the Uchiha. "Are you ok? It was like you were in a trance."

"What was I saying?"

"You kept saying "one step closer" for some reason."

"Yesssssss," Sasuke hissed menacingly as he looked at his own reflection in his hitai-ate. "One step closer…" **ゴ ゴ ゴ ゴ**

"...To what?" I asked flatly.

"Revenge…" the Uchiha growled lowly. **ゴ ゴ ゴ ゴ**

"I think we're gonna stop by Ichiraku's before heading home," I said as a tiny bead of sweat trailed down the side of my head.

"Ramen...yes, ramen is good," Sasuke said dumbly. "Ramen first...then revenge…"

Please, let something happen that distracts Sasuke from his revenge on his brother. I'll take a servant of DIO showing up to try and kill me if it gets him to zip his mouth over this.

"Hey guys!"

Oh thank fuck, Naruto's gonna put a stop to it like always...wait, Naruto? Cheerfully running up to us with a genuinely happy smile on his face? Wearing a (albeit slightly scratched up) headband?

...Success?

"So you passed?" Shino asked the boy. "Did they run out of headbands? Yours looks rather...unkempt."

"It's Iruka-sensei's! He gave it to me to congratulate me" the blonde held the headband up cheerfully. "Isn't this great?! Now I'm one step closer to becoming Hokage!"

"...One step closer," Sasuke growled menacingly.

"Huh? What are you one step closer to Sasuke?"

"Revenge…" **ゴ ゴ ゴ ゴ**

Naruto tilted his head confusedly. "What ramen flavor is that?"

Please be stumped by the stupid statement Sasuke. You can't possibly make a proper response to-

"Revenge...is revenge flavored!" the Uchiha hissed, a mad grin spreading across his face.

"...Yare Yare Daze," I moaned. "Can we just start heading to Ichiraku's now? I can only deal with so much of..._this_, at once."

"Actually, you guys can go on ahead," the blonde said sheepishly. "I've got to meet up with somebody-"

"Your secret girlfriend?" I asked.

"HOW DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT?!"

"You just told me," I said flatly, literally flooring the blonde.

"Do hope that nobody else heard that," Shino said while discreetly looking around. "That information would be dangerous in the wrong hands."

"We're standing by this huge tree, far away from anybody," I said as I motioned to said tree. "I doubt anybody heard us…I guess we'll see you tomorrow huh?"

"But we don't get our teams until the end of the week."

"What does that have to do with anything," I turned to the blonde owlishly. "We can still train, eat ramen...train some more…" I rubbed the back of my head sheepishly. "Wait, is training the only thing I know how to do aside from eating ramen with you guys?"

"I think that's about it," Sasuke said.

"Yare Yare...whatever," I grumbled, turning around. "We'll see you around Naruto...have fun with your special lady friend" my face cracked into a grin at the blonde's indignant squawk at my playful jab.

* * *

**That night**

I was hungry…

Par for the course when you stay up as late as I normally do. I felt really energized at night, but that energy wasn't going to come from nothing. Currently, I was in the mood for a bag of chips...one that was on the counter, a few meters away from my couch.

I willed my stand to emerge and made him face the object of my current needs. "**Sutā Fingā!**"

With that, Star Platinum's index and middle fingers elongated to an absurd length, enough to reach the bag of chips. With a flick of the wrist, the bag flew towards the couch, only to be caught by my stand.

I grabbed the bag from my punchy boi and popped a few chips in my mouth. Yes, I use my stand for utterly menial tasks even though he isn't a toy. Jotaro made it get beer and manga while he was in a prison cell, so sue me.

The only reason I was staying up extra late tonight was because it was supposedly important. If Kakyoin was to be believed, then everything would still go as it did in canon, because fate is a bitch. How Mizuki-teme was supposed to trick Naruto into stealing the scroll of seals when the boy had _passed_, I wasn't quite sure, but if it's supposed to happen then it happens.

Since I've basically insinuated myself into the blonde's life, if he does anything then people would probably come to me for help...so-

***KNOCKKNOCKKNOCKKNOCKKNOCKKNOCKKNOCKKNOCK***

Right on schedule.

I kicked myself off the couch, stretched a bit as Star Platinum retreated back into my being, and walked towards my front door. When I opened it, I saw Iruka-sensei staring down at me with a terrified look.

"Oh, Iruka-sensei? What are-"

"Naruto stole the Scroll of Seals and ran off with it!" the scarred man yelled.

I stuck a finger in my ear at the volume of his voice. "Ok, maybe go over that again? And be quieter please, you know I have sensitive hearing."

"Sorry," Iruka dipped his head for a second before pinning me with a desperate look. "Naruto broke into the Hokage's house a few hours ago, just before midnight, and stole the Scroll of seals. You know what that is, right Jojo?"

"Yeah, the scroll that has all the stupidly powerful techniques made by the Shodai and Nidaime...wait, wasn't the old man in his house?"

"Well...yes, but-"

"Then how did Naruto get past the strongest person in the village?"

"...so, remember that "new justu" he showed off the other day?" Iruka rubbed the back of his head nervously. "The one he said was the culmination of all his research?"

I stared at Iruka blankly for several seconds before letting out a huff. "Yare Yare Daze...so why are you coming to me for this?"

"Because I figured Naruto would have run it by you."

"Iruka-sensei, if I knew Naruto had done something like that, _I _would have come to you immediately."

"...Oh shit you have no idea where he is!" the scarred chūnin's face morphed into one of horror. "Shit! What do we do?!"

"Sensei! Calm down...now, what's going on with the rest of the village?"

"Well, everybody is basically out for his blood, or to have him strung up by his toes. Hell, the tamest thing I'm hearing is that he should be removed from the shinobi forces-"

"Ok, nothing to worry about then," I said calmly. "We can just track him down, and you can figure out why he stole an important artifact belonging to the Hokage, and I can slap him upside the head," I turned around and walked into my house, motioning for Iruka to follow. "I just need to gather a few things first, maybe a weapon or two-AHA, I can use my dad's balls!"

"...Wait, what?!" the scarred man cried owlishly. "Did you actually just say that you could use your dad's balls?"

"Yeah, but I'll need to get them oiled up first," I said, opening a downstairs closet and digging through for what I needed. I moved a few boxes around just as I finished sheathing my three swords and clipping an axe to my belt.

"I thought your father was dead!"

"Yeah, he is…" I grumbled, remembering _that _night. "But he left me his balls, so they should be useful if Naruto is uncooperative."

"Why did your dad leave you his-" Iruka cut himself off as I pulled a pair of metal clackers emblazoned with a stylized letter J. "What the hell are those?"

"They're clackers, my parents used them as weapons," I hoisted them up. "The one pair belonged to my dad, the other was Mom's. If I use a special oil, they can conduct hamon pretty nicely," I turned to him with a flat look. "Why the hell were you acting so weird when I started talking about them?"

"I...well, the way you said it...Y-Y'know what, let's just go and find Naruto" the scarred chūnin rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "If I try to continue this conversation, my brain will stop working and I'll get really uncomfortable."

"...Yare Yare Daze, whatever."

* * *

"Naruto!" Iruka cried out as he ran through the trees. "Mizuki's not far behind, give me the scroll!"

The response "Iruka" got was several dozen kunai flying towards him. The moment he hit the ground, he shot a piercing glare.

"How…" the man growled as his henge dispelled. "How the hell could you have known it was me you demon brat?!" Mizuki snarled.

"Yare Yare Daze, you really are a dumbass," I sneered as I dropped the transformation, surprising the silver-haired traitor. "For starters, Iruka-sensei is right there," I pointed to the prone chūnin leaning against a tree as he tried to stifle the bleeding from his wounds.

"So, you followed Iruka then?"

"Yeah, the idiot told me to hide in case things went south...I heard everything," I gave Mizuki a glare as my pupils narrowed into cat-like slits. "You're such a piece of shit Mizuki-teme, I'm really looking forward to this."

"Why the hell are you defending him Joushirou?! He's a damn monster, he killed so many innocent people, he-"

"Shut your mouth shitstain!" I growled. "I've known about the fox since the year after I met Naruto, I'm not gonna fall for your bullshit."

"How did you figure it out?!"

"I'm not an idiot!" I yelled.

"Yeah, that'll do it," Iruka said weakly as he pulled another Kunai from his leg.

"And since I'm not an idiot, I'm well aware of the fucking difference between a person and a demon that can destroy a continent!" I pulled my tanto from its sheath. "Naruto can act pretty stupid, or reckless when it comes to pranking people, and lately he's become a huge pervert...but I've seen the shit people do to him, like what you've tried, and my senses are so stupidly enhanced that it's impossible for me to not hear the shit people say about him behind his back," I pointed my blade towards the traitorous asshole. "You know what he does? When everybody treats him like he's not even a human being, he just picks himself up, smiles at them, and tells them he's gonna prove them wrong one day. I like to think I'm tough, but I could never do something like that. Naruto is my friend, not a fucking demon, you degenerate piece of shit!"

"You're a real piece of work, _Jojo_," Mizuki sneered. "That demon already infected your mind...Iruka would think differently-"

"Nah," said chūnin groaned out. "If Naruto really was a demon, he'd be using the power of that scroll to do whatever he wanted...but he isn't doing that, he's playing keepaway from you. Naruto may not be my best student, he's clumsy and I can't count the amount of people who hate him on both hands, but he knows what it's like to feel the pain that you can only feel inside your heart," Iruka fixed his former friend and comrade with a fierce glare. "He isn't a giant demon fox, he's Uzumaki Nartuo, heir to the Uzumaki clan and Shinobi of Konoha!"

Mizuki sent both of us a flat look, before a mad grin spread across his face. "You know what, I'm really pissed off right now...and the best way to let off some steam," the silver-haired man cackled as he pulled out two Fūma Shuriken. "Well, getting stabby with these things sounds pretty therapeutic right about now. FUCKING DIE, BOTH OF YOU!"

It happened so fast, one second Mizuki was charging at me and Iruka with his giant Shuriken, and the next, Naruto had jumped out of nowhere and slammed his head into the traitor's gut. The blonde turned to me just as the silver-haired man ricocheted across the ground.

"So...you knew the whole time?" he asked me.

"For about four years now, yeah."

"And you didn't care?"

"If you're a demon, then I'm possessed by an evil spirit," I jabbed a thumb at myself. "I definitely don't feel possessed, so we're both good."

Naruto gave me a genuinely happy smile.

It was rather short lived though.

"You stupid demon brat!" Mizuki growled as he lifted himself off the ground.

"If you hurt anybody I care about...**I'll kill you!**" the blonde said coldly.

"Ooh, big talk coming from a little punk!" the traitor laughed. "I could kill you in one shot you filthy demon!"

Naruto stared at the man menacingly as he formed his hands into the clone seal. "Hit me with your best shot, I'll return the pain a thousand times over!"

"THEN GO AHEAD, KYUUBI NO KITSUNE!"

"KAGE BUNSHIN NO JUTSU!"

***POOF**POOF**POOF***

Orange...Orange everywhere. The whole fucking clearing we were in was instantly filled to the brim with Naruto copies, these ones now perfectly solid thanks to the blonde finally getting his signature justu.

Just according to Keikaku.

Funny enough, Mizuki didn't seem _as _surprised as he was in canon. He was still shocked, but it was rather restrained.

"Shadow clones?! And this many?! Is this your demon power?!"

"What's your deal?" one clone called out.

"I thought you could take me down in one shot," another clone jeered. "That's what you said, right?"

"Alright then" the all cried out in near-unison. "I guess we're coming to you, huh?"

It was like a huge party...of orange, and all the partygoers were beating up the asshole who decided to crash the party. All the while, the blonde jeered and made scathing remarks towards the traitor. Despite everything, Mizuki was actually holding his ground instead of going down like in canon. He was weaving through the copies with his Fūma Shuriken, tearing through them as best as he could and going for any that he could see. Plenty more would replace them, but even at this age, Naruto had a limit. It was just a matter of who would crack first.

Fortunately, it seemed to be pretty split even. Mizuki now face the (what I assumed to be) real Naruto, with several clones still clinging to his body to drag him down. Though the original blonde was huffing, he was still flashing the man a cocky smirk.

"You think...this is funny...demon filth!" the silver-haired man growled. "I can still keep going, I'll end you here and now!"

"Not with this you wont!" the blonde formed his hands into the snake seal and let out a roar. "**MOKUTON!"**

At that, four trees shot out of the ground and surrounded the traitor. The clones dragging him down dispelled just at the trees completely encased him in a hollow, unbreakable prison.

"...What!" I cried out, still in shock that Naruto just used the Moku-wait a fucking minute!

"Kakyoin, you asshole!" I hissed under my breath, before doing my best to regain my composure. "Yare Yare, guess I didn't need to use my dad's balls after all."

"Your dad's what?" Naruto squeaked.

"Don't get into it!" Iruka called out as he walked over to us. "You'll just have more questions...kind of like the ones I have now" the scarred man looked at the blonde owlishly. "How do you have the Mokuton?!"

"I've just...had it for a while I guess," the blonde rubbed the back of his head nervously. "I didn't know it had a name until the second year in the academy, when we went over bloodlines. I had been making flowers grow for half a year just for fun without even knowing," Naruto flinched and looked over to the treeline. "I'm guessing Jiji saw that part too, huh?"

"He did," a calm voice called out. Soon enough, four ANBU stood right in front of us. "His Tōmegane lets him see the current activities of anybody whose chakra he knows. He'll probably have several questions" the lead ANBU then looked to Mizuki's prison. "And obviously, we'll need your assistance when we transport him to T&I."

"Wait, what's going on?" Iruka looked back and forth between the ANBU and Naruto. "Could you maybe explain to those who are out of the loop."

"Right, guess I gotta tell you," the blonde gave us a mischievous grin. "That thing with me using my Oiroke no Jutsu to defeat the old man and steal the scroll...that was a big fat lie!"

Iruka instantly facevaulted, while my eyes bugged out inquisitively.

"I mean, I did show him my Oiroke...but that was just because he wanted to catalogue it," Naruto looked back at us and flinched. "Right, full story! So, Mizuki-teme came up to me while I was going home after my...rendezvous, with my secret girlfriend-"

"You have a secret girlfriend?!" Iruka cried out.

"-And he told me about this, and I'm using his words here no joke, "Super secret test of secretness" that'll promote me to chūnin rank instantly, all I had to do was break into the old man's house and steal the Scroll of Seals," the blonde sent me a wild smirk. "Thanks to Jojo though, I learned how to sense bullshit, so instead of doing that I went to Jiji to tell him. That's when we concocted a plan to catch Mizuki, and I got a free jutsu from the whole thing."

"Is this true?" I asked the ANBU.

"Indeed," one, a female in a bird mask, stepped forward. "The four of us were present, and we were included in the plan. If anything were to happen that Uzumaki couldn't handle, we would have stepped in."

"So yeah, everything worked out!" Naruto smiled brightly, then deflated to a melancholy look. "The...the whole thing with the fox, we'll have to talk about that too, huh?"

"Hokage-sama will probably want to discuss a lot with you," one of the ANBU said.

"So let me get this straight," I said, holding my hands up questioningly. "You were accosted by Mizuki-teme to steal the Scroll of Seals, and you told the old man. The two of you then came up with a plan to trap that asshole," I motioned to the huge tree prison. "Which you were able to fulfill because you got a new jutsu and you've had the Mokuton for four years now. Am I missing anything?"

"Hmm...Nah, you've got everything," the blonde said. "I'm sorry about this, I shouldn't have risked your lives for this-"

"Naruto, it's fine," Iruka said reassuringly. "If anything, I'm sorry you had to learn about...well, the whole giant fox monster thing."

"I'm not sure how to deal with it actually," Naruto said anxiously.

"The best course of action would be getting to the Hokage," the lead ANBU said. "We should get back to the village, we can sort Mizuki out later. Come!"

Just as we began to head back to the village, we all froze at the sound of a loud ***CRACK* **from the tree prison Naruto had created. Our weapons were barely ready when a large, clawed hand smashed through, and a pair of glowing yellow eyes peering from within the darkness of the wooden entrapment.

**ゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴ**

After a loud crash, the thing flew from the prison.

It _kinda _looked like a shirtless Mizuki...keyword _kinda_. Because Mizuki, last time I checked, didn't have dark grey skin and a mane of silver fur going down his back and around his neck and chest, nor did he sport a wolf-like face with vicious fangs or the triangular canid ears at the top of his head.

And at no point in my life did I remember him having huge scythe/wings. The limbs themselves looked like giant bat wings, but instead of having fingers connecting the membrane to create full wings, the wing simply had a thumb and the second finger that extended outward. Attached to the huge wings, from the elbow to the end of said finger, was what seemed like bone that was definitely wicked sharp judging by how the moonlight glinted on it, making the wings look like giant scythes attached to the creature's back.

"**Hehe...didn't think I'd have to use this," **the thing said. It almost sounded like Mizuki too, but it just wasn't right at all. "**Oi, demon brat! I didn't hear a bell, so we're still doing this!"**

"I can't believe it," Iruka croaked out. "Orochimaru! You were doing this because you work for that creep?!"

"Wait, Orochimaru is real?!" Naruto cried out. "I thought he was just a mythical pedo, somebody to scare children and shit!"

"Yes, he's real…" I trailed off, backing away nervously as Mizuki stalked towards us. "I only thought about making a joke that one time, I didn't think he was...well…"

While I was musing about pedophile jokes based off Orochimaru, the ANBU sprung into action. The four trained ninja sped towards the transformed Mizuki, weapons leveled towards his beastly form.

The leader was the only one who died. Considering he was cut in half, there really wasn't any chance for him. Mizuki had swung right down onto his head first, so maybe the guy had at least died too quick to feel anything after that. The others were so distracted by the fountain of blood spilling on them that they couldn't dodge the traitor's attacks. The other two male ANBU were left bereft of their legs, while Eagle was simply stabbed in the shoulders.

Mizuki sneered at the fallen ANBU woman before continuing his stalk towards us. Iruka, still weakened from his previous blood loss, was unable to do anything as the traitor backhanded him into a nearby tree. Finally, the beast stood before me and Naruto with a vicious grin.

"**Well, demon fox? You gonna try and take me?" **the beast released enough killing intent to make Naruto drop to his knees. "**As much as I **_**really **_**want to kill you, this whole Mokuton thing is a new development,"** the mutated traitor leaned down and lapped his tongue near the blonde's cheek. "**If you're really a natural born Mokuton user, my boss would really appreciate it if I brought you to him. I'd get a very generous reward for bringing you alive."**

"Hey freak!" I growled out. "Did you fucking forget about me or something? You must be high if you think I'm letting that happen!"

"**Hehehehehe...I didn't forget about you **_**Jojo**_" with that, Mizuki blurred out of existence, and one of his scythe/wings was pressing threateningly against my neck. "**Hey demon fox! You care about this kid, right? If you want him to live, you'll come with me quietly!"**

"W-What?!" the blonde stuttered, still under the effects of the traitor's KI and chakra exhaustion. "Wait, no! Just let him go, I'll-"

"Don't! Naruto, I'll be fine," I assured him, hoping he wouldn't mess this up. I had Mizuki right where I _wanted _him.

Just...According to...KEIKAKU!

"**Oh? You'll be fine? That's cute Jojo," **the mutated traitor snarled at me wildly. "**I remembered something you said before, about being possessed by an evil spirit...hehehe! Why don't you summon it, maybe it'll protect you huh?"**

"...You sure?" I asked him, glancing at him from the corner of my eye with a smug grin. "Because if you're really sure about it, then you don't get takebacks."

"**EH?! You trying to play games Jojo?! I don't like being fucked with!"**

"I was just trying to make sure Mizuki-sensei. I don't want to offend you or anything."

"**Quit fucking with me gaki! If you really have an evil spirit possessing you, then go ahead and show me."**

...well, he did ask, didn't he? My smile was so wide, up until this point I had never felt so happy in either of my lives.

"**SUTĀ PURACHINA!"**

"**ORA!"**

***CRAAAAACK***

(Background Music Play! Stardust Crusaders OST: Stardust Crusaders)

Star Platinum erupted from my very being and slammed it's fist straight into Mizuki's jaw, all while breaking both of his wings in the process. When the freak tried to stand up, I slammed a foot down on his fingers. Mizuki looked up at me in terror as I sneered at him viciously.

"**W-What the hell is that thing?! What did you do to me?!" **he cried out in terror.

"This?" I pointed to SP. "Oh, that's just my stand...hehe, based on how confused you look, you don't know what that is huh? Well, basically my soul harnesses my lifeforce into a ghost that punches stuff for me. He can punch with enough force to crack giant diamonds and can let out a barrage of said punches..._at the speed of light_," my grin turned murderous as his beastly face morphed further into a horrendously terrified expression. "I won't go into too much detail about stands though, since you're not gonna be around for long anyway."

"**Please, wait!" **Mizuki held his other hand up in fear. "**I-I know when I'm beat, I'd never be able to fight, not like this! You broke my nose, I think I lost a bunch of my teeth...oh kami, they'll have to rewire my jaw shut if they even care enough to-"**

"Oh, Mizuki-_sensei_, that's cute," I sneered at his confused look. "You know, you're the only teacher I hated who I never got to do this to...so I think I'm ready to make up for lost time," I stood up and lifted my foot off his hand, willing my stand to pose at him menacingly to prevent him from trying anything. "Class is in session then, and we're having a pop quiz! I'll ask you a question, and depending on what answer you give, you may receive some form of disciplinary action. Understand, _sensei_?"

"**Y-Yeah, I totally understand!"**

"Good...now, for the question," I leaned forward while sending my own KI to him. "Have you ever heard of somebody named "Steely Dan"?"

"**N-No, I haven't."**

"Funny…"

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

"**I'm expecting the same response," **I said viciously. "**When I ask the next person about "Tsu Mizuki", what do you think?"**

"**...OH KAMI NO PLEASE NO-"**

"**ORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORA!"**

"**AAAAGHHHH!"**

"**ORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORA!"**

"**GAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"**

"**ORAAAAAAAA!"**

"**AAAAAHHHHHHH!"**

"**ORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORA!"**

"**WAAAAHAAAAAA!"**

"**ORAAAAAAAA!" **with one last cry, Star Platinum rocketed his fist straight into the man's gut, throwing him directly through over a dozen trees and into a large rock.

"Welp, looks like class is over…" I called out, turning around. "Sorry to tell you this Mizuki-sensei, but you fail!"

* * *

In hindsight, revealing my stand right when the Hokage was watching might not have been the best move.

Currently, Naruto and I sat before the old man in his office, the blonde twiddling his thumbs nervously beneath the Hiruzen's gaze. I should have been grateful that the Hokage was paying a bit more attention to Naruto than he was to me, but even the ROOT in the room were staring owlishly at Star Platinum.

"...Jiji...about what happened-"

"Naruto, let me put your fears to rest," Hiruzen removed his pipe from his mouth. "You are _not _the Kyuubi, you're simply its Jinchūriki. That means that the fox was sealed inside of you using Fūinjutsu, I think you're well aware of what that entails."

"You can use Fūinjutsu to seal tailed beasts?"

"Yes, but only the Ichibi can be sealed into anything other than a person. Anything stronger needs a living host," the old man refilled his pipe and continued smoking. "You were chosen because...well, apparently anybody else would get a shortened lifespan from having it. Only the Uzumaki, who naturally live longer, can faithfully hold the fox and still live a long and fulfilling life. Plus, your father believed you were the best candidate, that you would use it to protect the village."

Wait, hold up!

"My...father?!" the blonde gaped.

"Well, no use hiding it now," Hiruzen stood up and pulled a sealed document from a cabinet, then handed it to Naruto. "I remember the deal we made a few years ago, that if you graduated I would at least tell you about your mother. Well, since you revealed your Mokuton, I think I'm throwing all risk out the window, since if you can keep that a secret your parentage wouldn't be too difficult."

Naruto looked at the sealed document for several seconds, before biting down on his own thumb. The blonde smeared the red liquid onto the seal, causing the envelope to glow slightly. After the brightness faded, the boy pulled the paper out and read through it. I didn't ask whether he had finished reading or not, even if he didn't his expression of shock would have still been present.

"My dad...was the Yondaime…"

"Before you go off on me, there was a reason we hid it from you," the Hokage stood up and stared out of his window at the rest of the village. "Minato had a lot of enemies...and I do mean _a lot_. You don't get to just completely break the law of inverse ninja strength, it isn't feasibly possible, but your father perfected a jutsu and basically created teleportation which let him destroy an entire army of enemy shinobi in under an hour. This is Iwagakure and Kumogakure we're talking about, so they don't have _as _much ninja as we do, but they have better quality ninja, and your old man took out half of their respective forces."

"Of Iwa or Kumo?"

"Yes," the old man responded with, giving the blonde a blank look. "Your mother, Kushina, she wasn't too bad either. Minato married her in secret because Minato didn't want an angry mob of civilians from the worker's council going after him for refusing their daughters or something like that. Kushina could have easily taken an army herself too, considering she was an Uzumaki...and she was like you," Hiruzen pointed to the blonde's stomach. "She was the one to bear your burden before you. We don't know what happened, but we assumed the worst since seals on female Jinchūriki weaken when they're giving birth."

"So it was my fault though," Naruto said lowly. "If I wasn't born, then the fox wouldn't have broken out of my mom and destroyed everything."

"Naruto, it was not your fault," the old man said quickly. "Your parents died to save the village, and to make sure you would be able to safely carry this burden and protect everybody. If they were alive, they'd never let you blame yourself for this!"

"I...I still don't know what to think," the blonde said lowly. "Did he know? That everybody would hate me?"

"Hindsight is 20/20...I don't think it applies though, since Minato used a technique that killed him to seal the fox," Hiruzen looked down at the boy sadly. "I don't think they would have let it happen, at least while they were in the village. The only reason I feel the need to tell you this is because we want to figure out _how _you could have gotten the Mokuton. The Uzumaki had a close relationship with the senju before Uzushio was destroyed, but most records tell us your mother had little to no senju descent...well, no more than the other uzumaki."

"What about my dad?" the blonde asked.

"He was an orphan...I guess that's a good place to start," then the old man turned to me, and I was dreading the conversation. "Now then, onto the elephant in the room."

"I'd go more with...big buff purple ghost man," Iruka said nervously. "How long have you had a spirit attached to you?"

"Since I was six, and it's not a spirit...not in the way you're thinking."

"I know a thing or two about Stands Iruka," Hiruzen said kindly. "For starters, the most basic way to explain them is as the user's life energy harnessed by their soul and manifested into a spirit-like entity. Stands can interact with the world around them, much like what you saw with Mizuki."

Everybody aside from myself cringed. T&I might not need to do much at all, considering what I did to the asshole. I regret nothing!

"Stand users also gain a supernatural ability, one that is unique only to them," the old man ran a hand through his beard in thought. "Everything about how stands work is rather...well, muddled. Stands are based off their users psyche, which means that they're as varied as the human mind is. All stands follow a general set of rules, but these rules are looser than a-" Hiruzen flashed me and Naruto an embarrassed look. "Well, the gist is they don't all come out the same. Joushirou, your stand is very powerful, it's the perfect type of stand for direct combat. The only other user living in Konoha has one that is rather weak, and the one other user we had, well his was very situational."

"There's another user in Konoha?" I blurted out, not even caring that I had just raised my voice at the Hokage. "Who are they? Are they dangerous? What are-"

"Joushirou, calm down!" the Hokage huffed in exasperation. "The other stand user is somebody you know, they're not dangerous, and they don't have an ability that would be useful for combat."

"So, you can just send your stand to fight your battles?" Naruto asked me, giving Star Platinum inquisitive looks. "You'd practically be invincible."

"Unless I fought another stand-user," I said flatly. "The only thing I know of that can hurt a stand is another stand...correct me if I'm wrong Hokage-sama."

"You aren't. As far as we know, the only thing that can combat a stand-user is another stand-user," Hiruzen sighed. "The second user we had, he began using his stand for his own nefarious purposes. We decided to put him down, but the squad of Jōnin we sent after him was nearly wiped out. He only had his for a year, but the power he had was just too devastating."

"How do you know so much about them then?" the blonde gave me a skeptical look.

"I read a bunch of books on the occult," I said. "I woke up one day with a buff purple ghost hanging around me, and my parents had died a while beforehand, so I needed something to take my mind off it."

"So jutsu can't hurt it?"

"As far as we know, even s-ranked jutsu would barely make a scratch," Hiruzen hummed in thought. "But like I said, a stand can only be hurt by another stand. Anything that were to happen to…"

"Star Platinum."

"Anything that happens to Star Platinum will also happen to Joushirou, as is the case with most stand-users."

"That's crazy," the blonde tilted his head as he examined my stand. "How did you even get it?"

Best to tell him the truth then, huh?

"I walked onto a plot of land where a piece of the messiah's corpse was buried. That's how I got it."

Naruto gave me an exasperated look. "Jojo, we just fought our traitor teacher after he turned into a scythe-wolf, I think I've dealt with enough crazy for the night."

"...Yare Yare Daze, whatever," I turned to the old man. "So what happens now?"

"Well, there's still a lot I feel the need to talk about with you, some things are rather private," Hiruzen's eyes darted to Naruto for a split second. "At the moment, it's late, and the two of you have been through quite a bit tonight. We have the whole week to get this settled, so I'd say taking a small break before your team assignments won't hurt."

"I guess...I'm just hoping that I don't get a lazy asshole for a Jōnin sensei."

"Oh, I'm certain the arrangements will work out just fine" the Hokage said in a somewhat sickeningly sweet voice.

...Y'know what, deal with whatever that is later, I'm officially retiring for the night. Maybe Kakyoin will stop giving me so much flak after this.

* * *

**←To Be Continued**

* * *

**So, there is one thing I have to say for the last part of the chapter. On the spacebattles version of the fic, there was some protest on having "Completely Invincible" Stands, and yeah I know it looks written that way. But the whole backstory about Konoha's history with Stands in this version of the Naruto world only involves two stands and their users, and at least one didn't follow the normal rules, so Hiruzen doesn't know exactly how Stands in general work. Star Platinum isn't gonna be invulnerable to every jutsu in existence, and like I've said, Joushiriou isn't gonna be a Gary Stu or something like that.**

**Now then, onto the reviews!**

**Guest: Ain't a joke, but I'm not making him "Instantly OP", hell just using one technique took a lot for him. I'm gonna try and have him realistically train himself to be a badass instead of instantly being a badass like every other fic does. **

**Uwotm007: Naruto has a Mac, so this checks out. **

**coldblue2015: No, you didn't annoy me with that, just surprised me since I never expect PMS anymore. Joushirou doesn't have three Tsurugi, just the one, the other two are a tanto and a wakizashi. He's left handed, so he uses the tanto first in most fights. As for animal summons...Dolphins maybe? SP using jutsus seems overpowering with whats up top, since jutsus don't affect stands as much as they should. His test for his Jonin sensei will definitely stand out against the other tests, no doubt.**

**DankAnon: Joushirou learning the Oiroke...hmm...(begins writing in idea book.)**

**Tobi is a Gooder Boy: The Steely Dan Treatment was in _this _chapter, with Mizuki (I counted every ORA, even in the original Japanese manga, to get it right), that last beatdown was just the same as the one Jotaro gave Kira after Kira pushed the DIO button (MUDA). **

**Jenko J. Jenkins 99: Jojo isn't gonna do all the work by himself, the next few chapters are gonna be his first D-rank missions and a C-rank (and the First Enemy Stands!). No, Naruto is _not _gonna be descended from DIO, that'd be rather phoned in. I'm still on the fence about an alternate version of Giorno, but Pucci will show up someday.**

**As always, ****thank you for the followings and reviews. For everybody interested, please leave any thoughts, questions, and constructive c****riticism in your reviews.**


	7. Black Magic Woman

**Finally, we're out of the Academy. The chapter after this one will have our first enemy Stand-user, followed by another one in a two part arc.**

**Thank you to followers and favoriters: magna ryunoid, JP922, killerfox116, ExaltedHazard, Lifelessman, OutofControlNerd, Mito M Chondria, romanSol354, Kool Plaid Man, Narumiyu, ImBoredSoJustDoingRandomFanfic, Ookamisenshi, Bloy, Tatsuya 115, RobinRuken, HellsBellsSells, ImagineBreaker7, MentalWounds, arkill, LoltasticRR95, umbraxproxmorsxmortis, Giltlawyer9000, Luffy327, Tatileas, Loky687, cedricdomain, THomassun300, LeonZero, TheLastShadowDemon, RedEcho01, 6UnTalentedArtist9, RangerFan1102, Animenga, extremeninja09, RysingEmbers, doc1121, Fontei, GateNothingness, RavenoftheFateless, Alphajaguar, Tirion Fordring, blueXredXDemonicAngel, Romeu Macedo, lazyguy90, Sloth Incarnate, DarkFallenFenix, kurokami zero shinji, Remzal Von Enili, Williamhb123, Pedro52, Akuro54, gearnote1, utubeforway, HunterOfPrey, mikey2617, WindDraconian, F4LL3N1, Nidhog42, Mallador9000, RaidenShimada87, justinq719, and AloneInAChair. **

**Sorry to whoever I miss, my email may not notify me of everybody who follows or favorites, or the document editor won't allow me to input certain names due to formatting for whatever reasons.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or Jojo's Bizarre Adventure, Naruto is the property of Masashi Kishimoto, Jojo's is the property of Hirohiko Araki, and both are published by Shueisha.**

* * *

"And then I beat the shit out of him for 20 seconds straight," I finished, earning me a small chuckle from the redhead sitting in front of me. "After that, some more ANBU showed up to escort us to the old man's office, while the others handled their fallen comrades. Then I had to go through the old man telling us about Naruto's parents, which could have been done _without _me and Iruka-sensei there, but I guess he wanted to kill two birds with one stone...speaking of which," Star Platinum floated to my left and crossed its arms. "The Hokage clued me in to a bit of knowledged about Stands...specifically Konoha's history with them. Anything you wanna say?"

Kakyoin closed his eyes and steepled his fingers in thought. "For starters, I can tell you a lot about Stands, but depending on what I tell you, I might have to keep myself from breaking the "no interferrence" rule I have imposed on me."

"Can you tell me how the Hokage and others in Konoha would know about Stands at least?"

"Now that, I can give you!" the redhead said cheerfully. "But it'll be quite the history lesson, one that spans back to when an invasion force from the west stormed the Elemental Nations over a thousand years before Konohagakure even existed-"

"Can we just skip to everything involving my village within the last 100 years?"

Kakyoin deflated with a huff. "You're no fun...well, I guess I gotta be blunt huh? During the ending years of the Nidaime's tenure and the beginning of the Sandaime's, a squad of Konoha shinobi found one of the Arrows."

"Excuse me? Arrows?" I gaped in shock. "But I got my Star Platinum from a Devil's Palm, not an Arrow!"

"Both exist simultaneously in this world, Joushirou," the redhead said calmly. "You actually got your Stand from the corpse's heart, ironic given what your ability does to your own."

"How did Konoha get the Arrow anyway?"

"It happened when an enemy shinobi stole precious artifacts from a museum," Kakyoin put a finger to his chin in thought. "Obviously, the museum shelled out a bit of cash to get it all back, so a few teams were sent to retrieve it. Unfortunately, one of the Arrows was among the artifacts stolen...and as they're often inclined to do at the worst of times, the Arrow stabbed the enemy shinobi."

"...How bad was it?"

"Think of something that is as fast as Star Platinum, but has the ability to exchange objects with something of equal or greater value," the redhead gesticulated wildly. "Not like, he turned a worn down katana into "the agent of chaos, Stormbringer" exchange, more like...replace all the blood in your veins with normal water."

I felt bile rise up in my throat at that, since I knew exactly what had happened there. Considering that I myself had drowned, I didn't need to imagine how horrible it was for what was probably a few squads of newly promoted jōnin, some rookie chūnin, and the unfortunate genin team as backup.

"So I'm guessing the museum didn't get it back then?"

"Obviously not," Kakyoin waved his hand dismissively. "Even after they managed to kill the stand user, it was by sheer luck that they did. Suiton and Doton jutsu don't work on stands, and even when they figured out that Raiton and Katon would do damage to it, the guy just exchanged either of them to keep himself safe. One Fūton technique actually caused some visible damage...then the genin who used it was killed," the redhead snapped his fingers. "Like that!"

I flinched at the thought of that. "So after they killed him, what happened to the Arrow?"

"They took it back to Konoha, told the museum exactly why they weren't going to return it, and hid it away. There were calls to destroy it, but one voice actually came up with the idea to use it," Kakyoin leveled a flat look at me. "You already know who it is just by the tone of my voice, don't you?"

"Danzo…" I said curtly.

"As much as Tobirama wanted peace, he was also a pragmatist, I mean you don't get the ability to make water from thin air for Suiton without being pragmatic. So he took the bait and concocted a plan with Danzo to make an army of stand users."

"Let me guess," I said coldly. "All of them died?"

"Every last one" the redhead grit his teeth. "Even Shin from accounting..._especially_ Shin from accounting. The first tests they did with the arrow were on criminals in one group, and willing civilians in another, and all 50 members of each group died not long after they were stabbed with the arrow. One _did _develop a Stand, but...you remember the woman of my dreams, right?"

I thought about that for a few seconds before my eyes widened. "Holly Kujo? Yeah, she got a stand but then it nearly...oh!"

"Yeah, exactly like that, only it didn't come from a "family member" unlocking it, so there was no way to prevent the Stand-like infection from killing the person. The final test they did was on two groups of 25, each of civilian and shinobi volunteers. Only one person from each group survived and obtained a Stand."

"Jesus Stand-using Christ, I don't remember the things being so fucking picky like this," I growled.

"I would have thought it had to do with chakra, but that's not the case considering the sheer amount of Stand-users in the west, all of whom have chakra as well. I can't exactly speculate why the Arrow didn't find them worthy, but still, the odds that almost 200 people weren't able to handle that should have been slim."

"Maybe it's less alien bullshit like we thought," I mused. "The Arrow seems more like a supernatural object at times, so if it's not something that functions normally, then the force that makes it work was probably prejudging everybody as a way to punish Danzo."

"Considering the quality of the Stands they did get, that isn't an impossibility."

"What can you tell me about that piece of information?" I asked quickly.

"I can't tell you about the living user, you need to find him yourself, but his Stand is one you might recognize. It's practically harmless," then the redhead narrowed his eyes. "You want to know about the one they had to put down, I assume?"

"The old man said they were a shinobi, so I'm guessing they went Nukenin?"

"In a sense...he went on a small murder spree towards some civilians and locked himself in a butcher shop. Hiruzen sent a few squads to take him down, but his stand was practically immune to all types of jutsu, so they couldn't get a good read on him. Since he was a shinobi, he could avoid any traps and surprise attacks set."

"What was his ability?" I asked nervously.

"The Stand itself was relatively weak in physical strength, but had incredible speed and range," Kakyoin closed his eyes in thought. "Its ability...it gave him the power to change the effectiveness of different parts of the human body."

"Change the effectiveness of the body? That sounds exclusively beneficial."

"Oh? Having no insulin is beneficial?" the redhead gave me a disgusted grin. "Having so much blood sugar that some of your limbs fall off? Having multiple brain cells work so fast they literally explode with how much information they're processing? Your heart pumping so fast that it actually bursts? All of that is beneficial?"

"Alright, I get it!" I growled out. "I'm sorry that I don't know any other Stand-users that aren't you, but I've gotten so used to how straightforward Star Platinum can be. The only things that nearly blindside me nowadays are ninja techniques, so part of me is actually waiting for a good Stand fight."

"You won't have to wait long, you'll meet your first enemy Stand-user within the next month," Kakyoin held a hand up before I even opened my mouth. "No, I cannot tell you about them or their abilities, just that they're not a shinobi and that you and your sensei can't kill them."

I jolted at his last words. "About my jōnin-sensei...you wouldn't happen to know about them, would you?"

"I do…" the redhead trailed off as a perverted grin spread across his face. I sat there cringing for several seconds before he snapped his gaze back to me. "Oh, you want me to tell you about them?"

"I kind of implied that with my tone."

"Yes, but you should have said it flat out...and no, I can't tell you."

"Sonuda Beetch!" I hissed angrily. "You can't give me anything? Not even a hint? Some morse code?"

"Sorry, anything like that would be interference," the redhead said smugly.

My comical scowl fell when I heard a loud whooshing sound from behind me. I turned to see a column of bright light surrounding an extremely tall figure. Before I could get a good look at the person, the red headed angel let out a sigh.

"Oh boy, guess the time ran away from me…" Kakyoin said nervously. "Sorry about this Joushirou, I have to get onto my next appointment here" the redhead motioned to the person standing behind me.

"Wait, does this have anything to do with that guy from earlier who looked like had been struck by-OH SHEET!" I grimaced. "That guy was actually struck by lightning? What the hell happened to this guy then?" I jabbed a finger towards the figure behind me.

"**Haierofanto** **In Hebun!"**

"DON'T DODGE MY QUESTIONS DAMMIT!"

***CRAAAASSSHHHHHHCCCCCKKKKKKKKKVVVVVVVRRRrrrrrrrrr***

* * *

"Move it Ino-bunta! I got in first!"

"Fat chance, Forehead! I got in first!"

"You'd think they'd stop this after becoming ninja," Naruto moaned from his spot beside me. "But no, they'll keep on going at it. How old do you think they'll be when they stop?"

"Can you imagine them doing this in their twilight years," Sasuke grumbled. "Actually I just did...heh, it's kinda funny now that I think about it."

Team assignment day, oh boy! I can't wait to figure out which idiots I get saddled with, unless I really changed canon...in which case I can't wait to figure out which idiots I get saddled with. Naruto and Sasuke are practically fated to be under Kakashi's tutelage, so I'm safe from having a lazyass as a teacher. I can only hope the Hokage didn't choose somebody who has no idea what they're doing.

"Hey, Naruto!"

The blonde looked over to see Sakura standing next to our aisle. "Uh, hey Sakura-chan, you need anything?"

"Move your ass! I wanna sit next to Sasuke-kun!" the pinkette roared.

"Hold it Forehead! I got here first, so I get to sit next to him!" Ino growled.

"Hey, no fair! I got here before you two, I wanna sit next to Sasuke!" another girl cried out.

"And there it is…" the Uchiha grumbled lowly as more girls crowded around our aisle.

"You haven't seen anything yet Sasuke," I said flatly. "Just give it about 3 whole seconds-"

"Screw Sasuke, nobody likes an emo! I wanna sit next to Jojo!"

"Told ya," I said lowly as my own fangirls jumped in, to which Sasuke grumbled in response.

Just as the girls were readying themselves for a massive cat-fight, some idiot behind us accidently bumped his table. Naruto, who had been leaning his chair back on its two hind legs, was hit instantly. In a strange turn of events that I can only take at face value as Fate setting things right, the blonde fell to the floor whilst dragging Sasuke with him. When the dust cleared, we were all greeted to the sight of the Uchiha laying on top of Naruto, lips intertwined with his.

Part of it was...eerily familiar. Just needed Sasuke to get up, point to himself, and yell "Kono Sasuke Da!" at the blonde. What actually happened was Naruto pushing the Uchiha off himself and spitting on the floor in disgust, an action which Sasuke mirrored. The thing is, most of the Uchiha's fanbase…

**ゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴ**

"Naruto…" Sakura growled angrily, followed by every other girl in the Uchiha's fanclub.

**ゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴ**

Well, they obviously took exception to that.

"Kami, I'll move then..." Shino grumbled, sitting up and walking to an aisle below us, taking a seat right next to Kiba.

Sakura happily took the seat next to Sasuke, just as the rest of the girls wailed on Naruto. The blonde just barely got back into his seat, all the bruises he had incurred from his beating already healing due to both his Mokuton bloodline and his tenant.

Iruka arrived just after the beating died down, and faced the entire class. "As of today, all of you are now real ninja!" he called out to us. "But all of you are still only just Genin, the lowest Shinobi rank. Your journey has just started," the scarred chūnin looked to his clipboard. "Now then, onto team assignments. Each team will consist of 3 Genin and a Jōnin sensei, who you will need to follow orders from in order to successfully complete missions."

Alright, let's see who's on each team, and who I get saddled with.

"Team seven will include...Uchiha Sasuke-"

The boy in question let out a disinterested "hn" in response.

"Haruno Sakura-"

"Yes!" the pinkette cheered from her spot next to Sasuke, who let out an unnerved "hn" at Iruka-sensei's proclamation.

"And finally, Uzumaki Naruto-huh, that doesn't seem right..."

"Eh?" the blonde looked to the other two, mortification slowly growing on his face at Sakura's quiet cheering. "Oh no…"

Sasuke simply let out a satisfied "hn" at the knowledge that he wasn't going to be left alone with the girl. Naruto gaped in shock before standing up and slamming his hands on the table.

"Hey Iruka-sensei, what gives?! Why am I on her team?!"

"What did you just say?!" the pinkette growled.

"Believe it or not, I'm surprised as well. Sakura is the top kunoichi of the class, and Sasuke is tied with another student for Rookie of the year...normally they'd be placed with the dead last-"

"Ha, sucks to be you blondie," Kiba growled from the row below us, poor Akamaru yapping in agreement.

"But Kiba is this year's dead-last, so it's a bit strange."

"Awww, dammit," the dog-nin grumbled, his pupper companion whining as well.

"Anyway…" Iruka looked over to the now christened Team 7. "Your Jōnin sensei will be Hatake Kakashi."

"You win some you lose some I guess," I said to the blonde. "Just sit down, be happy you're not the worst student in class...I have to wonder who the other rookie is though."

Naruto stared at me owlishly, an action that was mirrored by Sasuke. I blinked a few times before narrowing my eyes at the two.

"What? What's with the looks?"

"Jojo...you're the other rookie," Naruto said matter of factly. "You're the only other person who can be tied with Sasuke."

"...No, that's not right," I waved my hand dismissively at the blonde. "I'm the class delinquent, I'm the guy who beats the shit out of people when they piss him off, even if they're teachers. I'm always in _detention _for a reason."

"Yeah, you're not wrong," Sasuke said lowly. "You are the class delinquent...but you're also the only other person aside from Sakura and I with the highest grade point average."

I blinked in thought as Iruka chitterd on about who was on some of the unimportant teams. "Nuh uh…"

"Yuh huh," the Uchiha said flatly. "You're the only other person who meets the qualifications. I can say a lot about you, that you're abrasive, you can be a bit too cocky sometimes, you get pissed off really easily, you really get into beating people up, the list goes on. But our grades are practically tied, and they don't deduct grades even if you do get detention."

...Shit, really?

"Team 8 will consist of Aburame Shino, Hyūga Hinata, and Inuzuka Kiba. Your Jōnin sensei will be Yūhi Kurenai," the teacher looked further down his clipboard. "Hmm, team 9 is still in circulation apparently. Team 10 will consist of Nara Shikamaru, Akimichi Chouji, and Yamanaka Ino. Your Jōnin sensei will be Sarutobi Asuma."

"What?!" Ino cried out. "No...I can't believe I'm on a team with lazyass and his fat friend…"

"Mendokusē, we're not exactly happy about it either…"

"Finally," Iruka glanced nervously to me for a split second before coughing right into his hand. "Ahem...we have a bit of an odd number this year, so one Genin won't have a team."

…No.

"Instead, they'll be put under temporary apprenticeship to a Jōnin."

No no no…

"For now, Joushuya Joushirou will be under the tutelage of Mitarashi Anko, until such time that the rest of her team can be filled out, in which case, he will then be on a proper Genin team beneath her with two others...huh, interesting."

SONUDA BEETCH!

"Naruto...Sasuke, there is something I have to tell you two," I said lowly. "Somewhere in my house is a box with several journals of importance," I fished a few vials of red liquid from my coat and handed it to the blonde. "This is some of my blood, you'll need it to open the box when I do not return home."

"Don't you mean "if" you don't return home?" Naruto asked nervously.

"No, I do not," I said coldly. "I know exactly who my sensei is, and I'm not going to survive past the next few hours. I'm trusting you with this."

"Ok, that is enough Joushirou!" Iruka growled from the front of the class. "I know there are rumors going around about her, but Anko-chan is a very nice woman once you get to know her."

"I'm not listening to you, you're biased," I growled over to him.

"I am not biased!"

"You said "Anko-chan" before, so yes, you are biased," I sneered as the scarred chūnin blushed furiously. "Naruto, don't forget what I said. When I don't come back, go into my house and use my blood to unseal that box."

"Ahem," the scarred chūnin cleared his throat. "You'll meet your senseis this afternoon. Until then, it's time for lunch."

"Yare Yare...oh well, guess I can try and get my affairs in order," I grumbled, standing up alongside everybody else so I could head off to lunch.

Or at least, that was my intention until somebody crashed through the window, accompanied by a huge banner held up by several kunai.

"Not so fast!" a voice roared. "I'm Mitarashi Anko, sexy and spoken for Jōnin sensei of Konoha," I looked up to the busty purple-haired woman clad in a trenchcoat and mesh shirt, doing my best to remove myself from her gaze. "Which one of you gakis is Joushuya Joushirou?!"

Everybody I had hid behind, including Naruto and Sasuke (THE TRAITORS), slid away from my form. I stared dumbly at the crazy Jōnin, hoping that the Joestar bloodline would save me by giving me a sudden, unstoppable plan to escape my fate.

"Never heard of him," I said nonchalantly.

My response was a Kunai flying right past my face, shearing off two strands of my dark-blue hair.

"Don't play games with me gaki! You're coming with me to Training Ground 44, no if, ands, or buts," the woman blinked from existence, before appearing in front of me and roughly poking me in the forehead. "You got that, punk?"

"...Yare Yare Daze," I looked back to Naruto and Sasuke. "Don't forget what I said, when the day ends and I don't come back, open that box damn it."

* * *

**Training ground 44 (The Forest of Death)**

***Insert Mista screaming in an alternate universe***

I looked up at the crazy woman who was currently sneering at me from her spot on the tree branch hanging over me. I met her deranged smile with my resting bitch face, hoping to diffuse the palpable tension within the air.

"...So, how do we do this?" I asked. "Do we introduce ourselves, talk about our likes and dislikes, our dreams for the future? Give me something at least."

Anko's wild grin stretched further. "Sorry kid, I don't make a habit of talking to _dead men_," she hissed menacingly, before nearly breaking out into a fit of giggles. "Although the _man _part might be a bit of a stretch."

...Bitch.

"Well, lay it on me then! What's my Genin test supposed to be?"

"Oooh, you're a smart one, you even knew about the Genin test," the purple-haired woman chuckled darkly. "As for what your test is...it's survival."

I dodged several kunai aimed towards me, then dodged a greenish appendage spearing at me from behind. "Agh! What the fuck?!"

"Your objective is to get to the tower at the center of the forest," the Jōnin motioned to the massive structure in the distance. "The catch? You have until the afternoon to get there, and you can't kill any of the animals living within the forest, even if your life is threatened. You can't even seriously injure them to the point that they wouldn't be able to fend for themselves for an extended period of time."

"I can kill any of the animals?! What the hell kind of rule is that?!"

"Well, this training ground is also a wildlife preserve," Anko twirled a kunai in her hand cheerfully. "A lot of the animals are endangered…" the woman tilted her head. "If you're wondering what I nearly killed you with, keep in mind that the plants might be gunning for you too."

With that, my Jōnin sensei threw a smoke bomb at her feet, nowhere to be seen after the cloud dissipated. I was left to myself, the multitude of animals most likely crouching around me, and the huge carnivorous plant several feet away. Said plant wasn't able to extend its vines far enough to grab me, so I was safe...well, _safer_ at least.

The first thing I did was grab all the kunai my sensei had discarded. Whether or not she intended to give me extra weapons, she did, and I wasn't gonna pass up the opportunity. As for my course of action, there was a river not too far away if my hearing was correct, so following that would probably be a good idea.

Halfway to that river, I ran into a tiny little problem however. That problem being GIANT FUCKING SPIDERS!

For how spiders go, they were all the same species at least. They were all stick-like creatures with elongated bodies and spindly legs, the ends of their front legs holding large nets of silk webbing. At first glance, it seemed like they only had two eyes, but it became apparent that it was just that their primary pair were absurdly large. The damn things looked very familiar, but I was kinda busy dodging their netting attempts and spearing legs to really figure it out.

I rolled out of the way of one spider-net and jumped right as a monstrous leg speared into the ground. I ran straight for the river, right into the bright sunlight, which the giant spiders shrunk away from. I looked up to see the massive tower at the center of the forest further up the river, a small bridge leading to it completely out of my reach.

"Guess I'm taking a dip then," I grumbled, taking a step towards the water.

***SNAP**SNAP**SNAP***

***CHOMP**CHOMP***

"Guhh!" I wasn't even a foot away from the water when two small shapes jumped out and buried their small but pointy teeth into my arms. "What the?! FUCKING PIRAHNAS?!"

***WOOOOSSSHHH***

***POP**POP**POP***

"WHERE THE FUCK DID THE OCTOPUS COME FROM?!"

"**SCREEEEEEEE!"**

"WHY IS THERE A GIANT LEECH?!"

* * *

So, obviously the river was a no go, unless I could get to that bridge. For now, the lesser of two evils was the giant spiders, believe it or not. Said spiders were glaring at me from their spots beneath the canopy, ready to strike.

By now, I had at least figured out they were Ogre spiders, which have absurdly good eyesight in the dark, better than owls or cats. Their main problem of course was the lack of protective layer for their eyes, so the part they used to see so well was always burned off...at least, when daylight hits. Since this canopy wasn't letting the right amount of light through, they were perfectly fine as long as they stayed away from the light.

Luckily, I could fix that for them.

"**KOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!" **

With a loud growling breath, I lit myself up like a christmas tree. The giant ogre spiders surrounding me let out pained screeches as their vision was fried right into blindness. As the sightless arachnids continued shrieking and covering their eyes, I skedaddled right on past them, further into the forest.

The first thing I fought once I got away from the spiders? Lions, Tigers, and Bears…

Oh my~

My first thought was to bring out Star Platinum and charge through, then I remembered I'd probably fail if I hurt them too badly. Best to just go with smoke bombs and make an escape through the trees. What I wasn't expecting as I jumped across the branches was the fucking _dinosaur_ pouncing at me from the trees.

"Son of a bitch!" I growled at the raptor-like creature I was grappling with, trying my hardest to ignore the vicious mammals snapping at my legs. "Piss off! **WRYYYYAAAHH!" **with that cry, I landed several hamon infused punches towards the theropod and knocked it away.

Getting away from the multitude of mammals was easy after that. In fact, the tigers actually shied away from me after I landed between them, for some strange reason. I paid it no mind, instead taking off further into the forest.

My third roadblock, unfortunately, had a lot more legs than any of the others.

"**SRCRYYYYYHHHH!"**

"...Kaneki Ken?" I asked dumbly.

The giant Red-Headed Centipede ignored my question and dove towards me with it's monstrous pincers. The beast's clawed limbs passed just inches from my face as I dodged, and I had to duck low as a massive spined tail swung towards me.

I blanched when I saw a small tree splintering in half at the strike from the chilopod's tail. The centipede screeched again and dove for me, swinging its antenna around to try and nail me in the legs. I grabbed onto one of the antennas and held on tight, growling at the giant bug as I prepared to crush its sensory organ.

The funny thing? The centipede stopped immediately after I grabbed it, instead just staring at me blankly while clicking its mandibles. I realized why the thing had gone placid when I saw the glowing energy dancing around the antenna I held, which also explained how the creature found me.

"...Of course!" I gasped out, flinching as my breathing grew slightly unsteady. "It's kinda like what Caesar did...only instead of a pretty girl, it's a giant centipede," I smirked as I grabbed onto the other antenna and jumped up, landing right onto the beast's head. "**KOOOOOOOOHHHHH!" **I let out a growling breath and turned the antenna towards the tower at the center of the forest. "ONWARD!"

* * *

When I finally got to the bridge that led to the tower, there was a giant snake.

Huh...Anko is Orochimaru's old student. Orochimaru summons snakes, Orochimaru taught his students to summon snakes. There's a giant snake right in front of me, glaring at me and my makeshift mount, which was reared up in a threatening position…

Anko summoned snakes to sabotage me.

"Okay...why don't you let me down then," I told the reared-up chilopod, patting the back of its head. The centipede's upper body went to the ground gently, and I slid off. "Alright, get going!" I cried, releasing the giant bug while giving it one last hamon command.

"Alright then, I know you can probably talk," I said to the giant snake. "And I know you're not alone, so why don't the rest of you come on out?"

At this, several large snakes of different colors joined the largest snake, each one either my exact size when rearing up or towering over me. The mega-snake leaned towards me with a fierce glare.

"So let me guess, you're here to stop me from passing my Genin test?" the giant snake nodded, to which I smirked. "So then, you're not native to the forest then, right?"

The giant snake blinked at me in confusion. Fortunately, one of the other snakes slithered forward and stared me down.

"We do not live in thisss foressst, nor were we born here, if that isssss what you are asssssking," the serpent rasped out.

My mouth turned into a cocky smirk as I willed Star Platinum into existence. "That's all I needed to hear. Come at me then!"

The mega-snake dove towards me, mouth opened wide to engulf my form. A few punches from my stand knocked him out of the fight for the time being. Every other snake had begun slithering towards me the moment their larger comrade attacked, now falling on me like a mass of taught rubber bands flying into the air. When one snake moved to bite into me, I snapped its mouth shut with my left hand. With one hand occupied, I was forced to use my free hand to stab at the remaining snakes with my wakizashi.

Somewhere along the entire fight, the mass of snakes formed into a ball, with myself inside it. And as balls often do, it rolled around for a bit before all of us were treated to a dip in the river. At least I wasn't the only one dealing with all the piranhas. The octopi and leeches, however, were less inclined to attack the snakes.

Another thing to worry about, was the fact that snakes are just as at home in the water as they are on land. One snake darted towards me, mouth open and ready to tear into me with its curved fangs. I spotted something from the corner of my eye and made the right series of handsigns for the Kawarimi. Instead of biting into my supple flesh, the serpent found that it had sunk its teeth into a river shark, which responded in kind. There were just enough river sharks around that the scent of blood in the water caused a frenzy, one I was quick to escape.

Most of the other snakes went to assist their comrade, but a few continued chasing me throughout the rapids. One snake made to knock me down with a blow from its tail, instead meeting a rough, scaly surface. The crocodile it hit was _very _unhappy about being woken up, and made sure the limbless reptile was aware.

The other snake was by far the largest, aside from the mega-snake waiting at the surface. I fell to the bottom and faced him, holding my fists out as his hood flared up. The only way I could think of to deal with this guy, since he was out of SP's range, was through Hamon.

"**Turquoise Blue Overdrive!" **I cried through my stand as I let loose a Ripple-infused punch forward. A great underwater tempest filled with Hamon slammed into the giant cobra, knocking it far into the depths.

When I finally got to the surface, I gasped for air. The moment I could see clearly, I swam as fast as I could to the nearest beach, hoping to get my bearings. The underwater technique was a one-time use thing, unless of course you were able to breath underwater, so I was completely out of breath from using it.

It was the low hissing that tipped me off as to where I had arrived. "So, you got back up huh?"

The mega-snake didn't say anything, or rather, it wasn't able to speak any human languages. But it still tried to lock me down with a cold glare nonetheless, one that I was perfectly happy to match. After several seconds, the massive serpent finally struck, diving straight for me with monstrous jaws wide open.

Star Platinum took it out easily, slamming a fist onto its skull. Before the giant reptile could right itself, my stand locked its mouth shut and dug his heels into the ground. The entire time, my breath was a low growl as I did everything to reignite the glowing twin suns that were my lungs.

"Maybe you should come up with a better strategy than that, big guy," I called out to the serpent as he thrashed around. "As for me, I'm ready for my passing grade, so go ahead and stand still…" I took a deep breath and allowed the glow of my Hamon to surround me. "**KOOOOOOOHHHH! SUNLIGHT YELLOW OVERDRIVE!"**

"HISSSSSSS?!"

"**ORA!ORA!ORA!ORA!ORA!ORA!ORA!ORA!ORA!ORA!ORA!ORA!ORA!ORA!"**

"HISSSS….SSSS...SSS...sssss….s..."

Soon enough, the rapid rush of Ripple-infused punches were too much for the giant snake. I finally let up when I was sure it was unconscious, adding one or two extra punches for good measure. I immediately began my trek across the bridge, tiredly walking over the rickety planks of wood. When I finally reached the tower at the center of the forest, I was practically ready to pass out.

***CLAP**CLAP**CLAP**CLAP**CLAP***

Unfortunately, I wasn't quite done yet.

"That was pretty fun to watch gaki," Anko called out from a ledge on the tower, flashing me a wild smirk. "Unfortunately, you only have one test left punk."

"Tch, what's your next test then?"

"Me!" the purple-haired woman jumped down several feet away from me, and locked me into a deranged stare. "You're gonna fight me, and if you can't get one cut on me, then you fail," the crazed Jōnin pulled out a kunai and held the blade towards me. "Your final test starts now gaki! GET READY TO FAIL!" with that, she ran towards me with a mad giggle.

***VRRRRRRRRRRRRRMMMMM***

Giant spiders, giant leeches, piranhas, freshwater octopus, monstrous mammals, a _fucking dinosaur_, a giant centipede, and a bunch of giant snakes. I had to fight all that, and I've been stuck in the damn forest for the entire fucking morning. I am tired as fuck, and I'm not dealing with this.

***SHINK***

I pulled my tanto from its sheath and held it out towards the woman. "Get Joestar-ed, bitch!"

***VRRRRRRRRRRRRRmmmmm***

I looked behind myself, seeing Anko continue her charge for several seconds before realising I wasn't there. The real kicker was when she froze and put a hand to her right cheek, pulling it away to stare at the small amount of blood trickling from her fingers. The purple-haired woman turned around and gaped at me in shock.

"H-HOW?!"

"Yare Yare Daze…" I sneered at her angrily while holding up my tanto, a small spattering of blood decorating the blade. "What the hell does it matter to you? I passed your damn test didn't I?"

* * *

"Then the blackboard eraser fell on my head," Kakishi seemingly finished, adding a dramatic hand gesture for effect. When Iruka and Hiruzen stared blankly, the silver-haired man let out a sigh and decided to continue. "I honestly should have seen the eraser thing coming, but at first I figured it'd bring their guard down."

The Hokage chuckled and shook his head. "Don't worry Kakashi, if they start to think so little of you, go ahead and prove them wrong tomorrow during the bell test…" Hiruzen hummed lowly as he fixed his pipe. "Still, I'm surprised that Naruto went for something so tame-"

"Oh, you thought I was finished?" the copycat nin gave the two of them a mocking eye-smile. "Oh that really cute Hokage-sama...you see, after the eraser fell on my head, I picked it up, stared at the three, and called them idiots. That, for whatever reason, was some sort of keyword for whatever seal Naruto put on the eraser," with that, Kakashi went through a handseal dispelled his henge.

When the smoke cleared, Iruka and Hiruzen were treated to the most ugly color of puce green. The color covered the copy nin in clear splatters, as though somebody had thrown a bucket of pain at him. Kakashi let out a dry chuckle at the disgusted looks of the other two.

"Now you see what I'm gonna have to deal with, huh?"

"That explains so much…" Iruka gasped lowly. "Now I know who covered that doorway in that ugly paint. I'll get Naruto to clean it by the end of the week."

"What about me?" Kakashi grumbled.

"What about you, Kakashi?" Hiruzen took a puff on his pipe. "You're on your own there, I can't help with that. Now then-"

The Hokage was cut off when his doors burst open by a very tired looking Anko, a large bandage visible on the right side of her cheek. The woman glared flatly at the Hokage for several seconds before letting out a long sigh.

"Joushuya Joushirou...passed," the woman said begrudgingly.

Hiruzen let out a soft chuckle. "You know, when I first heard from Iruka that you were giving the boy his Genin test immediately, I was rather concerned...Obviously, he was more trouble than he was worth," the aging Kage tilted his head at the woman as she groaned. "Anko, this is something every _full _Jōnin has to do, don't be so sour about it...Did you get the footage?"

"Che, yeah I got your footage, what do you take me for?" the purple-haired woman pulled a VHS tape from her coat. "I already looked it over by the way, I have no idea what it is."

Hiruzen picked up the tape and scrutinized it. "Kakashi, would you mind coming with me for a bit? I have need of your..._talent_."

Kakashi let out a sigh as he followed the aging Kage out of the room. Anko paced alongside them tiredly, a sour look on her face. Iruka immediately darted to Hiruzen's side, a nervous look spreading across his face.

The scarred chūnin gaped when the elderly man brought them into a windowless room, a television sat in the center. The Hokage addressed a familiar Eagle-masked ANBU guarding the room, the masked woman visibly nursing her sore shoulder.

"Hokage-sama, what is this?" the scarred man asked.

"I believe this is a television, Iruka."

"No, I mean, what is this about?"

"I figured it'd be obvious," the aged Kage popped the tape in. "This is about Joushirou, and his Stand...specifically his Stand's ability."

Iruka blinked at this before narrowing his eyes. "Why are you trying to find out what his special power is? I thought you were going to respect his privacy on the matter."

"I really want to, Iruka, I do...but I'm slightly worried," Hiruzen rubbed his temples as the tape began. "Joushirou's loyalty to the village isn't in question, he's proven that more than once now. He cares about the people close to him, and he's fiercely protective of them," the old man grabbed the nearby remote and sped the tape up. "It might just be my own paranoia, but knowing his Stand's ability will just put me at ease. You remember the story I told you about the last Stand-user in our forces?"

"Kimura…" Kakashi growled lowly, accompanied by Iruka's solemn look. "Minato-sensei told me about it after all the interest in that event died down."

"My exact point! Stands are just...ah, what's the word I'm looking for?" Hiruzen put a hand to his chin in thought. "Bizarre! They're quite bizarre, since Enton and Suiton are useless against them, Raiton and Katon fizzle out before they can do enough damage. Fūton can work from time to time, but the end result usually isn't good enough. Fighting them is basically like fighting a ghost," the aged Kage pulled the pipe from his mouth and blew a cloud of smoke. "To be honest, a ghost might be better. Stands reflect their users in every way, including the abilities they obtain, and their users can be quite creative in how they utilize their powers, making them extremely unpredictable."

"So you want to know what Jojo's ability is, that way you'll know what you're getting into while he's in our forces…" Iruka cupped his chin thoughtfully.

"Well, there's that, but there's also the fact that I could better protect him from the parties that have taken an interest in him," Hiruzen let his statement hang in the air for several seconds.

"...Danzo?"

"Yes Kakashi, Danzo. He's the only person who _could _show an interest in the boy," the aged Kage looked at the speeding footage.

"Wait, play it here!" Anko cried out. "This is the end of the test, you'll see it then."

"Kakashi, your Sharingan."

The copy nin pulled his Hitai-ate up and stared at the screen just as the footage began at a normal pace. "How the hell is he holding that snake down without even-" the silver-haired man cut himself off. "That's with his stand, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess they just don't show up on film," Iruka mused. "Just imagine a buff, shirtless person with long hair, and you'll get Star Platinum."

"Star Platinum?" The two Jōnin in the room gaped.

"It's what he named it…" the scarred chūnin chuckled. "The syllables are kinda hard to say though, so I understand how weird it sounds."

Soon enough, the footage reached the final part of the boy's test. Kakashi's Sharingan burned as he focused it on the footage, watching as the purple-haired kunoichi sped towards the boy with a kunai in hand. The silver-haired man gasped when the boy simply _appeared _behind the woman, the right side of her cheek dripping with fresh blood courtesy of the boy's tanto.

"Kakashi!" Hiruzen called to the man anxiously. "Did you see it? How fast did the boy move?"

"That's just the thing...it was like he didn't move at all," the copycat nin gritted his teeth beneath his mask. "If he were moving at insane speeds, my Sharingan would have seen it at least, but it wasn't like that. He was just...there at one point, and then he had just appeared somewhere else, all within the same millisecond."

Hiruzen steepled his fingers for several seconds. "Then that must mean that his ability is…" the four ninja in the room leaned forward expectantly. "Teleportation! Joushirou can teleport, as long as he can visualize where he is going. It explains that night a few years ago, with those kunoichi from Taki."

"Ugh!" Anko grimaced at the aged Kage's explanation. "That's stupid, there's no way it's something so obvious," the purple-haired Jōnin huffed at the bewilderment of the other three. "Well, obviously my new Genin can just separate himself into particles of light and move faster than even the Sharingan can detect. He can weaponize it to create inciscions with his own particles, which is how I got a cut on my cheek."

"An interesting theory," Hiruzen mused. "I think we'll keep it as a possibility."

"I have one!" Iruka cried out. "What if...Joushirou can, and stay with me on this because it might sound crazy, what if he..._can erase time!_" the others looked at him owlishly, to which the scarred man continued. "Ok, some of the things Jojo can do make it seem like he can practically predict the future...well maybe he can do that, and if he doesn't like what he sees, then he uses his stand to select a segment of that timeframe, and erases it...but it still happens in a sense, he can just work around it. That's why Kakashi's Sharingan didn't work, because it can't see through erased time."

"...And how would that work?" the silver-haired man asked.

"Ah...well...you see…" the scarred chūnin scratched the back of his head. "It would just work, I guess."

"Iruka, that sounds utterly retarded," Hiruzen said flatly, causing the man to facevault. "Next you'll tell me that the boy can just stop time. That's just as ridiculous, and equally impossible, you can't just screw around with time like that," the aged Kage turned to Anko. "Now then, I believe you have a Genin to train in the coming weeks. Why don't you get some rest?"

"Rub it in, why don't ya…"

* * *

**The next day**

So, the day had started out perfectly fine, I did my normal routine right until I got to breakfast. I hadn't even finished pouring my cereal into a bowl when something flew straight through my nearby window, which was _closed _might I add. I felt like grinding my teeth as several shards of glass landed on my counter.

"TIME'S UP GAKI! Get a move on, training starts today!" my crazed sensei glared at me with a sneer. "Oh, did I stutter punk? Get up now or-"

"You broke...my fucking window…" I growled lowly.

"If you don't like my badass entrances, then tough shit!" the deranged Jōnin laughed. "You get used it it or else you'll-"

"**ORA!"**

I cut my sensei off my slamming into her solar plexus with a hamon infused fist, and throwing her through the window she broke. "YOU'RE PAYING FOR MY FUCKING WINDOW YOU BITCH!"

* * *

**←To Be Continued**

* * *

**Alright, another one done, now onto the reviews!**

**Coldblue2015: Naruto's current Affinities are Wind and Wood(Mix of earth and water). Jojo's Timestop abilities will be further elaborated on during the Ninja SATs arc, but he's able to go for at least four seconds. No, Yoshikage isn't in Konoha. Orochimaru knows of Stand-users, but he knows about as much as Hiruzen and Danzo do (which isn't very much). Hinata's personality is still similar to her normal self...for the most part, you'll see it around the Ninja SATs.**

**DantaliaWright: Yeah, random power ups (Asspulls) will be pretty moderate, at least for the most part. As for Star Platinum's limited timestop being fixed by Senjutsu, it's a neat suggestion that I'll take into consideration.**

**DankAnon: Dio is gonna be a man, that's not changing. Joushirou getting the Sexy jutsu would be a better replacement than what Joseph did ("I brought Tequila~"). **

**Morgan(Guest): Ohoho boy! I should inform you right now...I am legally allowed to ignore these types of comments/reviews. In fact, it should be a legal obligation for me to make a musical number on why I will _not _add your Mary Sue to the story. This is not _your _story, it is made by somebody who puts hours of sleepless nights and half their weekends into writing _each _of their stories, not because I simply want to please the audience, but because I both want to, and because I have to put the stories down into written(or typed) words for my own sanity because I literally cannot contain them within my own head. If you want your Mary Sue somewhere, make your own story.**

**Anyway, ****thank you for the followings and reviews. For everybody interested, please leave any thoughts, questions, and constructive c****riticism in your reviews.**


	8. Rider on the Storm

**Are you ready for the next chapter?**

**"No, No, No, No!"**

**Ah...well, alright then.**

**This intro is going to be a bit longer because I'm gonna talk about one or two things. For starters, the chapters after this chapter...Jojo is going to fight his first _actual _enemy Stand User in an Arc, then it'll be the Land of Waves (because of course he's gonna be there). The next few chapters for the Stand User Arc however..I'm gonna have to change the Story to an M-rating. I know, sounds shocking, but it's because of how I wrote the Stand「Sweet Dreams」. My original design involved blood, which really would have pushed the T-Rating...then I reread Jojolion, and I realized "Wait a second, blood isn't going to be disturbing enough for this one!". So I scrapped that part of the original concept and did everything I could to give myself an "Araki-esque" mindset, and it's not that easy to think like an immortal, perfectly symmetrical artist who enjoys drawing skin getting peeled off. But I figured out what I thought would be the most "Araki" concept for what I was planning, and I'm happy with how it's gonna turn out. You'll see it in a few months.**

**Speaking of which, for the next couple of months, I'm going to be focusing my time on my first fic, Fudō no Ryū, since the anniversary for the first chapter is coming up in a bit. I wanna be able to get chapter 20 out by the same day I uploaded it, since the fic itself is still pretty important to me, in that I'm glad people enjoy it, but I write _that _specific fic because I want to write it out in it's completion no matter what. **

**Aside from that, I was troping around TV Tropes forums and if you've been there, you know I have an Animorphs/Jurassic Park Xover in the works, but it's a long way out if I'm being honest with myself, mainly due to events in my personal life I won't get into. I am putting out one other chapter of Dragon Dance first before anything else, as a special Halloween episode (no, the ghosts in chapter 3 do no count) so keep an eye out for that.**

**Now then...Thank you ****to followers and favoriters: dannyrockon122, darkkingmaster, SuperPowerPunk, nicolazenoni10, Skyl3lue, Javik, JackEvans01, Reikon67, Creus, August D. Hellsing, avert 1523, mafo. 9350, BigBoss0694x, jaycebanks3608, zellat451, reven228, dukemonx, Dusk666, void1200, Blackseal84, DasChinButton, Skullcrush1234, Mathjakt, the legendary motherfucker, Ryo551, Xalve, TheThunderingMoth, walter. krewer, raphaelpanambitan15, zeldawolffang, DAFUNKATRON, Zackmon, KingAs1e, def3nstrator, Scholar of the Dream, Kirito2015, dandyrr0403, Phantom0408, BreakAwayDrag0nt59, DaChubbyChicken, Eternal Infernape, Prime Beyonder, azickwolf, Arahex CEO, jamestine, EternlDusk, ShrimpKnight67, DangerJacky972, immortal333, Lovnag, LuckySolace, Huntergx60, DoctorSurgeon, Alban Zeqiraj, Draegeoon, Will713Man, paladinofcrabs, Spartan3909, Hazy Red Cloud, JokesterKing, OpticData, bignub243, maxiusldavis, Creepy Uncle Luke, Memento Mori - The Truth, Beastarc, franck49, PerseusFreedom, and John Smith 117 117. **

**Sorry to whoever I miss, my email may not notify me of everybody who follows or favorites, or the document editor won't allow me to input certain names due to formatting for whatever reasons.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or Jojo's Bizarre Adventure, Naruto is the property of Masashi Kishimoto, Jojo's is the property of Hirohiko Araki, and both are published by Shueisha.**

* * *

"Would you guys relax? I was making my way there after all."

"Bullshit!" Naruto growled to his sensei. "You were wandering around the whole village aimlessly, and you were on the other side of it too."

"I was lost on the-"

"Road to life! You've said that 15 times now!" Sasuke and Sakura finished.

"Yeah, big excuse you have there," the Uchiha grumbled. "Why can't you be on time like all the other Jōnin sensei?"

"It's not my fault, honest," Kakashi said cheerfully. "Besides, it probably keeps you on your toes, waiting for so long and not having any idea what's in store for you."

"Funny, didn't I say that a week ago?" the blonde smirked at the silver-haired man's flinch. "Yeah, that was after I made a seal which dumped that whole spandex outfit on you. That was great huh?!"

"Hehe, yeah was really funny! Hey, how 'bout we go get our mission for the day?" Kakashi smirked when the other three groaned.

"If I have to weed an entire garden again, I am gonna be so freakin' nettled…" Sasuke growled.

"EEEEEEEPPP!"

"**ORA!"**

"Hmmm?" Kakashi watched as Anko came from around the corner of a nearby building, pale as a ghost and clearly short on breath. "I'm guessing you broke one of his windows again, huh?"

"He's going nuts over a WINDOW!" the purple-haired woman cried out. "What is his damn problem? Windows were made to be broken into, that's why the glass makes all the cracking noises."

"**WRRRRYYYYYAAAHH!" **

Anko jumped back just as her sole Genin appeared out of thin air, aiming a Hamon-infused kick downwards and slamming into the ground where she had just been seconds before. The kunoichi shivered when she saw large chunks of rock and earth flying straight past her. Joushirou stood to his full height and glared at the purple-haired Jōnin, pupils narrowed to almost demonic slits.

"You better fucking pay for my window you bitch!"

"Calm the fuck down! Can't we just talk about this?!"

"**ZOOM PUNCH!"**

"Eeep!" Anko rolled back as the boy's elongated arm jabbed forward, his fist just barely missing her by a hairwidth. "How the hell do you even do that thing with your arms?!"

"Pay for my damn window!"

"AIIIIYEEEEEE!"

Kakashi flinched as the purple-haired Jōnin fled once more, the Stand-using Genin still on her heels.

'I honestly have no idea what the Hokage was thinking by putting those two together…'

* * *

**Training Ground 44**

"Hmmm," I put a hand to my chin in thought. "I guess it's good that the old man broke that up...I was really about to kill you there."

Anko let out a long and drawn out groan.

"Would you be quiet, if you don't like paying for my broken windows then quit breaking them," the sound of a branch snapping in the nearby bushes caused my head to turn. "Don't even think about it Sota. If you try anything, you're getting a cracked jaw."

The theropod jumped from the bushes and ran as far away from us as he could. I had gotten wise to the creature's ambush tactics since the first few days my deranged sensei brought me here for "training". Hopefully it'd figure out not to mess with me by the Ninja SATs.

"Alright, so how's training supposed to work anyway?"

"Well, I remember Iruka chewing me out and telling me that I "better not Kakashi it up" or something like that…" the purple-haired woman chuckled. "It was actually kinda sexy to have him taking charge like that-"

"Gee, sounds pretty nice, let's not talk about that _ever_," I growled.

"Alright, Alright!" the woman shook her head and pinned her gaze onto me. "For starters, I think working on your taijutsu would help. I saw your fighting style against the snakes, and it was atrocious."

"It's the fighting style I've always used…"

"It's just a street thug style with maybe some movements from the basic academy taijutsu style mixed in," my sensei deadpanned. "You did better with your swords than with an actual physical fighting. It might look good in appearance, but it's not really something that would help you with stronger shinobi. It's like you plan on using your weird punchy soul thing to fight all of your battles."

That instantly shut down any further protests from me. "Alright, what do you suggest then?"

"You have that sun energy that isn't chakra right?"

"Hamon, yeah. I make it when I breathe," I sighed at her questioning head tilt. "Yes, every breath I take juices me up with sun energy."

"Alright, there's gotta be a style based on that, right?"

"Yeah…" I grimaced, remembering that the fighting style, Sendo, included a lot of posing. "I don't know if there's any way to learn it though. My parents were the only ones that knew it, and...well…"

"Don't go on about that. The Uchiha and Uzumaki clans are almost gone, but your friends still have all their clan techniques...Ah, friend singular," the purple-haired Jōnin grimaced. "The Uzumaki don't have a lot of their clan techniques _in _Konoha, just a few that are all public and not really worth that much."

"So what, my parents left me an audiotape or something?"

"I'm guessing a scroll that shows you the correct stances," Anko put a hand to her chin in thought. "You ever check your house to see if your parents left you any scrolls like that?"

I stared at her dumbly for several seconds.

"...You never-"

"Yeah, I never looked alright," I clicked my teeth angrily. "The only things I have are the old weapons they used with Hamon...like my dad's balls."

"Oh yeah, Iruka told me about those," the purple-haired woman sniggered. "Really threw him for a loop with that one."

"Ok, aside from improving my taijutsu, what else is there?"

"Well, I'll see if I can't help you out with...ah, hang on," Anko began digging around in her coat pockets and muttering angrily. "Alright, here it is! Chakra paper," the woman held up a bundle of papers that were all about the same size as a sticky note.

"Chakra paper?"

"Well, it's actually called Chakra Induction paper," the woman held up a piece towards me. "If you put your chakra through it, the paper will react based on your affinity. Observe!"

With that, she forced her chakra through it. Immediately, fire spawned on the edges and ate towards the center, burning out only when the paper finally crumbled to ash.

"Ah, I see…" I looked up from the ash pile and set a blank stare at the woman. "So, your element is fire then?"

"Yup! Now then…" Anko shoved a piece of paper into my hand. "Go on and check your affinity, then I can give you some jutsu," the woman chuckled. "I've got jutsu coming out of my ears! I've got fire jutsu, lightning jutsu, earth jutsu…"

I ignored my sensei as I pushed chakra through the paper. When I finally got the results, I had to admire the irony of the situation.

"...there was this one time I used lava jutsu, but that was through combining jutsu with Kurenai so-hey, wait a minute," Anko grabbed the now damp paper from my hands. "What is this?"

"I believe it's the Chakra paper you gave me…"

"I know that! Why is it damp?!"

I let out an annoyed grunt. "I don't fuckin' know, why don't you tell me?"

"If it's damp, then that means…" the purple-haired woman growled, before pulling out another piece of paper and shoving it into my hands. "Try again!"

I did so, and once again the paper turned into a damp, mushy mess in my hands. I could practically see a vein popping on Anko's forehead.

"Yare Yare Daze...what's the damn problem?"

"You have water affinity," the woman groaned. "I only know a handful of water jutsu…"

"Water…" I deadpanned, still looking at the damp paper. "I have _water _as my main affinity…"

The irony wasn't lost on me, considering how I had died before...wait, were there dolphin summons? Or starfish summons? If either of those existed, I could actually complete the meme.

"So, how am I gonna train with water release?"

"I'll need to get the equipment, although we could start by the river...but," the purple-haired Jōnin gave me a mad smirk. "We'll have to deal with that later, considering we have missions today."

"You mean chores?"

"D-Rank missions are important, they help with improving our relationship with the civilians we're meant to protect," the woman wagged a finger at me as she continued to lecture. "And of course, it helps you improve your relationship with your teammates."

My face formed into a frown as I tried to pin the woman with a glare. "Really? My teammates?"

"Yeah, your teammates," Anko said in faux cheerfulness. "That's why we do these so called "chores" to start everybody off. It lets the three of you bond over how much you hate them."

"That'd be really nice...if I had a damn team!"

"What, you've got that feathered lizard thing, right?"

I turned towards the bushes with a wild glare. "Sota, what did I just fucking say?!"

"**SCREEEEEEE!" **the dinosaur once again fled from his spot in the bushes.

"I think he likes you~" Anko teased.

"None of that!"

* * *

**1st D-Rank mission of the day: Weed garden**

"Oh goodness, you only have one young ninja with you?"

"Yeah, it was just an oversight by the academy this year," Anko told the old woman sheepishly.

"Oh, so he'll be by himself for his entire run as a shinobi then?"

Anko the elderly lady an incredibly strained smile. "The Hokage assured me that I might be able to fill out my team from the genin reserves one of these days…" the purple-haired Jōnin gave the old woman a cheerful grin. "But I'm sure Jojo can handle this mission himself, it is a cake job after all."

"Oh yes…" the old woman stared at me with hungry eyes. "He's certainly quite the..._strapping _young lad, I'm sure he could finish this easily."

I had to fight hard to keep myself from turning green at that. "Hrrk…"

"Don't worry, he'll handle it," Anko turned to me with a smug grin. "Get to weeding punk!"

"Yare Yare, whatever…" I quickly moved over to the old woman's garden and began pulling up most of the weeds, much like I had done several dozen times since becoming a full genin.

Fortunately, I had come with a new trick up my sleeve to make it go faster, courtesy of a certain prank-loving blonde who luckily had my back after a complaint.

"**Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!" **I called out as quietly as I could, forming my hand into the clone seal and kneading the necessary chakra for up to two clones.

Just as my clones and I were about finished with weeding the plants, I heard my sensei charging over to us. Just as I had pulled up the last weed, the woman threw two kunai straight into my doubles, dispelling them in puffs of smoke. I grunted at the phantom sensations of two blades piercing into my back and glared at the Anko.

"The hell is wrong with you?!"

"I don't wanna know how you learned to make shadow clones, but you're not using them again!" the purple-haired Jōnin growled while pointing at me. "It's cheating! You have to do this with your teammates Joushirou!"

"...Are you fucking serious?!"

"Dead serious!"

"I'll stop using shadow clones for chores when I have _one _extra teammate," I said angrily. "Until then, I'll cheat all the fuck I want!"

"Tch, let's just see how long that lasts when I tell the Hokage," Anko said as a dark grin spread across her face. "Considering that you just used a B-Rank technique, when you are a simple genin, he might not be very forgiving…"

* * *

**Hokage's Office**

"What do you mean it's not illegal?!"

"I mean that it isn't illegal for him to use shadow clones to complete tasks...hell, I'm using shadow clones right now," the Hokage motioned to several nearby copies of himself, one of which waved to us before resuming a portion of his paperwork. "Goodness, I can't believe I never figured this out before…"

"Lemme guess, Naruto told you?" the old man gave me a kind smirk. "I don't think he was the one who discovered it...considering how the Yondaime wasn't said to have had a lot of paperwork."

Hiruzen's eyes widened as he took that in. "So it's genetic...Minato you lying-Ah, sorry!" the aged Kage held up a hand sheepishly, much to Anko's confusion.

"Hokage-sama, he knows a B-Rank jutsu, and he's only a genin. I know one kid can be made an exception because of...well, the obvious, but Jojo is-"

"Very intelligent for memorizing the seals for the Kage Bunshin," the Hokage gave me a knowing smirk. "After all, there's no possible way for him to have learned it."

"I retain plausible deniability on how I learned the Kage Bunshin," I said, fighting back a smirk before it could spread across my lips. "I mean, it is possible to figure out how to reverse engineer jutsu if you can remember the seals that were used for them."

"Correct Jojo. Besides, it doesn't matter if you know a B-Rank jutsu," the old man chuckled. "As long as you only learned it by proxy, you remain safe even _if_ the original party learned it illegally...and that is an emphasis on the "_if" _there."

"Unbelievable…" Anko grumbled. "So, what's our next mission, Hokage-sama?"

"Hmm, let me see here…" Hiruzen grabbed several pieces of paper and sifted through them, then looked up to us for a split second before staring at a particular page hard. "Hmm, it seems that Madam Shijimi's cat has run away. She'd like him returned as soon as possible," the Hokage handed Anko the mission file. "The details are all there, aside from that you could interview the woman herself-"

"Nah, this is pretty standard," the purple-haired Jōnin said quickly. "I remember every cat retrieval mission I had as a genin, the new cat can't be that different from the old one."

I opened this mission file and looked at the description. "So, a cat with lines on its forehead, and a red bow tied around one ear?" I looked back to the old man. "Doesn't sound too hard actually."

"Be wary Joushirou...many in the past century had that same thought," the Hokage's face turned grim. "They were proven quite wrong."

"It's a cat! What's so terrifying about it?"

"That's your first mistake," Anko chided. "You think it's just a cat...but every cat Shijimi has had was all the same. A sneaky, conniving, monster that has a knack for escaping your every plan, all while making you look like a fool," the purple-haired woman gave me a wild look. "Then, to add insult to injury, you only get D-rank pay. It's the worst experience of your life!"

I stared at the two blankly, gritting my teeth as Hiruzen nodded along with my sensei's piece. "It's a fucking cat! You're both intimidated by a fucking cat?!"

* * *

**2nd D-Rank Mission of the day: Recapture Tora the cat**

"So...there he is," Anko said lowly, lifting her head from the binoculars as glared at the tree nearby. "Now we've got to figure out a plan."

I pulled the binoculars from her hands and took a look for myself. "Couldn't we just...y'know, walk up the tree and grab the cat?" I lowered the binoculars and glanced at the woman. "It doesn't seem like it'd be that hard," I said slowly, still unsure about the mission.

Something just felt...off...

"Don't underestimate it," Anko grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me. "That thing isn't your everyday cat. It's a far greater demon than even the Kyuubi no Kitsune…"

"Can you _please _get your hands off me?"

"If you wanna climb up the tree to grab it, be my guest," my sensei said lowly. "But just remember, that cat is a monster…" the purple-haired Jōnin shivered. "I fear no man...but that thing...it scares me."

"Yare yare Daze...whatever," I ignored my sensei's protests as I stormed over to the tree. Once I was right beneath the cat, I let out a whistle. "Oi, cat! Time's up, now get down here!"

Tora regarded me with an offhand glance, before going back to licking his paw.

"I mean it cat! You get down here now!"

The cat simply rolled over onto his back and stretched, still not paying attention to me.

"Alright, guess I gotta bring out my secret weapon," I dug into my coat, and pulled out a small sealing scroll. The cat ignored me right until I unsealed the contents, immediately jolting upright and staring at me.

"That's right! A can of tuna...and it can be yours, if you come with-"

***FWOOSH***

"AGGGGH! SONUDA BEETCH!"

I jumped back a few feet as a sudden gust of wind surrounded my arm, before turning into literal blades of wind that sliced into my hand. When I was halfway through healing my hand with Hamon, I realized that I had dropped the tuna can. I looked around, hoping that I hadn't just ruined a good can of fish, when I spotted exactly where it was.

"That damn cat...how the hell did he do that?!" I growled, glaring at the feline as it completely finished off the can of fish, while somehow still remaining in the tree.

"Did you see that?! That thing just lifted your bait into the air with his dark powers!" Anko cried out. "I told you it wouldn't be easy! He's too tricky."

"Fuck this!" I decided the best course of action would be to charge the tree, using a nearby rock as a launch point so that I could latch onto a higher point on the trunk. "If you aren't coming down, then I'm coming to you cat!"

Once I was on the branch where Tora sat, the cat stood up and glared at me. I walked forward slowly, aiming to catch the furry beast off guard with a sudden lunge. At least, that was the plan before Tora jumped onto another tree nearby.

"OH, you wanna play that game, huh?!" I called out, meeting the cat's angry glare with my own.

With a chakra-enhanced kick, I jumped forward and righted myself in midair so that I could land on the nearby branch correctly. Tora's gaze followed me the entire time, and it almost felt like some strange energy was emanating from him.

"Ah, Joushirou, maybe you should be careful?!" Anko called up to me. "I mean, I know we gotta catch the cat, but not all of these trees are stable."

"Sensei, if you're not going to help me grab the cat _in the trees_, maybe just be ready when I either throw him down," I grimaced at the cliche thought that went through my head. "Or if I end up breaking the tree we're in just as I finally get him."

"So far, so good," the purple-haired Jōnin called up. "To be honest, maybe this one is tamer than the other ones. No sneaky tricks so far...except for that thing with the tuna," Anko put a hand to her chin in thought. "Maybe he can use chakra?! Watch out for some sneaky cat style jutsu!"

"I doubt he can use chakra!" I called down to the woman as I inched closer to the cat.

Tora immediately jumped onto another nearby tree.

"Dammit cat! You know I can't knock these down one purpose!" I yelled, once again jumping forward till I was adjacent to the cat. "Seriously, if you jump to another tree, I am gonna be so nettled."

I slowly inched towards the cat...and wouldn't you know it, the damn furball jumped onto yet _another treebranch_!

"Motherfucker!" I swore I could hear Kakyoin laughing at me from his angel world. "Cat, I swear to Kami, you better stand still or else."

"Alright, you know what!" Anko cried out. "This is getting annoying, ending it right now!"

***SHINK***

"MREEEOOOOWWWW!"

I walked down the tree just as Tora landed on the ground in the most unceremonious manner possible. Apparently, not all cats landed on their feet, but at least he was fine. Aside from some grass stains and dust caught in his fur, there wasn't anything wrong with the poor thing.

"HAHAHAHA! Oh man, guess I was wrong about this one," my sensei said cheerfully. "No really, the most he could do was jump from trees and maybe use a chakra technique," the purple-haired Jōnin walked over to the downed feline. "What a joke, guess he's not as bad as the last 15 cats the Daimyō owned."

**ゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴ**

I froze suddenly when I felt a wave of energy wash over me. I could practically feel the pure, unadulterated rage pulsing in the air, and it was almost suffocating. I didn't even need to look to see it's source…

"What the?! The cat's fucking glowing?!" Anko gasped.

I charged forward and tackled the woman to the ground.

"What the fu-"

"Hang on," I said lowly. "This is gonna be bad…"

***FWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH***

***CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK***

***THWOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM***

"**NEEEEEEEIIIIIIIGGGGHHHHHHH!"**

When I looked back at the cat, he was stalking towards us slowly, an icy blue glow completely surrounding him. His formerly amber colored eyes were now glowing an electric blue, and it almost seemed as though thunder was dancing around in them. Despite the electric current in the air, his fur still remained perfectly neat, and with his apparently calm demeanor, it seemed like he wasn't going to hurt us.

That was kind of jossed by the freaky horse floating above him. If I had to pick out the breed, I'd say it was a sabino Clydesdale...if you made a Clydesdale 10 feet tall and juiced it up on steroids. It's body was entirely black, and it took me a moment to realize it was actually made up of storm clouds, lightning flashing within its "skin" every few seconds. Where there would be a luxurious mane, tail, and furred feet, were instead a wild mane and tail made of water, and feet covered with snow similar to the frosty covering of a high mountain. The horse's eyes, made of blue lightning, glared down at us coldly.

"Stand User…" I said lowly. "The cat...is a fucking Stand User."

"You mean animals can have these things?!"

"Apparently, yeah," I flinched as the cat moved into an aggressive stance, with its tail whipping back and forth. "Shit, I think I sensed it. How could I be so stupid?!"

"Sense it? You can sense other users?"

"Yeah, apparently every occult book I've read says that all Stand Users are drawn to one another, and that they're fated to meet," I jumped to my feet and stared the Stand-Using feline down. "Guess I should have realized we can just sense each other."

"Ok, so we have a cat that apparently makes lightning with its...horse," Anko tilted her head at Tora's stand. "A horse? His Stand looks like a giant storm horse?"

"I don't care what it looks like...so that thing with wind was part of his Stand's ability huh?" I gritted my teeth as the horse stamped at the ground and let out a frosty breath, following its master's aggressive stance.

'Damn it! I'm not against defending myself against a wild animal, and I knew I'd have to go up against other Stand-Users one of these days, but...how the hell am I supposed to fight this thing?!'

* * *

**Stand: ?**

**User: Tora the cat**

**Destructive Power: ?**

**Speed: ?**

**Range: ?**

**Durability/Persistence: ?**

**Precision: ?**

**Developmental Potential: ?**

**Powers: ?**

* * *

***CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK***

***THWOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM***

"Woah…" Naruto looked to where the lightning flashed beforehand, noticing the growing storm clouds. "Damn, guess it's gonna start raining soon."

"Maybe somebody is training with Raiton jutsu," Kakashi said offhandedly. "Although, you're probably right. It's just started over there, so it must be moving slow."

Sasuke turned his attention from his target practice to look at the seemingly approaching storm. "Hn...isn't that where Jojo went?"

"Yeah, I think he got saddled with that cat job," Sakura called out as she passed them. "Apparently nobody likes _that _job."

"Nice that you can do laps while talking," Kakashi said. "Maybe you can go a bit faster, huh?"

"Hai, Sensei!"

"Hey, how are your clones doing?" the masked ninja looked to the blonde. "Any of them dispel yet?"

"Just one, and he was working on sealing," Naruto huffed as he neared his 100th pushup. "Man, Kage Bunshin is sweet."

"Too bad you're the only one who can make _that _many," Sasuke called out, only to flinch at the sudden droplet of water that fell onto his forehead. "And it's already started…"

"Sensei! I finished my laps, what now?!"

"Well Sakura, it's starting to rain. Maybe we could go to one of the indoor training centers," the silver-haired Jōnin looked over to his most unpredictable student as the blonde finished his pushups. "Naruto, have your clones dispel. _One at a time _too, I don't want you to pass out on us again. Mine will go once all of yours have."

"Alright," Naruto rose to his feet, flinching at the creaking of his bones. "Man, no wonder Jojo got so jacked up at our age."

***CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK***

"WOAH!" the blonde jumped back as a few more bolts of lightning flashed through the sky, striking around the exact same area as before. "I thought that wasn't supposed to happen…"

Kakashi tilted his head and narrowed his single eye at where the lightning was striking. "I wonder what's going on there…"

* * *

***SHINK**SHINK**SHINK**SHINK**SHINK**SHINK***

"AGHHH! FUCK!"

"SONUDA BEEETCH!"

Tora snorted as the wind around us whipped into us, cutting small nicks in our skin and blowing our blood into the air.

The blood loss was annoying enough...but this fucking cat just ruined my pants.

"Alright, you're the Stand-User here!" Anko cried out over the roaring winds. "What the fuck do we do?!"

"Alright, full disclosure...Tora is the first Stand-user I've met that wasn't me," I cringed at the woman's owlish look. "Give me a break, I don't even know who the other Stand-User in Konoha is."

"Teuchi! It's Teuchi!" She growled.

"Wait, the guy who runs my favorite ramen stand is a-How the hell did you know?!"

"The old man told me! Look, it's not important now, we need to deal with this!" my sensei thrust her arm towards the angry, Stand-using cat.

Unfortunately, Tora saw that as an act of aggression.

"AGGGHH!" the purple-haired Jōnin pulled her slightly mangled arm back. "Shit, gonna need a medic for this...why don't you just-"

"**NEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!"**

***CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK***

***VRRRRRRRRRMMMMM***

I froze as the air around me distorted in a flash of colors. Once time had stopped , I blinked at the bolt of lightning just an inch from my face, following the source to the enemy Stand-User himself, or rather, his tail specifically.

"Jesus Stand-Using Christ…" I grumbled.

I slowly walked around the lightning, noting the now frozen wind gales he had sent our way, as well as the bolts of lightning spearing down at the area from the heavens. I shook my head and playfully poked one of the raindrops that had been frozen in time.

_Ichi-byō keika_

"Alright, Alright! I'll get to fighting the damn cat," I grumbled as I began stalking towards the cat. "Felt like I took longer than a second there thought…"

_Ni-byō keika_

I took my place behind Tora and leaned back just a bit while hooking my thumb into my pocket. I huffed lowly and sent that cat a glare as I tipped my visor to cover my face.

"Alright then...**Toki wa ugokidasu!"**

***VRRRRRRRRRmmmmmmm***

Tora grinned from ear to ear as the ground exploded before him. Anko gaped in shock, obviously thinking that I had been vaporized. Just as the cat sent her a wild glare, I cleared my throat, which caused the feline to jump up with raised hackles.

"Alright, listen kitty, I don't know how long you've had that thing," I motioned to the giant storm-horse that floated over him. "But the jig is up. You're going to put that away and stop causing trouble...otherwise, I'm gonna have to stop playing nice."

Tora glared at me as he formed a sphere of wind around himself, while also forming sharp, levitating rings of water around his makeshift shield. I snarled in annoyance when I realized that his powers looked really familiar. He was manipulating wind and water, and even producing lightning, like the benders from the Last Airbender series.

"Yare Yare Daze, this is gonna be annoying…" I tilted my head to my sensei. "Hey, unless you can break through his shield without getting torn to shreds, do you think you could put up some earth barriers or something? This is probably gonna cause a lot of collateral."

"I'll put up the earth shields, but I could get to him if I got an opening," the purple-haired Jōnin pointed to the water blades. "I'm thinking those could be gotten rid of. I might be able to teach you a jutsu for it on the fly."

"After the shields, maybe?"

"Right, gotcha," the woman immediately set to forming shields of stone around the soon to be battlefield.

Tora ignored Anko in favor of charging at me with unsheathed claws, his Stand following his movements with stamping hooves. I jumped back as the cat slashed at me with blades of wind that he had formed on his paws, while dodging his water blades. I flinched when a loud winnie sounded out from behind me, and I turned to face the cat's Stand as it reared up at me and kicked with its forelegs.

"**NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIGGGHHHHH!"**

"**ORA!" **

Tora gaped as his Stand's hooves were caught by gloved fists. Star Platinum stared at the giant storm-horse impassively, though I could feel that he was struggling somewhat to hold the enemy Stand back. That told me that Tora's Stand was as strong as SP, which meant it was gonna be a real bitch to deal with.

I smirked at the stupefied feline. "What?! You think you're the only one with a power like that? I've had Star Platinum since I was six," I grunted as I willed SP to shove the horse back. "Don't make me laugh, cat! You have no idea who you're dealing with!"

With that, my Stand directed a kick straight at the face of Tora's. While the storm-horse was able to barely dodge the attack, the cat had witnessed everything. The displacement of air and rain as SPs fists moved, the shockwave of my Stand's foot pummeling at the air, and the obviously lightspeed movement.

I don't think I've ever seen something take the high ground faster in my life...aside from Obi Wan, but I never saw _that _happen again. The funny thing about Tora being so far away, hiding in a tree once again, was that his stand was several meters away from him. A strong Stand, with a wide range…at least he had dropped his elemental shields.

"Yare Yare...ok, so what I know so far…" I grumbled, looking at the storm-horse as it stared me and my Stand down. "It has a long range, in proportion to the cat's size, and it's strong enough to match Star Platinum...and fast enough to dodge a punch from him at practically point blank range," I flinched as several bolts of lightning speared down from the sky. "And then there's all that…"

"Hey! I finished putting up all the rock shields," Anko called out as she rejoined me. She brought out a kunai as she faced the equine stand. "Alright, what's the situation?"

"Well...his stand is fast enough to dodge an attack from mine, strong enough to grapple with it, and it has a longer range than I expected," a gust of sharpened wind slashed into my arm, and I took a deep breath to heal the wound quicker. "And it controls the weather. I can't believe a cat is doing this…"

"Yeah, I changed my mind, he's way worse than the last 15," the purple-haired Jōnin rubbed the back of her head. "He let his shields down, but there's no way we're gonna get to him. Not when he's taken cover while keeping that thing out to block us-Agh, son of a…" the woman growled as she nursed her own set of newly made cuts. "Look at the fuckin' furball, it's like he's making an elemental rodeo. Why's his Stand staying so far away?"

"He might think that he can push us back with enough wind and lightning...I doubt he knows that Star Platinum can only move 2 meters away from me."

"What?!" Anko cried out. "2 meters?! Hold on, you can even have him move far enough to get an enemy?"

"I have a very close range Stand ok. If he moved any further, he wouldn't punch hard enough to break giant diamonds or move at the speed of light," I glanced at the woman from the corner of my eye. "You said you could show me a jutsu that could help, right?"

"I can give you two, actually. Watch this one closely," Anko winced as she brought her bloody arm up, but was able to push through the pain, forming her hands into the dragon seal, then the tiger seal, all while chakra flashed around her fingers.

"**Suiton: Inryokuken!"**

At this, the water around us began drifting towards her, forming into a large ball of liquid that floated in front of her. Even the still falling raindrops were pulled straight into the ball, much to the apparent chagrin of the Stand-Using cat several meters away.

"Well...that's definitely interesting," I said slowly.

"Yeah, water's not my best element, on account of me always having trouble making it from scratch," the purple-haired Jōnin shook her head. "This is like a training instrument for it though. Kneading chakra to make water can take a lot of work if you're untrained...so instead, you just bring water to you. Go one, try it!"

I went through the two handseals while pushing chakra into my hands. "**Suiton: Inryokuken!" **I took a deep breath as I felt the small pull on my chakra reserves. In under a minute, there was a beach ball sized orb of water floating in front of me.

"Not bad, yours is smaller than mine though. Hope you don't feel inadequate," my sensei sneered at me for a few seconds before staring forward. "Honestly...they say the gravitational pull is B-Rank, but really, everybody should learn it first if they have water. Seriously, it doesn't take as much chakra to use as most other B-Rank jutsu, and it's kinda necessary to have if you wanna train the water release."

"So, you taught me a B-Rank jutsu? Even after all that shit you gave me a few hours ago?"

"Don't judge me!"

"Yare Yare...so what now?"

"Well, I'll give you one C-Rank jutsu to use on our friend there," Anko motioned to the storm-horse. "Then, once you've taken your opening, I'll keep it distracted while you deal with the cat."

"Ok, what jutsu is it?"

"Ok, repeat after me," the woman formed her hands into the correct seals, this time without using chakra. "Tatsu, Tora, U. Suiton: Mizurappa!"

I made the handseals while adding chakra. "**Suiton: Mizurappa!" **at this, a thick stream of water shot out from the orb of water before me. The equine Stand winnied at the sight of it and reared back, doing it's best to keep a greater distance from us.

"Thanks for the jutsu, but how does this help?" I turned to Anko with a skeptical gaze. "Sure, Stand Users don't do too well in water for very long, but Stands don't have any limits in water. Star Platinum would still be just as fast in water as it is out."

"Yeah, you and I both know that...but the cat doesn't," the woman sneered at the feline in question. "Besides, he's a fucking cat! Even if his Stand is a horse that controls the weather and stuff, he's not gonna be very interested in getting submerged."

"...I'm an idiot for not realizing that," I gritted my teeth as I made the seals for the gravitational pull. "I have an idea, just make sure that horse has its attention on you when I do it."

"Alright kid, go for it then."

"Alright! **Suiton: Mizurappa!" **my refreshed orb of water transformed into a large wave that washed over the giant horse. "Here we go! **Suiton: Inryokuken!" **I held my right arm out and willed the remains of the water orb to surround my outstretched limb.

With that, I charged forward, jumping over the "drowning" horse while using my stand to throw me towards the cat. Tora arched his back and hissed at me, ready to strike me with blades of wind. Already I could see tendrils of water snaking towards me from below.

"**KOOOOOOOHHHHHH!" **I met the cat's fierce hissing with my own growl as I mustered the ripple within me. "**TURQUOISE BLUE OVERDRIVE!" **

With that shout, the water I had wrapped around my arm became infused with Hamon. Whereas the technique would normally produce a ripple-infused tempest of water that blasted everything in its path, above an underwater setting things were different. Instead of a tempest, the water around my arm shot forward as a crescent shaped blade of liquid that danced with energy.

Try as he might, Tora couldn't control the oncoming blade of water with his Stand power. Stands and Hamon may or may not have had a close relationship, but it seemed that Hamon could override the power of a Stand on certain occasions. It definitely made it better that the cat couldn't stop what was coming.

I do feel sorry that I had to cut the tree branch down. But as much as I wanted to main the shit out of this cat, I needed him alive, or else I wouldn't get paid. So seeing him fall was the next best thing.

"**NEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!" **

I looked back to where Anko was, finding that the storm-horse was suddenly less corporeal than before. It looked downtrodden, and physically weakened...which meant Tora probably wasn't gonna be a threat anymore.

"Hah! Great job kid," my sensei walked over and dragged me into a noogie, much to my annoyance. "Alright, let's bring this cat in. We should probably inform the Hokage about-"

***CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCKKKK!***

"GAH!" I jumped back as a massive bolt of lightning struck right between us.

Before either of us could get our bearings, Tora shot straight into the air, glaring at us with completely blank, electric blue eyes. Behind him, his Stand floated, no longer appearing physically weak. Where there had been storm clouds, there was nothing but pure lightning making up its body. Where there was water, all that remained was wild, sharpened ice that splayed out in all directions. The eyes that once had pure electricity running through them now had massive swirling maelstroms emerging from within.

* * *

**It was at this moment that Jojo knew...he fucked up!**

* * *

***CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCKKKK!***

"Hmm?!" Kakashi looked over to the direction the lightning struck. "That doesn't sound too good…"

"Hey, Kakashi!" the silver-haired Jōnin looked over to see Asuma walking towards them, followed by team 10. "Looks like the rain is picking up, huh?"

"Yeah, it's starting to become a pretty big storm," the copy-nin said blithely, now nose deep into a certain orange book.

"Sasuke-kun!" Ino darted to the Uchiha's side. "It's sooo good to see you again, after being away from you for so long."

"It's been four days…"

"They say absence makes the heart grow fonder," the blonde kunoichi said huskily. "I was wondering...you wouldn't happen to be doing anything later, right?"

Before Sasuke could tell the girl off, a pink blur forced Ino away. "Hey, move it Ino-buta! Sasuke isn't interested in an annoying hag like you!"

"Seems like you're projecting just a bit there, huh Dekorīn?" the blonde smirked when the pinkette bristled at her nickname. "Like Sasuke-kun would want a caveman like you!"

"Why you!"

Naruto looked on with a deep grimace. "It's kind of like Jojo said a week ago...Sakura might be an annoying fangirl, but she'll be too focused on all the others to annoy you."

"Just according to keikaku," Sasuke said lowly.

"Hey *munch* guys!" the two turned to see Chouji and Shikamaru slowly approaching them. "Lovely weather we're having, huh?"

"If you think thunderstorms are nice, then yeah…" Sasuke flinched as a few nearby roofs lost their shingles. "That wind is really picking up."

"KAKASHI!"

The one-eyed ninja in question looked up, blinking as he saw Iruka charging towards him. "Wonder what he wants…"

"Kakashi...Asuma too...Oh man…" the scarred chūnin doubled over as he tried to catch his breath. "100...miles…oh man...over 100 miles..."

Naruto immediately jumped to Iruka's side and helped him stand straight."What's going on about 100 miles, Iruka-sensei?"

"The storm...it's a Typhoon! It's getting stronger!"

"Be real Iruka, a Typhoon? We're a bit far away from the ocean, don't you think?" the silver-haired Jōnin almost went back to his book when he saw the look on everybody's faces. "Woah, what's with those looks? You guys are just staring up at the empty space behind-Oh, wait a second," the copy-nin turned his head, paling at what he saw. "Please don't tell me that that's what I think it is…"

"I don't know what you think it is Kakashi-sensei," Naruto said absently. "But...that looks like a tornado…"

Kakashi stared at the swirling vortex of wind for several seconds before letting out a sigh. "Alright, guess we're doing this now...the Hokage probably knows about it, so…" the copy-nin turned to his blonde student. "Naruto! Make as many shadow clones as you can, have half of them evacuate any low lying houses, and the other half fortify any areas on higher ground."

"Right!" the blonde immediately walked several feet away and summoned an army of copies.

"Sakura! Go to the hospital and get the medical staff ready! Then I want you to go to the Hokage's office and see if you can't get some help, maybe some supplies."

"Hai, Sensei!" the pinkette sped towards the Hokage tower as fast as she could.

"Alright then, team 10," the silver-haired Jōnin looked to Asuma and Iruka. "You guys wouldn't mind helping Sasuke and I evacuate the clan compounds, would you? I heard the Hyūga can be pretty stubborn."

"Sure, I wouldn't mind," Asuma said blithely before his team could interject.

"Not like I had anything planned for the day…" the scarred chūnnin said weakly.

Kakashi turned to Sasuke, noticing how he kept staring at the tornado in the distance. "Something wrong?"

"That's...where Jojo was going earlier," the Uchiha said nervously. "He was supposed to be recapturing the Daimyō's cat."

"Sasuke, relax," Iruka gently laid a hand on the boy's shoulder. "Jojo is...well, he's pretty tough, and he doesn't let stuff keep him down. I'm sure he'll be alright…"

* * *

"AGGGHHHH!"

"**NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!"**

A grunt escaped my throat as the equine Stand clashed against Star Platinum. The storm-horse flew back at lightspeed before looping around and crashing into me again, causing sparks to fly around us. As SP held its hooves back, I turned my head to look for Anko.

The moment we were lifted into the air by the tornado, the woman had done everything she could to find a spot to hunker down. The best we had was a large, now uprooted, tree with dozens of hollow spaces to hide in. It was easy to get in and out, even for someone of my size.

The original plan _had _been to wait it out...then Tora came after us again. Apparently, when his Stand was on Maximum Overdrive, it focused more on close range attacks rather than its long range arsenal. That isn't to say that it wasn't using lightning to attack us, or that he wasn't using his razor sharp wind to harry us every other second, just that he was going on a physical offensive with his Stand much more than before.

"Damn furball!" Anko cried out as she formed her hands into a mix of seals I couldn't follow. "**Katon: Ryūka no-"**

***ZIIIIPPPP***

***CRASSSSSSHHHHHCCCCKKK***

"FUCK!" the purple-haired Jōnin fell backwards as a thunder-charged blur nearly crashed into her. "And then there's that asshole!"

Once we had started flying through the air, Tora immediately donned his best Pikachu impression and shrouded himself in a cloak of electricity that I could only assume it worked in a similar fashion to the Raikage's. The storm-wielding feline moved faster than the normal eye could track, and he was regularly breaking the speed of sound dozens of times over without receiving any of the consequences.

It was annoying enough having to fight his Stand, but I had to divide my time making sure he didn't get to Anko. My sensei had been able to ward off the beast for the most part, but her right arm was covered in small cuts, so she had to busy herself with stopping the flow of blood. Since she was shooting fire at Tora round the clock, the cat took as many openings as he could, leaving the previous trees she had hid in as little more than wood chips and mulch.

"**NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!"**

"Shit!" I felt a pounding sensation in my arms as Star Platinum blocked another few kicks from the horse. Before the equine Stand could fly back, I willed SP to push us back, and used the momentum to fly towards my distressed sensei. "Oi, you alright?!"

"The damn furball is lying around in wait somewhere," the purple-haired Jōnin flinched as she held her right arm close. "Plus there's all the blood loss, makes it hard to do jutsu too...damn, this is the arm I use for handjobs. Breaking it to Iruka is gonna suck."

"...Thank you for sharing that piece of information," I grunted out as I looked back to the enemy Stand. "That thing keeps itself close to the center of the storm. If I can get to the eye of the storm, I can disable it and capture the cat."

"Ok, here's an idea," Anko said snidely. "What happens when you force him to withdraw his Stand and stop the storm? Because I doubt that we're just gonna be plopped onto the ground safely when the tornado dissipates."

"I have something for that, but I don't know if it'd really work," I stared at the thunder-charged horse blankly. "We'll get to it when we get to it I guess…"

"Oh, you're just gonna wing it, huh?!"

"Look, the main issue is getting rid of the damn horse!" I growled. "When we reach that point, we'll get to it," I blinked as a whistling sound passed us, and I looked over to see a couple of boulders flying not far behind us. "That's it! I can beat him!"

"Wait, what are you-"

I ignored Anko's protests as I kicked myself away from the tree and landed straight onto the larger of the two boulders. I smirked as I saw a flash of light within the clouds.

"_Oi, cat!" _I cried out in english(?), smirking as a flash sparked near my left. "_You're acting pretty smug for someone in YEETIN' distance!"_

Star Platinum grabbed onto the smaller rock and flung it straight towards the enemy. Predictably, Tora shot out from his hiding spot and intercepted it, using blades of water projected from his paws to cut the stone to pieces. I kicked myself off the large boulder and flew through a shrouded portion of the cyclone, watching as the cat struck the rock I had just been on.

Now, to wait…

* * *

"Alright, so everybody finished their evacuation duties, right?" Kakashi hummed as all team 7 nodded. "Good...now, that tornado has moved a bit, but it's remained mostly stationary-"

***CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCKKSSSSHHHHHH***

The group looked over just as several pieces of stone flew from the wind funnel and crashed into the ground not far away. In the path of the stone spikes included a few destroyed structures, upturned portions of the road that would need to be fixed, and-

"MY CABBAGES!"

One loud cabbage stand owner, who would need to be properly compensated for his destroyed property. Aside from this, there were four people nearly caught by the stone projectiles. Naruto narrowed his eyes in realization.

"Hinata! Shit!" the blonde ran towards the girl, panic visible on his face. "Hime, you alright?! Nothing stabbed you or anything?!"

The girl blushed as the Uzumaki helped her off the ground. "I-I'm fine, just...a bit...uh," the bluenette stared at the stone spike that had missed her head by a full inch. "I have no words…"

"Oh, thank Kami...just what the hell is going on in that thing?" Naruto flinched as another bolt of lightning flashed through the tornado. "Something is wrong...none of this is normal."

"Oi, what's the deal with holding our teammate like that?!" the two turned to see Kiba jumping off the ground, the dog-boy glaring at them hard as he dusted himself off. "What, are you two married or something?!"

"What?! No, that would be ridiculous!" Hinata said quickly.

"Yeah, that's so weird of you to say, kiba! I mean, I get her advice on training and stuff, and we've hung out but," the blonde grimaced at the dog-nin's skeptical look. "We're just friends, so I got worried about her."

The rest of team 7 ran up to join their blond teammate, Sasuke in particular giving the boy a skeptical glance as he walked forward.

"Didn't I hear you call her 'hime'?"

Naruto rounded on the Uchiha. "We're _just _friends, Sasuke-teme," the blonde growled.

Sasuke blinked at this, and shared a look with Shino as the bug-user walked into view. "No fucking way…"

"Hey, how bout we have this conversation _after _we deal with the Typhoon," the blonde motioned to the tornado nearby. "I mean, as much as I'm sure Jojo is involved in some way, and probably taking care of it, doesn't mean that…" Naruto grimaced as an entire roof flew over them. "Yeah, I'm gonna leave all that to Kakashi-sensei…"

"Right…" the silver-haired Jōnin looked to Kurenai with a confused look. "So, I have no idea what's going on with..._that_...but I'm assuming you were handling things?"

"We evacuated some of the lesser clans, and a lot of the civilian workers," the ravenette huffed. "The Hyūga clan was acting a bit stubborn though."

"Must have gotten there after we did," Kakashi scratched the back of his his absently. "They wouldn't even listen to us when Sasuke and I went...What's the plan now?"

"Asume said that we had to meet up at the Hokage's office, my guess is he wants us to fortify the areas with higher ground," the woman looked over to the tornado. "Everybody's mostly worried about that, but it hasn't moved too much, so-"

***WHEEEEEEEEEEE-WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO***

The two ninja teams paled as a massive boulder shot out from the tornado and quickly descended towards them. Naruto vaguely registered Sasuke trying to muster a fireball, but like the blonde, the Uchiha was frozen in fear at the rock that was only a few meters away from them. Even as Kakashi cried out for them to move, Naruto couldn't budge.

Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed that his girlfriend was in the exact same position as he was. Hinata's blank eyes had widened in terror, and every time she tried to move, her legs wouldn't even twitch.

'NO! I can't let them die!' the blonde thought. 'I have to do something! Come on legs, move! Hands, do a Mokuton thing or something! PLEASE!'

'**Kami, this gaki is hopeless…' **a voice resounded from within him, every word punctuated with a deep, sonorous growl.

'_**Yeah, he's just standing there like a dumbass!' **_another voice hissed, this one higher pitched than the other with a slightly more playful tone.

Naruto flinched as he felt a power welling up from deep within him. His vision turned red, and he flushed as he felt a burning heat swell around his being.

'**Don't get cocky about this, gaki. It's not like we want to help **_**you **_**of all people.'**

'_**Yeah, we'd normally be gunning for a chance to get out of you, but we're not interested in being dead for a few years...now MOVE!'**_

Naruto jolted at the second voice's words, and sprung to action. He shot forward and held out his clawed hands, flattening them before making a downward cross chop at the giant boulder. He looked back in time to see the boulder crack to pieces, and the others looking at him in shock.

Naruto's confused blinking could easily be seen through the fox-like chakra cloak. "**Woah, what's everybody looking at?!"**

* * *

The moment I had hidden in the clouds, I let my body go slack and simply watched. Tora was turning his head at every sound, his whiskers twitching every moment. I made sure to keep a close eye on Anko, seeing that every time she moved, the cat would focus on her for a second and pelt her location with attacks, before going back to watching the surrounding whirlwind. Every now and then, he would angrily throw a tree or a rock out of the storm with his powers, but for the most part he was constantly watching for any sign of me.

I figured out how he was able to go after us while hiding in the clouds at least...now I just had to wait. Wait for the winds to bring me close enough to the cat or his stand to make an attack, wait for the cat to get distracted, wait for whatever...it was gonna be one big waiting game.

Finally, everything seemed to align just perfectly. I looped around to a point where I was in direct range of Tora's stand, just as the cat decided to fire off another bolt of lightning at Anko. I didn't waste a second.

"**SUTĀ FINGĀ!"**

***CRACK!***

The equine Stand turned to me just at the right time, and I could see Tora spitting up droplets of blood just as Star Platinum's fingers slammed into the horse's face.

I sent the cat a smirk as he gave me a dazed look. "I figured out your trick, furball. One of your powers is the ability to sense the changes in the air, and the electricity in the environment. Since everything about humans requires electricity to move, you could use your power to sense us. It's a neat trick," I pointed to the cat as SP pulled his stand closer to us. "I've got a few neat tricks of my own...and that's not counting my Stand's main ability," I snorted as the cat floated over to me weakly. "I don't really feel good about fighting animals, and I actually like cats as much as I like dogs...but, you created a Typhoon and a tornado, just because you didn't want to go back to your owner…"

I gave the cat a pointed glare. "As much as I hate to say it, a bad kitty like you...**needs to be punished"**

"Phrasing!" Anko called out.

I ignored the purple-haired Jōnin and took a deep breath as I willed my Stand's fists to raise.

"**ORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORA!"**

"**N-NEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH?!"**

"**ORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORA!"**

And just like that, the storm-horse faded to near transparency before receding back into its user. Tora visibly slackened as his Stand returned, his features showing clear bruising and lumps from his punishment. The cat lifted his head weakly and gave me a sharp glare.

"Guess your Stand wasn't as durable as mine...Oh would you relax?!" I growled, grabbing onto the beast with one arm. "I'll heal you before we get you back to your owner," I ignored the cat's mewls of protest. "Now then-"

"Hey! How the hell do we get down?!" Anko cried out as she jumped off the mangled tree. "I think the storm is starting to...well," the purple-haired Jōnin motioned to the now fading funnel cloud around us. "What now?!"

"Grab onto me," I said, sighing at her surprised look. "Just trust me on this, I had plenty of time to figure it out."

"Alright, whatever…" Anko grabbed onto me with her good arm with a scowl. "Seriously though, if we die, I'm gonna kick your ass."

I took a deep breath as we finally began our descent, juicing myself up with Hamon as I pushed chakra into my hands. "Alright then...**Suiton: Inryokuken!"**

When the water ball started forming, I leaned back and kicked at it with my feet, ignoring the protests from my passengers. I smiled when I felt the water sticking to my feet, and stood up straight again, all while keeping up the jutsu and making sure that I could get as much water beneath us as possible before we hit the ground.

When we did hit the ground, I discharged the Hamon from my legs and let myself sink a little, just as the water bubble erupted in a massive splash. I grimaced as a wave of water washed over the three of us. My jaw clenched as Anko let go of me and sent me a flat glare beneath her soaked bangs.

"Alright, maybe I should have used Hamon to repel all the water so we wouldn't get wet...but I forgot," I sighed at Tora's annoyed moan. "Yare Yare, let's just get back to the village already…"

* * *

**Stand: Storm Rider (Namesake: Riders on the Storm, by The Doors) **

**User: Tora the cat**

**Destructive Power: A**

**Speed: A**

**Range: A**

**Durability/Persistence: E**

**Precision: B(in normal mode)/A(Overdrive mode)**

**Developmental Potential: C**

**Powers: Through his Stand, Tora the cat is able to control the elements of water, wind, and lightning to a degree which most ninja would be hard pressed to achieve, and he can do this with only a thought and scant movements of his tail. If sufficiently angered or startled, Tora may cause a genuine storm to appear around him, and he can use it to deadly affect.**

**Aside from using this for combat, he can use his control over wind to bring objects to him even if they're out of his physical range. For example, his control over wind is so finite that he can fly by manipulating the air around himself. **

**Tora's Stand also grants him a secondary power, the ability to sense changes in the air, or even any electrical phenomenon nearby, including those produced by other living organisms. This allows him to sense enemies, much like a shark in the water.**

* * *

"Please Hiruzen, you have to send somebody out to find my baby! Tora could be hurt!"

Hiruzen sighed as the Daimyō's wife gripped his robes tightly. He had come to check on the civilian evacuees, then he had gone to make sure the hospital staff wouldn't be overwhelmed. He had just finished rallying several teams to handle the outskirts of the village when he felt Naruto's "outburst" with the Fox's chakra. When he went to confront Team 7 outside his office, he was intercepted by Madam Shijimi.

Which led them to now. Shijimi had spent a good half hour begging and pleading with Hiruzen to send someone out to find her dear cat. The Hokage had sent a desperate look to Kakashi every time the woman wiped her tears in his robe, to which the silver-haired ninja ignored.

Hiruzen let out a sigh and patted the woman on the shoulder. "Madam Shijimi, I'm sure your cat is fine. They've always been quite tough in the past, if I remember," the old man cringed as the woman let out another sob. "Shijimi, your cat is fine. I sent one of my most promising genin out to find him...he probably got to him before the storm hit. Even if Tora hasn't been found yet, the storm is starting to fade. He's bound to be fine now."

Hiruzen flinched at the woman's wails and turned his head away. When he turned, he blinked in shock as two figures entered his vision. A very wet Mitarashi Anko, and a slightly more dry Joushirou who held a very poofy cat with a bow on its ear. When Shijimi looked up, she flew from the Hokage's grasp.

"TORA-CHAN!"

Joushirou relinquished the cat from his grasp, letting out a small hum as the woman nearly crushed the feline in her arms. "Sorry about his fur being all poofy. He was wet when we found him, so I used a technique to dry him off."

"Oh, don't worry about that dear," Shijimi looked at the poofy-furred cat, ignoring it's pitiful groans. "Oh, I can't even begin to imagine the styles I can put it in. I'll need to get the curlers out though…" the woman looked back to Hiruzen with a bright smile. "I'll be sure to send payment in just a bit Hokage-dono. I'm sure you have a lot on your plate right now."

"Yes, of course…" Hiruzen breathed a sigh of relief as the woman left. "Thank goodness, now that that's done with-"

"Damn, I almost felt bad for the furball," Anko groaned as she wrung out her pockets. "Woman must have a vice grip if she wants to."

"You almost feel bad?" Joushirou asked, quirking an eyebrow at his sensei.

"Almost being the keyword," the purple-haired Jōnin smirked.

Hiruzen cleared his throat, glaring at them flatly when they turned to face him. "I'm certain you have quite the adventure to tell me about…" the old man deadpanned, snorting as Anko's face turn red in embarrassment. "Perhaps it would be better discussed in my office, no?"

"Yeah, sure," Anko said in a strained voice.

Hiruzen turned to Naruto and Kakashi. "You as well, come on," the old man sighed when Sakura and Sasuke attempted to follow. "Just Naruto and Kakashi, not you two."

"What?!" the pinkette gaped in shock. "But, we-"

"It's an S-rank secret. That's all you need to know," with that, Hiruzen quickly closed the door in her face.

* * *

"So, you used the Fox's chakra?" I asked nervously.

"Yeah...should I have been hearing voices?" Naruto asked nervously. "Because I heard two voices just before it happened."

Two voices? There weren't two Kurama's...ok, there is _that one_, but that's another series-oh wait, alternate timeline...but that wouldn't work either. The point is, there _should _only be one fox in there.

I let out a sigh and gave the blonde a pointed look. "Naruto, we've both had this discussion, right? When I got worried that I was having auditory hallucinations, what was it you said?"

"That it's fine as long as the voices aren't telling you to kill people," the blonde put a hand to his chin in thought. "Still, I'm kinda worried about it."

"Naruto, what were you doing when you heard the voices?" Hiruzen grimaced at Naruto's confused look. "What brought out the Fox's chakra?"

"Oh, well I was talking to...a friend," the blonde flinched at the old man's skeptical look. "And, then this huge boulder flew out of the tornado and came straight at us. Then I heard the voices, and suddenly I was moving and chopping at the rock, and then I cut it in pieces."

Hiruzen leaned towards the blonde with a scrutinizing gaze. "Then what happened?"

"Then I felt...I dunno, like I was hooked up to a power generator. It faded a few minutes later, but I still felt all jittery afterwards…" Naruto shook his head. "Now I just have this weird feeling running through me...I can't describe it, but it's like my insides are a bit hot."

"Hmm...that's most likely a side effect from the Kyuubi's chakra. Hopefully it'll fade," Hiruzen turned to Anko and I. "Now then...you two were at the apparent source of that twister. What happened there?"

"Alright...full disclosure…" I looked at the blonde from the corner of my eye. "That rock that flew towards you was kind of our fault."

"WHAT?!"

"Yeah, mind clearing that one up?" Kakashi finally chimed in, having lifted his gaze from his little orange book.

I sighed and rubbed my temples. "Ok, the rock may have had something to do with me using it as a launch point while we were in the tornado-"

"You were _in _the tornado?!" Hiruzen gaped in shock. "How?!"

"I was getting to that! Look, the storm was actually caused by Tora the cat."

"It's true! I saw the damn furball do all of it," Anko said quickly.

Kakashi gave us both a skeptical look. "And how did a cat cause a massive typhoon that flooded the village and tore roofs off houses?"

I willed Star Platinum into existence, my Stand facing the Jōnin with crossed arms. "I think it should be pretty obvious."

Kakashi stared at my Stand long and hard with his single eye. "Huh, so that's what it looks like...Iruka wasn't joking," the silver-haired Jōnin blinked in realization. "Wait a second...you mean...the cat had…"

"A Stand, yeah," I fiddled with a stray lock of my blue hair in thought. "Hell, Anko's arm is still a bit cut up from his wind manipulation."

"Oh shit! How did we miss that?!" Kakashi stared in shock at the woman's still bloody arm.

"Yeah, I was gonna ask to go to the hospital real quick actually."

"Wait! You mean animals can have these things?!" Naruto cried out.

I snorted at this. "I wouldn't be surprised if plants could get them."

Hiruzen pinned me with a very fierce look. "That's...very serious. A cat that has the power to cause a storm like the one from today…" the Hokage shook his head. "We need to do something about that cat. He could destroy the whole country!"

"I'm pretty sure I discouraged that, what with the beating and all."

"You beat up a cat?!" Naruto cried out.

"Naruto, I was trapped in a tornado," I sent the blond a flat glare. "Of course I beat up the damn cat. Again, I don't think he's gonna cause any trouble," I met Hiruzen's nervous gaze with a firm look. "I know it's not good to just trust my "instincts" like this, but I have this feeling that Stand Users don't cause trouble if their fun is put to a stop."

Hiruzen leaned back and let out an exasperated sigh. "I trust your basic knowledge on Stands...but I'm not quite ready to trust your judgement on this."

"If you're worried, you could just send me to the capital to keep an eye on the furball," I said nonchalantly.

"No, not you...but you have the right idea," the Hokage looked at me with a firm gaze. "I have to send send a few Shinobi to the capital for the Daimyō's use, I can have them keep an eye on the cat, as well as document all of his abilities if he uses them."

"Seems like a better plan then," I shrugged before looking back to Anko. "I'm guessing there won't be any D-Rank missions for a few days then, huh?" I motioned to the woman's arm.

"Well, you'll probably accompany another team for the cleanup from today's...events," the old man looked out the window with a sigh. "But, I was actually thinking about sending you in particular on a C-Rank with another team."

I jolted upright at this. "Beg your pardon? It sounded like you said "C-Rank" just now...as in, a C-Rank Mission," I shivered at the old man's blank look. "Please let me go back to weeding gardens, please!"

"Relax, there's only one now and it's for a prisoner extradition," the Hokage shook his head. "You can busy yourself with D-Rank missions with the team your accompanying beforehand...now then," the old man turned to Naruto. "We're going to have to talk about a few things."

"Ah…"

"For starters, you'll need some minor training on how to control the Kyuubi's chakra," Hiruzen snorted at the blonde's groans. "Then, I've brought in somebody who can help you refine the Mokuton."

Naruto instantly perked up at this. "You mean I actually get to train that?! How?! I thought the Senju clan was dead!"

"They're not entirely dead, obviously," the old man motioned to the blonde. "And you'll get all the details in a weeks time, when they show up. Your first lesson will probably be learning how to recreate a forest," Hiruzen sent Anko and I a pointed look. "Considering how much of our woodlands were destroyed during the Typhoon."

Anko jerked to her feet at this. "Aww come on! That wasn't our fault damn it!"

I let out an exasperated sigh. "Yare Yare Daze…"

* * *

**Tora the cat**

**Stand: Storm Rider**

**Status: Out of commission. As long as he is in his owner's care, he will not be a threat for the foreseeable future.**

* * *

**OMAKE - It's like a Burning Sunrise:**

Morino Ibiki blinked at his long-time friend and subordinate. What Anko had just suggested was ridiculous, quite possibly insane, and destined to fail. Regardless, the woman seemed genuinely confident that she had just put forth an infallible plan.

"...So let me get this straight," the scarred Jōnin rubbed his temples. "Your Genin heard that we had captured a Jashinist associated with Akatsuki, and asked if he could interrogate him?"

"Yuh huh," the purple-haired woman said cheerfully.

"So, you decided to come to me with the plan, because you thought that I'd be the most receptive to it?" Ibiki glared when the woman nodded. "Anko, this is T&I, just what the hell do you take us for?"

"Now, hear me out Ibiki," Anko held her hands up defensively. "I know he's a Genin, but Joushirou is a fucking monster when it comes to fighting, and one of the things he suggested was downright disturbing even for me."

"...What was it?"

"Cutting of the guy's fingers and toes while making him countdown from 1000 by 7," the woman said cheerfully. "I got genuine chills from hearing it."

"...Shit, that is good," the scarred Jōnin grimaced. "The problem is, that might not work on this guy. He's a freak, he actually likes pain."

"Come ooooon Ibiki!" Anko moaned, giving her superior a hard pout. "Just give him a chance...please?"

Ibiki stared her down for several seconds, before letting out a sigh and closing his eyes. "Ten minutes, he gets ten minutes. Nothing more, nothing less."

* * *

"Well fuck me sideways! Konoha must be really full of themselves if they're sending a kid to torture me," Hidan sneered at the blue-haired boy. "Seriously? This is just rich! What's your name kid?"

"Joushuya Joushirou," the boy growled flatly. "And I'm interested in handling you, Jashinist Hidan. You see, I'm trying to kill an immortal that's hiding out there somewhere, and I figured I'd try dealing with all the others as training."

"Oooh, funny!" the silver-haired maniac leered at the boy. "Go ahead and try to kill me, you won't get very far! Seriously!"

"...Kill you?" Joushirou let a twisted smile stretch across his face. "Why the hell would I want to kill you? You're currently a valuable well of information," the boy pulled two things from his pocket, a pair of glasses and a fishing line. "I bet you're wondering what these are for, huh?"

"You're gonna torture me with glasses and a fishing line?" the Jashinist gaped at the boy's flat look. "Seriously?!"

"I am...but first," the boy grabbed the hilt of the sword slung over his shoulder, and pulled. There was a bright flash, and Hidan suddenly found that his head was rolling on the floor, his body falling from it's seat.

"Seriously?! You think cutting off my head is gonna do anything? I have that happen every-wait, hold up," the silver-haired man grimaced as the boy attached a fish hook to the line. "The hell are you doing with that thing?"

"Which would you prefer me to use, Hidan-san?" the boy held up the fishing line and the glasses. "Maybe you should choose wisely, otherwise I'll have to use both. We need answers from you, otherwise things will head south real fast," the boy leaned close to the decapitated head. "You have a partner, right Hidan-san? Maybe you should tell us about him?"

"Screw you!"

"I guess I'll have to get right into this," the boy grabbed the man's right eyelid and pierced the fish hook through. "Now I'm gonna have to use both!" Hidan cried in shock as his head sailed through the air, curling around one of the bars on the chair.

The Jashinist glared at the people likely hiding behind the viewing window to the chamber. "You think this scares me? Alright, I admit it, getting a fish hook stuck through my eyelid is a first, but seriously?! This isn't-MPHMMHHPPPP!" Hidan was cut off when the Genin covered his mouth in duct tape. After he had finished affixing the glasses to the man's face (albeit loosely), Joushirou then pulled the overhanging light down till it was flashing right into the man's right eye.

"You feel like talking yet?" the boy asked the decapitated Jashinist. "Hmm...guess I have to continue," the boy held up his hands and began counting. "Hi-dan...Heaven...Hell...Hmm, looks like you're heading to hell pal, enjoy your stay."

Hidan wanted to scream at the boy, to tell him to lick Jashin's asshole once he died. But the only thing he cared about then and there...was how he had missed the big ass stereo the Genin brought into the room.

***CLICK***

**"VOCAL PERCUSSION ON A WHOLE 'NOTHER LEVEL, COMIN' FROM MY MIND~"**

* * *

Later, at the Hokage's office

"They want to do WHAT to me?!" Naruto shrieked.

"Naruto, calm down! We won't let it come to fruition…" Hiruzen turned to Joushirou. "I still can't believe you got him to talk by dancing in front of him."

"To be fair, I think he started hallucinating on the 10th playthrough," the Joestar shrugged. "I'm just glad Ibiki gave me more time to work him over."

"That was absolutely hilarious!" Anko cried out. "Seriously, you just had to dance in front of him and he spilled everything like a freshly gut pig."

"Don't you mean he "spilled the beans"?" the blonde asked nervously. "Because that sounds way less disturbing."

"I know what I said," the purple-haired woman giggled before turning to her apprentice. "Think you could do that to any of our other inmates?"

"Can they also survive being decapitated?" Joushirou asked. "Because the torture dance is extremely situational. They'd need to be another Jashinist or a Kyūketsuki to survive it."

"A what?!" Hiruzen blinked at the boy. "What was that word you just said?"

"Yare Yare...I'll tell you later," the blue-haired boy grumbled. "It's not gonna be important for maybe another 50 chapters anyway, and it didn't matter after part 6, so it's nothing to worry about for now..."

* * *

**←To Be Continued**

* * *

**Alright then, lets get to the reviews.**

**TeamDimension08: Thanks for the compliment, and Naruto and Sasuke will take the place of the normal Jobros (they're not gonna die though). Tequila Joseph is second best girl...everybody knows Speedwagon is top tier Waifu material.**

**KarimHD: Tokyo Ghoul is one of my favorite series, so I'll throw in a reference or two, and maybe there'll be some crossover Episodes/Omakes with my other fics, who knows?**

**Shadowjab17: I understand the complaint about Hiruzen, since I did that mostly for humor...but, as for Kakashi not coming to the right conclusion, I'll quote a SpaceBattles user on this. "Ninja magic is so ass pull Calvin Ball in itself, that there's no reason for anyone to expect "Stand" instead of "More ninja bullshit" even if they know stands are a thing." Kakashi isn't expecting anything that well and truly messes with time, so he doesn't think of that as a possibility at all, even with his expansive knowledge. **

**Raidentensho: Naruto will get Hamon _and _The Spin...just not right away. Hamon will require Jojo to learn the technique which involves punching people in the gut, and The Spin is gonna require travel to...well, that'd be spoiling it. I'm still keeping the pairing open, with _maybe _a harem option, and a few OCs may be introduced to be his possible love interests. Of the two I've written down so far, ****Fū (Jinchūriki) and Shizuka of Nadeshiko were the first two I wrote down as considerations.**

**Coldblue2015: Anko is going to teach Jojo more advanced Jutsu, starting with some more Water Release techniques, as well as touching up on his Taijutsu by helping him figure out Sendo (the fighting style for Hamon-Users). He'll get more advanced in his training as the Ninja SATs draw closer. The next arc will have Jojo and Anko joining Team 8 on a mission, and encountering the Stand ****「Sweet Dreams」, which I'll have to fix the rating for when I release it. Afterwards, Jojo alone will be joining Team 7 on their mission to The Wave, in which I'll have to figure out how to write Jojo saving Haku in a believable way. Ibiki will meet Jojo several times before the C****hūnin Exams****, but they'll know eachother in passing at most (and in their shared annoyance at Anko breaking their windows). The Arrow will show up after the C****hūnin Exams, but only in a few arcs, and it isn't a Requiem Arrow (with the beetle design, that can make Stands _and _Requiem Stands)...that one will show up sooner than you think.**

**Hashirama1710: Welp...I mean, I planned it from the beginning...but it took 7 chapters for it to sink in, huh?**

**Thank you all for the followings and reviews. For everybody interested, please leave any thoughts, questions, and constructive c****riticism in your reviews.**


	9. Sweet Dreams 1

**I'm not dead, promise! This is the first big 'Arc' of the fic, and Arcs are always at least a few episodes/chapters long, so this too some time. I'll put out another chapter in the other two while I'm on break for this before getting started on the second part. Please enjoy, and I'll address all the reviews down at the bottom. As a sidenote, you all made this the most favorited and followed Jojo/Naruto Xover, which is really surprising for me. Thank you all so muck X3.**

**Thank you to followers and favoriters: Zeak106, blackf0x, Resadur164, Sirlolisalot, Xcell, ilanddubrovski, KilxDJ, ndoofs, deathlol, showbizrex, Saberfang Orcalodon, Ultimate Kuuga, TheOrange Lord, a4light, kitsune634889, Morante25, Hereandnow74, Satnapillowpants, Consumer1, lilbigstoryteller, Eddyg125, dah1507, Naruto fan 99, Reconomous, salomjesus3, El asesino de le muerte, PotaroReader, zero1991, redfurz122, omehler98, Bman66, Athan243, Ginjin, Depri Nemias, Lord Michael Demiurgos, mobster21, BeingShot, r3d3v3, HaremMasterRex, nicsiferticehurst, flameclawsxx, Reader25846, all lonely, Yapachi, Epyon Legium, Francisl13, VoidOverdrive0116, gimmethebooty15, GrimmjowTaichou, KidDeath23, GlassedGamer, smerrick1, Autumn Burn, The Arc Knight, Anominus72, Residenthobo, Mr. unknow, Guilt of Swords, CharlieFreemantheJumperch, WrathScar, Majinsy3, LuxObscuras, Lil'Manuel. G, God Emperor Terra Bornstellar, dmitchell357, LadyRafaela, TheWingedBeetle, Hyperionthetitans, MrCherryBlossom, Aiden Ho, DemonKing14102000, Trueswipe, Blakill, Korog the Oversoul, 21Orphans, Betoran, xxANIES, SecretGlacier, wiliamonster, Random Nerd Otaku, Jason1Wolf, voran. razar, Darjones, Zetazera246, pikafan2000, goodwin761, JOAQUINOO0, Monzter1, rebellation, Pringles Can Mafioso, ufmflpf, caspian1a, Harbinger of Mayhem, VLS, eliabbustamante0, EccLoop, Wiccan Black Mist 789, enyalio, PhantasmofSpirit, Striker Studios, stixpix, Nothing is Perfect, RubyHatsune, Wylfy Woolf, Akuma Hebi Ko, The Queen's Hound, Gadig Walker, ByyBeats, FoxInTheMoonlight, Everpeach, Werelion, DeathXBat, DragonGod148, The Shadow 750, JCarrasco, Tyraelistan, DisneyTales, Ishani-SK, Benny Farr, KiritoKasuto555, Gpocevich, Josnacio, onyxorphe, Pekula, kanmuru1, Avacafoiprobrejo, Drago9082, moglin9, Stormburst, Vondue, Ink Deity, ItsClassic, manny0101, Gaming Masters of The Wall, WarlockDragon622, RussellB-G, alechnn, Without Sleep, gehirnkrieg, SilverStar56, olakeace3225022, septeon, Ultramangeed, have a coin, lyricangel25, Liz 3004, FoxMan888, Ababson, Terastrasza, chaseisone, Neo Aegis, Twarka, Rayanoes, hoctou, austinwsoul, kankup70, waylanpearson, Parawsite, Pinkpuffy69, Dissm13, Finder18, lukas. ras2002, Luis Alfredo Lopez Castro, Quzix, TheMothManT, Vendre, Kinglinc, nerserker, The Medical ninja, Axodique, Jules2621, hobojazz24, Yamifoxfire, BiriyaniAddict, TerrorofDeathHaseo666, Latiaslover, spaceman89, thetyrant67, porkchop123ww, C4King, thelonelylobstr, Cdrik Fournier, Aglio - Saggezza, AscheCM, and lifeisapoorjoke.**

**Sorry to whoever I miss, my email may not notify me of everybody who follows or favorites, or the document editor won't allow me to input certain names due to formatting for whatever reasons.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or Jojo's Bizarre Adventure, Naruto is the property of Masashi Kishimoto, Jojo's is the property of Hirohiko Araki, and both are published by Shueisha.**

* * *

Demonic red eyes opened wide as their owner sat up in his bed. As he lifted himself from his daytime slumber, he vaguely noticed one of the whores his minions had brought him earlier that morning. The man stared at her coldly as he stretched, duly noting the quarter-sized holes in her neck the still oozed the last remnants of her lifeblood.

He simply hummed to himself as he turned away from his finished meal and looked to the window. As he shivered slightly, he opted to walk over and open the curtains, miming a deep breath as his half-naked form was bathed in the light of the full moon. The light exposed his excessive musculature, his translucent skin that seemed to shimmer with brightness, and his thick blonde hair that went down to his back.

"This feeling…"

(Play: Stardust Crusaders OST [Departure]: Dark Rebirth)

The blonde-haired man clutched his body, as though it were his own loved one.

"This sensation that is running through me...you can sense him, can't you, Jojo?" blood-red eyes stared backwards as the man clutched the back of his shoulder. "His existence...it calls out to you, to which you call back. Your grandson is alive, despite everything I put him through."

The blonde let out a satisfied huff before moving again. With his immaculate sight, his demonic eyes spotted every meticulous detail in the darkness, seeing all as though the night had been the day. The man tilted his head as he moved through the corridor that led to his study, every step taken repelling both the light of the world and the darkness itself.

When he reached his study, the man smirked as he slowly dragged his pointed nails across the fine wooden table within. In a truly seductive manner, his fingers danced across several curiosities and gently moved precious books, before he finally found the object he sought. Slowly, the blonde-haired man pulled a self-developing camera from his desk.

"So you survived after all, Little Jōshirō?" he smirked as purple vines emerged from his arm, dark energy dancing around them.

The man's hand darted towards the camera, making a quick strike on it alongside the vines. Immediately, the device came alive and churned out a slowly developing picture. He grabbed it and waved it around for a few seconds.

"Show yourself to me, Little Joushirou," the blonde stared down as the photo began to show an image. "Perfect, this will be quite helpful."

The image that the vine-like Stand had taken was of a small building with a large chimney that billowed with visible amounts of smoke. From what he could see, there was an assortment of chairs inside the building all laid in front of a long counter. While a few people sat within the building, they were hidden behind the massive lantern and paper banners hanging over the entrance.

"An interesting clue, don't you think, Jojo?" the blonde's mouth twisted into a fang filled smirk as he clutched his body once again. "Your grandson is so close...yet so far away...finding out what this means will be taxing."

His hand moved to the back of his left shoulder, his fingers lightly massaging the scar around his neck, before it smoothly lowered to caress the star-shaped birthmark just below his shoulder blade.

"Don't fret, my dear Jonathan...you'll be reunited with him soon…"

* * *

"Alright, time to dig in!"

A small smile tugged at the corners of my lips as Naruto began slurping his first bowl of ramen at supersonic speeds. Beside me, I heard Iruka snorting in amusement at the blonde's eating habits.

"Please try to take it slow today, Naruto. My wallet can only take so much," the scarred chūnin moaned.

"Fahts ba shing! Yu don neeb to pay shish tim-"

"Chew with your mouth closed, please," I chided gently.

Naruto swallowed the stream of noodles before turning to us with a sheepish grin. "Hehe, sorry...right, as I was saying, I'm gonna be paying this time around. I got more than enough money from all the D-rank missions we've been doing."

"Oh, so you're saying we can buy as much as we want?" I asked teasingly.

"Woah, hold up! You can't break my wallet either!"

"Alright, alright! I'm just playin' around…"

"So...you've been doing D-ranks with Team 8, right?" the blonde asked nonchalantly.

"Yeah, just basic stuff. Pulling weeds, find missing pets...help repair roofs damaged by the typhoon last month," I shrugged. "Nothing too big, to be honest. In fact, Hinata usually commits herself more to the babysitting missions. She seems pretty good with kids."

"Yeah, I could imagine…" Naruto's dreamy expression fell as he tried to deflect. "S-So, what about you and Kiba?"

"Oh, we're...getting along better…"

"Doesn't he hate you?"

"Naruto, hate is a strong word…" Iruka cupped a hand to his chin in thought. "But yeah, doesn't he uh...you know?"

"Well…"

* * *

**Several weeks prior**

"Fucking asshole! Graaah!"

The dog-nin attempted to kick my legs out from beneath me with a loud roar. Clawed hands slashed at me as I attempted to jump away.

"Fucking showing me up every damn day, making me look stupid! Being a cheating bastard! You're done!"

"**Zoom punch!" **I yelled, slamming my fist straight into Kiba's face. "You honestly think I _wanted _to make you look bad? I never even talked to you until we had our first sparring match! I just wanted to graduate!"

"I'LL BEAT YOUR ASS!" the Inuzuka leapt into the air, his dog companion following him. They both began rotating in midair. "**Gatsūga!"**

"Screw it!" I cried out, leaping towards them and spinning around in response. As I pointed my leg at the two, I willed the ripple into my lower body. "**TORNADO OVERDRIVE!"**

* * *

**Present day**

"W-We worked it out eventually…" I said lowly.

"Really? It didn't go too far, did it? Anko-chan would've put a stop to it-"

"Iruka-sensei...she was laughing her ass off and wishing she had a camera," I grumbled. "Seriously, why her?"

"You'd need to be in love to understand, Jojo…" the chūnin said dreamily. "One of these days, you'll meet a nice girl who you'll fall madly in love with."

"Yare Yare, girls are so annoying…"

I heard a snort from Teuchi as he walked over to us. "Don't let Ayame hear you say anything like that, you'll never hear the end of it."

"Yeah, Ayame-nee will bust your balls over it," Naruto chuckled as he continued slurping on his ramen. "Man, your noodles are just the best, Teuchi-jiji. I always feel invigorated whenever I come here, I really feel like leaving a tip."

"Naruto, you don't need to worry about leaving a-"

"Actually, I think I have a good idea as to why your ramen is so good," I said blithely. "But before I say it, would you mind giving me some advice on this?"

"**ORA!" **

Star Platinum quickly erupted from my being and slammed his fists together, before leaning towards the chef. Unfortunately, I had done this _just _as Ayame walked out of the kitchen with several supplies and vegetables.

"E-Eeep!"

"Shit! Sorry about that, Ayame-chan," I said gently as my Stand caught the boxes she was carrying. "I just didn't know how to bring this up without being subtle."

"Bring what up? You can't just show off your Stand, can you?" Iruka asked nervously.

From the corner of my eye, I noticed Teuchi laughing quietly. The old man doubled over for a few moments in his silent fit, before standing up and wiping his eyes clear. As he turned to me, a bright smile stretched across his face.

"That...that explains _so _much. Really, I should have realized it sooner," Teuchi let out a small belly laugh as he shook his head. "I sensed it the first time around, but I just didn't get it. You probably did too, huh?"

"W-What are you going on about Ji-san?!" Naruto asked confusedly.

Ayame let out a short moan and hung her head. "Oh no...he's gonna bring _that _out…"

"Bring what out?" Iruka asked slowly.

"**Pāru Jamu!"**

At Teuchi's cry, three small bluish creatures shaped like vegetables emerged from his being, letting out small cries of 'Meshaa' or similar vocalizations. On the counter, I could see our ramen glowing with energy as some more blue onion beings peeked their heads out from behind them. Several of the creatures floated towards Star Platinum with curious expressions.

"A-Ahhh! W-What are those?!" Naruto cried out.

"Tou-san's Stand," Ayame said simply.

"Stand?! Teuchi is...a Stand User?" the blonde turned to me in shock. "Wait, how did you know?!"

"Anko-sensei told me."

"Anko-chan? How did Anko know?" Iruka asked.

"The Hokage told her," I said blithely.

Teuchi let out a small sigh. "I really wish he would have refrained from doing that. I understand it's for your benefit, but still…"

"And you know about Stands?!" Naruto asked Ayame.

"Yeah, I've been living with one my whole life...I think I might get one of my own, but still…"

"Wait...have you been feeding us your Stand?" the scarred chūnin asked.

"Well, in a sense...yes, I suppose," Teuchi held his hands up defensively. "I haven't been doing anything nefarious, I assure you. Pearl Jam can improve the quality of food and infuse it with healing properties."

"Healing properties? What does that mean?!" the blonde cried out.

"He can improve the nutritional quality of food, and it can heal any illnesses or ailments," Ayame said offhandedly. "He's been using it on me ever since I was a baby. Since mom died after I was born, he'd use his Stand to improve my baby formula."

"And what about me?!"

"Well, you'd be all skin and bones if I hadn't stepped in, Stand or no Stand. But Pearl Jam certainly helped you get the right balance," the chef then gently poked the boy in the head. "Not to mention how many times I've saved your life."

"W-What does that mean?"

"Yes, I'd like to know what you're implying as well," Iruka said sternly.

"Do you know how many times you've been poisoned, Naruto?" Teuchi's expression turned grim as the blonde squirmed in place. "I assure you, it's been more times than I can count on both hands. I think Jojo actually caught plenty of attempts himself before they could get to you."

"I have...but I guess I couldn't be there for all of them, huh?" I scratched the back of my head as Naruto stared at us in shock. "I get it, this is just insane to think about-"

"Don't even get me started on you, Joushirou!" the chef rounded on me with a stern gaze. "How do you even have a heart condition at your age?!"

I stared at the man blankly while gently slurping on my noodles. "So, those times when I coughed up all that blood and gunk...that was your Stand then?" I hummed thoughtfully at his slow nod. "Yeah, that'd be my Stand ability. It damages my heart whenever I use it."

Teuchi held his hands up like he wanted to strangle me. "Then _stop _using it! Why would you keep using it if it damages your heart?!"

"Yeah, I don't really understand either, actually…" Naruto said nervously. "What does Star Platinum even do?"

"My Stand's ability is a big secret...like, 'change the entire elemental nations' big. I don't plan to show it off until the Chūnin Exams."

"I-It can't be that bad, right?" Iruka said nervously. Then he quickly leaned towards me. "You can skip time, right?!"

I felt my heart skip a beat in fear at this. "Eh? What are you talking about?"

He's _almost _got it. I have to deflect quickly!

"You can see into the future for 10 seconds and skip everything if you don't like what you see, is that it?! Please tell me it's time skipping! I need that 5000 Ryō-"

"Did...did you and Anko take bets on my Stand ability?"

"What?! No, no, no...Kakashi and Hokage-sama got in on it too."

"Oh Kami...look, just leave it be, alright! My strengths and weaknesses are out there for everybody to see," I turned back to my noodles with a short huff. "It's their job to figure them out, not for me to tell them."

"Well, that...takes the fun out of it," Naruto chided nervously.

"It's not supposed to be fun…"

"If you say so," the blonde turned back to Teuchi with an awed gaze. "I still can't believe it though...all these years and I never knew about it."

"It wasn't too much trouble, really-"

"No! You practically saved my life, you and Ayame-chan were the only people who treated me like a person back then," Naruto stood up and bowed to the chef. "Thank you...really, thank you for everything…"

"It wasn't any trouble for me, really…" Teuchi sent the blonde a kind smile. "I just like making good food, that's all."

As Teuchi set new bowls for us, I couldn't help but think about what was happening. Teuchi was a Stand User, with a familiar Stand. How many more cases like that would show up? And how many more Stand Users were going to come out of the woodwork to come after us.

"Is something wrong, Joushirou?" the chef asked.

"...Yeah, you said you sensed me the first time around, right?" a lump formed in my throat at the man's slow nod. "Did you ever hear that old adage about us?"

"Gravity...all Stand Users are drawn to one another, and they're fated to meet," Teuchi hummed thoughtfully. "I wouldn't say that's the case, considering you're only the second one I've met."

"Well, you're the third for me," I said grimly. From the corner of my eye, I noticed Iruka shuffling away from me nervously. A harsh chuckle escaped my mouth as I closed my eyes. "You know what they say about that, right? Two is a coincidence...but three…"

"What, you think more Stand Users are gonna show up?" Naruto asked.

"I don't think it's gonna happen...I know it's gonna happen…"

* * *

**Training ground 8**

"The hell took you so long, Gaki?!"

"Good to see you too, Sensei!" I said sarcastically. "I always enjoy our talks _so _much, and I feel so safe around you."

"Ha, ha, very funny. Come on, Kurenai wants me to help the mutt first," Anko leaned forward and made a few cursory sniffs. "You were at that ramen joint?"

"Yeah, your boyfriend was there...5000 Ryō? Really?!"

"Oh fuck! He told you about the bet?!"

"He let it slip by accident...and _no_, I don't skip time," I growled as I followed the woman through the woods.

"Yes! 5000 Ryō, here I come!"

"Yare Yare, you are all so annoying…" I muttered. "So what, Kiba's getting training first today?"

"Yeah, mostly just fixing his Taijutsu. He's good at his clan's style, but he's too set in the whole 'hit-and-run' portion of it, so he's not suited to long fights...huh, no wonder you're always kicking his ass," she craned her neck to look at me, a wry grin spreading across her face. "So how's that wizard style thing coming along?"

"Sendo! And it's fine, I guess. You saw my last fight with Inuzuka, so you know I didn't totally flop or anything."

"Yeah, with the way Hamon works you can keep going for hours," Anko faced forward again as a contemplative look invaded her visage. "So, what do you think about the kunoichi?"

"Your friend is less annoying than you are-"

"Not Kurenai, gaki...Also, hurtful!"

"You still haven't paid me for the last window you broke," I deadpanned.

"That's not true, shut up!" the purple-haired Jōnin waved her hand at me in mock threat. "I was talking about the other one, the Hyūga. Blue hair, shy as hell and can't stop stuttering, always wears that big coat to hide her growing-"

"I think I get the picture," I said in annoyance. "Why are you asking me? It's your friend's job to train her, not mine."

"Eh, Kurenai's been going on and on about how she's struggling with her Clan's style and she can't get serious when in a fight, all that stuff."

"...Too flexible."

"Eh? What did you say?"

"She's too flexible," I clarified. "I haven't seen much of the Jūken, but from what I know the only elemental jutsu used with it for the most part are Raiton and Doton, which means the style is meant to be pretty rigid. That's why it wouldn't work for somebody who's really flexible, and the only person with that problem besides myself is Hinata."

"You're only so flexible because of CCPD."

"Doesn't change a thing. Sendo requires a lot of flexibility...huh," I leaned my hand against my cheek in contemplation. "Wonder if I could teach other people Hamon."

"How would you get them to do it? It's a Clan thing, right?"

"There could be a technique to pass it on, you don't know there isn't!"

I did know there was one, and I planned to give it to either Naruto or Sasuke. On one hand, Sasuke was always curious about it, and it might prevent Orochimaru's influence the same way it could remove Vampire and Zombie essence when it got into the body. On the other hand, Sasuke _probably _wouldn't appreciate being punched in the gut...Naruto it was.

Eventually, we found ourselves in a clearing with several scattered logs dotting one side. A few familiar people sat on them, though I spotted a prone form on the ground, a little white dog sitting next to them.

"Alright, we're here. Hey, Kurenai!"

Tired red eyes glanced at my Jōnin sensei as the dark-haired woman sat up. Across from her, I could see Kiba lying on the ground, a bump already formed on his head. I walked up to him just as Anko ran to her 'bestie'.

"What happened to the mutt?"

"He got impatient and yelled at somebody to fight him," Kurenai turned to my direction, looking at her most brash genin. "I decided to oblige."

I ignored the two and held a hand out to the dog-nin. Kiba opened his eyes and squinted at my hand before taking it, ignoring my concerned look. "How do you feel?" I felt my shoulders slump slightly as he turned away from me. "You know, you could answer me at least?"

"My head hurts. That's all you need to know."

I shrugged as he walked off. It was a start, at least.

"Oi, mutt! Where do you think you're going?!"

"I think I'm sitting down?" Kiba told my sensei confusedly.

"Oh, that's cute. Training hasn't started yet, Mutt!"

"I just got my ass beat 15 minutes ago! You expect me to try again now?!"

The sadistic grin that stretched across her face was telling enough. "I do, and Kurenai does too. You're gonna need all the help you can get," she walked up to the boy and roughly poked him in the forehead. "Kurenai and I are trying to help you, and you're acting like a gaki over it. If you're so sick of being shown up by others, why aren't you doing something about it?!"

"You're a real bitch, y'know that?!"

"Finally, somebody agrees with me!" I cried out.

"You shut it!" my Jōnin sensei pointed at me and motioned towards the other two members of Team 8. "Go sit with them! I'll make a Shadow Clone after Kurenai and I get started with the mutt."

"Yare Yare, whatever…" I walked over to the log Shino and Hinata sat on and took my place between them.

I noticed the bug-nin glancing at me from behind his sunglasses as I approached. "At least you two are tolerating each other."

"I guess…"

From the corner of my eye, I noticed Akamaru trotting over. The little ninken jumped onto the log and plopped his head on Hinata's lap, much to the girl's chagrin. "Akamaru-chan? Why aren't you with Kiba," the Hyūga furrowed her brows slightly at the dog's huff. "He might need your help, you know that?"

"Arf!"

"This isn't the time to take a nap, we're supposed to get a big mission later…"

"Arf!"

I snorted quietly at the dog's responses and tilted my head towards the girl nonchalantly. "So, how was your last date with Naruto?"

***CRACK***

OHFUCKOHFUCKOHFUCK!

"Hrrk…that's my...shoulder…" I growled, a pulse of foreign chakra lancing into my shoulder in response.

"H-Hinata, using the Jūken like that...it's aggravating my hive-Urrk!" Shino whimpered as the girl increased the pressure on his own shoulder.

When I craned my neck to try and reason with the girl, I found active Byakugan staring back at me, the raised veins making her cold gaze far more terrifying. She leaned forward with an expressionless face as more chakra seared into my shoulder.

"...How?" ** ゴ** **ゴ ゴ ゴ ゴ**

"W-What are you talking about?" I wheezed.

"How did you know about _that_?" she growled lowly.

"Who do you think got you set up with him?!" I choked out quietly.

"I...figured it out after that rock nearly crushed us…" Shino croaked beside me.

Hinata regarded the bug-user for a few seconds before releasing us from her hold. I let out a sharp, hissing breath as I willed my shoulder to heal with Hamon, all while sending her an annoyed glare. Shino craned his neck to gape at the girl in shock.

She stared blankly at us for a few seconds, then went ghost pale. "Oh Kami! I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it! I was...I just got scared!" the Hyūga bowed her head low as she clasped her hands. "P-Please forgive me!"

"...You got scared, so you nearly damaged our shoulders permanently?" I asked sardonically.

"It's not like that!" She hissed. "Listen, you cannot tell _anybody _that I'm dating him! Do you understand?!"

"Oi, what's going on over there?!"

"Nothing, Anko-sensei!" the girl said cheerfully before I could raise my voice. "Just Akamaru nearly peeing on us, nothing to worry about!"

"Arf?!"

"Ah, sure whatever. Kurenai and I will get the Shadow Clones ready in a bit, just hang tight," my Jōnin sensei went back to helping Kurenai with Kiba, completely oblivious to my new plight.

"Okay, wanna explain-"

"Give me a second," the bluenette formed her hands into a set of seals and molded a scarce amount of chakra around the tips of her fingers. "_Magen: Kokoni Arazu no Jutsu!"_

From the corner of my eye, I noticed Kurenai twitch slightly, but aside from that everything _seemed _normal. But it didn't take a genius to figure out a genjutsu was in place, and I didn't need to ask the girl why she casted it...well, technically I did.

"Ok, now can you explain why you damaged our shoulders?"

"I just have to be careful, alright," the girl twiddled her fingers nervously. "If my father finds out I'm dating Naruto, I'm done for."

"I'm sure your dad _isn't _that psychotic," I deadpanned.

"It's not him specifically, it's my Clan…" Hinata rubbed her temples tiredly as she inched away from us. "The only reason I haven't gotten the Caged Bird Seal yet is because I'm supposed to be married off to another Clan Heir to improve relationships between them, or some foppish noble in the Daimyō's court. If they find out I'm dating Naruto, the Clan elders will probably use it as a reason to put me in the branch family."

"I...I doubt that's actually how it works…"

"That may be because you don't have experience with inter-clan politics," Shino said flatly.

I stared at the bug-nin from the corner of my eye. "Gee, it's not like my Clan is...dead, or anything."

"My apologies, I know that's a sore spot for you, as well as Sasuke," the Aburame cupped a hand to his chin in thought. "Naruto _is _the village outcast, and he's generally reviled by everyone for what seems to be no apparent reason. I think you can understand how it would look if it were found he was secretly dating a Clan Heiress."

"...What exactly would happen to him?"

"In his own words?" Hinata clasped her hands and turned away. "He said he would probably 'be beaten up in an alleyway and left to bleed to death'. He got really descriptive about it too."

"That's not...that wouldn't...Naruto isn't a bad guy, he's never hurt anybody in his life," I rebutted.

"That may be the case, but we've all seen how people look at him," Shino cocked his head to the side, and I swore I saw his fist clench for a split second. "I've heard things too. I've heard plenty of villagers saying what they would _like _to do to him. Even if it were illegal, they could easily find a way to escape any repercussions."

"He's the de facto heir to the Uzumaki Clan, there shouldn't be a problem."

"Joushirou, you know _why_ there would be a problem," Hinata said lowly.

I winced slightly at the implications. "What, that? I can't believe that's an issue with the Hyūga Clan. You're all supposed to be intelligent people, right?"

"We're smart, not rational," the bluenette deadpanned.

"Fair enough…" I grumbled under my breath as I leaned back while holding my arms behind my head. "He's not acting stupid around you, is he? I mean, in the bad way?"

"You know that's not like him," Hinata said blithely. "He's really sweet, we go on picnics deep in the woods and he's the one who always cooks."

"Huh...I didn't know he did that…"

"...He makes really good cinnamon buns."

"What was that?"

"N-Nothing!" the girl quickly waved her hands in front of herself to deflect. "It was just...wait, before, you said _you _were the one to set us up…what does that mean?"

"...So, full disclosure...once I saw you had a crush on him, I did everything I could to try and get you two together. I even tried to manipulate a bunch of events so that he would somehow hear you had a crush on him, or he'd accidentally say you were cute in front of you."

"E-EEP!" poor Hinata turned bright red at this. "That's just...all of those times where we bumped right into each other without knowing until after the fact?"

"Genjutsu."

"That time where he fell on top of me from a tree?"

"Hamon. If I use it the right way, I can manipulate a person's movements for just a bit. We were both sitting in the tree at the time, so I did it without him knowing."

"That's...genius," Shino whispered. "You've been trying to set them up in secret, for that long?"

"Yeah, the problem was that Naruto was so dense, it was a chore…"

"Wait! What about that time where Naruto-kun and I were stuck on those stairs for a whole day?!" the girl cried out.

"Uh...you see..."

* * *

**Flashback to before chapter 6**

"Alright...I know this is like a trick DI-that undead bastard did…" I grumbled under my breath. "But it should work…"

I peeked my head around the corner, smirking at what I saw. Both Naruto and Hinata were taking the stairs, the blonde going down, and the bluenette going up. The Hyūga froze upon seeing him as a dark red blush spread across her face, and she struggled to even walk past him.

"Alright...now or never," I whispered, willing Star Platinum to emerge.

***VRRRRRRRRRMMMMM***

"GAHAAAAGH!"

"EEP!"

Naruto flailed around as the girl fell face first onto him. Hinata's blush darkened as she nearly fainted from falling on top of her crush. After a few minutes, the two righted themselves, with the blonde helping the girl off of him.

"Ah, hey sorry about that Hinata-chan. Man, that's kinda like a couple of weeks ago...ah, sorry about that too," Naruto rubbed the back of his head nervously. "I didn't mean to fall on you like that, I promise."

"I-It's fine, Naruto-kun. I'm sorry for falling for you-_on you_!" the girl quickly corrected herself. "Falling on you as well."

"Don't worry about it. I'll see you later-"

***VRRRRRRRRRMMMMM***

"AAAAGHHH!"

"EEP!"

I peeked my head from the corner again just as they fell on top of one another a second time. "Just according to Keikaku…"

* * *

**Present**

"I used a strong genjutsu," I said finally.

"A genjutsu? How?! It actually felt like we were falling on each other!"

"...It was a _really_ strong genjutsu," I said nonchalantly.

Shino cleared his throat, interrupting the girl before she could question me further. "Anko is coming, drop the genjutsu."

"EEP!"

Hinata formed her hands into a set of seals and dispelled the illusion just as my Jōnin sensei walked over. A vein nearly popped in my forehead when she cocked her head to the side to stare at us suspiciously.

"So, what's with the genjutsu?"

"I-I was p-practicing," the bluenette stuttered out.

"Practicing? Could have picked better people for it," Anko turned to Shino and I for a split second. "You've got bug-boy here with his constantly shifting chakra patterns, and you got the gaki with his weird sun powers that fixes his body no matter what."

"I...ano, that's fair, I guess…"

I sneered at the purple-haired woman as she turned to me. "Let me guess, you're a shadow clone?"

"Yeah, Kurenai should have one of hers up in a bit. She and the real me are busy dealing with the mutt...speaking of which," the clone poked Akamaru in the forehead. "Oi, dog! Go to your partner, you need training too."

Akamaru whimpered loudly for several seconds, before quickly being cowed by the clone's vicious glare. The ninken quickly jumped from the log and trotted over to Kiba as the dog-nin took the short break our senseis had given him.

...Knowing all of the things that could happen to that dog in _this _world...I was gonna protecc him with my life.

"Alright, now that that's done with," Anko's clone turned to us with a lopsided grin. "What has Kurenai taught you about nature transformations?"

"N-Not much," Hinata admitted. "I...I was given some Raiton and Doton jutsu by my father, and I'm supposed to master them to impress my Clan."

"And how's that working out for ya?"

The bluenette hung her head and tried to inch away from the woman. "It's n-not working out very well…"

"Alright then, and what about you bug-boy?"

"My name is Shino-"

"Just answer the question," the clone said tiredly.

"...I am able to use Doton and Katon style jutsu, as they are my natural affinities. I wish to refrain from the latter, however," Shino held up a hand as some of his Kikaichū scuttled onto his fingers. "I think my reasoning should be obvious."

"Alright, if that's settled...wait," Anko's clone pulled out a piece of chakra paper and handed it to Hinata. "Use that, it should help us give you an idea of what jutsu you can reliably use."

"Ano...how do I use it?"

The clone facepalmed at the girl's confusion. "Just push chakra into the paper, and it'll react according to your chakra affinity."

I pulled out a small piece of chakra paper from my pocket and held it out. "Here, you can use me as an example. If you have fire affinity, it'll burn up and turn to ash, or get cut into pieces if you have wind affinity," I pushed the slightest hint of chakra into the paper, and it immediately became damp enough that it could be pulled apart with the slightest tug. "Since I have water affinity, it gets damp like this, which means I'm better at Suiton jutsu."

Hinata's eyes widened in realization, and a smile tugged at the corners of her lips. "Oh, I think I can do that...let me see…" the bluenette's smile faded when she saw the results. The moment the paper turned damp, her stuttering began anew. "T-This is just a m-mistake, right? Can I p-please try again?"

"What do you mean? I only brought one piece of paper with me," Anko's clone tapped the girl playfully on the shoulder. "So you're a Suiton user, huh? That's pretty neat!"

The Hyūga heiress stared at the paper impassively. "Hyūga aren't water users…"

"They're not? Well, sucks to be them," the clone lightly slapped the girl's shoulder before pulling away and turning to face Shino and I. "Alright, bug-boy, what do you have to train for?"

"Aside from improving the effectiveness of my Kikaichū, which I am always doing...not very much," the bug-nin cupped a hand to his chin in thought. "I suppose I could train with Doton and Shurikenjutsu."

"Alright, try that! Jojo, make some clones and train with your wizard fighting style-"

"It's not magic!" I growled.

"Whatever! Just make some clones and have them train it. I need your help teaching the Hyūga water jutsu-"

"I don't need water jutsu," Hinata quickly interjected.

Anko's clone gave the girl a wild grin. "You're learning water jutsu, no if, ands, or buts! You got that?"

The bluenette visibly drooped at this. "Y-Yes Anko-sensei…"

"Good! Alright gaki, get your clones ready!"

"Yare Yare, whatever you crazy bitch," I growled under my breath.

"What was that you just said? Mind repeating it for us?"

"Fuck off, you know exactly what I said," I grumbled as I turned away. I quickly formed my hands into the set of seals and molded a substantial amount of chakra around my hands. ""**Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!"**

There was a tiny sensation of lightheadedness as I created two clones for training. A short breath kept me upright as the Ripple energized my body, though I still felt the drain on my chakra reserves afterwards. Shino quietly walked over to a nearby tree and began training with Shurikenjutsu, all while his insects surveyed the area around us.

From the corner of my eyes, I noticed my clones walking away from us. Once they were a safe distance away, they began training with the Sendo katas Anko had helped me fish out of my basement. While the clones couldn't produce more than a miniscule amount of Hamon, they produced just the right amount Sendo training required, which would get me started on properly using the Ripple in an actual fight.

"Alright, so you're probably wondering how Suiton works, right?" Anko's eyebrow rose at the girl's slow nod. "Well, it's actually pretty useful for all sorts of things. I know-ugh the real me only knows a few…" the purple-haired woman pinched the bridge of her nose. "Ok, that's gonna get confusing real fast-"

"Water jutsu has a bunch of applications," I interjected boredly. "It's useful for battering an opponent with great force, or you can use certain water jutsu for slicing attacks. You can also use it defensively, such as making a wall of water, or you can even use it as a snare or prison with certain techniques."

"Wait, hold up! Oi, gaki, I'm the teacher here," Anko's clone growled.

"You were busy contemplating the meaning of your existence as a clone, and I was getting bored," I said tiredly.

"Ano, h-how do I make water then?"

"You knead chakra, usually in your stomach, and expel it from your mouth," the clone chuckled at the girl's near facevault. "Yeah, that part is only for people with a _lot _of experience. Even I have trouble with some of those...luckily there's a trick for it," my sensei's clone turned to me. "Oi, gaki, show her the jutsu."

"Sure, whatever," my hands went into the dragon and tiger seals as I molded a small amount of chakra around my fingers. "**Suiton: Inryokuken!"**

The air around me turned dry as droplets of water formed around me, before coalescing into a large orb in front of me. I furrowed my brows slightly and shifted my chakra just a bit, willing a second orb to form next to the first, then a third, and so on, until I had five orbs of water in front of me. From the corner of my eye, I noticed Hinata's lavender colored Byakugan widening in awe at the sight of the growing blue spheres.

"So, that's f-for what? Do you use the orbs as weapons or…"

"The gravitational pull is meant to pull water towards you so you can use it in a jutsu," Anko clarified. "It's not meant as a weapon, just as a training instrument or a way to set up water jutsu."

I refrained from telling either of them that I was working on a way to weaponize it.

"Oi, gaki! Show her a water jutsu you've been working on."

"Yare Yare, just give me a minute," my eyes darted to one of the water orbs on the left, and with a shift in my chakra, I willed it to float several feet away from us. Once I was sure it was at safe spot, I formed my hands into the ram and tiger seals. "**Suiton: Mizuame Nabara!"**

The water orb I had decided to sacrifice immediately exploded. As the water hit the ground and spread out, it slowly transformed into a more viscous liquid, until soon it was the same consistency as really thick treacle or honey. As the bluenette and my sensei's clone stared at the results, I cupped a hand to my chin in contemplation.

"Hmm...maybe I should try to make it less...explodey?"

"Wait a minute! How the hell did you learn Izumo's jutsu?" Anko cried out.

"...Spied on him, memorized the seals, reverse engineered it," I shrugged. "Wasn't that hard to do, just had to make sure he couldn't find me even if he did know I was there."

"You can't just steal jutsu, Joushirou!"

"Oh, oh! So, an entire Clan gets to do it, and nobody bats an eye, but one genin does it and _suddenly _you're going nuts?"

"It's different for the Uchiha Clan...also, Kakashi has one of those too, so-"

"Just because some people have strange eyes, doesn't mean they get special perks…" I glanced at the Hyūga heiress from the corner of my eye. "No offense, obviously."

"Right, n-none taken…" Hinata held her hands up shakily. "So, how do I do it? Dragon and tiger seals, and then what?"

"Make sure your chakra flows...like, really flows. Like water would," Anko blinked at the girl's deadpan look. "What?! That's how it's supposed to work, don't look at me like that!"

The bluenette furrowed her brows as she formed the hand seals for the jutsu. "**Suiton: Inryokuken!" **her lavender eyes widened as water droplets formed around her and drifted towards a spot in the air directly in front of her hands. She furrowed her brows slightly when she noticed the growing water orb ripple slightly. "It's...difficult to keep up…"

"Eh, you'll get better with training and increasing your reserves. You already look like a natural," Anko turned to me with a lopsided grin. "Oi, gaki! Show her an actual weaponized jutsu, why don't ya?"

"Alright, fine then," I turned to the clone with a cold glare. "**Suiton: Kōshi-"**

"No! Do not use the mouth shot thing on me!" Anko growled. "Show her...agh, show her the water wave thing. I'm still supposed to train you guys."

"Yare Yare, fine…" I willed one of my water orbs forward and went through the set of hand seals I had become more than familiar with. "**Suiton: Mizurappa!"**

The orb expanded slightly before transforming into a small wave of water that shot forward in midair. I felt my shoulders slumping and a bead of sweat dripping down the side of my head as the wave crashed into a few trees. The wood cracked and splintered as they all snapped in half, falling to the ground with loud thumps.

...I guess Naruto might have some work then.

"Alright, now you try it," Anko told the Hyūga, quickly demonstrating the hand seals for the girl. "Remember: Tatsu, Tora, U, and make sure your chakra is flowing smoothly."

"H-Hai, Anko-sensei!" Hinata made the hand seals and gingerly molded chakra around her fingers. "**Suiton: Mizurappa!"**

I don't know _why _exactly her cupping her hands together changed it, since she only did it to better control the jutsu. What it actually did was transform what should have been a wave into a massive jet of water that blasted through several trees and rocks. While the girl dialed down the strength of the water, she didn't do well trying to reign in its intensity.

"AAAAGHHHH!"

"ARF! ARF!"

"Ugh! We're wet!"

Anko's clone made a small popping noise as the jutsu died down. "Wooh, looks like you used 'Water Trumpet' instead of 'Water Wave' by accident," the purple-haired woman looked at the shocked girl with a wicked sneer. "Welp, looks like you guys are on your own."

***POOF***

"What the-Why did she just dispel?" I flinched as I heard Kurenai calling out to us.

We were quickly greeted by two very wet Jōnin and a wet inuzuka with his ninken, all four of them glaring at us. When I noticed Hinata backing away nervously, I glanced to my sensei with the hopes that she would back us up with her clone's memories. Anko simply responded by giving me a twisted grin.

"Kami, can't you aim your water jutsu better, Gaki?" the purple-haired Jōnin stormed up to me and poked me roughly in the forehead. "You're hopeless, y'know that?!"

"You bitch!" I growled under my breath.

"Well, looks like we'll have to change then," Kurenai pinned me with a harsh stare from her blood-red eyes. "Unfortunately for you, you don't get to watch like you probably planned."

"Please stop trying to make me barf…" I grumbled.

"Oh, so you're saying we're not good enough for you, is that it gaki?" my sensei growled.

"Hey, don't you still owe me money for some of my windows?" I asked coldly.

"Now is not the time for that!"

* * *

**Hokage's Office, waiting room**

"S-So, what does a C-Rank mission normally look like?" Hinata asked nervously.

Anko glanced at us with narrowed eyes, an unsure expression settling across her face. "At worst, it'd just be some bandits hassling us on the roads. Dealing with enemy shinobi shouldn't come up."

"And if it does?" I asked lowly.

"Then it's not a C-Rank then," my sensei said simply. "If things get heated like that, we're out immediately."

"She's not wrong," Kurenai leaned forward in her seat with a concerned look. "I will pull all of us out of there if we encounter enemy shinobi. While you certainly haven't endeared me to your presence, I don't plan on risking your life."

I hummed thoughtfully at this. "Thank you for that, Kurenai-sensei..."

The dark-haired Jōnin cocked an eyebrow up at this. "I can tell you're genuinely appreciative of that...but...it just sounds so…"

"That is just how Joushirou works, Kurenai-sensei," Shino interjected. "He's not very open with his emotions towards other people unless he's truly comfortable around them."

"I see…"

"I just realized something," Kiba exclaimed loudly. "If we really wanna ward off bandits, we should keep Joushuya up front."

"Beg your pardon?" I asked darkly.

"Y'know, because of your resting bitch face," the dog-nin mimed a poking motion towards my head. "For people that don't know you, or aren't girls, they'd be scared shitless just by looking at your face."

"Yare Yare, what are you now, a comedian?"

"I figured it'd be a good backup career...I'm better at being a ninja, obviously."

"That says a lot about your skills, doesn't it?" Anko teased.

"Che, whatever…"

The door to the Hokage's office opened, and Team 7 stepped out. While his face was hidden behind a mask, Kakashi was visibly eye-smiling as he herded this three genin into the hall. In front of him, Sakura shambled forward tiredly, while both Naruto and Sasuke stared forward blankly, tick marks visible on their foreheads.

"So, what are your missions for today?" Anko asked sardonically.

Sasuke glared at my Jōnin sensei. "That information is classified-"

"Just a few D-Rank missions," Kakashi interrupted quickly. "Nothing too big, just picking up some trash from the storm, weeding gardens, the like. I'm sure my _cute_ little genin can handle it."

Note to self, Kakashi needs to be watched.

"We're ninja, and we're stuck doing chores…" the Uchiha grunted angrily.

"Just be patient," I said curtly. "You'll get a big mission eventually, don't just charge into his office demanding it."

"Sure, whatever...wait, what are you guys here for?"

"We were told we would be getting a C-Rank mission. Jojo and his Sensei are accompanying us," Shino informed them.

"Agh! Are you serious?!" the blonde pulled at his hair angrily and stamped a foot down. "You guys are getting some cool assignment while we're stuck doing chores and babysitting? This isn't fair!"

"Naruto, C-Rank missions are only for ninja who can handle themselves. You only _just _began training with your one 'trait'," Kakashi hummed thoughtfully as Naruto sagged at his remark. "The three of you need time before you can get more dangerous assignments. Do you understand this?"

The young members of Team 7 let out a grunt or huff each, then bowed their heads. "H-Hai, Kakashi-sensei!"

"Wonderful! Well, those roofs won't repair themselves, will they?" the silver-haired Jōnin began herding his genin towards their next destination. For a split second, he turned to us with an eye-smile and a wave. "Good luck on your C-Rank!"

As Team 7 left, a chūnin emerged from the office and waved us in. Once I stepped into the room, I could feel the ounce of tension in the air. The ninja at the mission assignment weren't grinning smugly at the thought of assigning us new chores, and the Hokage _wasn't_ lazily smoking his pipe as he faced us, instead sporting a dark expression. It was like I had just stepped into another universe all of the sudden.

"...So, is it true then?" Kurenai asked nervously.

"It is," Hiruzen said grimly as he closed his eyes. "To be honest, I didn't feel right designating it a C-Rank mission, all things considered, but I was assured he wouldn't be a threat."

"Wouldn't be a threat?!" Anko cried out. "But, that guy r-"

"Anko! Not around them!" the dark-haired Jōnin hissed while glancing at the four of us.

Shino stepped forward nervously, standing up straight as he addressed the old man. "If I may ask...what exactly is our mission?"

"Prisoner extradition and bounty collection," Iruka said flatly. "We found a wanted criminal, Iwagakure wants him back, we need money. It's pretty standard...a-aside from the fact that the criminal is also a disgraced chūnin."

I glared at the ninja at the desk. "We're going into the wilderness, to meet one of the hidden villages that sees us in the _most _unfavorable way...while bringing a _former ninja _with us, one who could probably easily kill us?"

"That is why I wasn't too keen on giving it the C-Rank designation," the Hokage said sheepishly. "You can relax, Joushirou. His ability to use chakra has been sealed away as best as possible, and he's in special bindings that also hold seals, ones that can prevent an escape and be used to track him if he does."

"I don't know how I feel about this…"

"I promise you, there won't be any chance of you or Team 8 being harmed," Hiruzen cocked his head to the side as he inspected my reaction. "I don't think you'd need to worry about his escape. Just hand the prisoner over to the Iwa nin, collect the bounty, and be on your way."

"Ano, w-what if they refuse to pay?" Hinata asked slowly.

"Then keep the prisoner until they do," the old man said simply. "Nobody wants another Shinobi War, so Iwa knows they're not in a position to cause an incident."

Behind me, I heard Kiba letting out a low growl in annoyance. I ignored the dog-nin and watched as the old man pulled out a large folder and handed it to Kurenai. My Jōnin sensei leaned over the dark-haired woman's shoulder and scrutinized the contents of the files.

"You're really sure about this?" the purple-haired woman asked.

"I am. This mission is important, and it's quite dangerous, but after every assessment and taking into account every possible variable, I can't fathom any danger to you or your genin."

"I'm still not sure about this…" Anko said nervously.

"Anko, I've known you and these kids for years. I'm sure you can handle this," Iruka said reassuringly.

"...Alright, fine!" she said hotly. "But if something goes wrong, we're outta there in a heartbeat."

"I wouldn't expect you to stay if something _did_ go wrong," the Hokage said grimly. He held a hand up and snapped his fingers towards the corner. "Bring him in please."

The ANBU agent hiding there revealed himself for a few seconds and nodded at his superior, then blinked out of existence. A few minutes later, he returned alongside a second ANBU, both holding a man in rags and chains. The prisoner lifted his head, revealing a young man with dark brown eyes, a fair-skinned face, and black hair.

"Murasaki Eiki, you have committed crimes against your people and escaped justice for what you have done," Hiruzen motioned towards us with a cold expression. "These Shinobi will be escorting you to Kannabi Town, where you'll be handed over to Iwa Shinobi."

The now named Eiki craned his neck to look at us, a confused expression spreading across his face. He turned away and faced the floor while mumbling to himself, the few words I could make out being about our genin status.

The Hokage leaned towards the man with a disgusted glare. "I don't want you to be mistaken about anything, Murasaki. The only reason you're still alive is because you have a bounty on your head that stipulates it, nothing more," he clutched the sides of the desk angrily. "If I had it my way, you wouldn't be here right now. I want you out of my village, and my country, as soon as possible."

Murasaki hung his head and mumbled something I couldn't quite catch. Hiruzen motioned for the ANBU to take him away as the other ninja at the assignment desk murmured amongst themselves. He then turned to our Jōnin senseis, a tired expression spreading across his face.

"He'll be handed over to you when you reach the village gates. Make sure you're prepared for the journey, as it could take a few days."

"To Kannabi Town, right?" Anko narrowed her eyes at the prisoner as the ANBU agents removed him from the room. "Hmph...as long as we have the right supplies, we should be good."

* * *

**Konoha front gate**

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DIDN'T BRING MY DANGO STASH?!"

I tilted my head as I pushed a finger in my ear to clear it. "You heard what I said. We can only bring the essentials."

"Dango _is _essential! You maniac, you can't do this!"

"Anko, you really need to lay off the stuff," Kurenai chided. "If you eat too much, you'll get fat-"

"Don't patronise me, Yūhi!" Anko's animalistic growl cut through the air, silencing everyone around us as they shuddered in terror. "If I don't get my Dango, _somebody _is getting their ass kicked!"

Kiba went pale and immediately hid behind me as the purple-haired woman ranted and raved.

"Oi, stop shouting! You're making small children cry," I said curtly.

"I will strangle you dead!"

"Ahem!"

The five of us turned to see the two random ANBU from before, along with several others, holding the chained prisoner. At the back, I noticed the familiar eagle-masked agent chuckling to herself. Murasaki stared at us owlishly from his spot on the ground, most likely wondering why _we _were the ones to escort him back to his country's ninja.

"Oh, they brought the prisoner to us...you guys wouldn't happen to have any Dango with you, would you?"

The lead ANBU sighed tiredly at my Jōnin sensei's antics. "No, we didn't bring any Dango. Please just take the prisoner and get going."

"Nooooooo! This isn't fair!" Anko fell to her knees and pounded the ground angrily. "You maniacs! You blew it up! Damn you! Damn you all to hell!"

Kurenai sweatdropped as her friend cried, then turned to me. "Is she gonna be like this the whole trip?"

"Probably...there was this one time where the store she liked went out of Dango for a day and she went completely nuts," I leaned over to the dark-haired woman and smirked as my voice became the most quiet whisper. "I could _probably _make her some...but I think I'll hold off on it until she pays for the last few windows."

"That's really petty of you...how many times has she done it?"

"37 times," I said, an eye twitching as I remembered every window break my sensei had been responsible for. "About 12 of those times were the _same _window...each."

"Really? I keep telling her that she should cut that out…" Kurenai palmed the side of her head in bewilderment. "I really hope she behaves on this one."

"E-Excuse me!"

I turned to see the prisoner addressing the ANBU holding him down. Eiki shuddered as one of the leaders glared at him, but stood up straighter regardless.

"Could I m-maybe get another group...one that's more...sane?"

Almost all of the ANBU agents broke out in loud, raucous laughter, save for one who stood at the back watching me creepily. I was assuming he was a ROOT agent...in which case I was going to have to watch my back whenever I was in the village.

The lead agent let out the last of his giggles before leaning down to the man. "They're the ones the Hokage chose to escort you. Be lucky you got the most tame group we could find."

"Tamest...oh, why?" Murasaki planted his face into the ground and began moaning. "Why?! Why me?!"

"That's your issue. Now then," the ANBU turned to our Jōnin sensei and handed them the chains that bound the man. "Please get this garbage out of our village."

* * *

"So...what are you doing?"

The six of us walked down the path to Kannabi Town, and it was only an hour after we had left Konoha. Anko and Kurenai kept pace far in front of us, making sure that Murasaki had as much distance from us as they could get.

Which led to situations like, for instance; Kiba, asking me why I was holding a glass of water.

"I'm working on a Hamon technique," I held that glass up and shook it gently, causing the liquid inside to ripple a bit. "The essence of it is that Hamon will pass through this water, then through me, and into the surrounding area. That'll let me sense everything around me, even if there's somebody hiding behind a wall or something."

"You sure it isn't magic?" Anko called back to us.

"It can mean 'Way of the Hermit' too, you know!"

"Yeah, but hermits don't really make water projectiles or extend their arms out," my Jōnin sensei snorted at my glare. "So yeah, magic seems like a better description."

"It seems like water is involved in quite a bit of Hamon techniques," Shino noted. "At least, many of the ones I remember you being capable of."

"Liquid in general just conducts Hamon really well. I could probably use some Sake for the technique instead, like one of the other ones I use," I held the glass of water to my face and furrowed my brows. "Doesn't look like I've gotten the hang of it yet."

"Kami! You know you don't have to constantly talk about training, right?" Anko craned her neck to stare at me and the other three genin. "Why don't you talk about normal things? Talk about tits why don't you?"

"Anko!" Kurenai shouted

"What? They're 12-year-olds-"

"I'm 13," I said flatly.

"See? He's got even more reason to want to talk about that kind of stuff."

"Yare Yare Daze…" I grumbled, palming the side of my head lightly in exasperation. "Crazy bitch, trying to turn us into perverts."

"Oi! I ain't no pervert…" a cheshire grin stretched across the woman's face. "I'm a _super pervert_! There's a big difference."

I glared at my Jōnin sensei in silence for several seconds before letting out a tired sigh. "Just my fucking luck…"

"Do we start talking about tits now?" Kiba whispered to me nervously. "Because I really _don't _wanna piss her off. She's scarier than my mom."

"Relax, she's not that bad. Once you get used to her it's just annoying to deal with her bullshit."

"Is that about my mom?" the dog-nin hissed.

"No, my sensei," I motioned to the woman in question as she made a lewd joke that only her friend heard. My shoulders slumped slightly as Kurenai blushed at Anko's comments. "Crazy bitch tried to get me killed during my genin test, and she's been like a drill sergeant ever since."

"Damn, sounds like it sucks...so...seen any good pairs of tits lately?"

"Eeep!"

"_Sonuda_-Damn it, really?!"

"Come on! It's like the only thing guys can connect over!" the dog-nin cried out.

"Choose something else! I don't need to hear you yapping about boobs, I get enough of it from Naruto."

"Is that so?" Hinata asked lowly.

"What, don't be such a wet blanket Joushuya," the Inuzuka snorted. "Our senseis want us to be all 'buddy buddy', right? What kind of girls are you into?"

"Girls who aren't annoying…"

"Ok, a bit generalistic, but okay then," Kiba titled his head over to Shino. "Oi, Shino! What kind of girls do you like?"

"...well, this may take some explanation-"

"We've got plenty of time, man."

"Alright, so it's like this…"

* * *

"So, pretty normal conversation pieces there, huh?" Anko tilted her head, noticing the restrained expression on her friend's face. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing...it seems like they're making her uncomfortable, that's all."

"Ah, your kunoichi...Yeah, guy talk can be weird. Never got used to it myself," the purple-haired Jōnin craned her head to look at the girl. "Unless she's interested in one of em."

"You know she only has her heart set on one person, remember? I told you about how I could barely get it out of her."

"Ah yes, the fox-boy…"

"Anko!" Kurenai motioned to the prisoner they were holding in chains.

"What? It's not like this creep is gonna tell anybody," Anko tapped the man with her foot harshly before turning back to her friend. "You said she's always blushing around fox-boy, right? Maybe she can see-"

"Anko!"

"What, relax!"

"They're kids…" Kurenai groaned.

"They're technically legal adults. Old enough to kill, old enough to...well, Joushirou drinks Sake sometimes for one of his techniques, but he mostly uses water."

"We're not at war with anybody though. I don't think they should have to think about that," the dark-haired woman scratched the side of her head nervously. "It's not like they should just rush into that sort of thing."

"Eh, I'm sure there's gonna be another one…" the purple-haired woman's expression turned dark. "And I think I have an idea on whose gonna start it."

"You mean your old teacher?" Kurenai hummed in thought. When she caught her friend looking behind her, she followed her gaze to Anko's lone genin. "What does he have anything to do with Orochimaru?"

"Remember his parents? Orochimaru is the one who…" Anko drew a finger across her throat. "He probably wanted to study a Hamon User, since he wants to know 'every' jutsu in existence."

"Doesn't exactly make sense when you think about it," the dark-haired woman shrugged at her friend's confused expression. "Joushirou's always said that he produces the stuff when he breathes. Orochimaru would need a living subject if he wanted to study it."

"It?"

"You know what I mean!"

"Not exactly...he'd probably refer to both Hamon _and _the subject 'it', so…"

"Okay, fair enough."

"...Are we taking the right route to Kannabi Town?"

"Hold on, what?!"

Anko rubbed the back of her head sheepishly. "It's just...I realized...I've never actually been to Kannabi Town, or near it."

"Are you saying we're lost?!"

* * *

"And that is why I personally prefer smaller breasts."

"I can not believe we're having this conversation…" I deadpanned, giving Shino a glare from the corner of my eye.

"EEP!" Hinata's blush deepened as she buried her face into her coat.

"I mean, I could see your reasons man, but I like em nice and big!" Kiba's mouth twisted into a perverted grin as he mimed groping hands.

Time to shut this DxD perv-fest down ASAP.

"Listen, I could meet a girl with the tits of the century, but she could also be the most evil person in existence," I placed both my hands behind my head as a sneer wormed its way across my face. "So yeah, if she's a bitch, then fuck her...that came out wrong."

"Pfft! Yeah, it did...but I getcha," the dog-nin let out a snicker. "That's kinda the reason seduction missions exist in the first place. I remember one thing from the history books, at least."

"I'm guessing it's because there was a picture of a naked woman in it," Shino deadpanned.

"Y-Yeah, it was that page…"

"They went into a lot more detail on it in kunoichi class…" Hinata muttered.

"Are you saying we're lost?!"

I tilted my head at Kurenai's shout. "Well, looks like my 'amazing' sensei has gotten us lost."

"Really? Shit, she's really trying to kill me…" Kiba groaned.

"Get over yourself. She's trying to get rid of me first."

"Oi, gaki!" the purple-haired woman suddenly darted over and grabbed me by the ear. "Get over here, I need you."

I let out a tired sigh as my sensei pulled me over to the dark-haired Jōnin. "Alright, so what do you need me for?"

"Anko and I need to go over the map, and we need somebody to handle the prisoner," Kurenai glanced to her friend nervously for a split second before looking back to me. "She recommended you hold him for a bit."

"Me? You honestly think I'd be able to handle him if he tried to escape?"

"You can handle it...just use your 'special' trick," my sensei said slyly.

"...If you mean my Hamon, I don't know _every _technique there is to know, so-"

"You know what I mean!" Anko facepalmed at my blank expression before glaring at me. She then mouthed the word 'Stand' to me, before leaning forward. "Use whatever force is necessary if he tries to get away."

"...I understand."

"Good! Here, take these chains!" my Jōnin sensei shoved the chains in my hands before I could properly react. As she pulled out the map, she waved me towards the other three genin. "Go bring him over there. They can help you if he escapes."

"Yare Yare...whatever…" I pulled at the chains slightly as I began moving back to the others. Before I had even gotten a foot away, I felt resistance on the bindings. I turned to see Eiki digging his heels into the ground as best he could. "Oi! What's your problem? If you escape-"

"I'm not trying to escape," the man huffed. "I'm just making this difficult. The Jōnin scare me, but you don't…" Eiki turned to me with a small sneer. "You're just a genin, I don't need to worry about you."

"...Is that so?"

"Yes! You probably couldn't even catch me if I _did _escape!"

"...Really?"

"Really!"

"Really?"

"Really!"

"Really?!"

"REALLY!"

"**Sutā Purachina!"**

"W-Wait, what-"

***VRRRRRRRRRMMMMM***

"Oof!" Eiki blinked as he looked at the now shocked genin directly in front of him. "H-How did I get over here?"

"Eep!"

"Woah! The hell?!"

Shino turned to me and tilted his head. "Would you mind explaining to us how you pulled that off?"

"...I used a _really _strong genjutsu," I said simply.

**Almost an hour later**

"Okay, we know we're _in _a stretch of woods, we just don't know _which _one we're in."

"Anko, we're on a road. We just need to find some identifying landmarks, or an intersection."

"Yeah, but we'd need to travel around for a while to get to a roadway sign or something."

I sighed in annoyance as the two Jōnin continued their argument over the map. Beside me, Kiba was regaling us with some strange tale of one of Team 8's D-Rank missions, to which I barely paid any attention to. I noticed that Hinata would turn to glance at the prisoner I held every so often, only turning away if she caught either Eiki or myself staring.

"-And _that's _just another reason why I hate cats. I mean, I get that that's probably a huge stereotype about my clan...but come on, Tora is a monster," Kiba finished, turning to me with a curious expression. "Oi, were you even listening?"

"Yeah, you were telling me about the D-Rank you got where you had to grab Tora," I said blithely. A small snort escaped my nose as I turned to the dog-nin. "If I could tell you about my mission to grab him...well, you remember the storm last month, right?"

"Pfft! Who doesn't remember that?"

"Well, I had to go right to the center of it and get him."

"...You were really at the _tornado_?!" Kiba cried out.

"Yeah, that's why Bitch-sensei was wearing a sling on her arm the first time you saw her," I let out a dark chuckle as I remembered Tora and his Stand. "It was all that damn cat's fault."

"So he really is a monster…" the Inuzuka said with wide eyes.

"A-Ano, I don't really get why everybody talks about Tora-chan like that…" the Hyūga said nervously.

...Wait, Tora-_chan_?

Hinata caught my owlish look and blushed slightly. "He likes me at least. Whenever we had to retrieve him, I could just go up to him and he'd jump in my arms."

"...That fucking cat!" I growled.

"What horrible thing would a _cat _do to get that reaction?" the girl asked.

"You...have no idea…" I turned back to the arguing Jōnin with an annoyed huff. "I just wish they'd get this over with. I'm getting all...antsy about this…"

"You want to know what it was, don't you?"

I quickly turned around to face Murasaki with a glare. "I don't care why you were arrested! Don't bother-"

"I wasn't talking to you," the prisoner said blankly, looking over to the nervous Hyūga with an emotionless gaze. "She keeps staring, so I figured she must want to know."

"Well, she doesn't need to know, and neither do the rest of us!" I growled. "Just keep quiet until we get to Kannabi, and then you can complain to the Iwa nin sent to grab you. Do you understand-"

"47 and 6," Eiki said tiredly.

"...I'm not interested in playing games with you," I turned away from the criminal with a huff. "Guys, ignore him. Hinata, quit staring at him, he's-"

"Who gave you the right to tell us what to do?" Kiba growled.

"I'm holding the dangerous criminal who is also a former ninja!" I held up both the chains. "If I'm saying to ignore him so that he doesn't screw with your head, it's probably a good idea."

"Screw with our-not all criminals are crazy masterminds trying to worm their way into your mind, that's just a stereotype!"

"And you think he isn't that kind of criminal?"

"...Let me get back to you on that one."

"Yeah, thought so…" I turned back to face our arguing senseis along with the others. "Just wait for them to figure out the map, and then-"

"I was arrested for the rape of fourty-seven women and the murder of six."

I felt a chill going down my spine as soon as he said it. My free hand twitched visibly as the other three turned to stare at the man. Already, the golden glow of my Stand surrounded me as I turned to glare at him.

Murasaki simply stared at me with the same blank expression he had been wearing since we first saw him. "You look very angry...did I hit a nerve?" the prisoner leaned forward, a small glint of amusement flashing through his eyes. "It almost looks like you're willing to jeopardize the mission after hearing that. How do you feel, knowing that you're in a situation where you could easily be both perfectly in control of or helpless in, if things go wrong."

"...What are you implying?"

"What would happen if I escaped? Wouldn't I try to run away as fast as possible?" he tilted his head casually, glancing between all of us for a bit. "Or, perhaps, you should be imagining the worst-case scenario, no?"

"...Hinata, go to Kurenai-sensei," Kiba said coldly.

"W-What?! B-But I-"

"Hinata, do as he says," Shino said flatly.

Hinata stared at the three of us for several seconds before her expression turned fierce. "I'm not scared!"

Eiki let out a small chuckle before cocking his head to the side, his blank expression never leaving. Then a smile stretched across his face, all the way to his ears, and his eyes bugged out in the most horrifying way possible.

"Boo!"

"EEEP!" the blue-haired girl jumped back and ran towards the two arguing Jōnin, much to their surprise.

I glanced at the terrified girl from the corner of my eye, then turned back to the prisoner with a snarl. Unsurprisingly, his blank expression had once again returned, and he was tilting his head at us mockingly.

"Oh, you seem angrier than before. Is she your girlfriend or something?"

"Do you pride yourself on being a bastard?"

Eiki shrugged blithely at this. "Maybe I do."

"Wonderful! As if being stuck with a psychopath wasn't enough…" I tilted my head as our senseis walked over, Hinata hiding behind them nervously. "Did she give you the rundown?"

"Pretty much, yeah," Anko took the chains from my hands while sending the prisoner a disdainful look. "He do anything other than scare ya?"

"I'm not scared of him," I said stiffly. "I'm just really pissed off…"

"That's just your default emotion, so not really anything to worry about," my sensei turned to her fellow Jōnin. "Is she gonna be alright?"

"She'll be fine," Kurenai said tiredly. She turned back to Anko with an exasperated look. "Are you sure we'll be on the right route?"

"Hey, we worked out the map, didn't we?"

I gave the purple-haired women a sideways glance. "Please tell me that you're not just gonna wing it."

"I find your lack of faith disturbing," my Jōnin sensei gave me a confused stare at my deadpan look. "What? What's wrong?"

"Nothing, let's just get rid of this creep already…"

* * *

**Kannabi Town**

**Afternoon**

"Alright, here we are!" Anko cried out cheerfully. "The one and only Kannabi Town! A fun tourist destination and summer vacation spot!"

I couldn't fathom why she would refer to it as that, especially since she clearly saw the place once we got here. Kannabi town was the literal asshole of the Land of Weeds...and that was the _kindest _thing I could say about it.

Of the few actual buildings that made up the 'town', only two of them looked like they were well kept. The others looked abandoned or right at the cusp of abandonment, and there were several that looked like they hadn't even been finished being built. Trash sparsely lined the street or hung from a few trees.

Around most of the buildings, I could see thugs and gangsters either defacing the already derelict buildings, or showing off their latest hauls for appraisal. A few even looked our way and seemed to be sizing us up, clearly ignoring the fact that we were _ninja_. I was hopeful that nobody would try anything...but stupidity _is _an art form after all.

"Alright, first plan of action! Find a couple of rooms at the local motel and hold the prisoner there, then meet the Iwa entourage sent to grab him at the bridge," Anko smiled widely at the four of us. "We'll just collect the bounty and get the fuck out, C-Rank is done and we get extra money than we would D-Rank."

"Wait, there's a bridge?" Kiba asked in confusion.

Kurenai snorted at the question. "Correction, there _was _a bridge. It was destroyed during the Third Shinobi War-"

"Kakashi did it!" my sensei interjected. "He never said anything other than that. I'm guessing it's because of how he lost something or whatnot."

...Wow! That was an incredibly _gross _understatement of that entire event.

"So, first off...we're gonna need two of you gaki to hold the prisoner down while we meet with the Iwa contingent…" my Jōnin sensei tilted her head thoughtfully as she looked us over. "Maybe you guys could play Jan-Ken over-"

"We are not playing Jan-Ken over who gets to hold down a dangerous criminal!" I cried out.

"Kami, you have to be such a wet blanket…" the purple-haired woman sighed before turning to Kiba and Shino. "You two, you can hold him while we collect the bounty."

"Why us?!" the dog-nin cried out.

"Y'know, believe it or not there was a reason Team 8 was specifically chosen for this mission," Anko leaned forward with a wild grin. "Just think about it, an Inuzuka, an Aburame, and a Hyūga. Why do you think they'd be useful for this?"

"...Uh, I...I don't know, actually."

"It's pretty obvious," Kurenai said boredly. "Shino already has dozens of his Kikaichū tagging the prisoner-"

"Hrrk!" Eiki doubled over in disgust. "Kami, I could have gone without knowing that…"

"Hinata can use the Jūken to disable his pressure points, and if he somehow manages to escape _that_, then you and Akamaru could hunt him down," the dark-haired Jōnin cupped a hand to her chin in thought. "Honestly, the only outlier there is Joushirou...I suppose his Hamon could be useful if all else fails, since it's pretty unpredictable in how it functions."

"Oh shit, the old man didn't tell you?" Anko chuckled nervously at her friend's owlish look. "Hehe...I'll tell you later. He's only supposed to use it as a last resort anyway, I don't want him relying on it all the time."

"...The hell is she talking about?" the dog-nin growled.

I flinched slightly and glanced at him from the corner of my eye. "I have a...Bloodline, I guess is the best way to describe it."

"Like Naruto-kun…" Hinata blinked wildly when she realized what she just said. "N-Not that I'd know anything about that! I just assumed he had one, because when we saw him that one time there was all that...red stuff, and...A-Ano, I-"

"Ok, so what? You, Blondie, and the Uchiha are in some super secret Bloodline club?"

"I believe they offered me a membership, but I had to decline," Shino said flatly.

"Wonderful…" Kiba grumbled. "So what, we just need to find the motel?"

"Yeah, I'm guessing it's one of the nicer buildings," Anko tilted her head at one of the nicer buildings in town. "I'm guessing it's that one, considering it's a bit bigger than the others."

Kurenai hummed thoughtfully. "Alright, Anko and I should be able to pay for-"

"I'll pay for the room."

"Wait, what?!" my Jōnin sensei rounded on me with an owlish look. "Y-You're joking, right? You don't need to pay fo-"

"I can pay for it, and the old man will probably reimburse me when he hears about it," I waved my hand blithely. "Besides, we need two rooms anyway. One will be where we keep the prisoner."

"And where will you sleep then?"

"With the prisoner," I said flatly. "Kiba and Shino too."

"Oi, I never agreed to that!" the Inuzuka cried out.

"Are you sure about that? You'd be safer sleeping with us," Kurenai gave me a concerned look. "I know he's in chains but-"

"So, you're saying that the three of you would be fine being in the same room with three teenage boys?" I cocked my head to the side as the girl's began to pale. "One of whom is a self-admitted pervert?"

"Oi! I never said anything like that!"

"I was talking about myself," I gave the dog-nin a deadpan look.

Kiba rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "Ah, never mind then...wait! Don't leave me out dammit!"

"Fine! Two of which are self-admitted perverts," I quickly amended.

"That's better!" the Inuzuka said smugly. It was only after a few seconds that he realized what he had done. "Shit! That's not what I-"

"Alright, I can understand your..._reasoning_," the dark-haired woman said nervously. "If you're really sure about paying-"

"Relax, it's no skin off my back," I said nonchalantly. "Now come on, I have a feeling we might not be welcome in this town. The longer we stay out in the open, the more likely it is those thugs will try their luck with us."

Anko blinked in confusion. "Eh? Why would they be all pissed off at us?"

"It's not like Kakashi destroyed their bridge or something…"

As we got closer to the local motel, I noticed a girl sweeping outside. As if Kiba's muttered 'here we go again' was tempting fate, she turned to face us as we approached. The moment she spotted me, a deep blush spread across her face, instantly filling me with dread.

"Uh, h-hello there! How can I help you?"

On one hand, she might constantly annoy me whenever she gets the chance...on the other hand, she was pretty easy on the eyes. She had a cute, round face that held adorable moe doe-eyes, all framed by long brown hair done up in pigtails. While she was wearing a rather plain dress, I could see the beginnings of a very generous figure.

Still...no, just no…

"This is the local motel, right?" I asked boredly.

"A-Ano, it is. My Baasan is running the-" the girl sputtered nervously as I walked past her, and I could already feel her deepening blush as she swooned behind me. "W-Wow…"

"Damn, you really need to get laid gaki," Anko said as we walked inside.

"I...am...13…" I growled under my breath.

"And you also regularly drink Sake and...whatever that red stuff from the west is called."

"It's for Hamon Techniques. I'm not even 16 yet you creepy bitch!"

"Hey, old enough to kill, old enough to-"

"Anko, do not!" Kurenai chided sternly. "Sorry Joushirou, she doesn't really have a filter about this."

"It's not like I ain't used to it," I said hotly. "Naruto is always going on about what he sees in the hot springs-fair warning, he's been using shadow clones and fūinjutsu to avoid getting caught."

"Thanks for the heads up then…"

"What, he could just ask," Hinata muttered lower than the others could hear.

I let out a small huff before walking towards the front desk and dinging the little bell. The ring sat in the air for half a minute before dissipating, yet no one came to the front desk again. I seriously considered ringing again, only for Kiba to jump forward and scrutinize the little bell.

"Hot damn! I've never actually seen one of these things before," the dog-nin tilted his head around as he stared at the metal contraption in awe. "Most places back home don't have these."

"That's because restaurants and motels back in Konoha have more staff," I felt a tick mark appearing on my forehead as the Inuzuka held his hand out to ding the bell again. "I already did it before, they heard."

"It's been like 3 minutes, they haven't heard shit!" Kiba's hand came down on the bell, causing another ring to erupt into the air.

There was a short shuffling far in the back, followed by some muffled curses, but still no one came to the front desk. My expression hardened slightly, and I decided to ring the bell again myself in hopes of a response.

"Damn it! Ichiko, you useless girl! Handle the front desk!"

...Well, this will certainly be a pleasant afternoon, won't it?

"Oh kami, this is just great," my Jōnin sensei grumbled. The purple-haired woman sneered at the empty desk before ringing the bell herself. "Time for the big show~!"

"ICHIKO! WHAT DID I JUST SAY?!" a vicious looking hag emerged from a door to the back, a hateful expression stretched across her thin and wrinkled visage with enough malic that it could make small children cry. The hag faltered slightly once she caught sight of us, or rather, our headwear. "What the hell do you want?!"

"Two rooms," I deadpanned. "I have enough money to pay for them-"

"Piss off!" she growled hatefully. "I wouldn't give you our worst room even if you were the fucking Hokage, you little shit!" the hag tilted her head and sneered. "Let me guess, that useless girl said the same thing, and you took exception to that? At least clean up the body before you leave."

"...Did you just accuse us of _murder_?" Kiba croaked.

"What of it? That's all you ninja do, kill and destroy," she waved her hand to the right. "Just look at our damn bridge!"

"Ah, I see they're all still a bit testy about that…" Kurenai said nervously.

"Now where's my worthless granddaughter?!"

"Outside, sweeping," I said boredly.

"Ah, right...I told her to make sure everything outside and up front was spotless. Doubtful she'll manage it, she'll definitely get less food tonight then…"

If I really felt like giving up my chivalrous ways, it would be now. It was taking _every _fucking ounce of control to not deck this woman with the Steely Dan treatment like she deserved.

"Oi! What are you creeps still doing here?! Didn't I just tell you to take a hike?!" the hag growled, once again testing my infinite patience. "If you don't leave, I'll-"

"What's going on out there?!"

I cocked my head to the side as an old man came out from the back. The way his skin stretched over his gaunt face as his mouth twisted into grimace upon seeing us was a clear selling point that even _Dario Brando_ could look passive and harmless. The old man gently pushed the beast I assumed he was married to out of the way and gave the worst customer service smile I had ever seen in either of my lives.

"Good afternoon, how may I help you?"

I ignored his strained voice and leaned forward. "We need two rooms for the night, one with three beds and…" I glanced to the side thoughtfully. "One with four."

The old man's smile turned into the biggest shit-eating grin as he spoke. "I'm sorry, I'm afraid we don't have any vacant rooms at the moment."

"W-What about all those vacant rooms over there?" Kiba asked, pointing to the vacant rooms on our right.

The motel owner took a deep breath and gave us all a sickeningly sweet smile. "My apologies, but like I said, we do _not _have any vacant rooms at the moment."

"Fucking liar!" the dog-nin growled. "You can't turn us away for no reason! We have money, we can pay-"

"Kiba, just calm down," Kurenai said gently. "We'll just camp out in the woods."

"Yes, you do that," the hag said mockingly. "Spend some time with all the shitty wild animals and bugs like you deserve."

"I feel quite insulted…" Shino deadpanned.

"How about this," I began, setting the old man with a stern glare. "We'll walk out that door...if, and only _if_, you can leave the front desk right now."

"...Leave the front desk? Is that it?" the fat old bastard began laughing wildly. "Just cause you've got some damn ninja bullshit doesn't mean shit, gaki! This is my damn motel, I can leave the front desk all I want."

"And what would happen if you couldn't?" Anko asked curiously.

"Then I guess I'll have to give you your rooms...but there's a fat chance of that ever happening!" he pointed to us with a vicious sneer as he began to walk away from the desk. "So just try and fucking stop me you shitty shinobi!"

***VRRRRRRRRRMMMMM***

"E-Eh?! The hell?!" the old man leaned back a bit and blinked in shock. "I...I was sure I was walking away before. I was almost right at the door, how did I get back here?" he slowly backed away while setting us with a harsh glare. "You think you have it figured out, huh? Don't even think about trying anything, I'll know you've done it you-"

***VRRRRRRRRRMMMMM***

A startled gasp escaped his throat as he once again found himself at the spot he had tried to escape from. "W-What the hell is this?! How, how?! That's not possible," the motel owner looked around for any sort of explanation. "This just doesn't make sense, I was looking right at you creeps!"

I let out a mocking snort at the old man's confusion. "You wanna try again, Jiji? We can do this all day…"

* * *

"It's a what?!"

"Would you quiet down!" Anko hissed to Kurenai as they walked towards Kannabi Bridge. The purple-haired woman turned back to look at her bored genin and her friend's kunoichi apprentice. "Alright, they haven't heard, good."

"I still can't believe this...a _ghost_? He has a ghost that fights for him?"

"It's not a _ghost _ghost, it's more like...his...soul, calling out to his psyche to harness his life energy and willpower to create a spirit-like entity that follows his every mental command because it's connected to his mind, body, and spirit," Anko shrugged blithely. "At least, that's how the Hokage says it apparently works."

"And...it looks like...a person?"

"A buff purple and blue man with long hair," the snake-user snorted. "We saw another one too, it looks like a giant horse made of clouds."

"So, it just comes out of him and...what? Does it do anything?"

"Beats the shit outta things if the kid wants to beat the shit outta things...but only if they're within like 2 meters of the kid," Anko sighed in annoyance at her friend's owlish expression. "Yeah, I know, it sounds asinine. We tested it though, it can move out of 2 meters but it gets weaker and slower* when it does."

"So, he just uses it to beat things up?" Kurenai cupped a hand to her chin contemplatively. "I guess it's...unexpected, in a sense. If it's as strong as you're saying, it would throw anybody for a loop."

"It's not just some punch-ghost that he can call out of him," the purple-haired woman chided. "It also has some sort of unique ability. All of them have one, the other guy in Konoha who has one improves the quality of food, the horse one controls weather-that's why we had the Typhoon a while back-and so on."

"The Typhoon was a-Ugh, y'know what, I'll open that can of worms later," the dark-haired Jōnin slyly glanced at the boy walking several feet behind them. "What does he do?"

"We...we haven't figured it out yet," Anko said sheepishly. "We have a bunch of theories, and we've been trying to take everything into account."

"...We?"

"Me, Iruka, and the old man," the snake-user declared. "What we know so far is that his Stand moves at the speed of light, is strong enough to, in his own words, 'crush diamonds', and moves with greater precision than even the world's best surgeon."

"And what theories did you have based on that?"

"Teleportation, super-speed, breaking down into particles of light to travel and attack-oh, and Iruka thought up the crazy idea that he can manipulate time."

"M-Manipulate...how?"

"He sees into the future, and if he sees something he doesn't like, he skips it so that it doesn't happen, or something like that," Anko waved her hand dismissively. "Nothing seems to fit right though. With that stunt at the motel, it looked like teleportation...but still…"

"...Maybe Iruka is on to something," Kurenai sighed at her friend's owlish look. "No, I don't think he's actually skipping time, or doing anything like that. Maybe his stand creates some sort of...loop, I suppose."

"Loop? What, he's turning back time?"

"No, no, it's more like he's using mind control to direct the movements of others while making everybody think he's rewound time and erased their memories of what they did before he made his 'rewind'. It's like a really powerful genjutsu, but he wouldn't need to use chakra for it."

"He did say that he was doing a genjutsu..." the purple-haired woman said contemplatively. "So far, it's between that, super-speed, and teleportation."

The dark-haired Jōnin hummed thoughtfully. "Sooner or later, he'll have to reveal it himself. I've never met a ninja who was able to their unique bloodline, jutsu, or secret strategy to themselves for _that _long."

"I guess you're right...my bet is that he won't be able to make it past next Chūnin Exams."

"Fifty five thousand Ryō says he does."

"You're on!" Anko let out a short giggle before looking over her shoulder. "So, what was your kunoichi doing in her genjutsu anyway?"

"Ah...I'll tell you later, I need to talk to her about it anyway…"

* * *

"So, this is Kannabi Bridge, huh?" I tilted my head curiously. "He really blew it up, didn't he?"

It was an old bridge made of white stone, with brick colored railings. The bits of the metal beams jutted out of the stone where the bridge would have continued, and the faint remains of the piers sat in the river. On the other side, I could see several more buildings making up the town, these ones _definitely _abandoned judging by their appearance.

"Yeah, he and his old team took out a whole two thirds of the thing," Anko noticed Hinata's shocked expression and sighed. "It was during the 3rd Shinobi War, just around the end. It was either this or leave ourselves wide open to an invasion by Iwa."

"Speaking of which," Kurenai motioned to a dark shape in the trees near the other side of the bridge. "That's at least one of them, I can assume."

I narrowed my eyes at the shape as I absentmindedly fingered the hilt of my tanto. From my left hand, the glass of water I had kept sealed in my sleeve slid into my hand as I willed Hamon into it in a desperate attempt to get the technique to work. The results were...surprising, to say the least.

"Six of them," I said lowly. "The one peeking out from behind the tree, and five others who are hiding behind them and one of the buildings."

"Did you actually just get it down?" my Jōnin sensei whispered.

"No, more like I'm getting a rough estimate on things. It's still not perfected yet," I hissed.

"Yeah, whatever…" Anko cocked her head to the side. "Oi! We know you're here, come on out!"

The shape behind the tree let out a short huff before flickering out of existence, only to appear on the other side of the river. He was a serious looking man in the standard Jōnin attire of Iwagakure. The man stared at us blankly for several seconds before cocking his head to the side with a toothy sneer.

"Where's the prisoner?"

"Back at the motel," Anko jabbed her finger in the direction behind us.

"The agreement was a prisoner extradition," the Iwa Jōnin growled. "You either hand him over or-"

"Hold up! Konoha never _explicitly _agreed to an actual extradition," my sensei let out a small chuckle. "We just said we'd bring him to you. He's got a bounty on his head, now pay up."

The man's mouth opened and closed for several seconds as he glared at us. "You...you bitch! You can't-"

"Oi, Keizan! This shit is taking too long!"

I blinked as a dark haired girl flickered into existence behind the Jōnin, a scowl directed at all of us in general. The only reason I knew she _was _a girl was her voice, and the skirt, but there wasn't much to go on aside from that. She looked...familiar, I suppose...something about a part of Shippuden I probably missed a while back, maybe?

...Oh well.

"Gaah! Kurotsuchi! We're supposed to stay put!"

"Shut it Masaoka! She's right, this is already boring as hell."

"You're both so annoying…"

I watched as three more ninja emerged from the trees. The first was a cheerful short-haired blonde with their hitai-ate worn like a bandana, and they were definitely a Jōnin. While they carried themself the same way as their comrade, they didn't seem as hostile or wary of us.

The next two that came out were a Chūnin and another genin. The genin was a tired looking boy with dark-brown hair going to his shoulders in small braids. Currently, he was glaring at the Chūnin at his side.

The Chūnin didn't look like he even belonged in the ninja forces, all things considered. He was a thin stick of a guy in his early teens, his glasses were pushed against his eyes as though everything needed to be as clear as possible. The worst part was the fact that he couldn't quite stand still, he jolted and squirmed as though some animal were running across his body beneath his clothes.

"G-Guys...I have to…"

"Good Kami, Masaoka! You went an hour ago! Your medical problems suck!"

"Masaoka? As in, like Masaoka Kurogane?" Anko asked curiously. "The most useless ninja in all of history?"

"_R-Recent_ history!" the bespectacled boy called over to us. "And...y-yeah, he was my father…"

"Oof! That's rough kid!"

I ignored my Jōnin sensei's laughter as I scrutinized the Iwa nin across from us. There was some sort of...feeling in the air. An electrical feeling that was eerily familiar enough to fill me with dread.

"Leave him alone, Senra," a new voice called out. "You can be an asshole when we're not busy."

...Too big. The thing strapped to that guys back was too big to be called a sword. Too big, too thick, too heavy, and too rough. It was more like a large hunk of raw metal sharpened at the edges and end and strapped to a stick.

I hadn't even registered the wielder until after I had taken my eyes off the sword. He was genin around my age, similar height and build, though much tanner and with dark-black hair and amber colored eyes. And _somehow_ he was carrying that thing on his back like it was nothing.

"Kyōaku Ha…" I swallowed a lump in my throat as I tried to contain my awe. "I can't believe it, I'm actually seeing it in person."

"E-Eh? What are you talking about?" Hinata asked nervously.

"A few hundred years ago, during the beginning of the Nidaime Mizukage's reign, the first Seven Swordsman of the mist were renown for being able to bring down an entire country," a short sigh escaped my throat. "Naturally, the guys who made the swords were pretty proud of their work, save for the one who didn't get any of the credit. He came together with several of the Uzumaki clansmen who helped make the original blades, as well as some of the greatest weaponsmiths in the other four great nations, to create a weapon for each nation that could rival the Seven Swords, even all of them at once, just to stick it to the mist."

"A-Ano, they made weapons to combat the Seven Swords?"

"At least five of them, off the top of my head. Of them include the Ryūjin, which grants its user all five chakra natures, and there's that mace Kotetsu has that can shapeshift, and of course…" I motioned to the boy with the giant sword on his back. "Kyōaku Ha, which can send its wielder into a rage-like state if they activate its unique ability."

"It can also cut ghosts," the bored genin said. "I've tested it out a few times."

"It can really cut ghosts?!" I wheezed out.

"How do you test that? Ghosts aren't even-Ok, we'll deal with that later," Anko growled.

"Yeah, like the Konoha bitch said!" 'Senra' growled to his fellow genin. "A giant piece of metal on a stick isn't something to be proud of, it's just compensation!"

"You're just jealous that _I _have the ghost-killing sword, and you don't," the sword-wielder said teasingly.

"Isashi, that's enough," the blonde chided sternly. They turned to us with a nervous grin, their expression falling slightly. "Ah, you don't seem to have the prisoner with you…"

"We wanted to wait until you had the bounty," Kurenai said cooly.

"B-Bounty? This is just a prisoner-"

"Konoha never actually said it, Okashī," 'Keizan' growled spitefully. "Just as expected of the leaf. They see a chance to screw with us, they'll take it."

"S-So, we aren't bringing the prisoner back?"

"Not unless you have money~" Anko sing-songed.

"Gaaah! Dammit all!" the androgynous blonde cried out. "If we don't come back with that prisoner, the Tsuchikage will have our heads!"

The girl who was apparently called Kurotsuchi sweatdropped. "Really? _You're _saying that?"

"Be quiet!" they cried out, waving their hands at the girl in annoyance. "You have no idea how stressful this is!"

"Che, whatever…" Kurotsuchi cocked her head to the side as she glared at us. "Are you really sure you wanna do this, Konoha?"

"Oh, what are you gonna do? Come across the bridge to get us?!"

"Anko, don't taunt them!" Kurenai hissed.

Anko's response was to give the Iwa nin across from us the american style double hand symbol for 'Fuck Off'...then the french style...then the appropriate japanese style...then the italian. I was very confused as to how many different birds there were in this world.

"Yare Yare Daze...you're really mature, aren't you Anko-sensei?"

"Shut it, gaki! I'm negotiating."

"...Do you hear yourself? How the hell is that anything resembling negotiati-"

"Y'know what! Fine, we'll get your damn bounty!" Keizan shouted over to us. "If our village allows it, we'll pay up. But we have to get that prisoner back!"

"As long as you can pay~" the purple-haired woman sing-songed.

"Fine then!" the girl shouted over to us. "Have him here by tomorrow bitch!"

"Sure thing!" Anko called out cheerfully. A short giggle escaped her mouth as the Iwa nin skulked back into the trees. "I think that went pretty well."

"They'll probably send another few people down with the bounty...do you have all the insults prepared?" Kurenai asked.

"I have the whole book list we all wrote down. I think I can make a couple up on the spot," my Jōnin sensei turned to me with a smirk. "Oi, gaki! Think you can come up with some insults for the Iwa nin?"

"The only thing I can think of is the 'dumb as rocks' stuff," I said tiredly. "And I can't even think of a compensation joke for that one guy because there's a swordsman code about that."

"You're saying you can't make compensation jokes to other swordsmen?"

"No, I can, but we have to be fighting first."

"So swordfight banter is usually just bashing each others junk? Why am I not surprised," the purple-haired woman groaned. "What, at least tell me you have good comebacks. I'd be disappointed if you didn't."

"Reality is often disappointing," I said nonchalantly. "But I have at least one that I used on my rival about 'representation'..."

* * *

"Phew, good to know we weren't kicked out…" Anko looked around the motel lobby nervously. "We haven't done anything to get kicked out yet, have we?"

Hinata twiddle her fingers before discreetly activating her Byakugan. "They're still in their room, talking about...something, I assume boy talk," the Hyūga blushed slightly before flinching. "Akamaru is also growling at the prisoner. Not much else is going on aside from that."

"What about our…'hosts'?" my Jōnin sensei asked lowly.

The bluenette glanced around nervously before letting out a small sigh. "That poor girl...they're just hurling another round of abuse at her."

"How are those monsters her legal guardians?" I growled.

"Next of kin, shit like that. Doesn't matter what they do, they still have legal precedent over her and whatever estate she owns," Anko looked in the direction of the shouting sympathetically. "If she has anything left at all."

I clicked my teeth angrily as the shouting died down. "As if the creepy rapist wasn't bad enough. People like them make me sick."

"Hey, life sucks sometimes," the purple-haired woman blinked as we rounded the corner before our rooms. "The hell is this?"

Before us, Ichiko was furiously scrubbing the floors. The brunette flinched at our presence, but ignored regardless.

"What happened here?" Kurenai asked gently.

"The floors needed cleaning," Ichiko said blankly.

"Whew, didn't know there was a spill," Anko said nonchalantly. "Well, it's getting pretty dark...have a good night, it was nice meeting you...uh…" my Jōnin sensei tapped her chin nervously as she tried to remember the girl's name. "Uh...nice meeting you kid."

The doe-eyed girl responded with a small hum that the others barely heard as they walked off. Hinata lingered alongside me for a few seconds before darting after Kurenai. When I was sure they were gone, I turned to Ichiko with a concerned glance.

"Why are you really scrubbing?"

"...My grandparents...they think your presence is b-befouling. I'm supposed to clean up after all of you, e-even if there's nothing to clean up."

I facepalmed to hide my disgusted expression and clenched my fist. "Yare Yare Daze...Screw it!" my hands came down as I quickly made a familiar set of hand seals. "**Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!"**

Two perfect clones of myself popped into existence beside me, and I motioned them towards the girl. Both of them grabbed the extra cleaning supplies and got to work, much to Ichiko's surprise.

"N-No, you don't have to-"

"None of that! I can't leave you alone like this...also," I pointed to my clones. "Once they dispel, I'll gain all their memories. You can use them to vent if you want...you look like you need that."

* * *

"Grrrrrrrrrrr!"

"Akamaru, quit growling at him! There's no chance he's getting out!" Kiba leaned back on his bed tiredly. "Ugh, I feel like we'll die in this place and people will eat our skin."

"Arf?"

"Yeah, I know it isn't a _seedy _motel...there's that nice bit of eye-candy nearby too at least," the dog-nin sighed. "But still, you saw how those old bastards looked at us, right?"

"Arf…" the dog held his paws to his face worriedly.

"I'm more worried we'll be attacked by Iwa nin in the middle of the night," I said boredly.

"Oh yeah...you said the one had a famous sword?"

"Kyōaku Ha, one of the five weapons of the continental nations," Shino called out from the bathroom. "There are at least...what, two other swords among them?"

"Ryūjin's location is unknown...and I don't actually know the name of the other sword," I tilted my head in thought. "The only other one I know about is that mace."

"Mace? What mace?" Kiba asked nervously.

"Eh, there's this Chūnin back home that has this shapeshifting mace...I think he called it 'Shussebora' once."

"Huh, that's interesting...Oi, shino! You done in there yet?"

"N-Not quite…"

"I still don't get why you need to be in the bathroom to change. I changed into my PJs a while ago," the dog-nin sneered at the prisoner. "If you looked at-"

"I'm straight...and you're 12. Not a chance in hell."

Shino exited the bathroom nervously, flinching away from us as we stared. "I do this because of my hive."

"What, you're worried we'll see your hive holes?"

"Arf!" the little dog yipped in agreement.

"I cannot believe you two are calling them that," I said tiredly. I pulled off my coat and grabbed the ends of my shirt. "Well, since we're heading to be anyway."

"Woah, you're not pulling out your pajamas?"

"I sleep with my shirt off, alright," I made a shrug as best as I could. "It just feels more comfortable, alright."

"Okay then, that's kinda-EH?! What's with the tattoo?!"

"...T-Tattoo?"

"That fucking star up there!"

I pulled my shirt off completely before turning to Kiba. "You...you mean this?" I reached around my shoulder and palmed the star birthmark on the back of my shoulder. "This is my family birthmark. My mom had one just like it."

"Nu-uh! You're joking, right?"

"He isn't, I've seen the pictures in his wallet," Shino tilted his head contemplatively. "I saw it in one of the photos of his grandfather as well."

"Dude, that's just...wow…" the dog-nin shook his head. "If I've read enough manga, that's like some chosen one bull-OK, that one has to be a tattoo!"

I cocked my head to the side at the Inuzuka's remark. "You mean...oh, yeah, these are more like burn marks," I held a hand to one of the letters burned in a strange arrangement across my chest. "I got them...well, it's been about seven years now, I think."

"What do those even mean? What kind of symbols are th-"

"_Conscience."_

I turned to Murasaki with a glare. "What was that?"

"They're letters from a western language, and together they translate to 'conscience'," the prisoner tilted his head curiously. "Although, I don't know why they're arranged like that."

"How do you know-"

"One of the Tsuchikage's aids, his parents were from the west. Somehow they emigrated to Iwa and had a kid," Eiki shrugged boredly. "I don't know how it all worked, since most people are wary of westerners and whatnot."

I hummed thoughtfully at this. "That's an interesting piece of information."

"Bullshit, everybody in your spy network already knows," the prisoner sneered at us darkly. "Just because I'm a criminal, doesn't mean I'm gonna give you anything like that. I can still hold out hope for better treatment, after all."

Kiba let out an annoyed huff. "What, you honestly think there's something out there that can save your ass?"

"...Who knows? I'm still not telling you anything," Eiki clicked his teeth and turned away from us. "It's not like it would matter anyway."

I furrowed my brows in confusion. "What do you mean by that?"

"...You'll see soon enough."

* * *

**A few hours later**

As Anko laid on her bed, she felt something rubbing her legs. Being barely awake, the woman thought nothing of it, even as the sensation traveled up to her thighs and stomach. The Jōnin let out an annoyed groan as she felt something moving close to her breasts.

"Hmmm...not tonight Iruka, I'm busy…"

A faint buzzing like white noise resounding through the air was the only response she received. The sensation of something groping around her chest and shoulders caused her to toss and turn in her sleep angrily.

"I said no...go away Iruka…"

Then something wet and slimy touched her throat. Anko's eyes snapped open in terror and she made to jolt upright. Her pupils dilated in terror when she found that she couldn't move an inch, even as she screamed within her own mind for her limbs to move.

All around her she could hear whispers and static noises, far off hissing noises and vicious wheezing, all accompanied by an unnerving chuckle. Her breathing grew ragged as she felt parts of her body going numb, and even though she couldn't move a muscle it almost seemed as though something was dragging her around by her feet. Staring above her was some horrid black face that seemed to be leering down at her with bright yellow eyes and pointed teeth.

'W-What is this?! I-I can't move!' the purple-haired woman let out a strangled breath as the slimy thing wrapped around her throat. 'C-Choking me?! I can't move a muscle, and something is choking me?! Damn it! Somebody, anybody, HELP ME!'

The Jōnin's pupils darted around wildly, searching anywhere for help. From the corner of her eye, she noticed Kurenai's sleeping form in a similar state, the dark-haired woman raggedly breathing as some unseen thing ran around her body. Anko's hands clammed up as a tear ran down her cheek.

'I'm...I'm going to die…' the woman thought. 'I can't believe it...I'm a ninja, I shouldn't go out like this, feeling so...helpless…' her breath hitched in her throat as the pressure around her neck increased. 'M-My breathing is getting cut off. It's not doing it like a snake where it would try to cut everything off as quickly as it could without getting hurt...it's doing this because it _knows _I can't fight back. This thing...it's enjoying this…'

Then, whatever the thing that was choking her was moved much of itself around her body. The kunoichi let out a horrified squeak as something coiled around her breasts and groped at her crotch. She went ghost pale upon realizing that _death _was the least she had to worry about.

'No! No! Stop! Get off! That's not for _you_! Ple-e-e-ease…' tears flowed freely from her eyes as something began propping her body up and pulling her limbs into different poses. 'Somebody make this stop! STOP!' a shudder spread through her body as the thing groping her darted beneath her clothes, running its slimy form over her skin before grabbing at her clothes and tearing. "N-NO!"

"Mmmmm...Anko-sensei, it's too late…"

From the corner of her eye, the purple-haired woman noticed her friend's pet kunoichi groggily leaning over to her. Anko desperately tried to lift an arm out to her, to no avail, and only let out a terrified whimper in response. Upon hearing this, and seeing the state of her sensei's friend, Hinata became fully alert.

"W-What the hell is that?!" the bluenette jumped off her bed and pointed at the terrified woman. Upon seeing her sensei, she went ghost pale. "K-Kurenai too?! It's...it's g-groping them! What is-EEEP!"

Anko's eyes widened in terror as a long white tendril snapped forward and wrapped around the young girl's hand. Instantly her eyes became lidded and she sagged to the floor, a loud whimper escaping her throat as more tendrils beset her. Her horrified protests were cut off as one wrapped around her throat.

The Jōnin let out a wild gasp as her body reflexively bucked beneath the thing's unwanted ministrations. 'STOP! SHE'S A GENIN, YOU CAN'T DO THIS!' another shudder of disgust went through her as her clothes were completely removed. 'I can't...no...why is this happening…'

"A-Anko-sensei…"

Her eyes went wide upon hearing the little Hyūga's voice. The thing pawing at her body had propped her up just enough that she could see the girl from the corner of her eye. The bluenette was weakly reaching out to her, desperately trying to get away from the tendrils holding her down.

"H-Have to save...A-Anko-sensei...I can't give up…" the poor girl winced and whimpered as a tendril strangled her arm and pulled at her throat. Her voice grew hoarse and feeble as she attempted to pull herself towards the woman. "My...Nindō...I can't...run...away…"

Anko froze as she saw the girl's eyes go dull and her face falling to the ground limply. The only sounds she continued to make were the strangled gasps from the thing choking her to death. The Jōnin could no longer take it.

She screamed as loud as she could, to the point that she would lose her voice and could feasibly rupture her vocal cords. It didn't matter as long as somebody heard her, whether it be the disgusting human beings that owned the motel or the other genin they were with, as long as _somebody _knew she needed help, she'd be saved.

Her scream was cut off several seconds later as something forced its way into her mouth and thrust itself into her throat. The woman gagged as the thing wormed its way in further, cutting off more of her already scarce air. The taste was familiar, but instead of being a metallic, bittersweet taste, it was an overly salty and foul tang that made her nose curl up in disgust. As two more tendrils grabbed at her neck and made a slow turning motion, a whimper escaped from her again.

As the thing grew closer to snapping her neck, she knew the next few tears would be her last.

"**ORA!"**

***CRASH***

There was a loud, inhuman screech, and Anko was suddenly falling back onto her bed as the thing was pulled off of her body. As soon as she regained the ability to move, she leaned up to see her lone genin throwing some white thing into the wall before pulling two similar entities off of Kurenai and Hinata. The boy's Stand (She had forgotten its name somewhat) began pummeling the thing as soon as it tried to move again, allowing the purple-haired woman to get a better look at it.

It was some sort of amorphous white blob, with long tendrils emerging from its body that were slowly retreating back into it as Joushirou pummeled it into the wall. The thing let out a loud screech as the Stands fists crashed into it, portions of its slimy body splashing off of it as it took more damage.

"H-Holy shit…" the Jōnin blinked in confusion as the boy's stand fell back a bit, only to flinch as he slammed a Hamon infused fist into the creature. "That's just...intense…"

* * *

"What the hell is that?!"

I let out a small huff at Kiba's exclamation. "I don't know, just that it's white, ugly, and it doesn't seem to be that solid."

"I mean the big purple person floating by you!" the dog-nin cried out. "What the actual fuck is that thing?! Are...are you possessed?! Is that some sort of Yōkai that's possessing you?!" his eyes narrowed in suspicion. "Are you even the real Joushirou?!"

"Shut. up!" I growled. I turned around just as a strangled gasp resounded behind me. "Are you guys…" I quickly held a hand up to my face to cover my sight. "Oh man…"

"What just happened?" Kurenai asked tiredly. "Joushirou...Kiba...Shino...Why are you in our room? This isn't-eh?" the dark-haired woman blinked in shock upon seeing Star Platinum. "Is _that _what it looks like? Holy shit Anko, you weren't jokin-wait a minute, why are you naked?!"

"K-Kurenai, you w-were asleep for the whole thing…" Anko said weakly, clearly fighting back a sob. "Also...y-you're...well…"

Kurenai looked down at herself and turned beet-red. "W-WHY AM _I _NAKED?!"

"I'm guessing whatever this thing is," I motioned to the slime creature I had pummeled into the wall. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught Kiba's growing grin. "Oi! Quit staring at them you jackass!"

"What? Their boobs are on display, obviously-"

"They're not meant to be you idiot! Do you honestly think a woman would rip her own clothes off?!"

Kiba's expression fell at this and he turned away nervously. "I...I'm sorry…"

"WOULD SOMEBODY TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON ALREADY?!" Kurenai's wrath was cut short upon hearing her friend's quiet chuckle. "A-Anko, what's going on?"

"K-Kurenai-sensei...when I woke up, I saw that thing…" Hinata motioned to the white slime creature pathetically writhing on the floor. "It was...groping both of you, but you were asleep. It..it grabbed me, and I couldn't move."

Anko's chuckle turned into full on mad laughter. "Hehe...Hahahahaha! You...you were being grabbed at in your sleep, Kurenai...and you didn't even know...hehehhe…" she turned to the dark-haired woman with tears falling from her eyes. "That thing, it was doing something...making it so that I couldn't even move. I was being groped and choked to death, and you were too. And your first reaction is to get pissed at some brats? You have no fucking idea what was even going on!"

Kurenai went ghost pale and turned to stare at the slime creature. "Y-You're serious? I can't wrap my head around this…" she quickly covered up her chest and shied away from everyone. "I don't know how to process this-Agh!"

I sighed at the small shout she let out upon being hit by a blanket. "Listen, I know it's a lot to unpack, but I think you should cover up first," I turned to my Jōnin sensei and took a tentative step towards her. "A-Anko-sensei...are you-"

"Alright? No, never better…" the purple-haired woman let out a few sobbing chuckles before turning to me with a strained smile. "I...I think I'm gonna need a minute to cool down though, heh...oh, you have a blanket for me?"

"Yeah, I figured you'd want to-" my eyebrow raised as she took it from my hands. "Alright then...Hinata, are you alright?"

"I-I'm just a l-little shaken up," the bluenette said nervously. "But n-nothing was ripped."

"Good, if we had seen anything then Naruto would have kicked our asses…" I noticed Hinata's momentary blush and frowned. "What? What's wrong?"

"Uh...have you a-always had strange s-symbols burned into your chest?"

"Agh! I knew I should have gotten a shirt on," I flinched upon seeing Shino approaching the slime creature. "Hey, how's the prisoner doing?"

"My Kikaichū are updating me every minute. Murasaki hasn't left the room since we left," the bug-user tilted his head as he scrutinized the slime. "Curious...it looks defeated, but it's still here. It obviously isn't a summon...perhaps and effect of your…?"

"Stand, and I'll explain that later. Now-" I froze as the blob pulsated slightly. "Shino! Get out of the way!"

The Aburame didn't even need me to yell out to him. The moment a sharpened white tendril speared his way, he had already jumped out of reach. I charged forward while willing my Stand from my being once again, throwing forth another barrage of punches towards the disgusting blob.

I felt my eyes widen as the thing caught both of my Stand's fists in two tendrils shaped like amorphous arms. The rest of the creature soon followed, transforming into somewhat worm-like shape that undulated and waved as it held SP back. Soon, eye depressions appeared on its head, as did a mouth that was formed into a wild grin.

"**What was that thing you said before?" **the thing asked, much to all our shared surprise. It coiled upward as a chuckle emanated from it. "**What you called that before...so, you're a User too, huh?"**

"What?!" Anko cried out. "You...You're a..."

"No fucking way…" I said lowly. "This is...the work of an enemy Stand?!"

I know, I know, wrong time wrong place...but I never got to say it last time.

"**Well, I'll be damned! You're pretty slick, kid, interrupting my 'fun time' like that," **a white tongue lolled out of the slime creatures mouth. "**To be honest, I was just here to off Murasaki, but I couldn't resist having some fun with these lovely girls."**

"You're here to kill our prisoner? What the hell is this about?"

"**None of **_**your **_**damn business, obviously...but since you know why I'm here, I guess I gotta get rid of you lot too, huh?" **the Stand sneered at all of us with a dark chuckle. "**Damn shame too, those bitches were hot as hell, and the purple-haired one is feisty, kept fighting back even while my Stand ability was affecting her...say, you're Mitarashi Anko, right? As in Mitarashi Toaki's daughter?"**

Anko stiffened at this, and her eye became shadowed. "What the hell would that have to do with this?"

"**Oh, if I wasn't so giddy about killing you, our fun would have been poetic...seeing as how you came about in the first place. History repeats a lot, after all," **the blob monster smirked. "**I would have really enjoyed continuing certain trends, I mean they do say that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree-" **

"FUCKING CREEP!"

My Jōnin sensei pulled out several kunai and threw them haphazardly at the creature, barely missing me by a hairwidth. The enemy let out a barking laugh before attempting to stab her with its tail, a strike which I easily blocked with my own Stand. Several lightspeed punches later, and the blob was once again stuck to the wall.

The smirk on my face faded when I heard it chuckling again. "What the actual fuck?!"

"**Surprised? Your Stand is really **_**really **_**fast, I couldn't even track it all that well. And I can tell it's pretty strong too, way stronger than mine, kukuku…" **the enemy nonchalantly removed itself from the wall and smirked at us. Then it immediately pulled back every piece of itself it had lost within the last hour. "**My Stand is called ****「****Sweet Dreams****」****, and **_**nothing **_**you do will put a stop to it...you on the other hand…"**

Sweet Dreams lashed out with its tail faster than I could react, striking Star Platinum's shoulder. I clutched the deep gash it had left as the enemy Stand let out a bout of mad laughter at my misfortune.

"**Looks like I was right on the money! Anything that happens to your Stand also happens to you. I really lucked out, didn't I?!" **the worm-like creature jumped up the wall, then began slithering towards a nearby vent. "**Good luck getting any sleep tonight~"**

I let out a seething hiss as the thing slithered into the vent to make its escape. "_SONUDA BEETCH!"_

* * *

**Stand Name: ****「****Sweet Dreams****」**

**User: Unknown**

**STATS:**

**Destructive Power: ?**

**Speed: ?**

**Range: ?**

**Durability/Persistence: ? **

**Precision: ?**

**Developmental Potential: ?**

**Abilities: Unknown**

* * *

"Ok, so...what am I supposed to grab again?" Kiba asked nervously.

"The medical kit. It has all my supplies, the antiseptic, the bandages and gauze, stuff to get stitches ready, all of that," I let out a loud groan as Hinata helped stifle the bleeding from my shoulder. "Speaking of which, it's a good thing I'm shirtless for this."

"...Is that a Tattoo on your shoulder?" Hinata asked curiously.

"It's his family birthmark," Anko interjected before I could correct the girl. The woman glanced at me meekly from the corner of her eye. "Y-You look like you're in a lot of pain."

"I've had worse…" I lied.

This was one of the many times I wished I had Gold Experience instead.

"...Oi! You can't be using that blanket the whole time. Go and grab my coat."

"E-Eh?" Anko blinked at me in shock. "You want me to wear your…"

"It should fit, and I have some weapons stored in my pockets. It might be a good idea to wear clothes if we want to handle this," I winced and hissed as the bluenette began to clean my wound. "You said that you couldn't move, right? That it only happened when the Stand was touching you?"

"Y-Yeah, it touched me and…" my Jōnin sensei swallowed nervously as she went to grab my coat. "Please don't ask me more, I can't think about without-"

"Anko-sensei, we need to know exactly what that son of a bitch did if we want to fight him off effectively," my fist clenched as I thought about the enemy Stand...also because Hinata had begun stitching. "If we figure out his Stand ability, we can figure out a way to fight around it."

Anko bit her lip as she fiddled with the buttons on my coat. "I...just give me a few minutes, alright…"

"I won't push it," I said gently. "Whenever you feel like you can stomach it, please tell us."

"Hey, can we get an explanation now?" Kiba asked. "Y'know...the freaky talking slime monster and your purple ghost dude? You called them Stands, what are those?"

I let out a pained hiss as Hinata worked a needle into my wound. "Stands are unique abilities connected to one's soul, and they take on a visual appearance. They don't run on chakra, just the user's life energy and willpower," I cupped a hand to my chin in thought. "Each Stand gives its user a unique ability, and their appearance and power is usually based on the user's psyche."

"So, yours looks like a buff ghost that punches stuff," the dog-nin tilted his head as Star Platinum floated above me. "Sounds about right then...that look on your face...there's more you're not telling us, isn't there?"

"Yeah, there are a bunch of rules attached and everything, and I doubt I could explain them all at once...plus, some of them might not even apply," I let out an annoyed groan. "Like the one where Stands _usually_ transfer any damage they receive to their users."

"So, we can't even go off of what _you _know about these things?"

"Everything else should still apply," I said worriedly. "Depending on the type, they all have a certain range they can't leave. Star Platinum can only move about two meters away from me without losing its speed and strength."

"Ok, let me just go over this again…" Kiba held his hands up and set us with a fierce expression. "You have a weird ghost thing created by your soul and powered by your life and stuff that you command, and it has a special ability. We are also fighting somebody else's slime monster thing created by their soul and powered by their life, and they have a special ability. Is that the gist of it?"

"Basically, yes," I let out a small sigh as the bluenette finished up the stitches. "Thanks a lot, this should heal up in a few hours."

"W-What do you-Oh, your Hamon…"

"It wouldn't have healed right without this though," I walked over to my bed and grabbed my shirt. "Right, Stands...so, mine would probably be used as a basis for everything you'd need to know. It's a close-range power type, meaning that it's really strong and fast, but if it goes past two meters it loses a lot of that."

"What of the enemy?" Shino asked quietly.

"Long-distance operation type," I said grimly. "Based on how he's hiding, it'd have to be like that. That means it has a much longer range than mine."

"I think I get what's up here," Kiba hummed thoughtfully. "I still don't get everything about this, but if you're saying that slimeball has a longer range, that means he'll try to set up ambushes and surprise attacks."

"And since the user can't be damaged by me indirectly, he doesn't have to worry about taking risks," I clicked my teeth angrily as I finished putting on my shirt. "With this bum shoulder, I'll need to take it easy for a bit too, so fighting back is gonna be a bitch."

"...How long have you had it?"

I turned to Hinata with a nervous look. "Since I was 6...I got it at the same time my parents…"

Her face fell slightly at this. "I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"It's fine, I'm not bothered about mentioning it, just about thinking about it."

"Have you been using it since then?" Shino leaned forward curiously.

"Oh, yeah...remember how you always tried to tag me with your Kikaichū during the first few years of the academy."

"W-What? I don't...Oh!" the bug-user shook his head. "Your Stand was-"

"Yeah, he does a lot of things without any command...like...keeping me from getting killed," I glanced to the side nervously. "I've had more than a few things like that happen."

"Good to know…" Kiba blinked as Kurenai emerged from the bathroom, wearing his shirt. "I feel like we should have brought a change of clothes."

"Honestly, we should have," the dark-haired woman said tiredly. "We could have been here for days waiting for them to bring the bounty...the bathroom is safe by the way. No vents, only a window."

"He _could _get in through a window. Even if he wasn't silent enough, it'd still be a moot point once he strikes," I turned to Anko with a concerned expression. "Are you-"

"I-I'm fine…" my Jōnin sensei let out a tired sigh that almost edged into being a sob. "So...when it first started touching me...well, I was asleep, but I could still move, because it was only grabbing through my clothes. When it actually touched my skin, I…" she swallowed a lump in her throat and screwed her eyes shut. "I couldn't move or, and it felt like something was pressing down on my chest. I was hearing fucked up noises, seeing freak shit, I...I thought I was gonna die."

"...Sleep paralysis."

"Hmm?" I turned to the Hyūga in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"When it touched me, I started having the same symptoms. I heard all this buzzing, and I thought I was looking at...well, it was some sort of illusionary monster…" Hinata shook her head and gave me a fierce stare. "I knew it was sleep paralysis because I've had it before."

"...You've had sleep paralysis?"

"When I was younger, alright," the bluenette twiddled her fingers nervously and furrowed her brows. "C-Could that be its ability? To cause sleep paralysis?"

I clicked my teeth and cupped a hand to my chin in thought. "I've read about it, but not much...still, it's not something I'd rule out," a snort escaped me as my lips turned up into a sneer. "Really makes his Stand's name more on the nose then."

"There's also the other issue," Shino motioned to the nearby corner.

I sighed as I faced Murasaki. Somehow the idiot had managed to sleep through...well, _everything_. I had to give the guy props for being able to sleep while sitting up _and _being bound in chains...Welp, time to wake him up.

"Oi! Murasaki! Get your ass up!" I kicked the man's leg as gently as I could.

Eiki let out a tired groan as he opened his eyes. "Ugh...what time is it?"

"It's still the middle of the night, and we're under attack."

The prisoner let out a snort. "Let me guess, my village took exception to you demanding a bounty?" Eiki chuckled darkly as he leaned back. "They were probably gonna kill me right in front of you anyway so that you wouldn't have gotten it. Now they'll just get rid of you too-"

"They're not Iwa nin," I sent the criminal a dark glare. "Why the hell would a talking slime monster want to kill you?"

Murasaki stared at us for a full minute with his trademark blank expression, then he went ghost pale and began hyperventilating. "I-It's here?! Oh kami, nonononono! You have to get me out of here, you…" the man quickly curled up into a ball on the floor. "He's really going to kill me...I'm gonna die…"

"Uh, hello! What the hell is going on, Murasaki?"

He swallowed a lump in his throat before craning his head to look at us. "I...I didn't do it…"

"Do what?" I asked anxiously.

"The women, I didn't do anything to them, I was framed…" Murasaki let out a mad chuckle at our incredulous looks. "I know, I know, sounds so cliche and shit, and it would have made more sense if I went on about it from the start."

"How were you framed?"

The man gave us a shocked expression. "Y-You...you believe me?"

"We just got attacked by a talking slime monster who said he wanted to off you," Kiba growled angrily. "If you have anything to say, fucking say it!"

"Alright, Alright!" Eiki sat up shakily. "I...I was just walking around one night a few months ago, to clear my head, and then I heard this scream from one of my neighbors. I...I went to check and they were dead, and this ugly white slime thing was there," he shivered slightly as he continued. "It...it said something, I can't really remember, but then it took off, and the next thing I know I'm being pinned to the floor by some of my friends and cuffed."

"And then? You were brought to trial, convicted...what happened?" I asked.

"I got out. I escaped, no idea how, but I did it. I hid around in the Land of Fire for a bit before some of your ninja figured me out and captured me," the man furrowed his brows in confusion. "I still have no idea why a slime monster would do all that, and I don't get why it wants to kill me."

"The slime monster is actually a Stand, which is essentially one's soul weaponized," Star Platinum floated next to me. "This one is mine, and it looks a lot different. There's a bunch of things I can't go over, but the gist of it is that there's a person commanding that slime monster."

"It's...their soul?" Eiki looked between my Stand and I in awe. "So, a guy was using some weird soul power to kill people?"

"That's the essence of it, yeah," I cupped a hand to my chin in thought. "My guess is that he wasn't worried you knew what was really going on until he heard you were captured by Konoha. He must have assumed we got a Yamanaka to look into your mind."

"That's...ridiculous! I was just kept in a maximum security place with one or two visits every other week," a sour look spread across the man's face. "There was this guy in the next cell over, really annoying, talking about a blonde with wood and punching."

I snorted at this before shaking my head. "If our enemy had just waited, you would have been executed and we'd have been screwed out of a bounty. As it is now, he's screwed himself over by showing up," I turned to stare at a nearby vent. "I got through an entire ninja academy by bullshitting my way through it, and I can get through this the exact same way."

"Bullshitting? Are you saying you were just fucking around?!" Kiba cried out.

"Bullshitting is an art form, Inuzuka," I made a flourish with my hands. "And if the Joushuyas...no, the Joesars have anything going for them, it's the power of bullshit!"

"J-Jōsutā? The hell is that?"

"My mom's family...t-they're westerners."

"Ah, that explains a bit...ok, so what else is there?"

"We've figured out the enemy's power, and their attack strategy," Shino tilted his head thoughtfully. "I'm worried about the slime itself. If it was able to...violate our comrades in their sleep, it must have a physical presence. It could be some poisonous substance."

"It's not," Anko said flatly.

"...You know what it is?"

"It was pretty familiar. The texture, the color...the taste," the purple-haired woman cringed as she turned to me. "C-Could a Stand attach itself to an object?"

"If the way it manifests requires it to do so, then yeah," I scratched the back of my head nervously. "I don't know what that has to do with-"

"Semen."

"...What?!"

"The Stand, it's made out of Semen," Anko's nose curled up in disgust. "Probably the user's own. That just...just makes things worse…"

"Anko, it's alright," Kurenai said gently. "He...he didn't-"

"No, but the way he spoke about my mom," my Jōnin sensei clenched her fists. "I'm gonna wring that bastard's throat."

"Y-You're saying that the t-thing that attacked me…" Hinata looked at her wrist nervously. "EEP! I feel like I'm gonna puke!"

"I mean...it's definitely not pleasant, I guess," I deadpanned.

"Hey! Mind getting me out of these chains?" Eiki flinched when we all set him with nervous stares. "Listen, I know how everything started out, but I _want _to help. This guy, he hurt a lot of women, some of them were my friends, and he even killed a few. I have to be there to bring him down."

Kiba's mouth turned into a snarl. "How do we know _you're _not the use-"

"He isn't," I said flatly.

"How do you know that?!"

"Because I would have sensed it. Stand Users can sense other Stand Users," I walked over to the man and glanced at the chains curiously. "I think I can handle these...just hold still for a bit."

"W-Wait, what are you gonna-"

"**ORAORAORAORAORAORA!"**

* * *

Kiba and Akamaru leaned out the door slightly with nervous looks, eyes darting up and down the hallway as they searched for danger. The little dog's ears sagged as he let out a small whimper, prompting the inuzuka to look down to him.

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Arf! Arf!"

"Akamaru," I cut in gently. "Bad people often like doing bad things to animals. Are you really sure you wanna be out in the open like that?"

"Arf! Arf!"

"I'm sorry, can you all understand dogs?" Eiki asked in shock.

"No, just Kiba, but Akamaru can understand everybody else," Kurenai tilted her head at Kiba with a concerned expression. "Do you really think this'll work?"

"Believe it or not, we know what Semen smells like-and no, it's not why you think. We have to breed the ninken somehow," the Inuzuka sighed at our shrugs. "Plus, if it's moving around like a living thing, it'll sound like some weird slime snake or something."

"Alright, just be careful."

"We don't plan on biting off more than we can chew, Kurenai-sensei," Kiba scowled as he leaned forward. "Alright, let's go!"

"ARF!"

Both of them jumped out the door to our room, the dog-nin rolling across the floor to gain distance while his partner skid to a stop next to him. Kiba jumped back a few feet and crouched into a low position, head turning at any sound he registered. In our room, I prepared the glass of water I needed to sense our surroundings.

"So, what do you have?" Kurenai asked quietly.

"Just Kiba and Akamaru...oh, and Ichiko and her grandparents," I frowned as I felt another shape moving before it faded. "I...I'm having trouble sensing it. I've wondered how Hamon interacts with Stands, but if this thing is moving…"

"It's not...technically alive, is it?" Anko asked nervously.

"Well, it's made out of...you know…" Eiki clutched his shoulders and shivered. "So it might be sort of alive. If you're supposed to be sensing a living thing though, it might not always tip your...weird sun sensory power...you Konoha guys have really bizarre techniques."

"Just _his _clan, actually," my Jōnin sensei deadpanned.

"ARF! ARF! ARF!"

"That's the all clear signal," Kurenai said. "Come on, let's go!"

Kurenai hesitantly opened the door to our room and signalled us to cling to the wall as we walked out. Further down the hallway, I saw Kiba and Akamaru crouching low to the floor, the dog-nin holding a finger to his lips while his partner covered his ears.

"Kiba! What's the situation?!" Kurenai hissed.

"Those old bastards are up, probably from...well, Anko-sensei screamed earlier, and those chains didn't exactly break quietly," the Inuzuka shied away from my Jōnin sensei's deranged glare. "W-What?!"

"Oh, I'm sorry for not being quieter while I was being _raped_!"

"Anko, calm down," Kurenai said quietly. "This isn't the time for this."

The purple-haired woman let out a tired sigh. "Alright, alright...I'm sorry Inuzuka."

"Kami, you're using our names too…"

I flinched as a particular noise further away drew my attention. "Ichiko is awake."

"Really? How did you know?"

"I heard noise coming from the broom closet," I said grimly.

"...Ya think we could use the old bastards as distractions for the guy?" Kiba asked seriously.

I stared at him blankly for several seconds before tilting my head. "We'd have to gag them first, otherwise he'd be too annoyed to kill them."

"Good point…"

"Can we not?" the dark-haired woman growled. "We need to come up with a plan to fight off the user."

"I have one...we need to get the Iwa nin over for it though," I clicked my teeth at their shocked expressions. "Yeah, I get it, it sounds crazy...but I think I have something figured out."

"Ok, so how do we get to the Iwa nin?"

"Shadow clones," I held a finger up and cocked my head to the side. "If we _do _convince them to come over, we'll know because we used shadow clones. We can also make extras as bait for the Stand User."

"How many can you make?"

"...About 3, if I really push it. But that's only if I don't use any jutsu beforehand, then it's just 2."

"I can make about 5, Anko can pull out six...Ugh, Hinata," Kurenai turned to the bluenette with an exasperated expression. "How many can you make?"

"I-I don't know the Kage Bunshin!"

Kurenai and I both looked at her with expressions that said 'really?', causing her to shrink in on herself further and twiddle her fingers. Finally, after several seconds of stuttering nervously, she held up a single finger.

"Alright, that's good enough."

"I...how does your kunoichi know the Kage Bunshin?" Anko asked exasperatedly.

"I'll tell you later, now let's-"

"Oi! You shitty shinobi, what the hell is going on here?!" the old hag cried out from the lobby.

"Son of a...great, we have to deal with this then," Kurenai motioned for the group to follow. The dark-haired woman entered the lobby with the best 'customer-service smile' she could muster. "I'm very sorry, we're just having a little problem-"

"We don't give a damn!" the ugly bastard growled beside his wife. "You know what, screw it! You have 10 minutes to get your shit together and get out!"

"Ojiisan, Obaasan, what's going on?"

"Get out of here you useless gaki!" the hag cried out to his granddaughter. "Better yet, get to cleaning whatever stench they'll be leaving behind! Don't even think about going back to sleep!"

"H-Hai, Obaasan…" the girl said dejectedly.

The old man's mouth turned into a wild snarl, foam forming at the sides of his mouth. "If you freaks don't get out in the next five minutes, I'll-"

***SHINK***

I blinked in shock as the man's head fell from his shoulders and rolled onto the floor, blood spraying out from his neck stump. Behind him, the old woman hadn't even reacted to her husband's decapitation. When her head fell apart into diced little bits, I realized exactly why.

"Agh! Shit! He's here now?!" Kiba cried out.

"Over there, on the ceiling corner," I pointed.

Leering down at us from there was what looked like a lizard or salamander made of white slime. The enemy Stand let out a wild chuckle as we glared at it, and crawled along the wall to circle around us.

**ゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴ**

"**Like it? I figured you'd try to use the Inuzuka and his ninken to ferret me out, so I added legs. You would have thought it was just a rat or something, kukuku…"**

"You bastard. How-"

"**Oh, don't act like saints! I heard you going on about using them as distractions, it wouldn't have been any better...can't disagree with you about them deserving it though. This cute little thing on the other hand…" **the Stand jumped forward with its new limbs outstretched. The creature landed on poor Ichiko and coiled around her, threatening to strangle her to death with its tail. "**If you hand over Murasaki right now, I might let this one live, kukuku!"**

"You son of a bitch!" I cried out. "She's just a civilian, and she's not like her shitty grandparents! Leave her out of this!"

"**Oh, I know she ain't a shitty person! I've been listening in for a while now~" **the slime monster coiled around like an ugly snake before chuckling. "**So make the choice, Konoha!"**

"You said you were gonna kill us anyway!" Shino growled. "What difference does it make?!"

"**The difference is that one less innocent life is snuffed out if you do as I asked. You have my word, I'll kill your asses all I want, but I'll leave this cute little thing alone," **the creature stroked the girl's cheek with its slimy tail. "**Go on then, make the right choice…" **

"Dammit!" I growled. "I didn't think it would have to come to this…"

* * *

**←To Be Continued**

* * *

**Alrighty then, donezo! If you noticed the change in rating (from T to M) I think it should be pretty obvious why. Let me also address a few things...**

***Stands can actually go outside their effective range, as seen in the beginning of Stardust Crusaders when Star Platinum was grabbing things from _way _outside Jotaro's cell. Shuckmeister actually debunked the fallacy of Araki forgetting that in one of his videos. The gist is that Stands can leave their effective ranges, but they loose a lot of their physical abilities as well as their special power weakening slightly (I. E, Star Platinum or The World can leave 2 meters, but if they try to stop time it'll go for about a fraction of a normal stop). **

**Another thing I feel is going to be a problem is the 'C' in Stand Stats. 'C' is always 'comparable to a human', so in stands like Hierophant or Chariot they roughly have the same physical strength as their user's self. But the problem with making Jojo crossovers with series like Naruto, Bleach, or even RWBY, is that even the closest thing to an average human in those casts would still be ridiculously stronger than a majority of humans in the real world, and that's not taking into account that _most _Stand Users are always buff macho guys in homoerotic poses. So a Stand with a C in it's speed/precision/destructive power in this fic is definitely going to be strong, enough so that I'd be personally worried about people going 'ayy, that's a C in stat, it can't do that!'. **

**Alright then, let's get down to the reviews. (Note, I won't address the ones asking 'where are you?' cause I'm right here XP)**

**dannyrockon122: No, that's not planned at this point in time.**

**timelesstrix00: Time Stop will increase in length. Just for a comparison, Joushirou's current max is 5 seconds, and he'll be able to increase it through training since humans in Naruto have stronger constitutions than in Jojo.**

**Gen3sian: Don't worry, it's just Pearl Jam.**

**Draegoon: Like I've said before, Tokyo Ghoul is up there as one of my favorites, so there'll be one or two references to it. I'll leave the actual series proper to my main fix-fic though. Naruto isn't going to get a Stand, but I do have a few of the main characters in mind for them...**

**RysingEmbers: Hope I delivered :D**

**RobinRuken: Araki only used that _once_...*poses dramatically* and so will I!**

**coldblue2015: Thank you again for your review, I always love seeing you in there. Teuchi, obviously, has another version of Pearl Jam as his Stand, and his past as a civilian is pretty set. Jojo's found scrolls and supplies for training Hamon, but he'll have to find an oily cliff to climb all on his own. Gato...Gato is just gonna be the same fat turd in canon, and I'm still debating on whether Zabuza should die or not, to give Haku a more tragic backstory than he already has. As a guy who regularly tortures his first OC, and often injures his own self-insert, you know I'm a sucker for making my characters suffer Xp. **

**Guest: Oh...I haven't really watched Boruto all that much. That time travel just sounds like another Asspull...I might use a Stand that does it in a later chapter though *shrugs***

**dova117: I'm glad you enjoyed it, and thanks for the review/follow :)**

**Guest: So many songs and bands! So many to pick from...I have a list already that Imma add these to. I'll post it on my profile later, but 'Get Lucky', 'Rocket Man', 'Blue/Eiffel 65', and 'Back in Black' are _definitely _in.**

**GlassedGamer: Perfect guess too. I know how to be vague about things based on my TG fic, but the fact that you pinned it long before I even put it in is impressive.**

**princess peach (Guest): Joushirou, like Jotaro, is a power bottom. I mean, that's how Jotaro beat DIO in the first place, and same with Joseph and Whammu, so its not really on the nose.**

**Aiden Ho: And thank _you _for favoriting, following, and reviewing. I really do appreciate it.**

**xxANIES: No publishing schedule, I just sorta...summon up all the willpower I can to not procrastinate for a few hour of the day, and I follow the layout I made during that time. **

**rileyhopskinsholt: No, this is Patrick.**

**MagmaMan999: No! This. is. Patrick.**

**stixpix: You mean like it would be, in art form...3.5 pages? Maybe...7 pages?**

**The Shadow 750: Chapter 10 when?**

**manny0101: Hehe, yeah, totally wouldn't do that...*shuffles nervously as he hides his next Xover plans* wouldn't even dream about doing it, lol.**

**Hazem Rekhaies: ...yes?**

**thetyrant67: Yeah, about like 90% of the ones already in are gonna be deconstructed/parodied/subverted...somebody gimme a TV Tropes page already T-T.**

**Thank you all for the followings and reviews. For everybody interested, please leave any thoughts, questions, and constructive c****riticism in your reviews.**


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